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horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jul 24, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

1990 calories. crappy.

total July exercise:30 hrs, 20 min.

today's exercise 2.5 hours (10 bike, 50 elliptical, 90 yoga.)

i'm doing ok. tomorrow i have an interview, for something i really don't want...that sounds promising, huh!?

haha. goodnight.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

gerri on 07/24/2007:
i would bet money that if you measured yourself instead of weighing you will have lost inches .. you can't be doing all that excerise and not be building muscle and everyone knows muscle weighs more then fat ... keep it up ...it seems to come easier to you then most , i think if you focus on the excercise your doing youll have more positive thoughts ....

Donkey on 07/25/2007:
Let us know how the interview went!

horn_of_plenty - Monday Jul 23, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

total cal: 1520. good.

total july exercise: 27hrs, 50 min...i'm getting closer...

total exercise today: 170 min or 2 hours and 50 min! (90yoga, 50elliptical, 30weights) I will count yoga as 90 for the rest of the month in my efforts to reach 50 exercise hours. usually i just count it as 60, but the class really is 90 min long.

Life ISN'T good. I'm so busy...and i'm not even working!

Today i caught up on some phone calls, bills, went to the bank. Practiced my instrument, worked out, went to the library to find books for my term paper and came home, ate, and now it's 10:16. I'm going to practice more now. Probably for about an hour. Then, probably bed.

From all my worrying last week, my skin isn't good. I tend to get really patchy, dry skin around my forehead when i'm nervous and my face actually has a few blemishes! arg! I thought those were gone for good!

Tomorrow, I have practicing to do...and a rehearsal. I also have to prepare for an interview on Wednesday. I would also have to do the paper, but it has to be approved first! So, now I get to sit back and wait till the professor emails me back! I guess that's a good thing. I also want to be able to exercise as well as do yoga.

Wednesday I might be able to start my paper which i need to do so that if and when i get a job, the paper will be done. I definitely need to practice more...and i have an interview in a school district about an hour away. The job is sorta what i'm looking for...but it's a leave position and only for 4 months. I have my fingers crossed that a better opportunity will come my way....especially after all of this work that i'm doing!

i also need to buy dvds so that i can put my final exam for my other class on them. the final is a videotape of myself conducting music that adds up to about 90 minutes worth. NOT EASY. It took all weekend. Saturday and Sunday. I wrote that I exercised yesterday, but, in fact i didn't.

i'm getting really frustrated because it's summer and i have no life.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

legcramps on 07/24/2007:
That's one of the things I hate about summer. It's so warm and all you want to do is enjoy the weather, but summer has to be the busiest time of year for me!

You need to relax, girl. I hope things get better for you but until then, just take it one day at a time.

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jul 22, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

I am making a conceived effort to eat better and exercise more.

total cal: 1950

total exercise: 0 min. (i'm getting back on track tomorrow, for sure! :))

despite my almost 3000 calorie binge yesterday, i had a large lunch today as well. this just demonstrates how I must finish this conducting videotape ASAP so that i don't have to feel stressed for an ongoing number of days. i am really trying to rid myself of binge behavior, even though i've been totally unsuccessful these past two days.

breakfast calories = 380

Lunch calories = 1100 in one sitting yikes.

I want to be at about 1900 for today's total...ok, back to work...

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

GG on 07/23/2007:
You already eat great & exercise a lot: but continue making an effort! haha! How is everything going!? Long time no talk!! You can vent to me about your "hang-ups" haha!

Donkey on 07/23/2007:
You know, I kind of look at it like this: If I'm having a particularly difficult time getting through something that is just temporary, I don't beat myself up for eating more (bingeing) as it serves no other purpose other than to bring me further down. It is not healing to do that. And what you need in times of heavy stress is a lot of healing, fortification, and nurturing. So it won't always have to be like this for you. This is temporary. It is not who you are.

And believe me, once you are gainfully employed and living on your own, things will improve for you so much, as you will have control over what is in the home and what you do with your time, food, and space.

BTW, my cousin received his bachelor's degree last year to teach band in grade school (up to before high school level). He looked for a teaching job - even part-time for a whole year. He recently got a job doing some kind of computer stuff, second shift. So his job has nothing to do with his formal education. The job has allowed him to get out of his parents' house (my aunt who is the b****) and get a condo of his own. Last I saw him, he said he hasn't practiced his instruments in quite a while.

My point is, get through this class, get through to your degree, and then see what comes along, music or otherwise.

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Jul 21, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

total exercise: 25 hours. I'm halfway to my goal. I will definitely have 50 by the end of July.

today's exercise: 71 min (bike, yoga)

today's calories:2785

I want when I turn 25 in September to be like a milestone: NO MORE binging and a bigger effort to get athletically fit. I know its possible, binging is just a waste of time. there will always be stressors and i will begin to develop new ways to deal with them...even though today was BAD, it doesn't mean it always needs to be like that. I am going to make bigger efforts to achieve my desires. If i wait any longer, I'll still be saying this as I turn 30. Not a way to live...I can't! :) I'm really, really going to work on it. I need to change habits which DON'T help me rise to a higher standard of emotional living, a better place, a better state of mind. This is what I WANT. A boyfriend would be great too...but i presume that will come after i achieve my own goals? maybe? I really don't know. but, this is a start. the binge didn't even make me feel sick today...just full. it was mostly on really calorie dense foods: a whole large bag of potato chips, cookies, yogurts, candy. stuff like that. so, if i can just see past the necessity for food to give me a high so i can complete assignments and move on....well, then that would be a new beginning for me. today i am making a tape of myself conducting all the pieces of music...it's the final for this class....so, it's quite a big deal. that's definitely without a doubt what caused my eating to go into disarray.


haha. calories so far: 2785. yep. i thought i would never binge again after this class ended...but, of course, my emotions took over. i am going to work on this though. I'm not gonna give up.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

maria777 on 07/21/2007:
We have all done that...so just get back on track and you'll do fine!

horn_of_plenty - Friday Jul 20, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

total exercise hours: 23 hrs, 49 min.

Late Friday night: today went well. class is over. this week is over. i survived! i'm happy. it's time to work on a term paper for another class (we were given a deadline of labor day to have the paper in, haha.) I hope to finish it in one or two weeks.

total friday exercise: 15 min bike ride. haha. friday calories: 1400...at least that's pretty awesome.

I have an exercise goal of 50 hours this month...haha, i've got a lot more to go! I have to do about 2.5 hours of exercise per day in order to reach my goal. Yoga is one hour and i will do it everyday. What else can i do...maybe i will consider going to yoga 2x a day(i have a pass that is unlimited so it doesn't change the price). yeah, well, my goal is 2.5 hours and i will reach it.

this week was actually pretty good while i was taking this stressful class, considering i could have done no exercise!

next week: yoga everyday. weights 3x a week. cardio everyday.

yuck. tomorrow i will tape record myself doing all the pieces (an assignment for this class that just ended.) It will take about 2 hours. hmmm. maybe less?

then, i will go to the library...and figure out what composer i am doing a term paper on for my other class which ended a long time ago but the term paper is still due before labor day.

i should really practice the horn - a lot. i sound really bad. i hardly played all week because of the class.

ahh, and i want to pick up a free pair of underwear at victoria's secret...since i have a coupon for that...but, i don't think i want to do all the things i mentioned in one day. i'm tired now. time for bed.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Friday Jul 20, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

Friday: I'm hoping today is a better day in class. Yesterday went terribly and I embarassed myself. I wish i didn't have to conduct the band again today. today will be the most difficult, because the professor is not allowed to stop us and we have to try to get the band to follow us till the end. If the music falls apart, it'll be embarassing. i'm not good at it and who likes to be put on the spot in front of everyone when they suck at things? oh well. no turning back.

Before i started conducting yesterday, someone asked me if i'm still working in the same district. i said "no" because the teacher who i'd been filling in for was coming back. then, the person who asked me said she thought she'd be teaching elementary band in that district next year. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. it's not the same school i was in. It's a position that is not advertised and it's because another teacher has decided to move upstate. the high school band director had told this girl about the job. so, then the girl says to me "i almost have the job!" i immediately got upset and pissed off. so, i just said "well, that's a great place to work if you get the job." even though that's what i said, for the rest of the night i was a COMPLETE MESS. I did a great job where i worked last year...nothing to be embarassed or upset over at all. but, this girl just drove home the fact that i don't have a job and the fact that i'm not so good at this conducting thing (although it's way beyond the level of music that is done at the elementary/middle school levels...so even if i stink at it, it doesn't mean i couldn't do well teaching elementary.) Not having a job and being amongst so many colleagues that do...i was not having a good night to start...on one hour of sleep because i couldn't sleep and was preparing for class. It makes me never want to do anything with music ever. I was very emotional outside of class during the break. then, a friend of mine tries to comfort me and goes to give me a kiss...and he's married with a daughter! wtf!? so i told as we walked in that i forgave him for all of that...don't worry, i didn't kiss him...and i forgave him because he's a generally nice, helpful, friendly guy. some people make bad choices...he got married basically because his gf was pregnant. who knows how he feels about all of it. he's still young and not everyone makes great decisions. this week has been a terrible whirlwind and i want it to end, i want it to end so bad. and i don't want to miserably do so poorly again tonight. there are so many people there that are watching me and their perceptions are how i will be considered and very lasting. it's my last class...last time i'll be at this university and i have to say, i didn't leave in the most positive, shining, successful way that i would have liked to, i'll tell you that.

Thursday: Calories = 1740, exercise = none.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 07/20/2007:
Whoa! What an emotional time you have had this summer! You are feeling all those emotions and are really doing a great job dealing with them! GEEZ on some of the things that happen, huh?

jon'smom on 07/20/2007:
What a day you had! I hope you have a great weekend! You deserve it!!!

Donkey on 07/20/2007:
Oh my. Oh dear. It must be tremendously stressful to be around people in such a competitive field, where people really like to rub it in that they have found employment. If it's any consolation, I think your response was dignified and graceful.

Perhaps your male friend was just trying to give you a consolation kiss a la "peck on the cheek"? Or am I reading this entirely wrong and he was actually trying to give you a KISS (like you see on the soaps)?

Try to keep in mind that how we think people perceive us and how they actually DO perceive can be very very different. Try to put out of your mind how you think they are seeing your performance, and concentrate on the performance itself. I know it's not easy to do, especially when it's something that's not your "forte". But you must if you are to come out of this with your sanity and self esteem in tact.

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Jul 18, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

Thursday edit: BIG BREAKFAST BINGE after being up all night and getting one hour of sleep...1210 calories for breakfast! arg.

....in a few days.....exercise GALORE.

well, kinda exercise galore. i still have a research paper to write and a french horn to practice...but i sound like crap and i have a group that i will be playing with...ehhh. maybe i'll start the research paper next week, instead of this week. eh, maybe i'll do both...we'll see.

yay. the class i'm taking is MORE than halfway done. yay. yay. yay!

total calories today: 1470. wahoo.

exercise: 35 min treadmill!

comments to all of you will start on Saturday!

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 07/19/2007:
Why did you only sleep one hour?

weightlossyoyo on 07/19/2007:
Great on the calories and the exercise! 1 hour of sleep gezz you did better than me. I would have skipped the exercise and ate like crazy.

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jul 17, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

wednesday morning edit: in an attempt to curb my recent morning splurges for breakfast, i decided to eat a large volume of really fiberous food that would add up to a smaller amount of calories than the past couple days in terms of breakfast foods. so, breakfast was 2 cups of fiber one, one cup of light soymilk, and a packet of blueberry oatmeal. total calories = 470. much better. now, i should really get on to doing work...

late evening edit: this week i've been taking a class...sorry for the lack of comments on your diaries...

total exercise today: 30 min.

total calories: 1520.

Breakfast = 950 calories.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 07/17/2007:
Hi there. Just checking in.

Donkey on 07/17/2007:
Oh girlfriend, are you OK? How was class? Thinking of you today...

greengirl on 07/17/2007:
Seems like you have been busy, busy, busy again HoP. Make sure to take time out for looking after yourself. Keep strong :o)

lafemme_loca on 07/18/2007:
FiberOne rocks !!! :-) I keep a bag in the car for emergency hunger pangs... I hope your days get less hectic ! :-)

horn_of_plenty - Monday Jul 16, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

edit: total calories for today: 1520 hmmm. not bad. should have done it a healthier way, without a big binge, though!

breakfast 350 cal, AM binge: 960, total so far (10am) = 1310 calories.

exercise minutes: 54 treadmill.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

legcramps on 07/16/2007:
I think i'm going to steal your idea and start adding up my workout minutes for each month. Maybe for each week too. It's kind of neat to see how much you've done in a month.

I'm terrible with vegetables, but I have a pretty good excuse, really! In small amounts, it's okay, but when I start eating more than a serving a day it seriously makes me sick! One way or another, I usually end up not being able to do any exercising for the rest of the day because i'm in too much pain!

See - excuses for everything...

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jul 15, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 113.2

exercise: 40min walk

total July exercise: To be updated...

total calories: 1,000.

Goodnight. this is going to be a whirlwind of a week.

Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!

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