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horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 12, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

i really am upset. i'm tired. i'm down. i am out of my skin tonight. :(

i feel lost. i don't even have my own mother to talk to. i tried telling her about my day and she wasn't evening listening. so i stopped. and i yelled at her for not listening to me and just saying rude things as soon as she got home from work.

i'm so upset.


today sucked royally because i had to work alondside two of the biggest ****s i've yet to meet in life. they have no care or compassion to help me as a student and would rather rip me a new one with every chance they can get. it was really hard driving home even...thinking about how hard i try but how little they really care or want to work with me. these two peope, in the emergency room, make me very self conscious when i ask them questions because sometimes they will just stare me down as i ask them or they make me feel seriously stupid.  if i had to count, there are only about 4?? people like this out of the whole xray department of many more people...  but now i'm in a horrible mood...and when my teachers have to read how i did these past two weeks in the ER, my review does not reflect my time there the way it should have.

breakfast: beans/almonds/oil: 260

snack: almonds 210

lunch: beans/almonds/oil: 260 , diet sprite

snacks/dinner combined: 6 sf jello 60, stir fried mushrooms 150?, baked eggplant w. olive oil: 200??, some spinach 20, huge egg omelette w. tons of stir fry veggies inside 350, tofu and veggies 300? , stevia chocolate sweetened tofu i made 200 TOTAL;

2010....maybe a snack. long, annoying day.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/12/2009:
OK, I know you are angry, so read this when you are not, but BEFORE you binge.

These PITAs that you had to work with -- they are cutting your teeth. Perhaps they had to endure similar attitudes during their training/education. Or perhaps they are testing you to see if you have what it takes.

Do not take this personally. Please consider: They would have treated ANYONE like that. Also, please consider: This has more to do with THEM than it does with YOU. All you can do is your best, which I am sure you did.

I give you kudos for not giving up and continuing to ask questions, even with responses as you described. DO NOT GIVE UP. DO NOT GIVE IN. DO NOT LET THEM HAVE THE POWER OVER YOU TO DRIVE YOU TO BINGE.

(not yelling; I just want to be perfectly clear.)

HUGS! :-)

Maria7 on 03/12/2009:
Hugs to you. Don't be discouraged. You've worked too hard. People are people. It shows you are real smart to ask questions. And that you CARE.

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Mar 11, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

calories a bit higher than i wanted....i made too much dinner and couldn't put it as leftovers for tomorrow...i ate it all instead....so 1750. fine. what can i do!? tomorrow's a new day....more veggies and stirfries to come....


i had both a protein bar (with some high fructose corn syrup!!!) and shake today. seems i'll have to not be so strict in order to be able to eat anything while outside my house!  whatever...if i need to, in april, i'll limit more. but i cannot take any more limits on the foods i'm eating! lol.

breakfast: green drink 80

snacks: almonds throughout morning, planned. 360

lunch: olive oil, almonds, beans, diet sprite (no more diet coke....i think it started to stain my teeth!). 220 or so.

snackSSS: didn't need both. but enjoyed. 190 protein bar, 270 shake. total: 460.

total so far: 1120

dinner: tofu and eggplant w. olive oil: 350.  with tons of stirfried veggies and spray oil...so more cals.

i doubt i'll be going to the gym. busy week. no need to make it any more stressful or busy. need to study. relax. not exercise. trust me.  tomorrow i'll be exhausted from pushing patients' stretchers/being in the emergency room. but, it's my last day for awhile to be in the ER. sooo, i'm both excited for tomorrow and for Friday...since i will definitely be going to the gym on Friday.  lol, it'll be 4 straight days off from the gym. but i have to.  otherwise i'll just overwork myself and get sick.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 03/11/2009:
When you say ER, all I can think about is the show.... I used to watch it faithfully, but now it isn't goin past this season, I've lost interest.....

I couldn't work in a medical facility.... I faint too easy! Even when I did work in pharmacy as a tech, I would get woozy at the sight of someone getting pain meds and being in any kind of pain..... Sympathetic nerves!

Have a good evening......

thinnside40 on 03/11/2009:
Oh...... and BTW ~ Can't make it to the gym???? Maybe just a bit of home exercise???? I nkow my routine has been lacking majorly in that area, but promising myself to at least do a LITTLE bit of something each day to call "exercise", other than all the furniture moving I've been doing this week....... I think many a time about the "down time" I take and how I could utilize it to exercise, but then again realize that my body does need rest too.... Decisions decisions!

grumpy on 03/11/2009:
Hey girl, seems like you're getting back on track nicely. I hear you, i also know what i have to do to lose weight and be healthy, its just hard to do. At least i went to a kick butt dance class tonight and it made me happy. but foods were bad. thanks for the baby spinach tip. I'll try that, but i will have to go shopping first haha.

Maria7 on 03/11/2009:
lookin' good!

starfish on 03/12/2009:
You have been doing wonderful :-) :-) :-)

loveray on 03/12/2009:
hope you are having a wonderful day. love you mucho!! xoxo

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Mar 10, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0









so i took a 1/2 day and i was able to get a lot of errands out of the way that i've had to do for awhile...like mailing that second scholarship application that is finally all complete with all the parts i needed! :)

THANK GOD I TOOK A HALF DAY....BECAUSE THE PEOPLE I WOULD HAVE HAD TO WORK WITH IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM ARE HORRENDOUS. what do i mean?? they are not helpful...and are rude. i like almost everyone in the hospital, but this one guy (out of probably 20 xray techs) is one of the few that i cannot stand... lol. so i'm glad to spend a 1/2 day less with him this week!

now i can study/relax. i will prob not even go to the gym today. i have a lot to study and prepare for.  this week is much busier with tests and stuff than last week for sure.  like i said, we get 7 sick/personal days a year...and i'm taking them! we're only students. and if it's going to help me do better on tests so be it! i usually never actually get VERY sick so if i didn't take these days, they'd go to waste. gotta do what's best for ME!

breakfast/snacking: tofu 200

lunch/ PM Snacking: protein shakes (i know, i said i wouldn't!) 500, cabbage/avocado wrap 250, 8 ounce green drinks to drink throughout afternoon maybe 100 cal?, , chicken burger 150, cauliflower 50, NUTS 650 arg!... laxative tea....

dinner: another 600. so not a low cal day!...and more pecans 200

total cal: 2700. could be worse!

trying mostly drinks today, not much bulk/food. my stomach is about to burst after sat,sun, monday.

i hope you're all having a good day too.

oh, and i got 100% on my test...one wrong but got the bonus! :)

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

loveray on 03/10/2009:
congrats on your test miss smarty pants!!!! YAY. i hope you had a restful night and cant wait to chat soon. xoxo

Maria7 on 03/10/2009:
I know nuts are good (I love them, too) but I am trying to stay away from the calorie-dense food for now.

starfish on 03/10/2009:
Good job on your test!!!!

Donkey on 03/11/2009:
Definitely sounds like you are burning out. I don't have advice on that except to keep your eye on the prize and always look at the "Big Picture" when you get frustrated. Or maybe that's the wrong way to look at it. I recently realized that for my weight loss journey, I need to focus on the process (healthy lifestyle), not the result (low number on the scale). Because it's not about the result. In order to maintain any weight loss happily, one needs to live healthy. So maybe you could apply that approach to your studies. ???

Also, I know you are frustrated with your eating and your stress level. I am reminded of the lovely Carolyn Kennedy. I remember how she had gained weight during college and law school (esp. law school). The press made a little fuss over her girth. But after she took the bar and settled into her career, she lost the weight, had a successful career and had a lovely family. So you may need to consider accepting the higher weight for now, just as a product of the demands of your education.

PS When my mom was in school to be a nurse, and worked as a registrar in the ER, she would concur about the rudeness of the ER staff. There was one doctor who was just horrible. He had no patience for incompetence, and most people he found incompetent. I think that's what made him such a good ER doctor. You have to have a certain demeanor to survive the ER environment. Try not to take such rudeness personally. Is it easy? NO. Is it painful? Possibly. Just get through it knowing that you won't have to be around them forever. Consider it a Zen experience, paths crossing in this lifetime.

horn_of_plenty - Monday Mar 09, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

Tuesday 2:32am edit:

so i cannot sleep yet again!!!! i have a test tomorrow morning. then i'm taking a 1/2 day to get some studying done. a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. we get 7 sick/personal days per year and i intend to take them.  i would rather take the full day but i don't want to have to make up a test. i think that i'm getting anxious about not going for the full day so now i can't sleep!

i used to be a person that would NEVER even think about taking a day. but i'm a student. and if it helps me do better on a test to come home and relax/study so i don't have to be up all night, then i'll take the day! plus...we can make  them up. if we come in any holiday or vacation we can just make up the time. so far, i've taken one day and 2 hours off from school since September. But, i've already made up one day. :)

whatever, no use trying to reason it.

and my stomach is entirely way to outstretched from all the food i've been eating. not good. i feel so bloated and tired... but i'm sticking with this diet. i almost WANT to drink only liquids all day Tuesday to try to get unbloated... 


Monday entry: 


i think daylight savings time screwed me up today.

salad 50, 2 cucumberss 60, foods from health food store 300, 400, 300...1,000 cal of pecans and so far 600 cal of almonds. really want cake.  (there is an entire loaf downstairs in the freezer)....

everyone was EXHAUSTED in class today. i wanted to take like a 1/2 day tomorrow...we have a test in the AM so taking a full day is OUT. ugh.

total: 3660...ugh...3800.


Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

belly on 03/09/2009:
I baked 2x in the past week. One good thing about leaving the city for the country, I can't run to DQ for my sweet fix. I have to bake it if I want chocolate after 6 pm. Why is there cake in your freezer? It wouldn't last a day in my house! I have no control is it's accessible. And the nuts, well, at least it's heart-healthy fats. Balance the good days with the bad.

thinnside40 on 03/10/2009:
Hope you were able to get some sleep and do TERRIFIC on that test....Taking 1/2 day, instead of a whole in order to allow you to "test" I would say was wise......

Good Tuesday!

hollybelle on 03/10/2009:
Just poppin gin to say hi. Try to relax sometime during the day - even if it is just for 15 minutes somewhere with an herbal tea or something. Insomnia has a self-perpetuating quality.

Maria7 on 03/10/2009:
Hope you got some rest. Take time to relax.

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Mar 08, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

(i admit i DID eat all of the following in one sitting, yes pretty filling indeed.)

tofu pizza (tofu that is flavored and seasoned to taste EXACTLY like a pizza) wow...600?,1/2 pound grilled eggplant: 300?,pound grilled cauliflower: 550?

(from health food store)

i plan to have around 2200 cal today. i would have liked lower but i blew calories on eating EVERYTHING i bought at once...was supposed to save the cauliflower to eat with dinner or lunch!)

plan for remainder of the day:

snacks: green drinks/green powders from food store: 210...and kombucha 260.

dinner: came home. new favorite method of cooking veggies: grilling. so i grilled tons of brussel sprouts/scallions which came out well and had a salad and an awesome chilli-lime flavored chicken burger 150...i'd say dinner is around 450 cal or so.

total cal: 2160. not the best, but not the worst.

exercise: one hour walk...along with some other activities throughout the day.

when i get home, a hot shower, studying, bed!

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

CritterMom on 03/08/2009:
Honestly, if I can lose 7 pounds in 10 days, ANYbody can do it. I usually bust my butt and lose 1/2 pound a week. So this new diet/lifestyle will definitely work for others, too. It's low-glycemic eating, and honestly, I'm required to eat so much food that some days I don't think I can eat it. You sure won't go hungry!

I've posted the entire plan on my diary.

thinnside40 on 03/08/2009:
Shoes ~ I used to hate to spend the $$$$ on them, but anymore I could care less.... They are something I NEED to keep the integrity of my feet healthy too..... It is amazing how energized just wearing those pretty new shoes made me feel today... I did a bit of walking and up/down stairs while waiting for some people for music practice.. I started to walk 4 miles to church meeting, but it started snowing..Paced the parking lot 4 times & the stairs... I'm outa shape obviously when I was huff/puff..... Made me sad for a moment, but then I figured at least to be doing something again was enough to be happy about.....

Good Monday happy thoughts sent yer way!

Maria7 on 03/08/2009:
Happy Monday to ya! It's almost 1am here, Monday morning!

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Mar 07, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

i started out having a great day. even driving to the library and studying for a few hours. but....the unfortunate happened....i drove home. around 2pm. and i binged first on 7 servings of almonds....24 almonds/serving! and i had 7. that brought the calorie total only up to 2150....but then i binged on everything....EXCEPT wheat/cake, etc.  i ALMOST went for the cake. there was even cake in the freezer! lol. i had put it there...and i know that bc i had finished another cake that was there. and i had to replace it, back about one or two months ago. soooo....

today's calories are 3,000. i'm not very upset at all. i know i could have watched it better!

in the month before this wedding, i may have to stop eating nuts as well. since it seems a major downfall. lol.  everything is a downfall for me! the one thing i will NOT stop is the oil. olive oil, peanut oil, and all the other healthy liquid oils are room temp are VERY necessary for a healthy diet and even skin, nails, hair. i know it because whenever i don't have enough fats my skin breaks out! i did have lots of veggies today and oil despite the binging.

so what to do?? i weighed myself yseterday night and was upset. i was MAJORLY full, but still didn't expect to see 140 on the scale. i expected 135. this means i MUST work harder.

so i have to think what's more important: calming myself with food or looking good at a wedding/reunion.  obviously the latter.

i am NOT having any more protein shakes (they have traces of sugar/carbs and too much so in them).

i will have to eliminate nuts if i can't stop binging on them. i'm keeping them in my diet for now though.  I may stop with them later in the month.

from here till april 20. it's going to be hard. i'll need to be prepared.

yup, going to be VERY hard....i'm not even looking foward to it.

it's been fine without the dairy so far.


Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/07/2009:
Hang in there, Friend!

thinnside40 on 03/07/2009:
Preparation is a HUGE task sometimes, but doable.... I must get back to it myself!!!!!!!

horn_of_plenty - Friday Mar 06, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

breakfast: drink 90

snacks: almonds 360

lunch: out to eat w. classmates: seaweed salad, some of friend's broccoli from her dish, egg drop soup: 450 approx.

snack: drink 260

snacking: beans and beans w. almonds and oil: 380...tons of almonds: 3.5 servings: 630 oops.

total so far: 2170. soooo bingey.  wanting pb so bad but i don't have any in the house. i may go over totals for today which is fine....tomorrow will be the gym. probably not today. gonna relax tonight!  i know, a little lazy. oh well.

chinese leftovers...at least 500...adds to 2700 (all low carb leftovers..but with the sauce...)...3060. (after more nuts)..final total. ehh. love the nuts. tomorrow will be better for sure. i will have to remember to RELAX! and sleep! and i'll be fine.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

iWant2BSkinny on 03/06/2009:
Don't get too upset, tomorrow WILL be better!

mama_nurse on 03/06/2009:

CritterMom on 03/07/2009:
In the diet I'm on, I'm only allowed one serving of nuts per day, and that serving is only 12 almonds (~sigh~ I really love almonds!). I'm doing a doctor-supervised diet that's low-glycemic foods, and was told that if I really need to eat something more, it should be protein (egg, cottage/ricotta/fresh mozzerella, or lean meat). Our bodies can always use a bit more protein.

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 05, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

breakfast: green protein drink 90

snacks: almonds 360

lunch: greeb beans/almonds olive oil, tons of diet caffeine free coke 220

snack: protein drink 260.

edit: 930...

veggies w. olive oil 300, salad 20, tomatoes 50, tofu 90: 460 :)

total: 1390! great work to me...1550...added something.

no exercise, pushing stretchers/moving patients all day. will study and go to bed early, again!

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

starfish on 03/05/2009:
you are doing great!

selina on 03/06/2009:
you had a great day!

nenak on 03/06/2009:
well done!

loveray on 03/06/2009:
May be a good thing that you all have some distance...I know that can be really hard, but I think it's awesome that you are focusing on your health and wellness right now and nothing else! XOXO- have a great weekend.

CritterMom on 03/06/2009:
You're doing great! Hey, count that "pushing stretchers" as exercise, because it really does count.

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Mar 04, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

weight was in fact 137 this afternoon....so...if i can manage to loose around 10 lbs in one month (probably not) i'll be 127....by april 19....i could be around 120. yeah, i know, too high hopes.

breakfast: 90 green drink

snack: 90 green protein drink

lunch: 400 :) salad w. chicken and other good stuff. olives, grilled peppers, etc.

snack: 260...followed by early dinner: protein shake.

dinner: too big, but worth it. leftover shrimp salad 350, peppers 120, 2 servings almonds 360, beans/almonds 160: total: 990

total: 1830...worth it. but i need to watch it.

no exercise. calling it an early/study night.

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!

iWant2BSkinny on 03/04/2009:
Happy studying!! Good menu!!!

loveray on 03/05/2009:
looks like things are going really well- all of your almonds make me HAVE to have some today. how are things with the boy? i love you very much. xoxo

hollybelle on 03/05/2009:
I was having the "if I do such and such I could lose Xlbs by Xdate" conversation with myself the other day. I decided that time passes whether I do anything right or not so I may as well do the right things for myself and at the end of whatever span of time I'll be able to say - well I did OK instead of - well I'm still in this rut! It's so hard going forward day to day, though....but worth it. Now if I can just work some exercise in....keep at it HOP!! You'll get there.

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Mar 03, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

BUSY day in the ER...moving lots of patients on stretchers to take xrays....lots of falls bc of the snow/ice.

breakfast: drink 90

snacks: almonds all morning: 360 :) that's good, actually.

lunch: beans/almonds and diet soda w/out caffiene: 160 great.

large snack: large protein shake: 270 :) great as well.

dinner: very healthy. 400 or so...

dinner: out...will be LIGHT. perhaps salad w. grilled shrimp and broccoli on the side....or something like that. at the diner.

1300...calorie total!!


exercise today: NONE. too much during work!

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!

iWant2BSkinny on 03/03/2009:
good day!!!!

selina on 03/04/2009:
Great calories and moving around at work! You are doing great!

goofy07 on 03/04/2009:
Keep going slow but sure is the way to go as then it will stay off!! Keep having the good days.

mcwoo40 on 03/04/2009:
Hiya HOP,you seem to be doing well,take care Julie

grumpy on 03/04/2009:
Hey girl, I am trying to get back to commenting more and committing more to this site again. It's a sign that I havent been doing so well and having been here that often. Not a coincidence! Anyway, looks like you're on top of your game today, i love it. xoxo

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