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horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 11, 2008

Weight: 135.0

as i stuff myself with cake and chocolate...

So, tomorrow I'm turning over a new leaf. I have promised myself that from Monday until the end of school I'm going to diet - and diet strictly.

I am a VERY all or nothing kind of girl. I ALWAYS have been. I need to be in something 100% or I don't feel like I'm doing it right. This can be a really bad trait at times. But, I must try to use this totally to my advantage right now.

The only thing I do not want is that after I lose to weight, I completely go in the other direction and gain it all back. So, during the summer I'll have to develop healthy eating habits. I am going to try that now, but I am honestly most concerned with calories right now.

I'm a bit scared, especially after eating too much sugar at one time both today and yesterday because i'm going to feel those effects tomorrow. But, I need to start and I have very little stress for these upcoming weeks. really no stress.

The Plan for this week:

Breakfast: cereal, fruit, milk. 200-250

snack: marathon bar? 150

snack: pineapple cottage cheese and an apple 250

dinner: salad, tuna wrap or tuna and rice and bbq sauce. 400 approx.

snack after yoga: yogurt and fruit or the drink they sell there (I forgot what it's called). 200

total: 1200-1250

basically, I can do it if I stick to my goal. If I want it bad enough. If i think i'm WORTH it enough.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

maria777 on 05/11/2008:

thinnsidenotout on 05/11/2008:
We are ALL worth it, just have to believe it EVERY DAY in order to make this successful...Take that 100% credit for the success, instead of feeling the 100% guilt for failure.....

Tell yourself to your face in the mirror every morning...I am 100% worth every effort I put into myself, in order to make myself "THE BEST ME" I can be....

Best of luck H_O_P!

selina on 05/12/2008:
your plan for the week sounds great. stick to it and no looking back!

legcramps on 05/12/2008:
You know what my problem is??? It's being all gung-ho about starting something and then hardly EVER being able to actually finish it / losing interest / blah blah blah. I HATE that about myself!

You ARE worth it! Don't you dare ever think that you're not! :)

horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 11, 2008

Weight: 135.0

Breakfast: 400 fruit, cereal, milk.

lunch: powerbar 150

snack: mcdonalds southwestern chicken salad 350

snack: gum, large apple, tea: 200

dinner: huge with WAY too much desert. tomorrow is going to be difficult but i'm ready to start this weightloss process.

I've got my two finals today :) I will be EXTREMELY relieved when they are finished. It's been a long, drawn out semester of about 12 Sunday classes that last 6 hours. I'm glad to have my Sundays, and more importantly, everyday back from studying. In September studying will be my job, but right now I have some time to prepare myself for the exciting expectations ahead.

I know I'll get out early from exams today. I plan to get some clothes for my grandmother. Mainly things like light cardigans and other clothes that can be worn during summer but still keep her warm.

Happy Mother's Day :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 05/11/2008:
Hey girl, good look on your finals! xoxo.

maria777 on 05/11/2008:
Have fun with your grandmother! So sweet of you to get her clothes!

thinnsidenotout on 05/11/2008:
Sounds like a wonderful day to me....G'mas are just as special as moms are!!!!

Hoping that your week ahead is a success for you....

rlovell on 05/11/2008:
thank you, HOP. i am so proud of your efforts to give back to everyone else here when you have so much going on with finals and everything. i wish you all the success and happiness you deserve! lets both go get pedicures this week...;)

horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 10, 2008

Weight: 135.0

**shoot. I binged tonight while attempting to study for the last time. oh well. the course is finished in the morning and I will be on my way towards weightloss.** (I ended up having 5700 cal.)

i went a smidge overboard on desert (peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some crackers)lol.

total calories today are actually 2650. fine by me. test tomorrow.

breakfast: a bit much, but good. cereal, milk, strawberries 300

snack: yogurt with sugar free jelly, apple: 240

lunch: microwave meal, crackers. 350

snack: too many cookies but ok. 350

snack: apple, diet green tea from nestea (i shouldn't buy it and i don't even like this flavor/brand...but i was tempted!) 80

extra snack: marathon powerbar 150

dinner: veggies and boca microwave lasagna 350-400 depending.

1920-1970 depending.

exercise: easy walk, 30 min.

all in all a good day.

good morning everyone. It's a nice day, I'd rather be exercising, but I am finishing up studying today - before my finals tomorrow morning. After tomorrow, my plans include a FAST initial weightloss with dedication to my goal until the end of the school year, followed by emphasis in maintaining my goals throughout the summer so that I can enter my Radiography program in September feeling the best I can. For two years, I'll be in school and I need to keep my fitness at a higher level so that when I finally enter the workforce I have the stamina for this somewhat physically demanding job, I feel good, and so that I would be most desirable to any employer!!!

I know weightloss shouldn't be approached whimsically or rushed. But, other than work, I have no huge engagements for the rest of this year, although it may include a job interview for summer. yuck. But i'm not worried whatsoever.

Goals for the next 6-7 weeks: exercise daily even if I am tired. Give it my all for this period of time. Reintroduce body to yoga and stick with it although I'm not happy about how I appear in yoga clothes in the mirror right now! Calories 1200-1500 per day. I think I'm ready to just accept the fact that if I want to loose a lot, I have to eat less. The pressure of life in general is off. I will have no anxiety about tests so I can just eat less and not have to worry about performance issues on tests and "needing enough energy" to study.

Has anyone ever felt like that? Many times, I feel the need to binge more so due to anxiety than anything else when I study. Since I will NOT be studying, I think major binge issues will be put to rest for the time being. I know so, in fact. It is a goal of mine to exit this school year the same way I came in, 115 pounds. I will be SUPER excited if I meet this goal. SUPER excited. If i don't, but I am close, I will be happy too.

I have 7 weeks until the absolute last day of school. 2 lbs a week would be about 14 lbs. I will NOT weight myself until the last day of school. There's nothing I can do other than stick to my goals to reach them. Weighing will not change anything. I want it to be a surprise. I will continue to keep doing yoga all summer and through the fall.

I am rambling, I know.

In the fall, I will ONLY go to school for at least the first semester and not work. School is from 8-4pm. Weekends will be free and I will try to emphasize the need to continue with yoga on those days. What else can I say except that I am ready to leave teaching and refocus on a new leaf, a new choice for life.

I'm ready. Who knows what I weigh now or until I end school. I am excited...let these tests pass tomorrow. The best is yet to come. My birthday is in September and 26 is going to be a great year! (and so will be this portion of being 25 yrs old!)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mcwoo40 on 05/10/2008:
Hiya,have yourself a great weekend,Julie

thinnsidenotout on 05/10/2008:
Your 26 is going to be a great year...My 40 is going to be a great one too..Or at least the last 1/2 after I get most of this weight off....

Your goals sound wonderful and I REALLY am looking forward to seeing you achieve them...

maria777 on 05/10/2008:
Wow...sounds like you've got some busy plans! Good on getting the schooling done. Hope you have a wonderful day!

greengirl on 05/10/2008:
HoP its good to hear you being so positive about the future. Have a great weekend sweetie, and thanks for your continuing support for me (and everyone else too !!)

selina on 05/10/2008:
wow! i like what i hear. go for it! have a great weekend!

rlovell on 05/10/2008:
yum those pineapple thingies sound good...i might have to stock up for this week! hope you are well and thanks for the words...today has been really difficult for me and i am not sure why!! still able to keep control of the food, but my emotions are WHACK. xoxo

shadetree on 05/11/2008:
Good luck on your final today! You'll do fine! And I hope you get that sense of relief that I always got when I was done with exams...Always a great feeling. Have a good day!

horn_of_plenty - Friday May 09, 2008

Weight: 135.0

yesterday i ended up having an apple at night, but still good calories.

early breakfast: cereal, strawberries, milk: 200

later breakfast: roll with peanut butter and milk: 410

snack: pineapple cottage cheese: 110

snack: pineapple cottage cheese and fruit, diet coke: 200

while shopping: low cal soda 20

snack after school: cereal/milk...later veggies and dressing:310

dinner: salad/dressing, tuna and bbq sauce, apple: 320

total: 1570 very good day, no exercise, kinda tired and i don't want to overdo it and not enjoy the weekend...some mints later on.

I am home from work, 3:41pm. I'm not hungry. I may go out to the store and to blockbuster. I don't have an urgancy to go to the gym - but if i skip it, that's not good either. We'll see. haha, i'm just thinking as I type.

funny story: I entered the office to assist the reading teacher and all of a sudden I saw something fluttery and I looked again and there was a large looking gray bird ready to attack me! I screamed and got to the floor...only problem was, she had no idea what was going on! The reading teacher didn't realize there had been a bird in her office until I entered and it started flying! haha. It was pretty funny! We had to call the custodians to get it out!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 05/09/2008:
thanks girl! i put a little fat free mayo, very watered down with capers, red onions and lots of celery, it tastes really good. i need to hold myself back, i am tending to eat a little too much lately...

mmuraro on 05/09/2008:
hahahaha that story is hysterical! the teacher must have thought you were crazy!

greengirl on 05/09/2008:
Hey HoP, I'm back following a prolonged episode of backsliding but its good to see that you are still here . Ive missed a lot but will try and catch up with how things are with you tonight. I can see ive got a lot of reading to do.

greengirl on 05/09/2008:
HoP Ive read your diary back to when you came back in April and I'm sorry you have been struggling again but I know you will find your way. Take it one day at a time , sweetheart, and do whats best for YOU.

thinnsidenotout on 05/09/2008:
Hit the deck!.... Too funny..

Hope your evening fairs out well and your weekend is wonderful!

rlovell on 05/09/2008:
you are doing so well! much progress to be proud of in one week! i want to know what pineapple cottage cheese is too...xoxo

shadetree on 05/10/2008:
I was watching 'Cash Cab' the other night, and the answer to one of the questions was bikram yoga. I shouted it out, and my husband ust stared at me..."how do you know THAT?" - and I very quickly answered "My friend HoP!"...Hope you have a great weekend!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 08, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I haven't weighed myself, but i'm putting it at 135. I'll start weighing myself in about a week from now. I don't want so much disappointment by weighing right now- not until after my test is done Sunday! :) My goal is large, but I want to be below 120 when school gets out, June 27. It's about 1.5 months. I will only be working in the summer, but not taking any classes, and I plan to be outside and having fun...and shaping my body! :) And, getting back into yoga with my YEARLY unlimited that I haven't used much since I bought it. I'll make up for that. :)

breakfast: hamburger roll and 2 tb peanut butter, skim milk 450.

snack: pineapple cottage cheese: 120

lunch: pineapple cottage cheese, iced coffee: 200

snack: cereal: 280

snack: tomatoes and asian spray dressing: 80

dinner: tuna with bbq sauce, veggies, rice, clementine, diet soda.

total : 1550 good day.

exercise: 4 mi walk. great exercise! :)

work went well, i stopped by Dunkin Donuts with a coworker and we enjoyed our coffees (and she had a yogurt and i had my cottage cheese haha). we had a slightly extended lunch and enjoyed each other's company! :)

rlovell on 05/08/2008:
YAY! enjoy your time with others. nice day so far! xoxo

maria777 on 05/08/2008:
I like your menu. Glad to hear you've had a good day. Big smile to you!

thinnsidenotout on 05/08/2008:
Lookin' good!....Keep it up!

maria777 on 05/09/2008:
Your 4 miles walk looks REAL GOOD, too! Hope you're having a real nice day!

mmuraro on 05/09/2008:
thats awesome that you have a yearly pass for bikram yoga! use it, girl! congrats on weighting in and such. nice menu too. xo.

glycrina on 05/09/2008:
Is it just me or has Yoga become harder? LOL! Once I started Yoga, i felt like it was impossible to give up! BTW, Tuna with bbq sauce is fantastic idea!! I think I may go get me some today. Thanks!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 07, 2008

Weight: 135.0

5-6000 calories.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 06, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I love you all for not just leaving me in the dust despite my inablity to maintain a healthy attitude for more than a day at a time.

Sunday is my last class and I agree that I should start RIGHT now being healthy. I should NOT binge all the way until I take the test. It is not necessary. The next two years, I'll be taking tests upon tests and then job interviews. Oh, and I just realized, the one program I have decided to go to does in fact accept a majority of candidates that are young like myself and in FABULOUS physical shape. I actually remember that quite well from when i interviewed there and also was taken around to observe by some current students. It would be frustrating to enter the program first day in September on a sour, depressed note. I do have a goal to change my attitude and current strategies of dealing with pain, negativity by then. I want to feel my best because this is a new door opening for me. Why would I want the door to close in my face because of my own self destruction.

I would equate my current eating/food/intake patterns to the lifestyle of a drug addict. I'm very serious. I'll do anything to get a "fix." I'll search the cabinets and closets in my house dry. I will find every last treat. Every morsel of anything that tastes good. It's getting very old. I really am an addict and although the feeling of being too full to even sleep is not a good one, my body practicially craves it. I focus on that miserable feeling, but it still blocks out other sad emotional thoughts.

I am just being honest in this entry. I am not very upset right now.

calories around 5,000.

no exercise.


I have a goal weight. It is not even questionable that it is a healthy one for me. I actually maintained between 110-115 for a least a period of 3 years. I am not weighing now to determine my current weight which is prob around 135.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 05/06/2008:
Maybe you should weigh.....Just to see for the "reality" factor.....I may be wrong, but you know how good you felt at that 110-115 and how rotten you feel @ the fact of allowing yourself be that "135ish".... I know how good I felt at the 150-155 mark, but kaboshed that is self-destruction modes...I so look forward to feeling "THAT GOOD" again someday, both physically and mentally....

Have a good one H~O~P {*;*}

rlovell on 05/06/2008:
HOPPPPPP~ Hi hop. I am so proud of your honesty even when it sounds nasty to you to say it out loud! I know the feeling of just being taken over by food. It is a SERIOUS addiction and unfortunately it is the only addiction in which we cannot be totally abstinent: AKA, we have to eat to live! I am not sure what else to tell you must to breathe, learn what you are covering by eating and your triggers. If this means you can only eat out with someone portioning food for you for awhile, then do it! Dont keep anything in the house until you have maintained a healthy relationship with what you bring in. Food is a source of pleasure and of sustinence- and I have for so many years had such a negative relationship with it that it saddens me very much. Try to change one small behavior...like dont keep any food there this weekend and stay home. See what happens- a lot of emotions may start to bubble and maybe you can start the process. I love and am thinking of you! R

WI3 on 05/07/2008:
Your frustration is from my lips to God's ear. Hanging in there right with you! Take good care of yourself **hug**

legcramps on 05/07/2008:
Are you giving yourself enough time to actually relax each day??? Sometimes, being so busy and stressed out will make you even more *hungry*. Just a thought. Take care of yourself!!

horn_of_plenty - Monday May 05, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I am still having a difficult time with binging.

I binged big time...i'm laughing because i know better...sorry to disappoint but i did know this was going to probably be a stressful week. It turns out I didn't get into my top choice for school next year. But, I do know where I'll be going. I was planning on going to school each afternoon to study for my final, but now that I didn't get into the college that I'm taking this class at right now, I have decided that the rest of the week will be spent exercising and not studying as much as I originally thought I had to. My average is already an A and I don't have to be perfect on the last two tests.

Basically, I'm not sure why I thought I needed to actually go to the school to study. I'll just do my best from home. I'm done with this school and I will not be taking a summer course there (because I didn't get into their program so I don't need the course).

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 05/05/2008:
Did you mail the important letters?...Did you go to the post office again?...Did you go to the park? How are your allergies?

Hope your evening is a good one!

shadetree on 05/05/2008:
An A in A&P? That's great! Especially in one of those marathon classes!

mmuraro on 05/05/2008:
Congrats on your grades! Now, I think your first step to control the binging should be taking this seriously, weighting yourself and posting your current weight and writing down your menus. make yourself right down everything you eat right after eating them. that should make you alarmed or at least annoyed and it may work to stop the binging. just a thought. xo.

rlovell on 05/05/2008:
hi hop. i am so sorry you are still in this mode, as i was doing this too for a really long period. prob for about 6 months i didnt leave my house! you are not alone. please write to me if you need direct support. do you live alone? love you chica.

smiley2 on 05/06/2008:
I am sorry to hear you didnt get into the school of your choice. Sometimes things happen for a reason, i do believe that, although the reason might only become apparent later one. Good luck with your studying and still give it your best! Wx

harleygirl79 on 05/06/2008:
You will be fine with the binging? Is it close to that TOM? I know I have an issue around then. Hope it gets better.

horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 04, 2008

Weight: 135.0

before work: mail important letters...after work: post office again haha. I plan on going to the park after work unless my allergies act up then...and i plan on studying really hard! :)


I ended up having an evening snack putting today's cals at: 1930. but it wasn't a binge. so ok!...I CAN do this! yes i can!


Breakfast 1: apple 90

Breakfast 2: Cereal and milk: 180

Lunch: wrap with chicken: 230

Snack: tea 60

Snack: marathon protein bar and drink: 220

Dinner: We had a BBQ. Salad with dressing (60), 2 peppers with dressing (90), BIG piece of chicken (400?), wrap (100), small roasted potato in olive oil (200?) total here: 850 approx.

total: 1630. I think this is a good estimate.

Today was a busy day. My allergies were so bad when I went to pick up the newspaper at the supermarket at 7:30am this morning that I looked as if I were CRYING! I never had that before (and I'm also not taking any allergy medicine because I don't have insurance and don't like the over the counter stuff. I'd rather fight this season out! haha). So, for about 10 mintues my eyes were thrououghly tearing down my cheeks! So odd!

I had a test in my Anatomy and Physiology class today. This class was from 8:40am till 3pm. CRAZY! I couldn't wait for it to end since it's a VERY long class. I have an "A" average which is great. This is the last week of studying and I am SO excited about that. Time to make flashcards! After this week, I will definitely be on here religously and also commenting gallore!

exercise: walked 3 miles.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 05/04/2008:
Sorry about your allergies, they can be really annoying. Your menu looks awesome though. Have you been going to bikram? And thanks for your support, it does feel good. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel so much better now, can't even describe and i think the fact i have been happy, things with the boy have been progressing, etc, it's all a consequence of me doing something good for myself! xo

rlovell on 05/04/2008:
you are doing so well. i am so happy to see you are back in the game! about a month ago, i was waking up every morning not able to see because of allergies...horrible! and even the RX meds make me feel so out of it, tired and crappy. hope the season is over soon. xoxo

thinnsidenotout on 05/04/2008:
Your sizzlin'!..... Glad to see another day gone successful for you as far as eating...Sorry about the allergies though...

Good Week To you..Taking, just one day at a time....

maria777 on 05/05/2008:
Wow, you are doing FANTASTIC!!! Keep up the good work! So happy for you and congratlations on your A average! YAYYYYY!!!! Big smile to you!

horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 03, 2008

Weight: 135.0

breakfast: apple 100

lunch: wrap with grilled chicken (small wrap) 250

snack: 1/2 banana 50

dinner: out to eat for friend's bday: stir fry bok choy, small dumpling/fried shrimp appetizer, little bit coconut sticky rice, seared tuna (large piece) coffee total maybe 900

total 1300

30 min am walk, 40 min pm walk. all in all I consider this a very good day. tomorrow i have a test which i plan on doing very well on. :)

and like Thinn said, today was a good saturday from the time i woke up till the time i went to bed! :) Have a good day ladies.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 05/03/2008:
WhooooHoo!!!!! You go........

Love Ya!

rlovell on 05/04/2008:
look at that! change in behavior. i hope you felt much better physically and mentally from this change. love ya

maria777 on 05/04/2008:
Congratulations to you on your calories and exercise! YAYYYY!!!

Amen on the good Saturday and everyday with the Lord is a GOOD DAY!


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