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horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Oct 23, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

 Pretty unwell right now needing time to recover. Made a very bad decision and just recovering now.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/23/2019:
Take care of yourself........things will get better. One day at a time. Thinking of you!

legcramps on 10/23/2019:
So sorry to hear this, hope you are doing ok. Thinking of you!

innerpeace on 10/23/2019:
Hope things get better for you!

grannyannie on 10/23/2019:
Hope things get better HOP!

happy-1 on 10/23/2019:
Feel better. I’ve been there the last 41 days. Everything is manageable with time, and fixable while you are still breathing

Donkey on 10/25/2019:
((((HUGS)))) Do what you need to do to feel better. My thoughts are with you.

innerpeace on 10/29/2019:
Hope you are ok. Miss you.

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Oct 22, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

 Again taking time with my family.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/23/2019:
A good thing to do.

Have you had the opportunity to talk to your dad about your anxieties, with respect to the job and stuff? Or do you think this is something better worked out from within yourself?

I do apologize if my comments were harsh. It's not a good time for me at work, so anything law related is likely to be cast in a negative light, from me, at least, right now.

horn_of_plenty on 10/23/2019:
Nothing harsh from you - I understand

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Oct 20, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

oatmeal and milk 230, yogurt 130. 360.



I am still stressing, a lot.

I'm not about to lose my job but i do not feel certain i'll have this same one forever or for the same pay. I don't feel confident i could do a higher level of work, either, in this industry. I'm extremely stressed out. 

I'm looking over the court assistant book - test is in 2-3 years but i'm not confident that i'd get that job either when the opportunity comes. I feel so worthless. I may take an online course in paralegal, but first want to get thru the study guide that i have at home.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/20/2019:
I would suggest that you look for an opportunity to volunteer in the legal field as well. This can be difficult because everyone wants you to be a lawyer volunteer. However, if you can get in with an organization, just so that you are exposed to the legal field, you will have an advantage over someone who has no exposure.

The paralegal classes are a good idea. That is what I did when I realized I had to get back into the workforce.

Are there other civil service jobs you could do?

Horn_of_plenty on 10/20/2019:
how long was your training?

grannyannie on 10/20/2019:
Hope you figure it out and don't stress too much!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/20/2019:
i know i am being so negative...just a bit frustrated right now.

Donkey on 10/20/2019:
My schooling, to get my paralegal certificate (which in Illinois, you do not need to have to be a paralegal) took me 2 years, taking 2 classes every semester, and 1 class every summer.

However, one of my peers finished in a year. She was not working though, which is how she managed that. AND she got really lucky that she was able to get into all of the classes she signed up for. I ran into trouble a couple of times when the classes I wanted were already full. (This is why I do not work in Family Law, because I could never get into the class.)

horn_of_plenty on 10/22/2019:
Thanks for update on career and Ed - I feel unable right now to go to school and work - I did want to hear what you had to say and appreciate it very much..... taking time again off work, again.

Donkey on 10/21/2019:
I want to be clear that I am not endorsing a paralegal program.

I feel that if you want job security and great pay, be a nurse.

Couldn't you try for a job, say in the Assessor's office or water billing or something else that is administrative?

BearCountryGG on 10/21/2019:
You have plenty of office experience......Manhattan is full of offices.....I would think That at any time/age...a office job would be a good option.

horn_of_plenty on 10/22/2019:
Thank you,

horn_of_plenty on 10/22/2019:
Appreciated ...

horn_of_plenty on 10/22/2019:
Appreciated ...

horn_of_plenty - Saturday Oct 19, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

did some abs crunches before breakfast :)

Oatmeal with whole milk 230, apricot yogurt 130, iced coffe 50. 

noon lunch: apple 100, wrap and avo 300, egg 100. 500.

3:30 pb on cracker 


prob around 2000.



at 10:30am, i'm attending a 5k (turns out the walk was shorter than a 5k, and we left just as my back was starting to bother me as i don't walk much lately, so the walk was good and not overboard) walk for Autism- was invited by a club i'm in and paid $20 last night. I'm not sure how much i'll do - we'll see how i feel. either way, rest of the day i will be home.  it's close - which reminds me i must be ready to leave my place aound 9:30 which is in a half hour! boy does time fly - especially today as i was thinking to look over some legal words. I guess i can do that later, in the afternoon...

Tonight i have a dinner to attend - the nice thing is that it's RIGHT around the corner at the union hall by my apt. I told Ricky i'd go with him.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/19/2019:
Go for it! Enjoy your dinner tonight.

Donkey on 10/20/2019:
How was dinner?

It's probably for the best that it wasn't a 5k after all. Still a great cause!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/20/2019:
it was ok - a bit social for me.

horn_of_plenty - Friday Oct 18, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

kombucha 50

wrap and avo 300, egg 100

half donut 150, coffee 50, almonds 50

lunch 600

4pm large apple 150

dinner: dried okra 200, 2 kiwis 100, yogurt 150 - 450

pb on cracker150



Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty - Thursday Oct 17, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

kombucha 50

breakfast: wrap with butter and egg 350 and  coffee 50.

snack: almonds 100

lunch: brisket 200, cooked greens 50, roasted cauliflower 100, ..apple 100..450

snacks:chocolate 100

home: sushi and miso soup (fast and easy place by me, very inexpensive) 600 tops.

1750 tops.

weights tonight.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

legcramps on 10/17/2019:
I haven't had eggs for a few days now - when I saw them on your menu it reminded me and now i'm craving them LOL. The turkey dinner I had planned for lunch might turn into toast and eggs instead :) :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/18/2019:
eggs are so simple which makes them quite awesome!

grannyannie on 10/17/2019:
I love eggs and buy a box of 6 every week to have at lunch and then forgot I've got them. Planning on a veggie omelette for dinner one night when hubby is gone.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/18/2019:
i love eggs...easy, low cal, satisfying, nutritional!

horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Oct 16, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

kombucha 50, coconut water 50

breakfast 400 usual egg breakfast.

almonds 100

lunch: chips 150, meat 200 brisket, salad and dressing 200. 550

chocolate 80

apple 100, juice 100

pb on cracker 100





hey all -  thanks for your advice, it's appreciated.  i do not have anything yet to write back, but will do it later.  i still am not in the best place. all the teacher (cheaper) programs i was looking into don't want someone that has the degree already - they were programs for other teaching degrees.

I really am a little stuck still - as i don't see an increase in the salary i make now based on my limited skills and i'm a bit worried about my long time plan for when i'm older.  

All those years that i put into exercise, well, they paid off in looks but not in career goals.  That's around just over 8 years of a mentality that that was what i wanted.

even the court assistant job, it's going to be low pay at first. i don't even know if i have the capacity to do the job or would be hired. but it's a step down from where i am at - and right now i am not making big $, but i AM making enough to save for my future / future retirement. 

i was looking back at my transcripts from college - i really should NOT have majored in music, that's for sure. i did HORRIBLE my first year and a little better each year after. i even got a perfect average my last semester in undergrad.  my masters went ok. in general, i didn't put enough effort in and this is where i got me.

One of the reasons i can save for the future and live alone is because my apt is not expensive. i'm lucky and in a "rent-controlled" apt. it's not for low income, but it's still rent controlled.



Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/16/2019:
Saving for the future is so important. You are so lucky to live in a rent controlled apartment.....there are a lot of ways to save.....I really do believe that no matter what anyones income is...we have a way of spending it.....so making more doesn't always mean saving more. Budgeting what we have coming in can make a huge impact on financial security....I used to make a game out of it and it pid off in the long run.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
yes, i am really lucky for this apt. otherwise, i'd prob not be saving or just live with parents forever it seems.

BearCountryGG on 10/16/2019:
You mentioned earlier that you would like to be an earth science teacher.....I may be wrong but I believe since you already have a masters......that all you would need would be a teaching certificate...and you may already have that since you have already been in a teaching position........you may be qualified right now.....classes are taught with already supplied materials through the school system.......I'm not sure you need any added education for that...it is possible to have too much education when you apply for jobs....that can actually work against you. You also mentioned reaching your full potential.....and occupations are a part of that but in my opinion not the whole ball of wax so to speak. In my opinion which really doesn't mean anything, but it's my opinion...there is no such thing as the perfect job....they all have problems and stresses and downsides....there will always be irritating bosses and coworkers and imperfect working conditions.....times are changing and we all have to create our own financial security and not depend on pensions and social security as much as we have in the past...( Personally D's pension will be cut by 20% in May of 2020) brought on by bad investments by the Detroit Carpenters Union and some really bad years of a Governor that drove business out of Detroit back a few years ago. That is where cutting our own expenses, budgeting, saving and just finding our enjoyments is less expensive ways...we will survive...we will feeel the cut in income...but we will be okay. I think you will figure it all out.....but nothing makes us feel as secure as our ability to budget and make the most of the resourses that we already have.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
I get your whole drift and i do agree about having a job is better than no job or going for more school and having the same problem, again.

also, believe it or not, my certification is in Music (kindergarten thru 12th grade) and that is my bachelors. my masters is similar, band conducting education degree.

so, sadly, believe it or not, with such SIMILAR degrees, i am totally not qualified to teach earth science!

upon further research, i would also have to take physics or chemistry...so, nevermind the earth science!

i was thinking english also....but this is just dreaming right now.

i have SO LITTLE core classes in all of my education (a lot of it was either a few education classes or music or VERY FEW electives) that i would have to take probably at least 2 years of college again - along with state tests...it doesn't seem worth it right now / right away.

i DO have a job. it may not pay great, but right now it is OK. i wouldn't want to leave it, and face not getting a job again.

so much to think about.

but, to be any teacher besides music, i would def need more schooling bc the ceritification is very, very narrow for music - just music. if, when i got my masters, i could have done it in a different subject, then i could have taught something else too.

Donkey on 10/16/2019:
Bear has some really good insights ^^

I'm not sure if teaching is more job security. My teacher friends here in Illinois already know that the money they've invested in their pensions won't be there when they retire. Of course, New York is probably different, but just sayin'... In fact, Chicago public school teachers are preparing to strike later on this week. And not too long ago, the charter school teachers had to go on strike.

I do not think there is anything as "job security" any more, to be honest.

You might consider that your potential may lie outside of your career or education, too.

I truly feel for what you're feeling and dealing with.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
thanks for your comments. i think i heard something about the chicago teachers have an issue with their pension.

i do consider what you said about my potential - it's difficult for me to find something to pursue / taking a break now from thinking deep on a new venture, not now.

thanks for your understanding. ...wishing your son strength.

grannyannie on 10/16/2019:
Sounds very practical. I'm sure you will eventually figure out what you need to be doing.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
yes, i may just have to persevere and stay positive in this industry...which is a good thing, i just get very frustrated with the unknowns of life / work / industry change.

BearCountryGG on 10/16/2019:
I totally agree with donkey...there is no such thing as job security. Things can change in a second. I have a family member with a degree in education and she hasn't been able to find a teaching job...she is still working in a car wash like she was before her degree......in fact that wass her second go round at college...her first was early childhood development. Having the degree definately does not guarantee a job in that field...but having any job with livable wages or salary is most of the battle......fine tuning abilities in that job equals more security and makes an employee more valuable in my opinion...

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
it is so crazy now about that - many people go to college and do not work in the field they studied for.

horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Oct 15, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

kombucha 60

breakfast: wrap and butter 250, egg 100 coffee 50. 

almonds 140

lunch - leftovers from home..salad with dressing 200, leftover tofu chipotle meal 250, some rice 50. 500

evening snacks big peach and almonds 250

late snack: muffin with cheese (yuck) 250 and 2 plums 100. 350.

1750 tops.




I am absolutely feeling scared of my future and stuck right now. i do not know what direction to take right now, other than think about it a little bit more. 

You cannot just spend time in school - like i have. i have to work, that's the part that i screw up in...

I cannot bear not living up to any potential and just am not sure which way to go.

I feel scared staying in this industry and scared of my future.

Some things are great with this industry, i could learn how to be a project manager except i do not feel confident in my abilities in this fashion. 

I am totally stuck

My dad is one of the most powerful people in this field on the end of the union side...but somehow i do not feel safe as i have to pave my way and nothing in the union is fully by politics meaning you do have to do your job, OF COURSE...generally.

My dad is so fair, he helped me to where i am.

I'm lucky i am making a living, but i do not feel good about my life or choices.

I have degrees in teaching music and i got them around 2004-2007 finished my masters. So it's been 16 years since i started teaching, 12 years since i stopped.

It feels a lifetime ago. 

I do not feel confident to go back and teach band, i'd rather start from the beginning...like be an earth science teacher.

thing is, i don't have that certification & have to pay my bills.

i am unsure what to do, i see some NYC programs. 

I am going to research more.

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 10/15/2019:
I understand your feeling of uncertainty and fear for the future. It cannot be a pleasant feeling to carry around. I'm sure it weighs heavily on you.

Have you spoken to your dad about your fear regarding the uncertainty of the field you're in? Obviously, he's been around a while, has seen a lot, knows people, climbed his way up (or however he got to where he's at).

I'm wondering if Dad would have some insights or encouragement for you if you stay in this field.

This is not a solution, but just an idea: do you have friends who are still in the band teaching area? Perhaps you could give private lessons. I know they can be expensive, so if you offer something that is less expensive, maybe to beginner band students, that might be an outlet?

Research as much as you can. Make pro/cons lists. Be patient with yourself. Remain calm. (I assure you from my own life experience that remaining calm in stressful situations is the only productive way to a solution. Freaking out, anxious, anger/frustration - only bad things can come of this.)

Maria7 on 10/15/2019:
Pray about it and the Lord will help you know which path to choose.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/16/2019:
Thank you :)

legcramps on 10/15/2019:
I agree with Donkey, talk to your Dad about your current career and see if he has any insights he can share with you.

I also agree with the private tutoring in music. My nieces have a private tutor for ukelele, and it is making all the difference in their progress.

grannyannie on 10/15/2019:
You lack confidence in your abilities which are probably a lot more than you give yourself credit for. I understand you want to live up to your potential and be happy with your career. I never did either so I'm not the best one to give advice. But I do always tell my granddaughter that it's important to find what she loves to do and aim for that since so much of her life will be spent doing it. Best of luck. Keep trying.

BearCountryGG on 10/15/2019:
D and I put ourselves through college ( we only have associates) so we don't have anywhere near the education you have....but we worked while going to school...you can do that too...it probably would take much to get what you are thinking about...but I agree....talk to your Dad......He may be getting close to retirement so now would be the time to talk to him.

BearCountryGG on 10/15/2019:
that should have said WOULDN'T.

horn_of_plenty - Monday Oct 14, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

 Breakfast: oatmeal 150 with whole milk 80, apricot on bottom chobani yogurt 130, some kombucha 70. 430.

snack: Pb on rice cakes 200

lunch leftover tofu chipotle 250 and wrap 150

snacks: large apple 100, large peach 100, one cookie 20, and a cheese muffin i was experimenting making 280! 500 cheese muffin calories seem off and it was a diabetic brand so i was not sure if it would be good...will not make again - as it shows really, really high calories.

snacks: roasted cauliflower 100, some dried okra 100, pb on a cracker 150. 350.


2day: 2200





Yesterday, I was at the orchards upstate...lots of fun for me lately. legs doing a bit better, but they are hurting a little bit Monday morning (next day i'm writing this!)


Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/14/2019:
Glad your legs aren't as painful as they had been!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2019:
me too - so i'll rest them most of today...between doing some chores.

grannyannie on 10/14/2019:
Definitely get rest time in! I learned from my shoulder about not overdoing.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2019:
thanks Annie, yeah i need it..

BearCountryGG on 10/14/2019:
It just seems to me now that 1 active day for me means several down days with hip pain...of course there are many years between us....but it all jst takes a toll for sure.

horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2019:
Yeah it can be so frustrating but I guess we gotta listen to our bodies :)

horn_of_plenty - Sunday Oct 13, 2019
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 116.2

Kombucha 50

wrap and avocado  300, egg 100

3 large apples 300-350

pulled pork 200, pizza 600-700

dinner chipotle with chips 600?

pb on cracker 100

2500 bit high :/

was at the orchards upstate...lots of fun for me lately. legs doing a bit better, but they are hurting a little bit Monday morning (next day i'm writing this!)

Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/14/2019:
Love chipotle

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2019:
me too - easy, fast, tasty, healthy, and CHEAPER than most other places!

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