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innerpeace - Monday Jan 28, 2002

Weight: 246.0

I was away for awhile due to an illness I have yet to figure ot what it is. I just know that the first two days, my bones were so sore I couldn't sleep, because my hips would just ache and ache, I couldn't sit because then my neck, back and shoulders would ache so I moped around the first two days. The third day I would alternated between sweating and freezing and had to survive through the first day of class. The fourth day was pretty much the same as the first, but I did have to go to work and that made it intolerable. Wednesday the fifth day I picked up an awful cough that still is with me. The doctor said it was brochitis, which I thought was reserved for smokers. Now over a week later I still have the awful cough that keeps me up at night, and my hips are still hurting.

Needless to say, I was naught for exercise, but I didn't manage to eat anything outragious either. I hope all are doing well, keep up the great work.

pastagal on 01/28/2002:
Sounds like a flu bug that turned into broncitis:{{ hope you get better soon,,but do get plenty of rest cause broncitis is really hard to get over,,,take care:}

garlic on 01/28/2002:
Your symptoms sound so uncomfortable. Hopefully you get better soon. Sometimes when you feel that bad, it makes you feel like you will never feel normal again. But you always do. Sounds like you've got a flu!!!

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 17, 2002

Weight: 0.0

I woke up and was late for work. I had no time for breakfast. That through my whole schedule off because then I was hungry before lunch. I have many, many errands to accomplish before I can go home after work, that means it will be dark and I will have to talk myself into some type of exercise.

Hope you all had a productive day.

pastagal on 01/17/2002:
Gosh i can relate ,i woke up the other day late and it messed my whole day up,,,oh well,,,there is tomorrow and i hope it is a better and brighter day for you:}}

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 16, 2002

Weight: 0.0

That's OK, I wouldn't expect everyone to understand about my "little chickies" at work. Please understand I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with "thin" or "skinny" people. It's there attitude I have problems with. It's their blatent disregard for other people and other people's feelings. Just general kindness is all.

Today was a short day. I took my little Kushka to the vet to get spayed, she was none to happy. I then waited for the cable man to come and install the road runner. My son isn't impressed, he still says the computer is slow. I swear some people just can't be satisfied.

Koko on 01/16/2002:
Hi, Jo Ann. Just a quick note. I'm kind of rushed these days and I hate it because I'm not able to leave comments to all you guys. You know I do read everybody every day, but the commenting I'm not able to do right now.

I can relate to your entry yesterday from both perspectives. I use to feel the exact same way. I'd seethe when a thin person said somethign about oh I can't eat this or oh I have to work out that. In October I was transfered to a new court with 3 women all about a size 2, all health/fitness nuts. "A" the chief made a comment one day while they were all in my office about fat people and then she apologized profusely and said I hope that didn't offend you. We had a real good heart to heart..."fat" me and "skinny" her about our perceptions of each other, etc. For example, I explained that not all fat people just sat on their butts all day without doing anything. I aslo wanted to know about a thin person's eating habits. That conversation in which all of them participated really opened up our lines of communication about that issue. From that day forward they weren't uncomfortable around me discussing being thin or someone being overweight and I am not uncomfortable around them if I'm eating candy or a burger or bemoaning working out.

Why int he heck did I just tell you all that? umm, yeah just to say that I can relate to your story and to suggest that it might help to talk to a thin person to hear about their struggles, etc. Honestly until I spoke with my colleagues I'd never discussed weight, eating habits, etc with someone who wasn't overweight. Go figure!!!! Hang in there and I hope you have a BRILLIANT Thursday!



innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 15, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Sitting at my desk yesterday, a very slim and attractive analyst was saying she had to go work out that evening because she had overeaten at lunch. I'm thinking to myself she probably ate an extra lettuce leaf or something and then I wondered do slim people say that around fat ones to make them feel bad or something? Or is it some kind of empathy to let me know that she has to work out to "sustain" her trim figure? I know this girl is a perfect size 5 and worries about working out. I say I'm not having a piece of birthday cake because I'm trying to lose weight. She has the gaul to say, WHY? Don't they know that makes them look stupid in my eyes and I don't care where they got a degree from? OH...so that's what the anal means in analyst.

The only thing that kept me from reaching up and snatching a knot on her head was that another worker said "it's all in the choices you make", and she replied, yeah, "I guess I didn't need to eat that whole sandwhich"

I left work thinking I had class at 5:30, but it doesn't start until next Monday. I went to a Chinese buffet at lunch, BIG MISTAKE. I tasted it all night long. I grilled a steak outside for my son and made him some macaroni and cheese. I then went and played cards with my friends until after 10, I should have went for a long walk or to the gym but I didn't make that choice. I really enjoyed drinking my water today. It was mighty fine.

Here's hoping you all make some great choices today. Smiles. Jo Ann

violetsareblue on 01/15/2002:
I frequently have those "knot snatching" moments. We have a woman here at work who weighs 120 lbs and is 6 feet tall. She has decided that we are discriminating with our little weight loss contest and she has started her own for people who want to lose 10 lbs, including herself. She is constantly saying, "This is our group and you can't be in it!" I just want to chain her to the stove and force her to eat until she throws up! LOL I am glad to see that you are keeping you sense of humor. I am sure that your choices will improve. I know after Chinese on Friday that I too am making much better choices. Have a good day.

SoccerMom on 01/15/2002:
I'm sure she didn't realize that her comments would make you feel bad. Even thin people need to work hard to stay thin...otherwise, they'd look like the rest of us! {grin} Next time, ask her where she goes, and if she's happy there. They might have a great gym you could try out.

Good job on the water! Have a great day, and ~~SMILE!~~

garlic on 01/15/2002:
I agree with you Soccermom, that IS why she is slim. Good for her for going to the gym after she overdid it. I can only dream about being that way. That would be a great goal for me except that would just be a complete personality change!!!!!

halley on 01/15/2002:
Even at a size 5 there can be a lot of fat on her body - She could be still in the midst of losing weight just like you. Don't be angry with someone just because someone has a nice figure and is still working on it.

innerpeace - Monday Jan 14, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Weekend turned out to be quite entertaining. I work until noon on Firday and I actually went out for a 2 mile walk. Friday night my son had some friends over and I was trying to entertain Brittney, she is ten and a few times I just wanted to shout "Please be still" she was just all over the place. I rented the "Princess Diaries" for her to watch and my VCR picked this night of all nights to break. She stayed up and watched the cartoon network all night long. I received a phone call at 3am, which turned out to be my very first love. It was exciting and strange. He called just because he had a dream about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I would have left to go and see him but with the kids over and having to get up for drill early, I said no, maybe another time. I'll probably wind up kicking myself in the butt for that.

Saturday was a drill day. For once we kept busy so it turned out to be an OK day. I did manage to watch the "Princess Diaries" it was the tape and not my VCR so Blockbuster gladly replaced it and I watched it with my girlfriend. It was a great movie, I just loved it. It inspired my friend so, she wants to apply to be a contestant on "Survivor". She said she would need my help trying to get back in shape. Great that makes two of us, so maybe we can motivate each other. We both have a reason to lose weight. Sunday was the same, I was kept busy all day, which for a change is great. We did alot of strenous work, putting up and tearing down tents. Sunday night was spent catching up on house cleaning and the laundry I don't get a chance to do.

I ate good, but I didn't get all my water in. I'm working on that. Tonight I'm going to get my hair cut and meet with my friend to see if we can come up with an idea for her video to submit with her application to "Survivor". I'm so excited for her, I hope she gets accepted.

You all have a great evening. Jo Ann

CharlieAngel on 01/14/2002:
Jo Ann: I am glad to see that you are feeling better about yourself. I love that you have changed your screen name to reflect your changing attitude. I think that I figured out that for me I just have to ask myself "is it worth it'? everytime I want to eat something bad. I, too, hate to exercise but have found the Leslie Sansone tapes to be remarkably easy and quick and still feel like I am getting a workout! Plus lifting the weights is totally the key! It really does kick your metabolism into overdrive. I wish that I had the guts to try to make it on to Survivor. If it weren't for the fact that Eddy was sick I would definitely try, but right now I don't feel that I could safely leave him alone for any length of time.....since I am the "enforcer" when it comes to diet and meds. Take care of YOU!! and have a blessed day! Love ya, Charlotte

innerpeace - Friday Jan 11, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 250.0

It's amazing what a chain of events will do to your thinking. Yesterday I couldn't leave work (what a nightmare just thinking about that) because I locked my keys in the car. I had a girl I work with take me to my mom's house (she wasn't home when I called - but the extra key is there)anyway, once we got there, mom was home and she took me back up to get my car. While I was there I found an old tape I had made while I was still on active duty. It was a bunch of short clips of HOOAH activities and exercises we trained in. There was a clip about and Airborne Operation (when I jumped out of airplanes) so I took it home and watched it.

Then... while I was watching it, I remembered how I felt. The pride was overwhelming. I want that again and I think that was finally my motivation to actually get back on track. And then if that wasn't enough I received a phone call from a friend I had while stationed at Fort Bragg and she was my roommate for two years in Hawaii. While talking to her I looked in the mirror and realized she wouldn't even recognize me anymore because of all the weight I've gained. This is a girl I jumped out of airplanes with and ran 4 miles a day with for almost 6 years. That can make you sit down and really look at things in a whole new prospective.

Yes, folks, that is all the motivation I needed. Now, I'm off to see how I'm going to deal with this.

Have a great day and enjoy the weekend I won't have. Jo Ann

PS. violetsareblue, my old name was BIGOLEJO

Butterf;y21373 on 01/11/2002:
You can do it!! If you were disciplined enough to be in the military, than you can do anything you set your mind to!! My father was in the Army for 26 yrs and we lived in fayetteville for a good majority of my childhood...my parents are still there!

violetsareblue on 01/11/2002:
I know you can do it! Anyone can if I can! LOL Just remember, we are always there for you. If you ever need some support just come here and read the stories of everyone like you. It gives you strength and motivation and empowerment. That's enough for anyone to acheive their goals. BTW: I had a feeling you were BigOleJo. I like your new name a whole lot better.

noshie on 01/11/2002:
WOW! The thing I fear..heights! You must have been givin my share. Sounds like a lot of fun though. Take care and enjoy what little of the weekend you will have. :)

Maria7 on 01/11/2002:
WOW! Jumped out of airplanes!

stellastarr on 01/12/2002:
How precious you are to recognize and embrace your "gift" tape from the Universe.... I am thinking that motivation comes in every form but some are just too powerful to ignore. You've got a great one and I am SO with you here. Love, Connie

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 10, 2002

Weight: 250.0

Had a hard night with a sick son. He couldn't sleep because of a cough he can't seem to get rid of. We went in for a throat culture but it came back negative. All the nurse had to say was "we can't do anything for a non-productive cough" and sent us on our way. So my son moped around all day.

I finally went out and bought some over-the-counter remedies. It was so funny, I had just seen a commercial for some cough syrup so that is what I went after, I never knew I had a touch of dyslexia. I went to the pharmasist asking for WD40. You should have seen the look on his face. He thought I was absolutely nuts, I didn't figure out why until he directed me to the automotive department. I looked at him and we both laughed. I wanted the Formula 44D, but I bought NyQuil Cough, DayQuil, Alka Seltzer Cold and Cough, Cough drops and a diet coke. I figured one of them might work, and they did for about 4 hours at a time.

I called the gym that I'm a member of and had them fax me an aerobic schedule, again. I really want to go and check it out but things will change on the 21st. I was admitted to the University of Oklahoma and will have class on Monday and Tuesday nights, so I have to plan around school.

I'll get re-motivated this weekend at drill, I know for sure. I hope you all have a great day.

violetsareblue on 01/10/2002:
Thank you so much for your note. It means a lot to know that there are others going through the same things. I have spent the last few minutes reading all of your entries. You have moved me to tears. So many of the points you made rang true with me. You have phrased them so much better than I ever could have. You are a very special woman and I don't think you hear that nearly enough. Congrats on OU. I am in Arkansas so I follow them pretty regularly. By the way, did you have another diary on here at one point and changed your name? Just wondering.

SoccerMom on 01/10/2002:
Oh my gosh...you're tooooo funny! WD40!! hahahahaha

Sometimes our kids have that chronic "tickly cough" (non-productive) and it's usually allergy related. Just a tiny post-nasal drip caused by allergies can make a kid cough, even if he's not coughing anything up. Changed anything in his environment lately? New laundry detergent, bar soap, pet in the house, anything?

Good luck finding the cause. Hope he feels better soon.

Have a great day...and Congrats on being admitted to the University! What are you going to study there?

RareDiamond on 01/10/2002:
Hope your son feels better. Even with going to school, I am sure you will fit exercise into your busy schedule.

SOU812? on 01/10/2002:
Thanks for your comment. I laugh at my irrationality too. I hope your son feels better and good luck with working out! -Kelly

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 09, 2002

Weight: 250.0

OK so far this morning I returned library books and dropped off the dreaded uniform to prepare for drill this weekend all before 7:00 am. I hate the thought of drill after having five weekends off. Oh how I hate it. I think Charlotte asked me long ago if I hated drill so much because I was overweight. My answer to that is mostly YES and partially NO. Yes because I feel uncomfortable with my weight and I'm not portraying a soldierly image, but I hate when we sit around and do nothing which is 1/2 the time. I could be catching up on laundry or doing something constructive, God forbid it would give me more of a chance to exercise. I really need to change my attitude.

I was driving to work today and passed by a Burger King with an inside playground with all the plastic colored balls. I remember when my son was little, my parents would make a special trip to this one Burger King so he could play in the balls. He would always get so excited that he got to go. He would always say, he was going to 'jump in the balls' with such enthusiasm. Once he got there it was a bear to get him out, he had so much energy and never wanted to leave. Well, I'm going to look forward to, not just exercise, but everyday as 'jumping in the balls'. Aren't kids the greatest?

Yall have a great day!

CharlieAngel on 01/09/2002:
You have the right idea! Everday is brand new with no mistakes in it. I, too, want to be able to look forward to exercising and moving my body. I want to be able to play volleyball at the beach and tennis with my sister and join in on some of the sports that we play here at the office. I know that I could do that now, but am really too self conscious. But, hey, this is our year and I just know that we will end it in a positive way. We will all have lost some weight and gained some perspective. When you are just sitting around doing nothing at drill....could you take a walk maybe? Have a blessed day! Love, Charlotte

kyrin on 01/09/2002:
Get as much as you can out of the weekend experience. Everything that we do while on earth is a state of being. Being loving, being kind, being active, etc. Choose to be the "best you" you can.



innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 08, 2002

Weight: 250.0

I have all these great ideas, but I just don't know how to go about setting them into motion. I read a "CATHY" cartoon long ago with the caption "Strong enough to make plans, but to weak to keep them" I wrote that down, because I knew somewhere in my life it would pertain. Boy, did I find out where, trying to diet and lose weight.

I read in someone's journal entry (I forgot who, sorry) that they were so much more happy at their current weight and still couldn't believe they had weighed so much. Well, I think I have been overweight for so long I can't remember what it felt like. I remember what I did and I even kept some of the things I wore, with hopes I could someday wear again, but I don't think I remember ever appreciating the way I felt. That will be something to look forward to.

I also read some journal entries and think to myself, how can these people who weigh, what I consider to be my idea weight, need to lose weight? Sometimes it disturbs me to think they want to be smaller. Now I realize how everyone has opinions of themselves and need to be at ther goal weight but I can't see how someone who weighs under 130 pounds messed up their diet because they ate an extra chip at lunch. Sorry to be so hateful, those are just my feelings and I'm not finger pointing, so I hope no one gets paranoid and thinks I'm talking about anyone, because I'm not. I'm just having my own little pity party, which i have to take part in, with hopes of improving my motivation. I can think to myself. One day...one day...I'll get there.

Thanks to Connie and Christy for trying to get and keep me motivated. Hugs to you both.

CharlieAngel on 01/08/2002:
What can I say but DITTO! You expressed my thoughts exactly. When I weighed 118 back in the day, I thought that I was fat but that was because Twiggy was the ideal and I had curves....now, I would give so much to be down to just 155....Just keep trying every day and I just know that this time we will be successful....love, Charlotte

Maria7 on 01/08/2002:
I LOVE you entry today...didn't think I've been reading you, did you? You 'say it like it is'...your true feelings and that is what we are all here for...to VENT...cause if we let out our pain, we will be less likely to STUFF our feelings by overeating....so VENT and don't apologize! Love, Maria

pastagal on 01/08/2002:
I can relate,,but i think also that no matter what size or what the numbers read on the scale,it all boils down to how YOU feel about yourself inside,,,i know for me when i got to 125,which is a good size for my height,i still didn't feel good about my size,,i guess being so short i would feel better alittle smaller,anyway,i wish you the best and YOU can do this and with the help of others you will do this;} just remember it takes time,,lots of commitment and ya gotta want it bad,,i know for me yr & half ago something clicked and i was finally able to make it happen,,tho i slipped up over the past couple months and gained some back,but i know why and how i did that,,,and now i am on track again and plan on staying here:}}have a wonderful evening ok:}

innerpeace - Monday Jan 07, 2002

Weight: 250.0

I always tell myself I'm going to write something in my journal. I'm here everyday and usually respond to a few entries but I don't take the time to write an entry for myself.

I had a good weekend eating wise, but I'm still having trouble getting motivated to exercise. I have been drinking all my water too, and you know, I do think I feel better.

Along with Charlotte's question about the single shoe, why do people push the elevator button more than once, do they actually think the elevator car will arrive sooner? That is so funny to me, to watch the people in the bank do that. One day I'm going to ask them.

I have totally cut out my 3 cookies for breakfast. Every morning I would go upstairs and get 3 sugar cookies and enjoy them for breakfast. Now I'm eating a piece of fruit, which I can't believe myself. I even ate an apple, which is very good for me, because I don't think I like them. The verdict is still out.

I also can't believe how my state is freaking out just because a football coach my stay or go. Come on guys it's just football.

You guys have a great evening.

kyrin on 01/08/2002:
Hi Jo!

It's kind of hard to get motivated to exercise in the winter. It means taking off all the layers of nice warm clothes and puttin on something else--like shorts and t-shirt--something that you can get sweaty in. Why would I want to do that? I'm already nice and warm in my sweater and fuzzy socks. LOL Try turning on the radio or the stereo. Leave your sweater and fuzzy socks on. Just start beboppin' to the tunes. Dance those little fuzzy socks and sweater right off. ...Must caution you though. Dance activity can lead to other things--especially if a significant other is around to see the strip-fest when you start warming up. Of course, that's all exercise too. LOL

I'm proud of you for switching your breakfast to something besides just cookies. But where is it written that you can't have an apple AND a cookie (just one)? Got milk?

Have a terrific day, Jo!!!



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