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innerpeace - Friday Feb 21, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Taking a break and getting my priorities straightened out.

I was talking to a therapist and he says...you either do or don't...you can't change your mind or change horses in midstream. He is so right. I was doing well on the WFPB, I made a little progress and then gove in.  It was Christmas Eve, DH says lets get KFC...because it was our tradition, to eat KFC every Christmas Eve. OK and then Christmas Day he cooked Prime Rib and it was delicious and then it just went on from there. But from the end of August until Christmas Eve I was great! What inside of me just threw all of that away for a KFC half@ss tradition.

Oh well, have a few things going on this weekend and the weather will actually be pretty nice. so maybe get a hike in or two.

I'll worry about food another day. Scale is steady.

Have a great weekend.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/22/2020:
The key to fitting food traditions into your life is to get back on track the very next meal, no excuses. I struggled with fruitcake and keto, too, so I know it's not easy. But in a nutshell, that's what has to be done.


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innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 18, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Big Fat Feeling sorry for myself entry and also a lesson in How Not to Adult coming up.

Friday night I just went home, I made black bean burgers with salad and avocado for dinner. I tried to stay awake until DH got home but he was late. He was late because he brought me tulips, my vanilla iced latte mix and a reeses for Valentine's Day. I love him so.

Saturday was a free for all with food, so much so I wonder why I come here and post, why I come here and try to manage my situation.

B: toast

Late Lunch: sushi and stuffed wonton

Snacks; gold fish, SnapD cheesit crackers, Reeses from Valentine's day, bowl of cereal, three or four of this brown bread DH bought - the brown bread The Cheesecake Factory serves before meals and then some meat from a chicken breast.

And no, I didn't make it to the gym. I did make it down to the basement to try and finish the storage shelf project we have going on down there.

Sunday again with the food

S: toast

Late Lunch/Dinner: ribe eye steak, salad and roasted potates

S: Pineapple popsicle - 2 of these

Did laundy and a whole lot of nothing else.

Monday - DH leaves to pick up the girl and I do get around and clean the house a little, dusting and vacuuming and organizing. The girl hangs out all day and she makes herself pierogies for lunch, but she doesn't turn the burner all the way on and about kills us with natural gas.

B: toast, vanilla iced latte

L: SnapD cheese it crackers

D: teriaki chicken and fried rice

 I asked DH to go to the gym with me, he says he will, but he doesn't. This will have to be on my own, I will have to step out of my comfort zone and do this.

So also - I was super angry with decisions I made concerning insurance. I can't believe I do this and then get myself in situations that irritate me. I changed dental insurance - YES I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS!! HIND SIGHT!

I was under the impression that my dental insurance paid their portion of the orthodontic care when the claim was submitted. How wrong I am - apparently they only submit payments for the entire amount through the treatment plan. This is what I did not know.

Anyway, I change dental plans and the new dental plan reads that there is a 12 month waiting period for orthodontal care - OK SO I don't need this because I'm thinking the old dental insurance paid what was owed (there $2000 lifetime amount) - YEAH this didn't happen. I was called and told the new insurance has a waiting period AND doesn't cover orthodontial treatment in progress...so now I have to freaking pay the remaining of what the first insurance didn't - which is $708. I cannot believe this BS here. I am so mad, I am mad that I apparently don't know how insurance works, that I now have to pay this out of my pocket - (I've already paid over $2700 for these braces) so what's $700 more. Bleepity bleep bleep. I am so mad!

I am in the mindset of "it's too easy to be complacent and want without putting in the work" quoted from BearCountryBB This is me to A TEE! I was doing so well with the WFPB and then all of a sudden I am right back to the dark side, with no remorse or no regrets I am right back in knee deep.

B: baked blue berry/black berry pancakes, iced vanilla latte

L: left over teriaki chicken and fried rice

S: zebra cakes

D: TBD

So the last four days have been wrapped up with a nice little let's make better decision bows.

This is going to be a painful journey!

IP

 

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
Yeah!!!! I hear you IP.....seems to be an epidemic right now......


Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2020:
can you possibly go back to the old dental insurance until she finishes her braces??


Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2020:
"it's too easy to be complacent and want without putting in the work" quoted from BearCountryBB i also face...it is a challenge to continually want to challenge oneself. but it's so scary when i feel myself falling behind in general with things...like exercise where i am at right now is very upsetting in terms of my cardio...

and just in general of my use of time...time to start thinking or rather doing..


legcramps on 02/19/2020:
Oh man, I hate dealing with insurance. I'm so sorry you're having these troubles! Especially when all you're trying to do is better your family.

Reset. WFPB. Take some small steps and start making your way back. I love black bean burgers - have you tried brown rice and chickpea burgers yet? They are also quite delicious :)


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innerpeace - Friday Feb 14, 2020

Weight: 328.9

DH brought me the girl's replacement contact so I gave it to her last night.  She was kinda sad that her mom's friend is moving in with them and she has to share her room and she calls her room at her mom's house a hobbit hole - so she will be losing her space. I told her there is a room upstairs with her name written all of it, but I don't she will tell her mom she wants to stay at her dad's house. I kinda feel sorry for that situation and I wish her mother could see that she isn't happy.

My back and chest are sore today from being sick and throwing up and dry heaving.

No Valentine's Day plans, DH said he wanted to cook steaks tomorrow.

I will probably go back to my WFPB eating, it is just so much work and planning, but I do believe it is worth it.

B: toast

L: PB&J, gold fish

D: TBD - I was hoping my avocado would be soft but it is still hard as rock. I put them in the refrigerator, I guess I will have to take them out for a few days.

Anyway, I hope you have a great weekend! IP

Still planning on going to the gym....tomorrow is my goal date to get in there!

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/15/2020:
I can not tell you how sorry I feel for your step daughter having to share her bedroom with her mothers friend....I am so sad for her. (Her mother is obviously a real piece of work!!)...and she fears telling her Mom. I am so happy though that you gave her the option to stay at your house and she knows that she has an out if she can get up the nerve to tell her mother. You are a super step mom....I'm sure that she feels that too...of course she is a teen ager and they have their "STANDARDS'......BUT KNOW THAT SHE APPRECIATES THAT!!!! Even if she doesn't voice that!!


horn_of_plenty on 02/15/2020:
I agree that you did everything you could for girlie indeed and sorry also for her situation at her moms.

I hope you feel better and vomiting and everything related is so uncomfortable!


legcramps on 02/18/2020:
I cannot believe she has to share her bedroom with her Mom's friend. That's absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous! And I am very sorry that she feels she can't approach her Mom to talk about it. To me it sounds like a deplorable living situation, and i'm sad that it seems nothing can be done about it :(


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innerpeace - Thursday Feb 13, 2020

Weight: 328.9

I got home and wasn't hungry so I didn't cook. When I finally did get hungry I ate fritos and buttermilk. This is something I have eaten since I was a kid. My grandmother ate it when she was little and passed it on down. However, this time it made me sick. At first I thought it was the same sick I had the night before but this time it was also accompanied by full on nausea. I threw up my butter milk and fritos and then felt bad the rest of the eveing.

DH brought me home some pepto and a diet sprite and then he put gas in my car because snow was coming in and I only had 1/4 tank. I love this man so much!!

I was up a few times in the night because of stomach cramps and more nausea. It was just not a good night again.

B: toast and diet sprite

L: PB&J...maybe depends on my stomach

D: TBD - I have to get the girl and I think we are using a Chipolte gift card - I will probably pass if I dont' feel better.

The girl's replacement contact lens came in, I guess I will go pick it up and give her another chance with contacts. If this doesn't work out...well then she can stick with her glasses.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2020:
i'll have to see about those kitchen sink cookies...

good luck to girlie and her contacts...and i hope you feel better :)


legcramps on 02/14/2020:
I hope you feel better soon! Being sick sucks!



innerpeace - Wednesday Feb 12, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Got the girl, she didn't have school and her mother said she could spend the night.

I tried to go to bed a few times, but I had a case of indigestion and reflux or something, I was miserable and laying down was not an option. Rocco the dog barked for about 30 minutes...at nothing. I don't know what his problem was. Dh came home and Rocco goes down stairs and then comes back up and jumps on my head...idiot dog. Cramps started then. It was about 1:30, I got up again and sat in the recliner. I may or maynot have falled asleep for an hour. Woke back up about 2:15 and took Pepto and chewed on some Tums. I finally felt better about 4:30. I called work and told them I would be in later than 8:00.  

DH was up and took the girl to school, I must of slept very good because I don't remember him coming back home. I work up about 9:30 and I did feel much better. Made it to work at 11:30.

I have three days to accomplish my goal of making it to the gym. This has been talked about multiple times, but no action yet. I will get there!

D: ceasar salad, 1/2 frosty, french fries

S: 2 kitchen sink cookies

fiasco last night....

B: toast

L: chicken sandwich from  Chick fil A

D: black bean burger, avocado

I sure hope tonight is better!

Have a great night! iP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/12/2020:
I hope you feel better today too!! :)

what'd you put in your "kitchen sink" cookies?!

I am on a HUGE cookie challenge / exploration where every weekend i like to make a new cookie to have with a yogurt and coffee for breakfast. it's keeping me from getting bored with breakfast!

innerpeace on 02/13/2020:
I didn't make them. I bought them at Aldi.



innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 11, 2020

Weight: 328.9

DH went to SAMs yesterday and got some stuff and he got a hair cut. I told him I would finish the shopping after work.

I tried. I wish I could explain what happens to me in the grocery store, I'm not sure if it's anxiety or just being overwhelmed. I feel like my brain is going a million miles an hour and I forget why I go in there. I have a list and I try shopping just off of the list, but I see things and think in my head, oh I could do this with that or I can make this with that and I get frustrated. And then if people are around me I feel rushed like I need to move out of their way or I'm in their way so I rush and It's just the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

I was at the refrigerator section with the glass doors and I needed a carton of eggs. There were just about four cartons of eggs and a few cartons that were left open because of broken eggs, and then right behind that cart was a brand new cart full of eggs. I watched as the man in front of me opened every remaining carton and made sure they were NO broken eggs in the dozen. He finally took the first one with no broken eggs and went on his way. I then saw a worker who asked another worker to finish the refrigerator section for him, I asked if he would change the eggs first. He switched out the carts and rolled the old cart away with the broken eggs and then brought back the three cartons that had no broken eggs and put them in the new cart. I just didn't want my eggs picked through I guess. I don't know.

These are just two of the reasons DH goes and shops and I love him all the more for it, and the fact, he enjoys this.

So needless to say once I got home I was totally exhausted and couldn't think of what I wanted for dinner, so I made bacon and eggs. Then I made BLTs for lunch today for DH and I and then cleaned up the kitchen.

B: fruity pebbles, milk

L: left over pizza from Friday

D: bacon and eggs, toast

Tuesday is the longest day of the week for me for some reason. I looked at the clock at it was on 12:30, I thought it should surely be almost 2:30...and now it is only 1:30, so I think time stops on Tuesdays.

B: toast and DH gave me a pretzel poptart (don't waste your money)

L: BLT, grapes

S: sweet and salty granola bar

D: TBD...I just don't know - toasted ravioli maybe. I have to get the girl and I don't have a clue what to feed her....she can eat pierogies. And I will make a salad.

Have a great 'never ending' Tuesday. IP

 

 

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/12/2020:
i wouldn't want picked thru eggs either ;)

shopping def requires some energy, yes...and i'm usually hungry after also!



innerpeace - Monday Feb 10, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Welp...weekend total failure! We were celebrating!

Friday I didn't leave the house, DH said that's what he wanted to do...nothing. He leaves at 2:30 to go get the girl. They bring home Papadias - flatbread pizza sandwhiches. I had a BBQ chicken, it was pretty tasty and then I had a Reeses cup.

Saturday we were up early and go to the eye doctor - I didnt' think this would las so long be we were there from 10:15 to about 12:30 - both appointments and then picking out glasses and getting these ordered. The girl got contact lenses and glasses....

DH said he wanted to go to Melt Bar and Grill for his birthday, it is a sandwhich place - I had a winner, winner, chicken dinner on a sandwich with gravy, mashed potatoes and spinach with the chicken on bread. I ate half. We did have some nachos as an appetizer...and then DH wanted ice cream seriously though...

When we got home...netflix...never again! I knew with my personality and how I can sit in front of the TV for hours on end, I knew this would happen. I have four more episodes to watch and then I am logging out and throwing the password away (it is my son's account)

Sunday - woke up with a headache and laundry and Netflix.

Monday - after I got out of the shower I received a phone call at 6:05 this morninig from the girl...she dropped her contact lense and couldn't find it...so there's that! There is the time in your life when you know what you've done wrong and you've know what you've done right...this was wrong, so wrong! It is only the trial pair so I can get another one, but this is not the point. I will get one more and see what happens...but then NO.

DH and I have decided the last week in March beginning of April (the girls' spring break) we are driving to OK to see my mom. I'm actually looking forward to going.

I will get better, things will get better, work will get better, all of this...

Have a great Monday! IP

 

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/10/2020:
Ohhh yay new eyeglasses are always a fun (expensive) treat! i do like going to get new ones...i get them in a couple months too!

i'd never heard of a Papadia before!

I got a bad headache over the weekend too...so scary as i never get them!

everything sounds nice, like your road trip :)


bearcountrygg on 02/11/2020:
Yeah..contacts and kids.....if you find the rubber bands to the braces all over the house...the contacts won't be far behind.



innerpeace - Thursday Feb 06, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Got the girl last night, she was whiney because of her teeth, braces and bands. I made soup and salad.

Didn't sleep very well. Loud squeeling noise wakes me up. This has happened before, I have searched and I can't find it. It is a loud metallic constant ear splitting squeal, it has lasts a few seconds to a few minutes. It is annoying. I thought it might be a belt on the furnace or something, but I have heard it and the furnance wasn't even running. I hear it loudest upstairs in the hallway and in the girl's bathroom. It is weird.

Work is crap!

Headache!

Ice and snow!

This morning I went through the Chick Fil A drive through and got a bacon and egg biscuit. I also picked up a four back of chicken and biscuit bites for lunch.

I have no idea what I am even hungry for for dinner.

I took tomorrow off for DH's birthday. He said he wanted to do a few things, we will see how motivated he is. We have the girl and they have eye doctor appointments Saturday.

Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/06/2020:
Nice to have tomorrow off....my legs want some days off. they are tired of sitting at a desk!


legcramps on 02/07/2020:
I hope you have the chance to relax and refresh your mind this weekend. Hopefully that headache takes a hike!


Donkey on 02/08/2020:
Work is crap - yep!



innerpeace - Wednesday Feb 05, 2020

Weight: 328.9

I got home and cooked the General Tso cauliflower, it turned out very good and i will probably eat this again. The sauce in the bottle thickens up when it gets hot, this I didn't know, and this made it even better.

I talked to the girl who went to the orthodontist and showed me he put elastics on and it was hard for her to open or mouth and talk. She will probably be miserable tonight and over the weekend.

I took off work for DH's birthday, probably won't do much, but he asked if I would stay home. I don't have a problem with that...at all.

Saturday both DH and the girl have the eye doctor so this should be fun.

D: General Tso cauliflower and Sam's club fried rice

Watched some of the SOTU, cleaned the kitchen and went to bed, slept good until the dogs and DH woke me up about 1:30.

B: toast

S: grapes

L: left over cauliflower and rice

D: soup and salad

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/05/2020:
i watched some of the SOTU address too...but then it was like 10pm and i decided i needed some sleep!

also, your meals sound very tasty!


Maria7 on 02/05/2020:
Soup and salad sounds wonderful!



innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 04, 2020

Weight: 328.9

The sun came up again this morning, so there's that!

Work on the other hand is wearing me down, to my last little ounce of patience. If I didn't need my paycheck so much, my life would surely be different.

I do remember going to the store this past weekend, but it was like everything I wanted to make last night, I didn't have a necessary item in my house.

I thought about making General Tso cauliflower, however, I couldn't find the General Tso packet - DH swore we had some. This morning he showed me a bottle of sauce, I was like I was looking for a packet not a bottle. Then I thought about making sweet and sour cauliflower but we didn't have pineapple so I made bean burritos.

Slept really good when I finally went to bed about 11:30.

B: cereal (cocoa pebbles) I don't recommend eating this after brushing your teeth - it did not taste good AT ALL

L: left over bean burrito, grapes

D: TBD - probably the cauliflower General Tso with fried rice

 

have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

legcramps on 02/04/2020:
Now i'm curious to know how you would spend your day if you didn't work, say if you were retired?

innerpeace on 02/05/2020:
I have these stories in my head, I would like to get on paper one day.


bearcountrygg on 02/04/2020:
I suspect we are all disgusted with winter...too much indoor time...dark in the evening, light later in the morning. Since retiring...I waste a lot of time....and we now wonder how we ever got everything done when we were working.....it did fill our days...and we always felt rushed and tired and like we never had time for the things we wanted to do........but...we both still talk about work a lot...and that was a lot of years ago......it's kind of like raising kids...while you are in the midst of it...it's exhausting...and when they grow up you miss those years. Retirement is nice, but it can also be too quiet and too lonely.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/04/2020:
lately i do not have some spices i want in my spice cabinet...so that's what i'm loading up on! including parsley!



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