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horn_of_plenty - Friday May 08, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 145.0

670 calories throughout day.

snack after school: 350 or so. chips and salsa lol. unlike me, but so good! :)

total for now: 1020....

as for florida guy, he said this "are you only friends with me because you find me attractive???" can you believe he texted that....we had another long (1.5 hours or so) texting on and off last night because i wasn't even interested in actual talking with him. i was in a bad mood and i was really congested and sick anyway.  He basically said that after i said that i expect too much out of this (as in our relationship). and that's when he went to ask me that. crazy conversation.

in the past i've told him i find him attractive, so he already knew that. how should i take what he said? i doubt he meant it to be conceded thinking he's all that, but i could be wrong. it's not like i have major experience in all this. he did come to tell me that he finds our conversations (and we do talk on the phone more as of recently) to be good and that's why he continues to talk to me. he also told me i'm one of the only people he talks to besides his brother and one or two coworkers. but he wants that friendship i think. that's it.  it's upsetting to me for sure!

so, although i have finally memorized his phone number, i will have to practice huge self control, unlike last night when i gave in and texted him.  i need to do it for me, like grumpy suggested. i wonder what it is that makes him so anti being intimate with a girl that likes him? why didn't he just act on it in the first place. gosh! 

and it's NOT like i want to marry him!!! i just would love to kiss him. he won't have any part in it. not sure why. but i told him one day i won't be there to be his "texting buddy." damn it, i'm not a boy!

talk to you all soon. time to do laundy and clean up before i head out to enjoy the weather. i'm feeling a bit better! :)

Progress as of today: -20 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 05/08/2009:
At least you are feeling better..Enjoy nature!!!!!!!!!!!!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 07, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 145.0

still feeling quite sick. went to school after missing the past couple days. and after 3 days of 4000 calorie binging, i ate very little today due to the obviousness of being stuffed up and an actual lack of appetite. i had actually lost my appetite yesterday and was eating just for the thrill of stuffing myself (i couldn't even taste half the stuff i was eating bc i was so stuffed up! and no, it's not actually thrilling to stuff yourself.)

breakfast: nust 160 or so

snack: nuts 160 or so

lunch: DD sandwich that i didn't finish bc the fun ex cop kept me company thank god for that! 250

snack: a green drink i brough with me 100, gum throughout the day....

approx total: 650 or so. i feel sick and i can't go to the gym. i will have dinner. and then i'm going to read this chapter and go to bed. however early that is...i need sleep.

i forgot to mention, i didn't sleep all night. florida guy kept me fully awake. he texted me and was getting drunk with his friends. i kept my phone on and when i finally did fall asleep sorta, he called around 12:30am. i actually called him back (usually i ignore his drunk calls). no idea how long we talked bc i deleted it all from my phone bc i tend to get obsessed with him and he doesn't like me in any way besides a friend, if even that. yeah. so now i just have to wait, and i won't be contacting him. he will have to call me if he wishes...blah blah blah! no more boy talk!

Progress as of today: -20 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

grumpy on 05/08/2009:
argh, boys suck. i hope it's not related to the binge? sorry he doesnt like you more than a friend, but he obviously wants to flirt with you, if he's texting and calling late night, while out with his friends. i know a guy like that, i spent a year and a half waiting for him. you know who i am talking about. finally we stopped talking, again. a week ago.. its so hard, but i need to control myself and remember that the only way to get over him is to be away. and also thats the only way of him not taking me for granted and have to deal with his feelings for me. anyway, its too early for all that with your FL boy, but i think its a great idea to delete his number. you can play hard to get. :)

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 06, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 145.0

the pie is in a bedroom exactly so i don't see it and eat any of it...but with me my mind starts to manipulate my body and nothing stops me....but that was the past 2 days and today is a new day.

breakfast: egg white/oatmeal w. cinnamon, yogurt: 350

snack: 2 servings nuts 320 and a yogurt 140 total: 460 (yes, obv. too high)

lunch: popcorn??? 160 and an egg white sandwich probably.290 total: 450.

snack: canned peaches and maybe something else...100, THREE servings almonds 480 yup. total: 580

total so far: 1840.  my prospected total will be in the 2200s today....


food still has won over me.  i did walk 3 miles earlier and if i'm up to it, i will try for an hour on the elliptical tonight.  i think i may be finally feeling better (sick-wise)


Progress as of today: -20 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

nenak on 05/06/2009:
sounds like your mind is on food at the moment! try to coax it away from the subject by thinking of something else to do. something you dont normally do!

MoodyMe on 05/06/2009:
Good for you for getting the walk in...focus on the positive~focus focus focus!

Do you get much of a break between this semester and Summer??

MoodyMe on 05/06/2009:
Damn those pies and cookies!! Who buys this stuff? I'm just asking because I KNOW if it's in my house, I WILL eat it. I have given up buying ice cream for my son, because it NEVER fails, I will eat it. So, yesterday while grocery shopping..I was walking down the ice cream aisle, eyeballing all the goodies...reminded myself that if it's in the house, I'll be tempted to eat it..So I just kept on walking..

Any way of cleaning out the cupboards and fridge of all the goodies??

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 05, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 145.0

i binged bad yesterday and now i stayed home from school (not feeling that great but not totally at all bc of the binge) and this morning i also ate pretty poorly. the odds are REALLY HIGH i'm skipping school tomorrow too...but hopefully tomorrow (wed) i won't binge....sheesh. no energy today at all.

breakfast: popcorn 160, oatmeal w. egg/cinnamon160, THREE yogurts 450, THREE servings almonds lightly salted: 480: total: 1250 way to NOT be healthy. my mom has pie in her bedroom, i will NOT have ANY.

snacking: hamburger bun 150, with avocado 80. 230 total.

snack: large green pepper 40? i need less salt, more veggies...might have to go out and buy some...

1520 so far...

late snack: microwave meal 360, 2 yogurts 300 blah. ... PIE i'm a wreck. 250?, chips 4  servings 560 more chips 140

4pm: lots of ice cream with hot fudge...from mcdonalds and baskin robbins.

i feel like DEATH!...maybe i should go to the gym and just get on the elliptical for like a half hour....because if i don't i think i may just get even worse...mentally, emotionally, physically...

Progress as of today: -20 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

nenak on 05/05/2009:
i know those days well! keep looking forward tomorrows another day!

Maria7 on 05/05/2009:
Pie in her bedroom??????

mama_nurse on 05/05/2009:
Have a great day!

MoodyMe on 05/05/2009:
Wish I knew what to say~I have binged plenty of times in my life and know the feeling, both emotionally and physically, you get during and after...It's a vicious cycle.

All I can say is hang in there~tomorrow is a brand new day..hope you start feeling better...

Donkey on 05/05/2009:
What you should do is go to bed. You're not feeling well to begin with. Take care of yourself!

Yeah, what is your mom doing with pie in the bedroom?

I still love ya though. And I love reading your entries. Keep trying!

thinnside40 on 05/05/2009:
Pie in the bedroom?!?!?!?!?!?

H_O_P ~ I haven' been around faithfully for a bit, but I see the up up up up up in numbers when all our goals are to go down down down down.... I am not excusing myself either...I have went UP for sure, but hopefully on the way back to only down..... Health has to come into play and not just the numbers... Pretend we can see our insides as we abuse them by doing the hidious eating patterns we do from time to time... What else does it expect of us, but to confuse it and eventual revolt.... I don't want that to happen to any of us..... I say to take a good look at the BIG picture of healthy living to feed the need and not think we need the food to get us through rough patches, etc..... Fill the need, not voids...

REST IS BEST right now for sure..... Too much junk is going on in this world to fool around getting any sicker..

selina on 05/06/2009:
Thanks for message, Hop! I hope you are feeling better... DO NOT GIVE UP! You are worth every effort... Hugs

horn_of_plenty - Monday May 04, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

i was feeling really sick today. but i think it was all allergies, even though i did take some medicine. it culminated in me coming home early (we were all let out about 1.5 hours early) and i binged.

first binge in awhile. i don't feel better. and i can't say i felt great during it. at least i've stopped now....i will probably take tomorrow off. i feel miserable, not just from the binge but my nose, etc.

calories before the binge: 1450

total calories: i actually didn't count everything while binging. i'm guessing total calories today are around 4000.   not feeling so hot. i don't have energy for the gym.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 05/04/2009:
Even if you did have energy for the gym, best to not go with not feeling well....Too much junk going around!

I have been hit/miss with entries/comment, but hopefully today on will be more like it used to be....

Rest & feel better for sure!

Maria7 on 05/04/2009:
Hope you feel better.

horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 03, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

good morning. this morning i will do some laundry, to be put away later this evening. haha.

i want to get some good exercise in, even though my body is a little tired from yesterday's awesome exercise i think. but that is the thing - i must keep moving more. or i'll continue to be flabby and out of shape - i especially need to work on toning my legs/lower body.

really, really tasty breakfast: 2 slices bread 220, 2 slices cheese (220), a little olive oil spray, and 1/4 avocado 80, side of strawberries 50, 2 drink packets 50. total: 620 approx. good!

snack: yogurt 130, strawberries later 50

lunch: too much, a bit late, at grandma's. 930  or something after a few cookies too many ha.

dinner: salad 80, microwave lasagna 290, fruit 120 total here: around 500

not great eating in terms of sodium/sugar or health. ehh, some things were really healthy but all the cheese definitely wasn't.  i had cheese at breakfast, lunch, and dinner! 

total cal: around 2250 or so. blah. but definitely within a sorta healthy range...

overall, i'm content with this weekend!


Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

selina on 05/04/2009:
Thanks! You did very well, yourself!

liza36 on 05/04/2009:
There is nothing better than cheese! I would have it for all three meals if I could. Love the stuff.

I loved your description of "awesome exercise". I have never been to that point where exercise is awesome. I hope to work up to that.

Have a great week.

horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 02, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

turns out 2nite is the concert, not last nite. haha. ended up going to starbucks and seeing a movie with my best friend instead. :)  all is good anyway.

late wakeup today around 9. breakfast: egg 60 and a mix of american and munster cheese 240 on 2 slices whole wheat bread 220, small orange 80 total: 600 good.

snack: bar 180

snack: drink packet 20

dinner at diner:  turkey burger, side steamed broccoli, salad w. little oil, dessert 2 coffees: seriously, no more than 600 if that.

total food today was GREAT: 1400!!!! and i bet i burned close to 2200 today!!!!!!!!! nice job me.

going to the concert 2nite. hopefully the weather will hold up a bit...

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

WI_HashiHypo on 05/02/2009:
Hey there! I hope you've been getting your walking in and taking time to think about nothing! I read something the other day in my Prevention book that said we should take ten minutes each day to be still, do nothing, think of nothing, turn ourselves off for ten minutes a day. Do you know how HARD that is? LOL

As far as the people in your classes, that will never change. Don't allow them to steal your joy, ruin your goals, ruin your future because they are calling you 'pudgy'. Ohhhhh, big tough guy texts a word to you..what an ahole that guy is, right? Thank GOD you don't date him, eh? How did he get your cell number anyway? I'd change my cell number. As hard as it is for you to believe this..you are NOT FAT..I am the same height as you and let me tell you, men thought I was SEXY with those curves. But I worked that curvy frame and I owned a room when I walked into it. Confidence is very sexy, and if you have to FAKE It until you MAKE IT..then DO IT. Even at the weight I am right now, men tell me I am 'hot' or 'sexy' or 'exciting'....and let me tell you this, it isn't because I look good in a bikini. HAHAHAHAHA

Get control of your confidence, let it shine, fake it if you have to, but do not walk with your head down, defeated, depressed and bummed about what you think a mess you are. Life is hard enough without us beating up on ourselves or allowing others to intimidate us.

You won't realize it until later, all this confrontation is actually making you stronger and you will need more strength when you finally are on your own as an independent woman. Perhaps that is why you aren't on your own yet because you aren't ready for it. So hey, take it for what it is worth, learn from the aholes how to ignore them and rock on with your life like a superstar, or let them destroy you.

In the end, those really are our only two choices!

Have a great weekend!

nenak on 05/02/2009:
thanks for the advice and enjoy the concert!

horn_of_plenty - Friday May 01, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0


i started off on the wrong foot, setting my alarm clock to wake me up at 5:50pm instead of AM. but at least i was up with more than enough time to get ready, even though i did get up late. i didn't have breakfast, just taking some low carb wraps with me to eat in the car on the way. actually, they worked well to satisfy me throughout the morning. my anxiety calmed my hunger today. we had a quiz that i studdied for about 30 minutes for last night and 45 minutes this morning once i got to school. i somehow got one wrong only and got the bonus, so i gut a 100. quiz was in the afternoon, so i was full of anxiety all morning...and i'm even more anxious i believe bc i'm going to see a band concert tonight, and i'm specifically going to see a past student i used to give private lessons on the french horn to. she's a sophmore in college, a college band concert.

this whole day i've been FULL of negative emotions. to the point of thinking, once again, what it would be like to not be alive anymore. basically, i said to myself "i'll use up all my money, enjoy the summer, and then we'll see what i feel like doing."  i'm not actually going to kill myself, please, don't worry about that. but my emotions are quite destructive at the moment. i have a classmate who continuously tells me "you're the scum of the earth, better just drop out of the program, etc..."  today he called me "pudgy" and even texted it to me on my phone! and this guy is going to be 30 this year. the people in my class piss me off, their behavior to the teachers and lack of maturity. what ass****s. i have the "priveledge" of going to school with a lot of not so intelligent people. they continuously try to put each other down, during class, in front of teachers. they talk back to each other and think they're alll SO smart. now, there are NINE people in my class, that's it!  and about, eh, 4 of them are not enjoyable to be around. the other 4 or so are fine. i don't hate the world. i am once again having a hard time. this was the first week back from vacation.

breakfast: 220

snack: 150

late lunch after quiz: 250

snack: 170

late snack, "dinner" of nature valley granola bar packet: 180.

total so far: 970

late coffee after concert and maybe a snack of some kind: 

feeling good about myself: not in the least.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

nenak on 05/02/2009:
sounds like your having a tuffy at the moment. but there is light at he end of every dark tunnel just got to keep looking for it!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Apr 30, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

breakfast: 320 oatmeal, egg whites (i mix them together and add cinnamon after)  yogurt on top

snack: 290 dried cranberries, almonds

lunch: 500 banana, plain low carb wrap, sandwich of avocado/canned salmon on a wrap

snack: 220 two yogurts, diet coke

1330 before dinner.

dinner: 600

total around 2000 today. ok.

exercise: jogging or walking at park...we'll see how i feel when i get there...

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

nenak on 05/01/2009:
sounds good so far!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Apr 29, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

so tired today. didn't sleep well again...really restless, especially afer being on the phone with this new guy, sorta new, anyway.  woke up at 3am...arg.

breakfast: too big 450

snack 1 : 140

snack 2: 290

lunch: 460

snack: dumb 3 yogurts 330  (started to binge and i'm stopping NOW!)

total before dinner: 1670 :( not very good actually.

dinner: pizza, lettuce i think.  i made a canned salmon-avocado wrap: 270, and an avocado salad w. lettuce: 180 or so. total here: 450

total food (and i'm bingy as ever!): 2120

exercise: probably the park...

not a great day. school sucked because it was royally boring and i am a bit sick of some of my classmates. they like to make jokes about one another but they tend to be humiliating or negative, even though its a joke. its what friends do...but i also realize since the majority (6 out of 9) students are male, that is just what guys do.


Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

MoodyMe on 04/29/2009:
Oh wow I had no idea you had so many guys in your class~what are you going for again??

I hate those nights where sleep just won't come..or stay..whutever...hope you get some much needed rest tonight~

selina on 04/30/2009:
Hang in there, HoP! Hugs to you!

nenak on 04/30/2009:
keep focused youll get there in the end!

grumpy on 04/30/2009:
guys are dumb, baby. but they're cute too. dont pay attention to what they say hahaha. and GOOD JOB on stop yourself from binging and get in control at dinner. go to bed now. haha

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