Overslept this morning, not sure why my alarm wasn't set. My dog didn't even whine and wake me up as usual. Feel draggy and dirty at work.

Took the dogs on a walk last night, I think they enjoyed it. Back started hurting mid-way through, but we made it home.

I had a piece of chicken, cherry tomatoes and a piece of garlic bread for dinner.

DH grilled about six/eight chicken breasts on his new Father's Day grill and there are a few more in the refrigerator for dinner tonight...great I don't want to cook.

I like most food, but trust me I usually go off of texture and a mushy sqash is something I will say no too...always. Mushy squash, zucchini, eggplant - cook it in a way it won't be mushy. Dh was aggravated because I wouldn't eat his squash, sausage, shrimp soupy thing he made. He can take it for lunch everyday until it's gone. I don't want it.

Still dealing with depression and I have another appointment with the therapist to see about medication adjustment. Happy life, good job, nice home, I just can't fight this weepy, sadness all day everyday for no reason. It sucks.

IP

I come here often to read posts, and I'm still trying to get myself together.

One weekend planting flowers, I hurt my back or hip and was in such pain for about a week. I couldn't lift my left leg in or out of the car or on the bed it was just horrible and so hard to get dressed. After a few visits to the chiropractor and two weeks I think I am finally able to move around freely, at least I can get dressed.

Had two instances at work that I reacted badly too. I had to go home and think about it before actually saying something. I'm glad I go home and think about what happened instead of going off right then and there and making a scene. This gives me a chance to cool down and look from different view points. I read that if you let something continually go on you're giving people permission to walk all over you, so before that happens, I had to put a stop to anything. I hate being disrespcted and having someone flat out just be rude. I think I handled myself in a professional manner and I can come to work and not hold grudges or bite anyone's head off.

The last two weeks I have been taking an continuing education credits to keep my COR certification. This has taken lost of my time at work, but I should be finished by Friday.

DH and I chaperoned the girl and her boy friend on a movie night. It was ok, the boy was nervous and the girl acted weird.

This weekend she wants him to come with us to a festival we are going to, DH said ok, but don't make this a habit. Have him go to your mom's house. The festival we are going to has an Hawaiin theme and I wanted to wear Hawaiin shirts and this girl has nerve to say...I don't look good in floral. WTH!! Who says stuff like this. Oh, I'm sorry because it's not black you don't want to wear it, maybe because the boy friend will be there...who knows. I hate kids.

DH and the exwife are not agreeing over time with the girl, this is an ongoing thing and frankly I'm sick of it. That woman is so selfish and I see these traits in the girl. DH said he wanted to go to this town wide rummage sale, the girl, said she didn't want to go. DH is like, well I don't want to do a lot of things like go get your eyebrows down and buy you music books, but I do. Sou because it is Father's Day weekend we are going.

I took Monday and Tuesday off next week and hope to get a plan started. I can only hope because my body is telling me things I don't want to hear.

Anyway, have a great evening. IP

Crazy rut/funk returns with a vengeance.

BFF's (in Oklahoma I've known since we were sophomores in HS) brother had a heart attack, he had 90% blockage and did a quadruple bypass. Her mother has dementia so they were trying to decide if they wanted to tell her or not, this was so sad to me. He is in recovery ICU for a few days.

Then my husband says his BFF (father figure) was going in for a bone marrow check because the doctor's think he may have cancern because he is tired all the time, doesn't feel good and has lost a considerable amount of weight. DH shows up at my work in tears...he is so very sad. He went to the doctor's office today with his friend...test results to come.

And then DH is having an awful time at work dealing with his boss and coworkers. DH thinks his boss is racist and doesn't trust him for some ungodly reason (he doesn't know) he has never done anything wrong. He never gets the benefit of the doubt and everything is always his fault or he's the reason for anything bad happening to the machines. He is just about fed up with it.

My work is ok, just gets a little monotonous at times, doing the same thing month after month. I just feel like I need to be doing something more or different. One of the employees is going back to school, I thought about that, but I couldn't even begin to think of something I'm actually interested in to pursue.

The girl has a band concert this evening, I guess I will go and watch that, it is her last one of the year.

Last night I made chicken paprikash for DH, he likes it, I think it is just OK.

Tonight, he was ordering a family meal from the Slo and Lo BBQ place, but he said they didn't open until 4:00, so I would have to order it or get something else because he didn't take anything out to thaw. I haven't decided.

The girl was going to ask her mother if she could spend the night and have DH take her to school in the morning, I haven't ask how that conversation turned out. I did talk to her Tuesday and she was sad that her mother spends so much time with the step-dad and kinda ignores her. She said look, I have one picture of us together. I was going to use this picture to make her a mother's day gift. I told her that is nice. She said yeah but the picture is not a good one - It is from a photo booth at Chuck E Cheese a few years ago. I told her just run up next to her and say selfie time and flash a picture. She say's I've tried and all my mom says is...not now! So sad for her. And then of course she has teen drama going on with school and boys and crap!

Still trying to find balance...good news is...no headaches for a few days!

Awful rainy day here in CLE - Have a great nght! iP

Saturday DH had to work so the girl and I took the dogs to the Pet-Tacular event where all the butt sniffing and frolocking took place. I'm sure they had a good time. We stopped at DH's work on the way home. He gave me a short tour, his work is very interesting to me.

The girl and I stopped at Raising Cane's on the way home (chicken tenders) and picked up the late lunch/dinner for us. DH gets home about 3:30, he showeres and eats and we leave about 6:45 to get to the concert. It was an OK concert. I liked some of it, the girl like it and DH could have cared less.

Sunday I did alot of chores, dusting, cleaned the windows, cleaned the stove off and the bottom of pans with Easy Off, just kept busy most of the day with laundry.

B: mini shredded wheat

L: pint of ice cream

D: pork chops, brocolli and rice side

S: blondie brownie

I can see the sweets sneaking back into my life, they will be restricted for awhile.

Tonight I am making a meat loaf to use a bell pepper I don't want to go bad, so I will cook it.

DH went shopping this morning so I won't have to do that.

May get a walk in before the rain returns. - DH said he tried to mow the back and got the tractor stuck in the mud....oh my!

Have a great Monday! IP

Oh, the girl said she wasn't going to go to the Early College High School because she wouldn't be able to stay in band. She is going to be the next musical instrumental genius you know /sarcasm/

I told DH and he is supposed to talk to her, but he told her he would support any decision she made. I did tell her she would have to apply for loans and grants, because we won't be able to afford all the college. She has until 5/15/19 to make her final decision. I just wish she would get more support at her mom's house. Oh well.

I had to leave work yesterday with another migraine. I finally called the doctore and got some medication adjusted. I also opted to get the amivig shot, hoping this will help. I haven't  had so many migraines in a long while. I guess if the body gets immune to something, it just doesn't work as well.

I arrived late to work today, good thing, there may be five people in the office. It is a very overcast, foggy, damp day, I  should have just stayed home the entire day...but people needed things done!

Picked up the girl, the first thing she did was text someone. I asked how that person rated such a quick response? She had sent me a few songs and powerpoints over the weekend apologizing for not texting, but I stil wanted her to know I felt ignored. All those people texts do nothing for her and i do. It was just rude...anyway, hopefully we are past that, but this attitude she has, I swear to gawd girls suck!

On the way home, I told her we had to stop for gas. I cannot tell you the last time I got gas because DH gets me gas. Once at the pump, it reads begin fueling. I haven't even paid or swiped my credit card. I push cancel it reads cannot cancel transaction, so WTH! I pump my gas, at the same time there is a little girl on the other side yelling at the pump to turn on...turn on. So I tell her the cashier apparently put her money on my pump and I went in and paid $10 for her to get gas....that is what pumped in my car. Anyway, i got in the card and said..I hate getting gas. She makes this smart a$$ comment....'sorry for ya' I said well, if someone does something for you all the time and this one time doesn't...you really miss what someone does for you. She then does that motion with her hands like waaa waa cry baby...sorry for ya!  Oh ok, I'll show you what I mean, when we get home, the food is in the refrigerator, you can make your own dinner! Then she says...Oh, I don't cook, I'll just eat air! OMG I just want to strangle her!

On her last day of the week she is over, she takes her dirty luandry down stairs for the magic laundry fairy to do her laundry, this time she was running out the door and says, Oh I forgot my laundry, can you get it for me!! Oh...sorry for ya! Little heifer!

She was accepted into the Early College High School, where she can go to High school and at the same time take college courses, when she graduates high school in four years she will also have an associate's degree. This is the greatest thing ever, but then talking to her, she thinks she has changed her mind, because she won't be with her friends...yeah, well, let me tell you about "yo friends'.....we didn't get into that conversation, but I am thinking it. I will let DH handle this, I don't even want to be involved.

So now after having a headache for two days, I have to pick her up for the weekend. I have ear plugs.

We have a dog event planned with the two dogs Saturday morning and then through the vettix program, I was able to get tickets to the New Kids On the Block concert with Debbie Gibson, Tiffany and Naughty by Nature during the evening, not sure this is a wise thing, but we will see how I feel tomorrow. It's a barametric pressure thing with my headaches so hopefully that will be better with medication.

Food hasn't been good, last night I had a PB&J and gold fish for dinner

This morning after my appointment DH and I went to breakfast, I had two eggs, bacon and two pieces of French toast.

Tonight I am heating up teriaki chicken and fried rice we got from Sam's and brocolli.

And lastly I wish it would quit raining, it is supposed to rain for another week and I can't even walk through my yard without bogging down and the dogs track through the mud and grass and bring it into the hard wood floors. I have hundres of paw tracks through my family room and kitchen. Cute but NO!!

Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend! IP

Another 1st....

Had a PTSD moment at work yesterday, I hate this. Someone was in the breakroom and put hot sauce on their lunch and the combination of smells took me back to the middle of Saudi Arabia, I'm always confused and amazed at the same time.  I had to leave and regroup and then I went back into the break room. The wonder of smells.

Had a moment (acutally it is ongoing) with the girl. So I have been staying up until midnight, at least, thinking I can wait until DH gets home, but I can't. Anyway last week on Thursday 4/25 I texted the girl about 11:45 (I didn't expect she would answer - because...sleep) and I told her Taylor Swift has a new song coming out at midnight and sent her the link for it. It was an email I received from the place I bought the TS tickets. Anyway, I stayed up and waiting and watched the vidio. It was cute, so I texted the video to the girl, thinking she would watch it the next moring.

I hear nothing from her all day, nor the entire weekend. I even texted - did you like the new song? No response.

So I ask DH why do you suppose she won't text me back? I mean you texted like 1500 times during the week and she won't even respond a simple yes or no...or thank you. Does she not know I pay the phone bill?  And this isn't the first time this has happened.

I do everything in my power to make sure that girl is happy and cared for and I don't even rank a freakin' text message. Yes, I was angry, I am still angry. This also happened when I wished her Happy Birthday back in December...no repsonse. Seriously? Yes, it is trivial, but just what if I needed to get in touch with her for an emergency concerning or dad or something....I hate kids.

So now, it is the day to go get her...I'm not sure I want to. I even asked her....so how many different people did you text and answer in the five seconds you had to text me to say yes or no? It's not about the texting people....it's about not being respected enough to get a reply...to acknowledge the fact I asked a question. I get the impression 'oh it's just the step-mom, she don't matter' I don't have to reply! over react much???Maybe, but like I said, this isn't the first time...and it's very, very rude and disrespectful.

Here's a big, big plate of depression I'm eating from...waiting for the med's to kick in and hoping I will feel better soon, maybe enough NOT to care so much!

DH made a crock pot full of ravioli and cheese - it was ok for one meal, but he acts like we're going to eat this all week. NO WAY!

B: toast with pecan, apply butter

L: PB&J with 2 cuties

S: belvita and yogurt

D: TBD

It is supposed to be close to 80 when I get off work, hoping to walk the pupper and doggo around the block.

Have a great day!! and Happy May Day!

Friday I stayed home and worked around the house, it was rainy all day and couldn't get much done. DH got the girl at noon and they ran around town, once back home we went to dinner - was not impressed but the salad bar was great (except they didn't have croutons out), I ate two sliders and a few fries - DH finished my fries. We went to the concert and I thought it started at 7:00...nope 8:00, but it didn't actually get started until 8:30, so it was a long sit. We had great seats and we were close to the stage so it was a great time.

Saturday I was laying around and my sister-in-law and her husband stop by, we take them to dinner. It was also a nice time they wanted to go to a Slo and Lo BBQ place that just opened. It was ok too. I had a pulled pork sandwich with a small mac and cheese. They were gone by 3:30 and then I went home and DH and the girl left again looking for something. She asked me to do her laundry because she was leaving early on Sunday. Well, OK I guess I can do you laundry for you to take to your mother's house because I don't know why she can't do it for you at her house...but I did it anyway.

DH bought a honey baked ham and we nibbled on that most of the day Sunday and the girl left at 2:30 with her clean laundry.

It was a pretty good weekend. I did get into a little tit arguing with the AT&T guy as to why I had a $3.00 charge on my bill for an international call. I told him I didn't make an international call. He said I must have misdialed. I told him No I didn't make the call. When was it, he told me 3/19/19 at 5:58 a.m.. I laughed at him then. I told him sir, you are sorely mistaken, at 5:58 a.m. every morning I am lying butt naked across my bed playing candy crush and listening to the radio before I decide to get dressed at 6:15 to go to work, and I assure you I did not make this call.

He kept telling me his system said I did and I DI D NOT. I of course started cursing and he told me to calm down because he was trying to address this professionally. I told him sir, I have been a customer for almost 15 years and never in those 15 years have I made an international call and I assure you on 3/19/19 at 5:58 a.m. I did not just start calling Barbados on a whim to talk for 1 minute and I kindly request you take this off my bill. He would not and I cussed some more and hung up. I did call again this morning and talked to someone else and though it is on $3.00, it is my $3:00 and I don't/didn't want AT&T to have it for something they say i did, but didn't do. A$$holes!

and then I had to come to work today!! Not a fan of the work.

And so yard work begins too.

Have a great Monday!

IP

Day 2

Did not go to work this day...mental health day for me.

I baked tilapia that was in the oven and made a tilapia fish salad - it was ok. But I found a smoked chicken breast that I thawed out and ate 1/2 of. It was moist and delicious. I left the talapia for DH.

I picked up a book and could not put it down - murder mystery/whodunit...I read until almost midnight until I just had to go to sleep.

Day 3

DH put a chuck roast with potatoes and carrots in the crock pot.

I picked up the girl, she was happy and giddy...she is a 'girlfriend now' aww the trill of puppy love and the agony of the 'crush'!

B: mini bagel with cream cheese and a banana

L: 1/2 smoked chicken breast and grapes

D: chuck roast with potato and carrots

S: balanced breaks and pineapple for dessert

It was a good day.

Day 4

DH picked up the honey baked ham and smoked turkey. We are really not doing anything for Easter and i think the girl is even leaving early on Sunday to be with her mother and that family.

Tomorrow I took off for Good Friday and we have the concert to go to downtown Cleveland.

I got the girl a new bed/sheet/comforter set and curtains for her bedroom instead of an Easter basket. DH got her an iTunes card, she should be happy.

B: mini bagel with cream cheese and banana

L: left over roast beef sandwich, clementines

S: granola cups

D: smoked turkey

Doing better but trust when I say it is easier to have a mental health day than be here at work.

Have a great day! IP

Day 12 - did not finish tracking

Dinner was a Jersey Mike's Sub and I don't remember anything else I hate - just know it was a lot.

Did not track food

I had a terrible migraine headache all day I couldn't move. Steve's barking was at my tolerance level and I couldn't stand him barking. The light, bright light aggravated the issue so I stayed indoors out of the light. I was nausous and everything else that comes iwth the migraine. Saturday pretty much shot.

I don't even remember what we ate.

Did not track food

Dh was sick on this day. Stomach virus or something. He slept most of the day.

Finally about 6:30 we decide to go grocery shopping. There was hardly nothing left on the shelves - I guess you go early at this Wal-mart.

We had brisket for dinner - it was just ok (it was frozen from once upon a time)

Alas again...Day 1

DH is still sick, he is staying home from work

B: mini bagel with cream cheese, banana - 300 calories

L: turkey wrap on tomato basil with lettuce and tomato, 2 cuties, gogurt  - 307 calories

S: balanced breaks - meta orange appetite control drink - 195 calories

D: chicken fajitas with onions and bell peppers and avocado, cheese, sour cream - 687 - total 1484 for the day

Day 12

Got the girl, we had some pretty enjoyable conversation while she was over.

I made the chicken, brocolli alfredo for dinner, it turned out quite good. I way over did the calories for yesterday 2550....I don't think I have actually logged this many calories before. It's a real eye opener for me to truthfully log the calories, especailly all the extra snacking I did yesterday.

Work has been totally crazy and I have to go home for the weekend and regroup. The young kids 23-27 (there are four of them in the office) it amazes me just how out of touch with reality they are. it makes me sad. I have to bite my tongue sometimes to keep from saying something...but it's not my job, so I just move on and do my job and mind my business.

B: French toast toast

L: left over chicken, brocolli, alfredo

S: belvita, gogurt

I am hungry right his minute and have granola cups and a balanced breaks, but I'm not feeling either one of them.

anyway, tomorrow...who knows what the tides will bring!

Have a great weekend! IP