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horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jan 20, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

you wouldn't believe it....but despite all my eating today i'm still SO GRATEFUL that i took the day off...you have NO idea!  as long as i get right back into exercise tomorrow and keep it up, i'll be alright with no serious weight gain. but  now i must see how many times i've binged since the New YEar....hmmm...only 4.

so, that equals 1/5 of the days of this year. better than 1/2 and that was what i was averaging...binging every other day - BEFORE The new year. so, i need to stop the madness...tomorrow will probably be HARD after today. but all is good in the world and i am not worried.  i was actually looking quite nice yesterday before the food attack today.


so i made the mistake of going out to dinner last night and not studying NEAR enough for our test this morning even though we are not having class.  and well, i've hard perfect attendance thus far since september so i'm taking today off. it's a clinical day, so i'm not missing class just experience in the hospital which we are actually allowed to make up on our vacations. So, i'll be studying today for the test i should have taken this morning as well as the two tests we have on Wednesday. If i didn't take today off i would not do well at all.

so, restating, i'm taking today off. when i got home last night around 9pm i had no concentration and this morning i knew i wouldn't be able to memorize everything in just an hour. i feel bad taking the day off but in my heart i know i'm doing the RIGHT thing.

big breakfast: pb sandwich w. banana, pumpkin, cinnamon: 520, granola/cereal w. milk: 570, 2 choc ice cream pops 120....big bag chips 650 throughout morning (need to calculate...)...today is not the day to be strict....don't ask. Total: 1860 for breakfast.

3 fudge bars 180

banana 120, crackers 330, yogurt 190

grilled cheese 550

cookies 350

yogurt 200

3850 12pm...

ice cream 500

totellini 200

what am i forgetting??

total: 4550. there is something i forgot to list...crazy day.

grilled cheese....550 again.... later 2 cellniques. 200 more...

total today: approx. 5500. GREAT DAY. JUST KIDDING! but, good thing, it's over! :)

good week to everyone....it can ONLY get better :) and i'm happy for that. thanks for your caring comments. and i am certainly glad i took today off. :) and next time, i'll spend it wiser.

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

loveray on 01/20/2009:
hang in there, i miss you! xo

WI3 on 01/20/2009:
When I am getting ready to have a rough week, I always tell myself that the week is almost over. I don't dwell on how long it is LOL Sometimes it is the only way I keep my sanity =) I would have stayed home today as well! Good plan!

skinnyfatgirl on 01/20/2009:
don't let stress take over!.. taking the day off is good.. hang in there!

Justine6Robert3 on 01/20/2009:
Sounds like a good plan to take the day off and study.....I'm sure you'll do great! Hang in there HOP!

mcwoo40 on 01/20/2009:
Try and get a grip of those cals this afternoon.I have gone overboard with them too and the day has'nt finished yet.Stay strong,Julie

skinnyjeans on 01/20/2009:
EXCELLENT attitude! And you are right...most of your 2009 days have been GREAT! :)

legcramps on 01/20/2009:
For as many times as you mentioned you were taking the day off in your entry, I have a feeling you weren't just feeling bad about it, you were feeling REALLY bad about it, weren't you?! Everyone needs a break from their regular routine. I know you've heard this before, in fact, you just wrote it in the comments on one of my recent entries, so I know you know all about this. I just wanted to re-iterate for you. Everyone needs a break.

loveray on 01/20/2009:
yea i had a BIG deadline today...had to come in :( i feel better today, but hope to get some rest again tonight! xoxo

WI3 on 01/20/2009:
Get some rest and just get up tomorrow and do it! You will be fine!

thinnside40 on 01/20/2009:
Sounds like taking the day off was worth it for you... Good!

Panda22 on 01/20/2009:
You have a good attitude about getting back on track! That's awesome with your progress on minimizing the binging...that's a HUGE step! Hang in there and we'll see you tomorrow! Have a good night! =D

loveray on 01/21/2009:
hope your day gets easier today...thinking of you!

horn_of_plenty - Monday Jan 19, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

going out to dinner was somewhat ****ty. 5 of us but one of us was tooting their horn all night and it wasn't pleasant listening. i don't mean literally tooting their horn, i mean talking way too much about themself and their accomplishments. way too much! sorry, just getting some hostility off my chest.

dinner: soup, grilled octopus salad! around 500 possibly? not much. :) maybe 600, but i'm counting 500.

total: 1350-1400 yay! great day. aside from dinner conversation. BUT, i'm glad i went and i ONLY went because of ONE person. a student of mine previously, now a sophmore in college. she is a wonderful person and that is why i went. and no, it wasn't her with the obnoxious level of ego. thankfully. :)


25 min on treadmill...ankle bothering me today...so that's it. no yoga, out to dinner in this damn snow because crazy people i'm going out with want to drive in this mess when i'd rather be home and studying for sure! ugh.

2 hour delay! wahoo!

breakfast: apple

snack: cellnique

snack: cellnique

lunch: hot pretzel, coffee 400

snack: cellnique...830 cal before dinner.

dinner: out to eat...probably a salad choices limited....

two tests today...but what i'm REALLY looking foward to is Thursday when most of this long, test filled week, is finished!

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

Maria* on 01/19/2009:
Hope you have a nice day, HOP!!! Smile!

thinnside40 on 01/19/2009:
Was it a "snow" delay or other bad weather?.... We are suppose to get a bit of snow sometime today....

Have a terrific day!

Mom_of_Fred on 01/19/2009:
Hi! What is cellnique?

see_maw on 01/19/2009:

mama_nurse on 01/19/2009:
good luck on your tests!!!! Have a great day1

skinnyfatgirl on 01/19/2009:
what is cellnique

WI3 on 01/19/2009:
Hang in there! The week is almost over!!!

Maria* on 01/19/2009:
Your cals look real good!!! Yayyy!!!

rockingrobyn on 01/19/2009:
s also wondering what cellnique is?I think that's great you can go out to eat.I'm not comfortable with it yet

mama_nurse on 01/19/2009:
whats your favorite cellnique flavors?

thinnside40 on 01/19/2009:
ICK!. Nothing like going out with "1" good friend bunched with annoying ones.... Doesn't sound like fun t'a;;...

Glad your #'s were good for ya today despite the poor company.... {{hugs}}

selina on 01/20/2009:
You did very well with cals, today! Yay!

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jan 18, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

like selina said, cheers to a brand new week!

8am Breakfast: lg tea, apple, cellnique 170

9am snack: 2 breyer's fruit on the bottom yogurts w. a teaspoon of colon care fiber supplement in each (psyllium husk i think - i bought it months ago)!  that should help the satisfying factor and it did. 350

12 lunch: dunkin donuts flatbread 290 was good!

2-3pm snacks at grandma's: 2 cellniques 170

dinner: lasigna meal 300, romaine and little dressing 30, yellow pepper 30, spag. squash w. little dressing 100, 4 weight watchers chocolate bars 240 total: 700 eh. a bit high but not a binge at all.

total calories: 1700 alright. i had a good day and i will have an even better week with calories. that's my goal. 

avg calories of sat and sun: 2150. not great but not the worst. aiming to do better the rest of the week. :)

it's a new day and i'm taking that as a wonderful thing.  Today is the 18th and I plan on weighing below 130 by the end of the month - or within 2 lbs of it.


Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

skinnyjeans on 01/18/2009:
Hi HOP! I hope you had a nice weekend! I want to try those flatbread sandwiches..they look good!

Maria* on 01/18/2009:
YYYYYaaayyyy!!! I see that just because you ate a little extra, you are not giving up! What a wonderful inspiration you are to me!

thinnside40 on 01/18/2009:
Here's to a great 19th!

selina on 01/19/2009:
You are doing well, HoP! Keep it up!

hopinforachange on 01/19/2009:
Doing good! I hope you have a great week!

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Jan 17, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

although today was a binge day, i am happy with my progress and am not in the least bit worried that i am not going to progress. tomorrow i'm not going to yoga and will be at the gym again. 1 hour on the treadmill and back into yoga come monday.

8:30 am breakfast: smoothie: glass milk 90, chocolate protein powder 100, strawberries 50, ice, 1/2 cup pumpkin 40, cinnamon. it tuned out a little thin.  280. :) about 3 cups total.

10:30 snack: large grapefruit120

Noon: luna bar 180

2pm: gym - elliptical 1 hr which felt sooo good after not doing cardio for probably 2 weeks! (no yoga today)

3:30pm snack: bag popcorn, peppers, tomatoes 340...apple, maybe cellnique haha i was trying not to have any cellnique this weekend total 510

early dinner: can of soup: 300...followed by a small binge: pb and banana sandwich: 800 total: 1100

calorie total right now: 2200...more pb: 2400 eh. ...2500...2600not really that bad.

i will NOT drink any cellniques this weekend :)...uh oh...i ordered them and they came today...i might have to have one. we'll see!

school has been really stressful lately. i never thought i'd have to face the couple situations or so that i've been in since september. i guess in general life is a learning experience and what bothers some people doesn't even raise a hair in others. i generally have a tendency to get worked up, bothered, or stressed over little things so now i see how important it is to NOT let classmates see this. now, i am not "worked up and hot and bothered" on a general basis at school. not at all. it was just something that happened these past two weeks and a sitution that got worse because i listened to the advice of my classmates - just certain classmates - and i think they may have intentionally gave me BAD advice. so i've been stressed as i took the advice and the situation got worse. for now on, i'll go to my parents or people outside of school for advice since my classmates will just take me as somehow who gets bothered by everything and is always seeking advice which doens't look very good on my behalf. it's too long of a story to write here as to what happened. but if i feel i need any advice after monday next week i'll end up typing it out! basically, it was all about misunderstandings.

take care.

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

panda22 on 01/17/2009:
Hey HOP sorry to hear about all of the stress at school lately =( I hope you are able to find some time to yourself to just unwind and get away from it all for a bit! Wish you a happy and relaxing weekend! Hang in there! **hugs**

skinny on 01/17/2009:
I hope thing get better. I am in my own craziness right now and can totally relate. Being almost 40 with small children is a major handicap while being in a RN program. Hang in there, you'll do great as long as you try, trust yourself first and foremost, it will be over before you know it and fake it 'til you make it. I am trying to make this my mantra!

uncgrad2001 on 01/17/2009:
Thanks for the tip! That's the problem I have sometimes when I do pack my lunch...I feel like I'm hungrier than what I have, and then I want to eat out. I guess I have to add some healthy things to it too!

Maria* on 01/17/2009:
Watch out for that peanut butter! They've got a RECALL going on some of it!!!! FOR REAL!!!!!!!!

I admire you, cause even though, like me, you have BINGES (yes, I'm SO familiar with them), you don't give up and you still exercise and you keep a close watch on the scale so you don't go up too much...so do I...it just seems that SOME DAYS I just HAVE to eat more to feel good....??? I know this isn't helping get to goal....BUT!!!!...I believe that 'Not Gaining IS Progress!!!'.... SMILE!!!

thinnside40 on 01/17/2009:
Misunderstandings are some of the hardest to get straightened out and sometimes never can be.. Very trying!

Especially when someone isn't willing to accept that is WAS a misunderstanding... and not actual truth... If that makes sense?!?!?!?!?

Have a great Sunday!

selina on 01/18/2009:
Cheers to a brand new week!

mcwoo40 on 01/18/2009:
Hope you have a good day,Julie

horn_of_plenty - Friday Jan 16, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

Breakfast: lg tea, lg apricot 50

snack: cellnique 90

snack: apple 80

lunch/snack: cellnique 90 (if you wanna know what this is, look it up online they have a site)

3:30 afternoon larger snack: DD flatbread 290, medium iced coffee 50

snack tea

5:00 snack: grapefruit very large 130

5:30 early dinner: 5 rice cakes (two used as a sandwich for my burger)200, veggie burger 70, mustard/ketchup 20.

late dinner? 8pm: microwave meal, veggies 400

total 1470 alright. didn't go hungry this afternoon, that's for sure!  probably a bit much in the later hours but i like the feeling of being satisfied at night.

no exercise...maybe 20 min on the treadmill later....but i think i will do cardio tomorrow morning and yoga later. only ONE yoga class! i also may go visit my grandmother tomorrow instead of sunday...yeah...


Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 01/16/2009:
RE: Younger @ 26 ~ Yes, you are and that is why at age 40, I wish I would of done what I am doing years ago..... I can't get back those years, nor can I "wish" I would of... I can only go from where I am at the moment each day...

It is about like when a parent tells their child "you'll know what I mean when you become a parent" when the child goes against a rule or can't figure a parent's "worry" mechanism...... I pray that someone in their younger years will see what I have went through in struggles and save theirself many years of anguish & self-loathing a majority of the time.... . But, I didn't want it bad enough I guess before I realized I wasn't getting any younger, nor was this going to get any easier.... BTW ~ hurting knees, headaches, high B.P., etc... are IN THE PAST NOW... Ibuprofen used to be a "600mg-1200mg daily dose", like a government RDA.... I have maybe taken 10 at the most this last year... My kidney's thank me I'm sure...

Have a great weekend & take care.....

thinnside40 on 01/16/2009:
I just read your comment to loveray about edamame.... Our WalMart here has it in the frozen section already shelled... Very reasonably priced too....

grumpy on 01/16/2009:
Looks like you had a good day so far, good job! I will look cellnique up!

WI3 on 01/16/2009:
Good job!

selina on 01/17/2009:
You've done well today, HoP. Only YOU can do it to yourself! Have a great weekend!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Jan 15, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

it seems that soon enough i'm going to have to have a LONG talk with my teachers. my energy is low so i'll update you all at some point about this. i'm plain ol' exhasuted now.

breakfast: 700 large bagel, two slices melted american cheese, butter

lunch: 100 cellnique

snack: small apple, large apricot: 120...followed shortly by dinner

dinner: red peppers 40, tomato 40, brussel sprouts 80, scallion 10, assorted frozen veggies 75, spray 100, 2 alright boca burgers 140, 4 rice cakes 160, and a grapefruit lage for dessert 120 total: around 800

total today: 1720

was on my feet for most of the day. no exercise. back to yoga Friday night. took 2 days off. somehow, this week sucked more than last week. however, the program is going well - at least in my mind. having some MAJOR issues with a couple ( i think) classmates. I'm a little worried at how EVIL people can be. backstabbers - i didn't think people would actually go this far. i'm really upset, not putting the blame where it shouldn't be. meaning, i know who is to blame and its not me. 

it seems i sometimes have issues getting people to understand what i mean. by that, i mean i get myself into situations where what i not intentionally say/do gets me in trouble. so, this is why i need to have a talk with my teachers ASAP before things go from BAD to WORSE. i thought that problems like this would NEVER show they're ugly heads EVER again in my life.

a job i had 3 years ago had some situations in it like this. and those types of things never happened again until now. i HOPE it is the case that everyone gets into dilemnas and i hope the real problem/people get a BIG awakening. the nerve.

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

loveray on 01/15/2009:
sounds like you are back on track with eating, although i am sorry to hear of the stress at work and school. i love you very much- let me know how i can help!!

mama_nurse on 01/15/2009:
i'm sorry to hear you have so much going on at school~hope all works out

Justine6Robert3 on 01/15/2009:
Looks like you had lots of healthy foods today! I hope your situation with your classmates works itself out. I've never understood why some people are so nasty to one another. I like to believe there's good in everyone, but some people sure make it hard to find! It's definetly a good idea to have that talk with your teachers before the situation esculates. I hope you get some much needed rest tonight and hopefully tomorrow is a better day :0)

thinnside40 on 01/15/2009:
The sooner the better probably..... Nothing like inner-stress when your dealing with peopal close proximaty...

Sorry this is happening......

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Jan 14, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

upset with myself and with life right now. i plan on working through this because in the past two days i've had about 5500 excess calories which means about 1.5 pounds of weight i could have LOST I have gained instead. this puts me back about a week in terms of weightloss.

what else? i'm just nervous and upset. some people in my class piss me off when they don't study but think it's ok to have 8 tests next week and NOT even agree with me to ask the teacher to put one off till the next week. too many tests. i study more for some than others and do pretty well on them all. however, there's one subject that needs more concentration from myself and from how the teachers are teaching it and we don't.  it seems nobody really cares.

i'm just really frustrated right now as i'm having trouble balancing my EASY life.  all i have is school and to try to maintain a gym or yoga (right now yoga) schedule. it doesn't get any easier than this. i don't have a family to cook for or a boyfriend to call.  why can't i just deal with school and succeed with a happy state of mind and be able to release my worries and lose weight?


so yesterday was 5,000 calories. approx. 4500 today..

today was rough and so was last night. what a horrible feeling.

today ended with a big binge. 

400 cals spread throughout the workday because i wanted to have some calories to use right now....4pm.

big late afternoon healthy meal: sauteed, 2 red peppers 80, scallion10, 3 servings mushrooms not so good 110, tofu90, added in cucumber30, two small packages seasoned veggies 240 , spray 100TOTAL: around 660

gave in and ate some stuff: crackers: 400, cereal 500, milk 80, chocolate 80

1.5 bananas 150, 2 yogurts220, pb 250

more pb on rice cakes 680

ice cream 750

bagel with cream cheese 430?

total today...i need a calculator for this one...: 4500 go me. not exactly.

ugh. i don't want to go to school the rest of the week ( i never take off...so i'll definitely be there....i feel like i need another vacation. school is really stressful right now.)

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 01/14/2009:
RE: Believing we can....Look at how many time we say "can't" and fail.... Usually when we go back ond say "I can" and truly believeing ourself, we 99% of the time succeed... It is a continual convincement to oneself not to anyone else.... That is what makes it work!... Go in saying "I can" in hopes, not belief isn't going to work! Demand of ourselves "I can & I will"...Not feeling that proof has to be shown to anybody else...It is for ourself! What strength comes from success is very powerful....

Get some rest!

WI3 on 01/14/2009:
Does it make you bingey to read other's diaries? I know sometimes when i am stressed, if I read the foods of other folks, it is hard for me not to go out and eat everything. Something about reading about food.

You never know, maybe you aren't eating enough calories for your weight and fitness level and you are getting the boomerang diet affect? I know you know about how many calories to eat and all, but maybe allow yourself a couple hundred extra calories to play with and if you don't eat them for a few days, then 'bank' them and splurge one day so you don't feel guilty and set yourself up for days of 'I screwed up' mindset. Yeah, after that one day of a binge you'll weigh more until the food works through your digestive system, but it wouldn't be real weight gain. Or maybe you can bank the extra calories for a couple of weeks and then have a solid week where you use the extra calories?

Take care of yourself!

Donkey on 01/14/2009:
Something is bothering you. Eating won't solve it. Is school stressful or are you putting undue & excess stress on yourself? Think about that very carefully. I think you expect too much out of yourself.

panda22 on 01/14/2009:
Sorry to hear you are so down HOP =( I hope that you are able to get through the feelings and figure out what it is deep down that is causing the binges, and then maybe start to work on that. Sounds like a main cause of it is stress. THere's no such thing as an "easy" life, school is one of the hardest things to get through! Don't sell yourself short, you put in a LOT of effort every day to do things that will help you succeed in life, and that takes a lot out of you! I hope things get better, you are an AWESOME person! STAY STRONG!

mama_nurse on 01/14/2009:
Read the quote in the box towards the bottom of my today's entry~that's so perfect for you to see and believe right now. Sorry that you've had a tough few days, but just know that you can and will get through this! I'm proud of you for sticking to dd through these rough times and journaling what you are going through instead of throwing in the towel~just know we all support you and want to see you succeed! You are doing great and tomorrow is a new day! Stay positive! Also thanks for your comment~ :) What are you going to school for?

Maria* on 01/15/2009:
I love you!

thinnside40 on 01/15/2009:
Hoping that your Thursday is a great successful day......XOXOXOXO

greengirl on 01/15/2009:
Hi HoP, being a student is a stressful business but you are a bright young woman , and you know that you can cope with this. In another week your tests will be in the past and you can get on with the rest of your life. Dont let this stressful period make you turn to comfort eating. You will only regret it. Stay strong, sweetie !

hopinforachange on 01/15/2009:
Keep your chin up. It will get better. Hope today is a better day for you. Hang in thre. :)

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jan 13, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

i cannot sleep and doubt i'll be going to yoga on Wednesday. none of this is good.

BINGE: partially not sure why but it doesn't matter. 4 servings chips 600: , 2 servings crackers: 260, ice cream: 240

total: 2680.  i might have more. cookies...3800...pint of ice cream...4800...i feel really, really sick.


BREAKFAST: large snickers marathon bar. i wanted something bigger since i was going to be on my feet most of the day. 300

SNACK: cellnique 85

LUNCH: hot pretzel, mustard, ketchup, decaf coffee...around 420

SNACK: balance bar (which i bought bc it doesn't have fiber because i'm sick of being bloated during yoga!)

dinner: BIG. big grapefruit 120, lean cuisine 230, cucumbers 60, 2 rice cakes 80, yogurt 90. total: 580 which is just fine.

total: around 1580. happy with this. active day at school/work and then yoga. yoga wasn't that great especially my performance at the start of class. but it WAS necessary i went. i want to treat my yoga practice like brushing teeth - a necessary everyday activity.


Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

mama_nurse on 01/13/2009:
Tomorrow is a new day:) Good luck, keep up the good work

thinnside40 on 01/13/2009:
Oh sweetie!...No words said will make you feel better I know.... Just know that you are continually in my thoughts and prayers...WE all struggle with whatever troubles there are lurking and deal with them differently......

Better days ahead!

WI3 on 01/13/2009:
HANG IN THERE!!! Only a little bit further to go....

loveray on 01/13/2009:
oh no, im sorry for the bingey ness, but you prob didnt even make a dent with all that yoga. most important: let whatever come up that may come up for you about why that happened and work through it- back on track with eating tomorrow!! xoxo

selina on 01/13/2009:
hang in the HoP, tomorrow will be better. Warm hugs to you!

selina on 01/13/2009:
i mean, hang in there!

panda22 on 01/14/2009:
***HUGS*** sorry you had a rough time last night...Just know that today is another day, and you can get right back on track! You can do it HOP! Stay strong!

I have the same problem with binging and it's a huge battle in my life as well. It sucks because there really is no cure for it, but keep fighting! We are all here for you!!

skinnyjeans on 01/14/2009:
Today is a new day! You've been doing great lately, I'm sure you can get right back on track. :)

Maria* on 01/14/2009:
Hope that you're feeling better today.

mcwoo40 on 01/14/2009:
Stay strong HOP,i felt like jackin it all in yesterday i just had that urge to binge.What i did was to boil the kettle and have a hot blackcurrant and it seemed to do the trick.Hope you have a healthy day,Julie

horn_of_plenty - Monday Jan 12, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

if i keep this up, i BETTER see a loss! soon, i'm going to not believe the calories on these cellnique drinks...as well as a few other packaged foods. because i really should have lost weight by now...but i also am not doing cardio, only hot yoga. so, well see...and we'll see if i have to change up my routine. however, i'm not giving up or changing anything yet.  because i know i burn a lot in yoga and the weight is just "weighting" to come off!

wow! i was CRAVING central today. whew. glad most of the day is done.  and such BORING stuff today in class so it was hard to remain focussed and ignore the signals of my body all day.  i felt like i was going through a detox from all the mounds of food i was eating all weekend.  not a lot of calories, but lots of actual food consumed despite. so today was a break for my body but not my mind!

breakfast later at school 8am: apple, protein/green drink: 170

10am snack: drink 90

noon lunch light: soy chips, coffee w. lot of milk 290  i think the coffee left me shakey. so, i guess i need to watch caffeine when i eat so light. didn't realize the chips wouldn't just soak it up.

4pm SNACK: SO HUNGRY. marathon bar w. lots of protein/fiber 290

dinner 7:30pm: microwavable meal, 100 cal worth of veggies. total: 450 which is good. blah...and 2 mini apricots 50

total: 1350 yay! except for the part about still not really losing anything! i think i have gained muscle from my yoga practice. i can feel it! :)

so much love right  now.

yoga today for sure.

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 01/12/2009:
Great Job.... Positive thinking too!!!!!!

panda22 on 01/12/2009:
Awesome job! Do you eat the Snicker's marathon bars?? I eat those, and I was just wondering since that's the only kind I've heard of lol

Have a great evening!

thinnside40 on 01/12/2009:
I hope some of that love is for yourself too...... Have a good night's sleep, so you can have a good day tomorrow!

Maria* on 01/12/2009:
SPECTACULAR!!! You did extra good on the cals! (but I didn't...)

Sometimes caffeine can surely make a person jittery!!!

Hope you have a wonderful evening! Love, Maria

Justine6Robert3 on 01/12/2009:
Amazing job keeping your calories in check.....and avoiding those cravings! I have no idea what a "cellnique" drink is, I'll have to look that one up. Keep it up HOP, your doing fantastic! I'm sure your body will respond soon with some weight loss :0)

WI3 on 01/12/2009:

glad to see you going strong. I can't drink a lot of caffeine if I eat light, does the same thing! Keep up the great work!

loveray on 01/13/2009:
gaining muscle can be frustrating, but think about what wonders you are doing for your body...this is true self love! if you can see how much health you are adding and how much sickness you are taking away the pounds and sizes start to not matter as much. i love you and wish you all the best, always. oh yes- silence is my only tool in working through the need to binge...meditation every day i have found, is not a choice for me- it's a necessity. xo

mcwoo40 on 01/13/2009:
Hiya,I'm glad you enjoy reading my entries.Where i come from we say 'tea'and around London they normally say 'Dinner'.I would say dinner/lunch for my meal @ 12ish.Anyway you have a healthy day,Julie

skinnyjeans on 01/13/2009:
Just stick to your plan and the weight WILL come off! :) You did fantastic yesterday.

Maria* on 01/13/2009:
Hope you're having a nice day!

petaldew on 01/13/2009:
Keep up the good work!

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jan 11, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

MONDAY MORNING QUICK EDIT: well, well. i weigh myself fully intending to see 135...but NO! it's still high up there around 137-138! what's up with that!?? i ate dinner EARLY and weighed on an empty stomach (although i do have some waste in my system still.) darn. i know the lower numbers will come, so i'm not worried...just antsy for them to come already!



what i learned about sunday mornings: get my ass to the gym or yoga no matter how bad i feel. don't eat a big breakfast which prevents me from going to the gym.

i weiged myself in clothing and thought it would be below 135. but not so much - scale said 137. eesh. i'm not upset and i hope to have a big loss by Friday.

feeling sooo snacky today. probably because of all the yoga yesterday.

breakfast: bran crackers eaten like cereal, milk: 230, tea

Snack: huge grapefruit, cellnique 220

lunch: canned salmon w. bbq sauce, a redpepper.  yogurt after 240

binge right after lunch: 5 slices cinnamon rasin bread 440

 snack at grandma's: 2 red peppers: 80

dinner: large more than a pint serving of sauteed collard greens (i think around 230?)that i bought the other day from a health food store with fried tofu (i know this was 200, package said so)...and, naughty me, a low carb energy drink 20 bc i gave into temptation on the way home. total: around 450 but i could be off on the sauteed greens. i hope not!

total cal today: amazingly 1660 approx. calories. i didn't give in at the end and this is a pretty good amount if i say so myself. of course, i'm really unsure on the sauteed greens i had at dinner (HUGE portion) but at least it was healthy.

i am just happy i didn't ruin the day. boy would that be unfortunate.  i cannot ruin it this time around. this is my last shot before the spring, before my friend's wedding, and for me.  i MUST lose weight this time. meaning, by the end of this month, I BETTER be below 130.  i must do it for myself. i will not live in this fat body ANY LONGER. i will NOT!

Progress as of today: -12 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

hopinforachange on 01/11/2009:
Have a good day today. Don't worry you will see that big loss that you want!

grumpy on 01/11/2009:
Can't you get out of the house and go do something? Even just a walk in the mall would help!

Maria* on 01/11/2009:
I think that is very wise to plan a few extra calories in your budget for the day, that way you don't feel defeated like you really overdid it and it will help you not OVERDO it.

Hope you have a wonderful visit with your GM...please give her a hug for me.

thinnside40 on 01/11/2009:
Have fun with your g'ma...

mama_nurse on 01/11/2009:
good job on today's cals

mama_nurse on 01/11/2009:
you've been here 3 yrs?? wow, thats awesome! i hope to say that someday. what was your highest weight? 137?

selina on 01/12/2009:
I love those collard greens, they are so good for you, too! I'm so happy to see that you are eating healthy snacks when you go see grandma, nowadays. I bet it makes a huge difference! Have a great, successful day, HoP!

loveray on 01/12/2009:
try not to be so hard on yourself!! you are making the effort and the loss will come- right now, try to feel into the body and think how much more vital and happy you feel without eating all of the trigger foods! i hope these thoughts satiate you until you can see the # on the scale. love to you

grumpy on 01/12/2009:
They will come, hang in there. and keep going to bikram yoga~ xo

Maria* on 01/12/2009:
Might be muscle causing the scale to be up (or sodium)...both will do it!!! Don't get discouraged.

skinnyjeans on 01/12/2009:
Great calories for the day...you are doing very well! And keep up all the yoga! You must be very flexible! Haha. :)

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