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horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 26, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

OMG! I binged again!!!! the weight is creeping on... i've had 3200 calories and its 10:15am...i need a life and a job!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok...i'm done averaging days and doing calculations...for now on, i'm living one day to the next. i know if i'm eating badly or not. i'll only add up calories each day...but no more averaging all the days together, etc.

this method hasn't helped me because i relied too much on the future to balance out the terrible eating i do in the present!

my goal of 50 exercise hours, that i didn't meet last month...i will definitely meet this month! that's pretty darn exciting. Now, if i could just get off my butt the rest of the day!

hi all.

Dinner was good...a grilled chicken salad with some kinda dressing in it as well as cheddar cheese and avacado. i didn't eat all the avacado or cheese. then, starbucks after (since i DON'T drink...) for a blended blueberry drink haha. then, we went back to the hotel he was staying at, hung out...and i'll let you save the rest for your imagination. yep. however, nothing too crazy. but there was some action. LOL. Actually, i wasn't expecting this...but didn't mind it either.

okay, so, i ate a moderate amount before going out...

so i think calories are: 2030

exercise today: 20 min bike in morning.

total aug: 42 hrs, 5 min

hollybelle on 08/27/2007:
Alright HOP! You sound like I woman who is ready to "take names and kick butt"! I laughed out loud at your "there was some action", "wasn't expecting this but didn't mind it either" comments! Some of life's best stuff is "unexpected" - just keep that in mind! Have a wonderful day!

Donkey on 08/27/2007:
Have you considered applying for a job at a hospital? I mean, you want to become a radiologist, why not get some hospital experience under your belt? It will look really good on your application and/or your resume. Who knows, you might even get the hospital to pay for your classes.

Even if you do not WANT to apply for hospital jobs, start calling a few up and ask to volunteer. Even one or 2 days a week. Again, it is something that you can put on a resume or application to school for radiology.

At least if you volunteer, it will add some purpose and some structure to your days. I mean, it'd be nicer to get paid for your time, but I think you need something NOW to provide structure and purpose. Really, I think it could pay off in the long run.

Think about it....

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Aug 25, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

sunday update:

some good things: i'm going into NYC tonight to meet up with a friend...for dinner, which is always stressful, but hopefully there'll be great things on the menu. i told him it he could choose so i don't know where we're going!

also, breakfast was a dunkin donuts egg vegetable and cheese on a wheat bagel. It actually hit the spot, amazingly! i also had a plum before going out to get the dunkin donuts. calories so far: 520.

today, i'm going to spend time writing some application essays to the radiography schools, instead of procrastinating and binging like yesterday. I may practice the french horn...if i do, it'll be for an hour only. not sure if that's gonna happen. i also may ride my bike, i'm going to take a break from walking today...let my ankle get stronger...


Saturday entries:

this is CRAZY!

bad binge at 4:30 pm...i was doing GREAT all day...lots of small meals...mostly on protein/snack bars. then, binge! chips, cookies, pb, nuts.

total cal: 4,100 exercise: 5 miles = 1 hr, 40 min plus some elliptical = 2 hrs, 25 min!

total aug:41 hrs, 45 min

ad_vitam on 08/25/2007:
Hi! Want to give you a hand in your fight w/ binges. I know how it feels...Don't give up. Also: if your shakes or bars contain sugar substitutes you can totally blame them for your cravings - it's a scientific fact that they prompt sugar cravings even more than real sugar. I would eliminate them altogether from your menu: if you read the listed ingredients you'd see 60% of chemicals-sound ingredients in the products like shakes and bars. Go for natural foods, they will balance sugar/glucose level in your body - right now you have your blood sugar disbalanced -sounds like it to me - that's what makes you binge - IMHO. Please, take care of this problem now - this kind of blood sugar flactuation can lead to diabetes.

Donkey on 08/25/2007:
That's pretty good advice you got from ad-vitam up there. I would guess that your blood sugars are all out of whack, and that's why you continue to go through this cycle. Did something happen today that led you to a binge? Or was it hunger that kind of got out of control? Oh dear, well, tomorrow is another day to do better.

WorkingIt2 on 08/26/2007:
Hey (((((HOP)))))) the folks above have given you some great information! I know that when I drink too much diet soda, I have problems with hunger ALL day. When I stopped drinking it, I found it was easier to stay on track. *sigh* our bodies love to test us, don't they? Hang in there sweetie!

mcwoo40 on 08/26/2007:
Hi,thanks for the advice.I think this is where i am going wrong with the diets being too strict with myself,why can't i learn everything in moderation.We'll see next time round,Julie

greengirl on 08/26/2007:
Hi HoP, relax and enjoy your dinner with a friend tonight. Hope you manage to find a way to control the binges, before they do too much damage to your weight. Perhaps you are being too strict with yourself. Cravings are a strange thing and difficult to cope with. Good luck with dealing with them :o)

GG on 08/26/2007:
Have a fun time tonight at dinner!! You know there are ALWAYS some healthy options on menus these days...even if there is like fish with potatoes, veggies & rice or whatever, you can always motify the side dishes, and remember to ask for sauces On the SIDE! And get things grilled, broiled, steamed or sauteed lightly in olive oil!!! No butter!!! hahaha! But I am sure you already know ALL of this!! How hot has it been over there these days?! I hear there is a nice heat wave going on?! But I also saw that it is going to be raining a lot...has it started?!

hollybelle on 08/26/2007:
Oh NYC - I love it! Have a great time. Also - interesting commente about binging to procrastinate. I do that, too!

sharklover on 08/26/2007:
thanks for the tip!! I've been enjoying reading recently, so maybe I'll try that, but then again, when I have the whole emotional eating issues, I might need to get up and get out so that it doesn't stay on my mind.

Hope you had a good time in NYC!

That sounds like quite a binge on saturday, but then again, that's an amazing amount of exercise (at least its amazing to me). Hope I can get there some day!

horn_of_plenty - Friday Aug 24, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

you have no idea how much i appreciate the feedback i get from DD members on days like today, no idea! I thank you all for helping me through this trying time! :)

calories: 4780. yup.

exercise: 2 hr, 20 min...i told myself i had to get out there!

total for august: 39hrs, 20 min

MASSIVE, 2800 calorie binge breakfast.

oh...my...i just had a second slice of pizza...total calories so far are: 4200!!! the pizza was folowed by pastries and cookies...the parents recently went to a wedding...and the treats are here in the house.

4200 calores, 11:27am....feeling gross....

i saw there was a music job posted online...and it gave me soooo much stress that i ate like a maniac this morning. since it put me under such anxiety, i'm choosing to not apply... i will only apply...and it will probably be too late...after i observe on Tuesday for Radiography. and, i would only apply for the music job if for some strange reason i don't like the radiography program...but that would be practically impossible. I can almost promise you, and me, that I will LOVE the field of radiography and that I will be happy doing it. It just stinks that I haven't been accepted to the program and its not certain I will be. but, it is also really close to the start of school...and i cannot put myself under such stress...i really can't.

greengirl on 08/24/2007:
Take care HoP. All this stress wont be doing your body any favours. Try to keep calm, go with the meditation and yoga thing !!! Have a nice (and calm) weekend :O)

workingit2 on 08/24/2007:
Right now, I am VERY weak around treat type foods. I could binge in a heartbeat if the treats were in the house, so I feel your pain!

hollybelle on 08/24/2007:
OK - is there a way you can apply for the music job and NOT stress out? Do what you want to do but I say: consider that you could apply for the music job and not stress about it??? Or could feel the fear and do it anyway? For example - apply for that job AND go to the radiology observation, too. I understand what you are saying about feeling maniac that the job is even out there and I imagine feel you don't want to be disappointed again, but hedge your bet and apply anyway, then say "the heck with it - I applied - if I don't get it I have the radiology thing I'm working on - I don't need that other job anyway - their loss!" Just and idea - I know you will do what you think is best for YOU! I am glad you are exploring other occupations, too - there is more than one way around a job market, isn't there!

Donkey on 08/24/2007:
You know..... What you did this morning, in response to the job ad.... this is something that I would TOTALLY do. I have so been there, done that. You have my sympathies. Hey, listen, I read what you're saying, and I think it's totally OK not to apply for a job right away, especially if your heart is not in it. I think you have a great game plan. Go and observe and then put in your application if you still want to. Being a musician, you are probably an overachiever, but hey, sometimes you just gotta say to yourself "Nope, not gonna do it" and be OK with it. It is OK if you don't apply for the job. Really, it is. No need to binge over it either. I think you are too hard on yourself, really.

Come talk to Donkey before bingeing over something like applying for a job. Hugs!!!

Donkey on 08/24/2007:
Now go figure this one out: I was feeling pretty good about myself so I decided to look at some 2 yr programs that I could do as second career option. By the time I finished, I was so overwhelmed and frustrated that I felt like crap (about myself). So instead of having a healthy fiber bar, I decided to have a dish of chocolate ice cream. That will really solve all my problems now, won't it?

Soon2BThin on 08/24/2007:
Oh, well, everyone has a bad day once in awhile! Okay, I have a lot of them lately. Don't be too hard on yourself. Treats in the house is NOT FAIR! What are we to do? Have a good weekend!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Aug 23, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

today turned out good calorie and exercise wise. I've also been keeping in touch with all of my friends...and most are supportive of my decision...this makes me feel GREAT! :) I'm going on Tuesday morning to observe the Radiography program/radiography technicians at a hospital by me (only 10 minutes away!) from 8:30am till 11am. I NEED to give them a good impression. Although it's not an interview, it is their first impression of me...and i don't want it to be my last and final impression! no way!!! I'm soooo excited to be hopefully a candidate for this field and I really, really, really, want it to work out! I would be thrilled. To me, it is a complete second chance at life. Second chance and only other change. If it doesn't work out...I will have to look into teaching once again. I would apply to NYC schools and suck it up and hopefully get a job in sept 2008. but, my real goal right now is getting into radiography school in sept 2008. My fingers are crossed.

Nobody has called me about my MRI results..i'm calling in the morning.

I have to continue teaching French horn lessons...because i cannot fully close the music door since the radiography door is not yet fully opened... this is SO frustrating...as i intend to sell my horn if this new field works. LOL, i don't plan on selling right away...but it would no longer be a job or hobby for me. Once i leave...if i do...i leave forever. Maybe i would save my horn, not sure. I know i wouldn't be picking it up to play for awhile...i need a major break. starting tomorrow, i'm picking it up to practice again..since i have to teach a few lessons starting saturday morning. blah

i'm going out to dinner on sunday with a friend...i'll give more details on that to come.

total calories: 1860 total exercise today: 2 hrs, 10 min (walked 6.5 miles) Went out to walk twice today...i can't do it all at once...my ankle won't permit it because of pain and weakness!)

total aug exercise: 37 hours!!!! :)

workingit2 on 08/23/2007:
You must be typing your entry now....how very exciting that you are pursuing a new line of work! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

workingit2 on 08/23/2007:
ok I just read your entry...I am SO excited for you! Looking forward to the story about the Sunday dinner! Take care!

jon'smom on 08/24/2007:
I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Aug 22, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

Thursday edit:

so far, it was tea and a plum...i will have some kind of protein bar before i exercise at the park in a couple minutes. I'm also going to bring a book to read there. One of the faculty members at the radiography schools called me and asked for me to call her back. All the other schools don't necessarily want to be bothered until their application process officially begins. I had told her i was interested in observing...so it may be about that. i called another school witht he same question...and they said i'd have to pass the entrance exam..even to just observe! I hope that this school...the one that has reached out to me...offers the same quality program in comparison with the others...it should.... more updates to come....



i totally feel the need to look great...to look great! I kept thinking that while exercising today! :)

didn't hear about the ankle MRI results, yet. probably tomorrow. hopefully!

calories: 1950...binge in afternoon though.

exercise: 2 hr, 20 min (walking, elliptical, bike)

total aug: 34 hr, 50 min

Soon2BThin on 08/23/2007:
Oh, those afternoon binges! What are we going to do about them? The afternoons are so hard. I'm envious of all that exercise though. Awesome! Good luck with the school.

Sandra aka Soul on 08/23/2007:

Thanks for the comment and question, I get that alot. I tried to answer it (short version) on my entry for today. Can you ship some of your energy with workouts, sure need some.


Donkey on 08/23/2007:
Keep us updated on everything!: MRI, observing, subbing, etc.

legcramps on 08/23/2007:
I either have to munch all day long or I tend to binge during dinner. There's just no in-between with me! Great exercise! Wow, i'm jealous! Almost 35 hours for August. I don't think i'm even close to half of that and unfortunately haven't been keeping track (obviously due to my complete LACK of exercise). There's always NEXT month....

My aunt and uncle live in China and they brought me Chinese tea the last time they visited. It's got more of a toned-down flavor than American tea, but I love it and it seems to give me lots of energy. Tea sure is the way to go to get in that last bit of water for the day. I always start my day off with a cup. Okay, 'nuff blabbing. Take care!

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Aug 21, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

Wednesday edit: blahhh! what's up with me! i keep binging in the late morning/early afternoon. today's calories will fall between 1900-2000 again. i just need to keep up the exercise... am going to the gym now..



today's calories: 1980...another close call!

today's exercise: 2 hours great!

total aug. exercise: 32 hrs, 30 min

so, i had breakfast, 2 snacks, a LARGE BINGY lunch of over 1100 calories, LATE evening snack of 170.

Lately, i've been eating a really large lunch..gotta watch that. I'm trying to occupy myself as much as possible. soon enough i'll be working...even if its subbing.

interestingly, the old director from this past school year emailed me, saying there may be a position for 10 weeks in the middle of the school year and to let her know if i want it. well, considering i'm probably not going to be doing much besides subbing, i'll probably say yes that i am interested. LOL. this is like a never-ending decision. I'm also looking into applying to all of the schools for radiology. some accept applications as early as september.

everything is up in the air. by the time I have any steady job, i'll probably be 28 yrs old.

horn_of_plenty - Monday Aug 20, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0


well, i am not looking into the field of nursing anymore. But, I am looking into programs in Radiography. Those are the people who operate mri equipment, x-ray equipment, and technology of that nature. as some of you know, i recently had an mri done...and i saw some of what this career is about. I plan to go in and observe very soon. also, i will probably be substitute teaching this year...since the earliest program i can get into is in sept 2008. I think this would be a wise move for me, as i would be content with it. It would be great to get into a program this year...haha. but, you need to have patience in life. it seems that programs like radiology technology schools only take between 10-20 students per year and the application process starts the year before.



ummm... 100 calorie breakfast

snack/lunch binge of 1600 calories

snack: 100 calories

late snack: 180 calories

total = 1980. i saved the day. thank god!

exercise: 1 hr elliptical

total exercise august: 30 hr, 30 min

Donkey on 08/21/2007:
What happened that changed your mind about nursing? Good idea about radiology!!! I support that. What is involved with setting it up so that you can go and observe? That sounds interesting (and a good idea, because if you don't like what you see when you observe, you can rethink your decision without having lost nothing but a day's worth of time).

When will you find out about your MRI results?

ad_vitam on 08/21/2007:
I support your idea about looking into career in radiography as well.IMHO it might suit your personality better than nursing: it's more intellectually challenging which I think you might appreciate plus since this job requires higher qualification it might pay way better. You can check acinet.org to find out about the demand, salary range and schools for this occupation in your area. Good luck!

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 19, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0


i'm soooo glad i'm getting the mri of my ankle tomorrow. i walked 3 miles and had to stop today. it made me sad! i started to feeling a sharp pain in the heal of my foot...and could not continue.

so, i went to try on some clothes today and got a little nervous. haha. nothing fit. it was a spur of the moment shopping...a store on the way home. so, now i know it is really important to work my body...maybe start to swim even though i don't want to. it all takes time... bad thing is, i probably can't swim till my shoulder is fixed! I feel like i'm a 25 year old mess! ha

ummm...hmmm... i ate...it'll be 6 times today. one of them being a diet drink. eh, let's say i had 5 meals.

one was a ton of ice cream from this "healthier" ice cream store called tasti delite. lower cal, but not as low cal as if i could make the ice cream myself. i enjoy their assortment of over 100 flavors and they change each day. 6 flavors a day. so, i had about 30 ounces of ice cream, but that was just 510 calories. get ice cream somewhere else, and it'd be like double the calories for that much ice cream! however, i'll probably order a little less next time.

total calories: 1750

total exercise: 60

aug exercise: 29 hrs, 30 min

ad_vitam on 08/19/2007:
Your Aug. exercise numbers are very impressive! WTG!

Donkey on 08/20/2007:
Good luck on the MRI today!!! I hope you get some resolution to the ankle problem soon. I empathize on the shoulder situation too. My shoulder has never been the same since a year ago, from incorrect weight training.

I don't blame you about swimming (or rather, not swimming). Swimming is not my favorite thing to do either. However, if it were the only thing I could do, would I do it? I don't know...

Anyway, let us know how the MRI goes!! Good luck again!!!

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Aug 18, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

Sunday AM edit: for breakfast, my appetite was actually supressed...probably due to the bulk still in my system from last night. sooo...i had two plums and then went out to the stores for the newspapers and grocery shopping.

I bought my next "meal" at a specialty store. It was dried vegetable chips and also a large chocolate chip cookie and a shot of wheat grass. Total calories for that was 315.

then, i thought i was going to go to the boardwalk to take a walk...but got stalled by thinking about jobs and other occupations which i may be good at. i had a discussion with my parents.

after doing more research and sitting around, i was hungry again. I had kelp noodles, two red peppers, a good fiber-filled wrap, and some fried tofu. (all of that for only 410 calories = good and filling). sometimes, i find it easy to binge when i have things like the wrap or the cookie this morning. however, because i have been eating every few hours, it is easier to feel satisfied. also, i had a ton of bulky, filling food!

alright. i'm gonig to clean the bathroom and then i'm off to the park - to read and walk...and bike ride. that's the plan anyway.

i was going to practice...but, you know what? I'm not doing that now. It's not a daytime priority.

BY THIS WAY...THIS IS WHERE MY MOM AND I DIFFER. I TAKE PHYISCAL EXERCISE AND CALORIES AND FOOD PRETTY SERIOUSLY. I EAT A LOT OF STRANGE THINGS. SHE DOESN'T. SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HAVING 'MUSCLE' OR BEING IN A CERTAIN SHAPE. SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I DO. is this because i'm obsessing? or, are we just different? i'm not sure. =================================================================

Saturday Night:

i'm not sure about cals. I went out to dinner. to be safe, hopefully saying 2050 calories is a good estimate. goodnight, all!

so today has been an overall good day.

lol, i finally put away all the laundry that has been sitting around in the basement. i still need to clean the bathroom. I'll do that tomorrow morning.

now, i'm going to practice the french horn...i don't want to, but i have to. i have to until i know for sure that i am not continuing to teach music. I will be writing more about this in days to come...

i've eaten 5 mini-meals today...with one more tonight at the Grand Lux Cafe. there is hardly anything healthy on their menu...and i'm not kidding. all of the choices are irrestable. of course, you can make things healthier by request. ehh. i'm not into that. their summer rolls look good and i'll order steamed vegetables on the side.


breakfast was around 435 cal. (egg whites and oatmeal, plums...something else, but can't remember what...)

snack: 180 or so (seaweed, chicken, drink...weird mix)

snack: 230 (marathon bar and energy drink)

snack: 450 (large amount of lo cal ice cream)

snack: 120 (3 vegetables, one fruit)

I think i do best with 6 meals a day. It's just hard to resist the temptation to eat a lot at one of them...making it hard to eat 6 times if you are going to overeat.

so far:

exercise: 70 min (3.5 miles...my ankle kept hurting!)

calories: 1450. if i eat the summer rolls and vegetables tonight, i'll be good. if i order a dessert or anything else on the menu, it'd be easier to go way over 2000 for the day...

total exercise in aug: 28 hrs, 30 min

so, i would like to get into swimming as there is a pool near me that i can use year round free of charge. BUT, I DON'T love swimming! Nope. I don't like wearing a bathing suit. but, it'd be great for my ankle...no pressure. and great for my health. arg! so not a fan of the pool. not at all. but, i guess i'm willing to overcome it for my health! it's such a good workout...i bet it would be fun to do, especially in the winter!! I could maybe do that and yoga. that's it. i haven't restarted yoga yet, not until i'm more set on my future and what's going on in the fall.

as for tomorrow: clean bathroom, pratice horn - yuck, bike ride at park, supermarket/get newspapers, walk at park. that's it lol. i'm trying to not give myself a thousand things to do if i don't have to.

jon'smom on 08/18/2007:
Have a great weekend!

WorkingIt2 on 08/19/2007:
I wish I had an indoor pool to use! I know what you mean about not liking to wear a swimsuit, I don't either. But, when I found that I had plantar fasciitis, that was the only thing that saved me from gaining a TON more weight back. Swimming is great exercise! I hope you do it!

WorkingIt2 on 08/19/2007:
I am the same when it comes to the six meals. I do better when I have the mini six than the three large and two small snacks.

horn_of_plenty - Friday Aug 17, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

today was in fact a much better day. It was a little rocky food-wise in the AM, but got better...probably because i got busier throughout the day.

anyways, i went to the boardwalk with a friend and got some good exercise in...followed by a little more later in the evening. sadly, i'm going to have to seriously watch the amount of stress i'm putting on my ankle, because i can see it's in bad shape. luckily, the MRI is Monday...that's good. then, i'll know what's wrong...or not wrong. hopefully, it can be FIXED.

today's calories: 1750 (i had actually planned on 2,000...i think i will, for now on, wake-up with the 2,000 calorie notion in my head...)

today's exercise: 2 hrs.

total Aug. exercise: 27 hrs, 20 min

mcwoo40 on 08/18/2007:
Hi,hope you get sorted with your ankle soon,although it is'nt stopping you from gettin any exercise that would be a good excuse for me!!Good for you on the cals.Good luck at the hospital on monday,Julie

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