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horn_of_plenty - Friday May 02, 2008

Weight: 135.0

binged. I can't believe it either.

5,000 cal.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 05/02/2008:
I think nothing less of you for doing so...Just as someone here probably would not think less of me for "going off the deep end" with my healthier eating stability.....

Stability is the core in all that we do if we plan on it lasting...Some are able to have that and others not..... What triggers you?...Stress?...Boredom?...Unhappiness in knowing that you probably will fail, even though you want to not bindge so badly it aches?....

Is this so bad and often enough that maybe you should seek out the advise of your physician? If you are in the weight range of 120-130...I doubt that you really are that "LARGE"...I know you are only 5'2" but, is your perception of a healthy "thin" that of societies guidelines or truly a need? You may have hormonal imbalance (thyroid, etc)...Sometimes things are just sheerly caused by a medical condition...

I don't know how to help you, other than to stick by your side in the good AND bad.....Just know that I genuinely DO CARE and it breaks my heart to see someone literally crying out for help and not knowing what to say that will "work"...

Has this been the norm for you since joining DD in 2006?.... Just trying to figure your patterns out and how long the short "good spirt" and then long "binging spirt" has been an issue? Most people would not stick with a forum like DD if it was something that has been going on for 2 years I wouldn't think, unless they were getting something out of it....

((((Hugs)))) from Washington State!

thinnsidenotout on 05/02/2008:
I totally understand as I can look at my weight over the last 10 years being 215 +, but never higher than 237....as being like a "D R A W N O U T" binging of sorts....

Thank You for answering the question and when you get back on top of your game, we can be doing this together (Ridding!)...

Heres to a better Saturday from the time you awake to the time you go to sleep.

rlovell on 05/03/2008:
i hope this day is getting easier for you. just love yourself for a second. xoxo

horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 01, 2008

Weight: 135.0

i felt sick ALL night and today because of yesterday's binge. I still vow to stop this horrible cycle of binging. It's SO unhealthy. And, I look around, I see what a lifestyle like this can do to me. Nothing good. Most teachers in my school are quite healthy, but a minority demonstrate exactly why I need to change my ways!

breakfast: high carb, 410 cal.

snack: pineapple cottage cheese: 110

Lunch: apple and yogurt: 190

snack: tofu 170...ARG and then two granola bars 200

2 tomatoes, 2 orange peppers: 120


i had practically NO water because the town was flushing the drains. So, I was pretty dehydrated which added to my sick feeling.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 05/01/2008:
im sorry. hope you feel better now. and think of this exact horrible feeling next time you're tempted on binging. xo.

rlovell on 05/01/2008:
i know how it goes, HOP. im so sorry you arent feeling up to par. the good news is, you can get back to where you were, just takes some determination. let your body and mind rest and then go back to the food...never approach it when you are stressy!!! easier said than done, but give it a shot. xoxo

glycrina on 05/01/2008:
thanks for the encouragement . . . it really does help. How did you eat 6000 calories? Did you eat an entire jar of Alfredo Sauce or just a Supersized meal at McDonalds? Nevermind don't tell me, you might give me ideas . . . hahaha. A few weeks ago I ate costco bag (usually about 2 pounds) full of cheesecake Hershey kisses, I never want to eat another one of those again, so I know how you feel. You will feel better when you are in control again.

maria777 on 05/01/2008:
Oh, no...that's not good to not get enough water in! I hope that since you keyed this entry you've got some water in and are feeling much better!!! Your menu today looks real good, especially the pineapple and apple.

thinnsidenotout on 05/01/2008:
I love how you say that some minority portray what you are trying to avoid... I am sure I have reflected that someone over the years myself... But, come this year's end..I look to be a totally different example....I had an instance in the "Goodwill" yesterday where 2 ladies were speaking about weight and how 50 extra pounds is such a bad thing for a woman's bones... As soon as the one lady turned the corner and saw me...She said to the other one "Oh, uh...Well, you know what I mean" and totally went onto another subject...The thing she DID NOT know was I AM doing something about my status...Happens to be I saw her leaving the store, lighting up a cigarette...Each of us has our own poison of choice! I was not offended by what she said, but sure did want to jump in the conversation and ask her exactly what she thought when she noticed me.... I guess that is one of the worst things about being as heavy as I am, is that you still are overweight, until you really lose a substantial amount & strangers don't see you out there walking those 6-8 miles...Crying for the mess you have allowed yourself to become....

Horn!...You need to wake up and be thankful that you are where you are right now and don't have to lose like I do... Binging is just as unhealthy as me being overweight...You know that & I am glad to see that you DID get sick...Sorry, but I am glad when I overeat and get sick..It is a REMINDER that we don't like to feel that way and have a choice about it....

Minute by minute & day by day.... Discipline will strengthen....

mcwoo40 on 05/02/2008:
Hiya,thanks for your comment.I'm stuffing my face too much aswell and you feel so uncomfortable afterwards.Come on we'll have to stop it,for me now it's a bad habit that has become routine.Take care,Julie

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Apr 30, 2008

Weight: 135.0

i had a good day but ended up binging. arg. better day tomorrow.

calories today around 5000-6000 (this is for me so i can look back and see). sorry to scare anyone!


felt really sick huge stomach pain up all night. not a good feeling. don't do it again!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

rlovell on 04/30/2008:
i had a slip too last night. BACK ON TRACK! i love you

mmuraro on 04/30/2008:
i just ate a whole bag of that jolly time microwavable pop corn and it was oooohhh so good, felt like is stuffed my face and it only has 90 cals. The whole bag! You should try it. It was a tip from rlovell. Xoxo

thinnsidenotout on 04/30/2008:
Here's to a better day tomoorow!....I love the mini bags of popcorn too, like rlovell & mmuraro....kettle or butter....

maria777 on 04/30/2008:
I've done that SOOO many times...you are not alone. At least you have an upbeat positive attitude about starting again tomorrow! Big smile to you!

thinnsidenotout on 04/30/2008:
Holy Poo Poo!... I have done that before too....Not in the last 13 weeks, but have done it.....Went overboard with trail mix today, but still went for a 6 miles walk.... When you binge.....still try to exercise...Some is better than none!

maria777 on 05/01/2008:
Watch out for those calories today! Hope you have a REAL GOOD DAY!!!!!

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Apr 29, 2008

Weight: 135.0

calories are probably more near 1650 since i went on to have some gum...like most of a pack. oh well. hopefully i burned enough calories despite that.

exercise: walked 4 miles with some difficulty...my ankle is not doing too well and i really should go to yoga tomorrow. i will see about that.

Today as been a MUCH better day.

wheatina with soymilk, cantelople, sf jelly: 300

sugar pills: 150 throughout day.

pineapple cottage cheese, large apple: 230

2 tomatoes, tofu: 140...and 2wraps 340

dinner: HUGE bowl of peppers, pickles, celery with light dressing, tofu 2 pieces

total 1575

The sugar pills I'm talking about are over the counter and usually near the pharmacy section. They're basically just glucose and are flavored. They look like big smartees candies. They have 15 calories each and are packaged 10 in a package. I think they are helping with cravings and energy levels. I guess you can consider them the same as candy, but I need something throughout the morning to regulate my blood sugar better. This is helping a bit while still keeping calories low.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

legcramps on 04/29/2008:
My lips puckered when I read 'pineapple cottage cheese' in your entry... though i'm not really sure why :)! I thought it was funny though, so I had to tell you!

Have a great week!

maria777 on 04/29/2008:
That's probably no different than having 2 or 3 pieces of gum to help one not give in to sugar cravings...I do the same thing, just in a different way...I make myself a mug of cocoa, using 1 tsp. sugar, a little cocoa powder, about 1 tsp. powdered milk and add water and wala...sugar craving abated!!! Hope you are having a wonderful day! Big smile to you, Friend!

thinnsidenotout on 04/29/2008:
Glad to see you are doing good still and finding what works for cravings is great!

rlovell on 04/29/2008:
good work today! thanks for explaining the sugar pills as i wasnt quite sure what you were describing. hope you are having a fabulous evening! xoxo

maria777 on 04/29/2008:
Hope your ankle feels better!

Beth201P on 04/29/2008:
Good job on finding something to help with the cravings. Keep up the good work.

maria777 on 04/30/2008:
Hope you're having a good morning! Big smile to you!

horn_of_plenty - Monday Apr 28, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I had a few more sugar pills in the evening, which really boosted my overall intake to around 1700. This is a bit too high for the weightloss I want. I will look to improve on that Tuesday! :)

all in all, a good day. Someone stole my extra large teacup at work so when i wanted tea with my yogurt and large apple i couldn't have it!!! :( I was tempted by bagels and had a whole one. If I had my tea, I probably would have been able to forgo a bagel. oh well, but calories still worked out pretty well.

breakfast: cereal, fruit, soymilk, sf jelly: 320

diabetic sugar pills throughout day: 100

large apple, yogurt, bagel: 600

tofu, wrap: 260

tofu, many veggies with some dressing, hot veggies in tomato sauce: 360

total: 1640. Good, I would have preferred something in the 1500s but this isn't so far off and I did exercise.

exercise: 1hr.

have a good evening everyone. I will DEFINITELY make the gym a priority for the remainder of this year now that I have a LOT of time. Although next week might involve a lot of studying for my final two tests...but I will keep in mind that I have done well all semester and now I truly NEED to focus on my fitness. I must enter the summer much fitter. I may be taking a class in July and for 5 weeks it'll be rough with also working full time...so I want to do everything I can right now to get a head start!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

rlovell on 04/28/2008:
THANK YOU for your encouragement to get back and face the scale...wasnt as bad as i had thought it would be!! you did great and guess what! you had the bagel and didnt binge after- you had healthy foods and probably ate less because you allowed yourself the treat. this is a good pattern to set up for your body. i am proud of you! xoxo

rlovell on 04/28/2008:
ps- what are diabetic sugar pills?

thinnsidenotout on 04/29/2008:
Have a wonderful day...

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Apr 27, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I am so excited that I had a good day. But, I must remember, this is for the long run. I do not want to have to EVER loose 25lbs, 20lbs, 15lbs, or 10 lbs again! This is the start to a weight loss that I want to be permanent. Nothing is "forbidden." I will focus on low cal and satisfying foods as I always try to within moderation. I have a goal and I will reach it. Although I still don't want to, I think I MUST go to yoga tomorrow. My ankle is not feeling right (I broke it years ago and it gets inflamed whenever i increase exercise too much) and yoga seems to always help it. Have a GREAT monday. I am feeling better and I will try to retain this positive energy. It helps to know I have an easy week ahead in terms of studying. This means I have more time for exercise and well being! :)


Late afternoon entry: The bodies exhibit was great. I recommend it to anyone interested in seeing what exactly is underneath our skin! And...I didn't get lost! wonderful. the directions to get there were VERY simple. I didn't give into any NYC food temptations, either.



a big bowl of oatmeal/milk = 300 cal.

Snack 1: apple, pineapple cottage cheese 210

No real lunch

sucking candies: 50

snack 2: Dunkin Donuts iced coffee 75

Snack 3: cucumber/cherry tomatoes/spray dressing/2 pieces cajun flavored tofu 280...and gave into temptation with a very carby wrap of 170 cal.

Dinner: Large apple and tofu and one sucking candy: 230

1315 cal - Finally! :)


AM Entry:

I'm up early and didn't expect rain. I was going to ride on my bike to get the newspapers this morning. So I drove instead.

I plan to go to the human body exhibit at the South Street Seaport in NYC today. The bodies are real and have been preserved. Some show the effects of illness like diabetes or liver problems and many other things. The website online is: http://www.bodiestheexhibition.com/

My professor from my Anatomy and Physiology class said it would be a good idea to go and I'm interested. Hopefully I'll find my way there and get off at the correct subway stop. I'm TERRIBLE with directions lol.

I was heavily thinking about going to yoga this morning but I still don't want to. (I have an UNLIMITED PASS!). I still don't feel good about myself yet to show up. I know that I shouldn't wait because who knows when I will feel better. I may start this week. It will be an easy week studying because I pretty much memorized more than 75% of the information for the test next sunday already.

I would like to get in about 1550 calories today. That's my goal.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 04/27/2008:
Here's to meeting your goal for today and for getting to yoga soon..May make you feel better if you were to go.... : - )~

glycrina on 04/27/2008:
I love my yoga class even though everyone in my class is size negative something, but I hate working out however I sincerely enjoy yoga (most of it anyway). I saw the bodies exhibit in Philly a couple years ago. It was interesting. I wish you good luck on your test.

glycrina on 04/27/2008:
Re: MAY 27th!!!! HERE's to making to the end of MAY!!

Beth201P on 04/27/2008:
You have fun and I would get lost myself. LOL I have not had the nerve to go to any workout classes myself. Hang in there. Have a great week.

mmuraro on 04/27/2008:
Congrats on the calories today! You did wonderful! I have a friend who is an exhibit specialist and he helps building the bodies exhibits around the world and the US. What a cool job, huh! xo

rlovell on 04/27/2008:
good job today- i like that you replaced the food hunger with intellectual hunger...those exhibits are so neat- we had one like it in atlanta. get to yoga sooner rather than later. i know how it is to feel uncomfortable, but as soon as you make the choice to be there, you will WANT to be back. xoxo

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Apr 26, 2008

Weight: 135.0

Late edit: small pigout on sugar free jelly. it's ok.

total calories are just about 1800. i think i burned more than that, which is good. but, i do need to work on this more. :)

Afternoon edit: I like mmuraro's advice and i'm going to start listing my daily food intake just to hold myself accountable. I tend to eat some strange things, so bare with me! :)

Hopefully by listing foods, I will have less too high calorie days.

Breakfast: oatmeal mixed with charoset (jewish food of chopped apple and nuts) 350 cal (I can't remember if i had melon with breakfast also!!! but i'm not going to add that into the calculations. i sure hope i didn't!)

snack: apple 100

lunch: small wendy's chilli and side salad 300

snack 1: soy joy bar 130, and a not so great tasting Dasani flavored water. I'm not sure why I chose it because I have tried flavored waters by dasani and never like them. It's the one with added vitamins. (I don't think flavored waters are healthy bc of the chemicals but I drink them bc of the flavor)

snack 3: taco bell bean burrito which hit the spot with some hot sauce and diet coke. 350...and a tomato when i got home 30.

total cal so far: 1260.

another snack of another tomato and a whole wheat tortilla in the house: 200 cal.

total so far: 1460...my goal was around 1580 but now i've raised it to 1760 and I still need to get another walk in...

evening oatmeal - 200.

TOTAL CALORIES = 1670. not too bad, could be a tiny bit better :)


dinner: not too heavy but I will try to eat something appetizing and not too light either, if that makes any sense!

exercise: AM 3 miles and I would like to do some bike riding later or just another walk at the park.

I went to visit my grandma today but she sent me home after about 1.5 hours. Usually I stay for 4 hours. She has been feeling under the weather for about 2-3 weeks and it's unlike her. She's 87 and can walk 2 miles easily. I hope she is feeling better really soon! :)


AM entry:

I'm up nice and early, but not way too early today. It's almost 8am. This morning would be perfect to begin yoga but i'm still feeling bloated and that would just make doing many of the poses uncomfortable. I may go back tomorrow or just wait until the class is done. I just wouldn't be comfortable in class today.

Instead, I plan to do a nice long walk again this morning, like i did 2 days ago. Yesterday consisted on NO exercise. My mind was on studying for my class. Today I will not think about studying this morning in order to make sure I get outside and enjoy myself.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

rlovell on 04/26/2008:
thank you so much! i know it is annoying to read stuff like that and honestly it kind of made me sick writing it ;)...but it felt good to be cared for like that for at least a little while. i hope you have a lovely walk- try to unload your head outside instead of inside with the food. also, RE: whole foods- it's so true that i ALWAYS feel better when i eat whole fruits, veggies, grains and lean protein. it's a sure-fire way to feel healthy and vibrant! xoxo

thinnsidenotout on 04/26/2008:
Great idea to set aside the things which you cannot change for today...Just enjoy "as is" for the moments you are walking.... Cheap Therapy! : o )~

mmuraro on 04/26/2008:
When you mentioned yoga would be too much, i was going to suggest a walk. :) My Bikram instructor used to say your only expectation in class should be finish the class. I love that, as it made me come to class at ease and rest as i needed to.

Have a great day, girl. Im glad you're back.

Beth201P on 04/26/2008:
Have a great day. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

maria777 on 04/26/2008:
Wow that is outstanding that your Grandma can walk 2 miles at 87! Hope she feels better, too. That is wonderful that you take the time to visit her.

horn_of_plenty - Friday Apr 25, 2008

Weight: 135.0

I can only think of one thing these days: May 11th = Final Exam for Anatomy and Physiology I!!! I wish that day would come even sooner because once it is here, I would garner up ALL of my energy and desire to raise my level of fitness and health. You might be saying to yourself, "this sounds like someone who is just procrastinating in her attempt to reach her goals now." Well, this might just be so - I'm not exactly sure myself.

I am still unsure where I'm going to school in September and if its for Radiography or Radiation Therapy. I have heard back from 2 of the 4 places I applied to (both of which I did get in.) I have also signed up for the next level of Anatomy and Physiology for this summer and I will only end up taking it if I get into the Radiation Therapy program for that specific school because all the other places would have me repeat the course with them. That would mean I would waste $700 on a summer course, money I should save unless its for the purpose of a program!

In terms of a summer job, that is also undecided. I told my parents of the idea I might be working at a hospital close to home, cleaning and dressing patients. My mom was mortified, to say the least. She wouldn't even speak to me after that. She is rather pissed that I have a masters degree and could actually accept doing a job of that nature. I figure it was a job, and that's really all I care about. However, the money would not be very good. My dad offered to see if his company needs any help for the summer (secretarial probably). So, that was kind of him and we shall see.

With everything undecided, I'm still relieving stress with food and making wrong choices. In about 2 weeks it'll all be done which is fantastic. :) At least i'll be done for about 2 months. 2 months is a good amount of time to improve my fitness!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

thinnsidenotout on 04/25/2008:
Oh Horn!. You sure have had the struggles...Ever since I joined DD.... I wish some of your self-beat-up could be relieved, but that is in your hands and your choice to make...Therefore; The choices you make in eating is too... Only you can make those changes and I wish that you could realize that food is not comfort.....It is a temporary fix, that turns into horrible feelings...You know that, but to stop it you are going to have to reach deep within your being to find the strength to overcome....You have it..Believe it!

Good Weekend to You!

maria777 on 04/25/2008:
Hang in there! Sounds like a dignified job to me...just so you're happy! Btw, the deck photo is not mine...but I may post a photo of mine after I take one...Big smile to you! As for relieving stress with food, I battle that every day as do many others, I'm sure...you're not alone, Horn of Plenty!

mmuraro on 04/25/2008:
Well girl, I really dont know where you are with your health and fitness. You posted this crazy weight here.. hehe. and i dont see menus. so it's hard to say, you may be too hard on yourself and maybe that amount of self -demand can be leading you to get frustrated and sabotage yourself. I may be off too.. who knows. I just with you the best with the job thing. I see how it can be! xoxo

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Apr 24, 2008

Weight: 135.0

afternoon edit: I'm back from my walk. I was starting to think I would NOT have bad allergies this year, but in fact I have been proven wrong! Boy do my eyes itch! The walk was still worth it though.


so yesterday i accomplished some, but not enough.

this morning i'm off on a "hike." Perhaps I can just call it a long walk, along the Cross Island Parkway in NY state. It's in Queens and is well known for its beautiful 6 route which can be anywhere up to 6 miles depending on where you start. You can see the Throgs Neck Bridge and the water is right next to you. Sometimes its a bit cold since the current and breeze off the water brings the temperature down at least 10 degrees so you always have to dress warmer.

Have a good day :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 04/24/2008:
Your walk sounds great, enjoy it!

hollybelle on 04/24/2008:
OHHHH that hike sounds great. Have a good one!

thinnsidenotout on 04/24/2008:
Enjoy it!

Beth201P on 04/24/2008:
Enjoy your hike. Have a wonderful day.

rlovell on 04/24/2008:
you know whats funny? i have been avopiding the scale. i know its bad, but i think you have motivated me to get back on on monday! im sure i am about the same, and actually my clothes are really the indicator that things are more than fine. thanks for reminding me! hope all is well xoxo

maria777 on 04/24/2008:
Wow...that sounds like a real interesting walk! Could you take some photos and share with us???

thinnsidenotout on 04/24/2008:
Glad that you were able to get in those 6 miles.... It sounds like a lot and is, but once you adapt it isn't hard to add another 1-2 miles...Gets easier as you go and can pick up momentum closer to home....I try to take different paths, but when 'Mickey" goes, I am hampered some, as her hubby won't let her go certain places I do (too far from home)...I'm not a frady kat! When she goes, we just walk the same path 3 times in a circle....

I won't attempt 10 miles for a while though... : o )~

Good Evening!

crategrl on 04/24/2008:
Welcome back and where are you vacationing.

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Apr 23, 2008

Weight: 135.0

This year has been very challenging for me dietwise and fitnesswise. I am currently on vacation. I was going to start yoga again but don't feel very comfortable right now in those tight clothes or being in a 100 degree room. So, I'm sticking to outdoors activities and the elliptical for the remainder of my week off and the weekend.

I didn't eat that well yesterday but today is a new day and I can make all the difference in my life that I want to. What happened, I think, is that I become overly anxious about this class I'm taking. Unfortunately, I do have to do work during this break and I was eating as a way to procrastinate.

Today's a really nice day and I will definitely spend some time outside.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

abdab74 on 04/23/2008:
I hear you about the procrastination by eating thing...I am known for it, especially when it comes to school assignments...enjoy your time outside today!

hollybelle on 04/23/2008:
I eat to procrastinate or delay starting a job I really don't want to do all the time! So I understand what you said! It's still there to do, though - I'll catch on to that fact someday.

Beth201P on 04/23/2008:
Good luck with your class. Have a good rest of the week.

thinnsidenotout on 04/23/2008:
Enjoy that nice weather...Our forcast for today is rain and/or snow, along with wind...HOw fun is that?.... ICKY!

Hope your day is wonderful!

shadetree on 04/23/2008:
So glad to see you back HoP! You sound like you're in a little better frame of mind after your break. I see you've put on a couple pounds!:)

It's such a good time of year to get motivated to get moving! Enjoy your break (even if you have to do classwork!)

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