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innerpeace - Tuesday Nov 27, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Since my DH is working second shift which ranges from starting at 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm - they call, he goes. Sometimes he gets home before I go to bed, sometimes not. Even though he is not at the house, his daughter still wants to come over, she says to get a break from the people at her house, which is ok, so I have her twice a week or once, depending on if she is going to be at our house during the weekend. With that being said, I am home alone from 4:30 until after 11:00.

This is my fat and no one else's. I just can't seem to find the motivation to make myself do something besides sit in front of the TV. Last night I thought about doing zumba or yoga and I went into the family room and saw the mess in there (from the cabinet fiasco) and sighed and went back to the living room. I did move the microwave back into the kitchen, so I did do one thing and I thought a lot about doing something else, I just couldn't actually do it. I've asked myself this question several times....

I have conversations at work and say I want to stop drinking dairy, I think it is one of the reasons I have skin issues, but I could only manage to NOT do dairy for two days. WHY? Is this not important to me? How can I just keep giving into cravings and giving up on everything I try?

I commend you all, who have routines, who keep them and make progress. I am so proud of you and I cheer for your success every day!

Last night in between watching TV, I made chicken paprikash - DH wanted this for dinner so I made it. It was okay, but not my favorite, and I had a slice of red velvet cake roll.

B: maple cheeries, vanilla iced latte

L: chicken paprikash

S: balanced breaks

D: TBD but I think DH put meatballs in the crock pot, I will see when I get home.

Have a great evening!  Preparing for change!

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/27/2018:
Changing habits is HARD!!!! I still fall down alot! But every day that I don't fall down gives me hope to keep on.........I too have times when I think I should be doing something around the house...but it's easier to just put it off.....that often is when I get my trusty old timer out and set it for 5 or 10 minutes...and get as much done in that short time as I can....sometimes that is all it takes to get me moving...even after the timer stops. And if I decide that is enough then at least I got that done.

graindart on 11/27/2018:
Everyone is different and not everything works for everyone. With that said, here's my perspective and what worked for me. (Down 100 lbs since April 2017, but it's still a daily struggle.)

1. Change ONE thing for the better and be successful at it for a period of time. Since it's only ONE thing, no making excuses to yourself for failure. As an example, one change I made at the beginning was paying for my gas at the pump and not going into the gas station. Before that one change, I would usually pick up a candy bar, soda, and maybe a bag of chips each time I needed gas for the car. It was a simple change and it only affected me once every week or so. (It still felt like I was unfairly denying myself, but no excuses and I was successful at it.) Did it have any monumental effect on my weight? No, but it did give me something to be proud about. A small step in the right direction that I could build upon.

2. After you've owned that one thing for a set period of time (30 days or whatever), do NOT celebrate by allowing yourself to break that new better habit again. But rather continue on with that one thing and add one MORE little change for the next 30 days.

3. Be accountable to someone somewhere. For me, that means posting here at DD daily. I often times don't feel like it and often times don't have much to say, but I try to do it daily to keep myself on track. (I strayed from doing it over the summer and gained a lot of weight back that I'm now having to re-lose.)

4. If you're like me, you can never out-exercise your mouth. I can sit down and binge eat 3000-5000 calories pretty easily. However I could never exercise enough to counteract that amount of caloric intake. So for me, I knew that losing weight was 99% dependent on me controlling my food intake. In fact, I didn't add any exercising to my routine until I had lost 90+ lbs. So for one of my changes, I started recording everything I ate using a phone app to keep track of all calories. Set a limit on the number of calories I could eat and stopped when I ran out of allowance for the day. When I first started the daily allowance was pretty high since I weighed 283. Looking back at my records, the calculations were somewhere around 2600 calories per day to lose 1 lb per week. Of course it's different for men/women, activity level, age, etc. But when you're ready, choose a daily calorie limit you're willing to commit to and work it for a month with no excuses. And I'd suggest setting it fairly high initially to keep from feeling overly deprived. The goal is to make a positive change one month at a time and build upon it. If you're like I was, I'd have some sensible days where I'd eat 2000-2500 calories, but then I'd also have those days where I'd eat twice that amount and make myself sick. Initially setting a 3000 calorie limit per day would seem crazy high to a lot of the thinner people around, but if you're like I was, there are days that just staying below 3000 calories would be considered a big step in the right direction. After a month of staying under 3000 calories, drop the daily limit by 100 calories.

Would it have been better for me to have changed all of my bad habits for good ones in the beginning? Started eating right, exercising lots, etc all at the same time? Maybe if I was someone else. I've tried changing everything all at once many times (January 1st many years in a row), but have always given up after 1-3 weeks because it's just too hard for too little reward. I'm envious of anyone that can do it all at once and be successful with it, but that wasn't me when I weighed 283 last year. And I'd guess that the vast majority of people aren't able to make such huge changes at once and stick with them either.

Sorry for the extremely long reply, but I feel like I know where you're coming from. Why is it so hard? Why am I so powerless to better myself, when I clearly say I want to? Why do I keep falling into the same bad habits over and over again? Why do I keep shoveling stuff in my mouth when I'm already feeling like crap from eating too much junk? Why do I see so-and-so eating the same stuff I'm eating and yet they only weigh 150??????

Maybe I'm reading my own thoughts into your post, but it brings back my own feelings of hopelessness and feeling helpless. I've been overweight for most of my life and it sucks. Slowly changing habits for the better has also sucked for me. Wish I could say it was easy or worth it every day, but it's still a struggle. Has it been worth it? Yes, but still a struggle and I know that I can easily regress and gain back that 100 lbs in less than a year if I don't stay accountable and on some type of plan.

Sorry this reply is insanely long. The advice above is as much a reminder to myself as it is advice directed toward you. Since there are a lot of words above, let me sum them all up into a one paragraph course of action (if you're ready):

Choose ONE small thing to change starting right away and lasting throughout the month of December. Don't choose something major, keep it small and attainable for the entire month. Don't go out and have one last binge on whatever change you're making, but start it right away. Be accountable to someone or post here daily. Wherever you're accountable, let them know every day that you've been successful. It's only one small thing, so no making excuses. Have an emergency plan for what you'll do if you're about to break your one habit change. For me and not going into the gas station, out of habit I went in once and bought something before realizing what I was doing. I hate 'wasting' stuff, but after buying it and realizing what I'd done, I threw it in the garbage before getting back in my car just to keep myself on-track. When I'm on a daily calorie limit like currently, there have been days where I just had to put myself to bed at 7pm because I'd run out of calories and knew that if I stayed up I'd fail.

Donkey on 11/28/2018:
I agree with both Bear & Gains: It's hard - really hard. Take one step at a time, one change at a time. Every day is Day One.

horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2018:
In continuation with those above.... I agree wholeheartedly with Bear, Gains & Donkey :)

Habits are soooo ingrained and hard to change. Habits on eating and emotional habits in general ....let me continue soon...

horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2018:
so it took me years to get back to this weight that i love.

but it's a lifestyle not a diet.

it's not about NOT eating, it's about swapping....and it would be helpful if however you eat, that the people living in your house will eat the same way as you...or i do not see any easy way out of your habits?

either way it's not easy, but you must keep this knowledge: that you can do it, that you can be in control.

horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2018:


the two of them above, bcgg and grains, have changed so much since they have joined. i have changed, too. and so has Donkey. we have all learned so much and still we work to do better and even work at maintenance. it's a lifestyle of change and desire to eat differently than we did before.

you will have to find alternatives, eating more fruits and veggies, and perhaps read up on some books to help...this is how i did it....i have a good book for you...it's called "Eat your Way to Sexy" by Elizabeth Somer

innerpeace - Monday Nov 26, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Ok, I'm glad Thanksgiving is over. No kids, so DH and I just did things. He wanted to put up outside Christmas decorations so did that for almost 10 hours on Thanksgiving Day...and then was moaning about being sore that night.

Friday we picked up the girl and did some Christmas shopping, I don't know what possessed us to do this on Black Friday but we did. We left about 9:00 so it wasn't too bad, most of the crazies had come and gone by then.

Saturday another chill day.

Sunday the usual house cleaning.

I haven't been stuffing my face or over eating but I haven't been following a specific plan and/or exercising, so I didn't feel I had anything to contribute to the site, hence my absence.

Of course I also have drama. All through the month of October DH kept in contact with our cabinet installer, however, around the end of the month the installer kept dodging DH and or giving him excuse after excuse, so DH went to his shop and found out he closed. Moved everything out of his shop and took off. So I am livid that this moron took our money too. There were about six other people he did the same to. One of the other victims was out $160K, so I feel fortunate to have only lost $2500. They did an investigative piece on it and it made me feel a little better, but still. What a big @ssholl. He has until 12/1 to reimburse our money or we will have to go to small claims court, however, I don't see us getting this money back. Here's a link to the news story:


So then DH and I go to a National Design store and the salesman was adament he couldn't match my existing cabinets. I tell him once, twice, three times, to get as close as he can. He then says, I've been doing this for 27 years and you won't be able to match your existing cabinets. So with all the crap I've been through (above) I just tell him. Look, sir, I appreciate the fact that you have 27 years experience, however, you are not going to sell me an entire kitchen of cabinets, YoU are not going to sell me something I do NOT want NOR need. This crazy @ss man, slams his hands down on the desk and says, OK, goodbye, you can leave. I said, excuse me, You are not going to help me? Nope, good bye. I kinda get loud and say, you are just kicking me out of your store. YEP, You are DISMISSED. OH NO he did not just say that. I get all loud and ask him who he thinks he is, dismissing me from a public store. This causes a screaming match and then DH jumps in, telling him he doesn't talk to his wife like that and the manager comes over and DH says he should be fired, treating us like that and OMG it was the worst thing ever! The manager cools everyone down and decides to help us himself. This was 2.5 hours of my life I will never get back. So after all that and we got the deisgn figured out we left. And then we talk to Home Depot and Lowes and a local cabinet company and we decide to get the cabinets from Home Depot and the counter top from the National Design store (this was a different section we had to did with at this store) I would not buy the cabinets there if they were the last place on earth! Needelss to say, my kitchen was not done for Thanksgiving and it will not be done for Chirstmas either...maybe by Valentine's Day. What a freaking nightmare!

Picked up new glasses and see better.

My face is having a freaking stress blow out and resembles pizza.

Called my son in Georgia and he believes he will be able to come up for Christmas.

work is work.

So that's where I've been, just living life...not making big progress but still have high hopes.

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/26/2018:
Oh no! That's horrible, i'm so sorry you had so much trouble over your renovations! I hope that guy steps up and pays back your money, but I know not everyone is honorable. I sure hope you guys can get the cabinets done soon so it doesn't have to be such a source of stress any longer.

BearCountryGG on 11/27/2018:
There are a lot of devious construction companies out there.....it's sad...we had a construction company and people were of course cautious....we gained their respect and over time and got plenty of work mostly by word of mouth.......if you continue with your project...ask around....look for neighbors of coworkers or friends in your area for recommendations.....I hope you have better luck the next time.

horn_of_plenty on 11/27/2018:
please don't feel you have nothing to contribute.

even if you just write about activities you are doing with family, it's enough :)

even if you aren't following specific eating plans and exercise, i'm glad you weren't stuffing your face! :)

Listen!!!!!!!!! you have a NEWS STORY!!!!!!!!! the evidence is against him. maybe think of it like YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT! YOU WILL GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

hey, if you aren't confident you are getting money back, why even try!? REMAIN CONFIDENT!

i have been reading a lot about stress and yes it messes with your face....i've also been reading this great new book, healty eating...and i totally need a makeover on my own diet!!!!!!!!

in the new year, i'm going to try to change to healthier choices: fish, more lean meat, much more leafy greens, and healthy whole grains are my plans to add...as well as using more spices.

innerpeace - Thursday Nov 08, 2018

Weight: 319.4

DH put a pork roast in the crockpot...that is it! No potatoes or carrots.

D: pork roast, 1/2 avocado

Just a reminder that my kitchen is soon to be under construction. Construction was supposed to start tomorrow, however, DH received a text that he must push it back yet again and will be at my house first thing Monday. It's funny how he has all this trouble getting my project started but didn't have a problem cashing my check. We will see. I told my DH I'm really not in the mood to deal with this.

I had not one but two of the individual servings of cheese cake!! I knew this would happen as I have no kind of self-control whatsoever! and then that wasn't enough so I had peanut butter and crackers. Had my calories way over - about 2200.

I left my phone at the office last night.

B: just crack an egg, iced tea

L: fage yogurt, pork roast, avocado

S: balanced breaks

D: DH put in some penne pasta with meatballs - will se ehow this turns out after I get the girl.

Water intake still very good. I feel better and also feel like my skin may be doing better as well. Could be my imagination and/or wishful thinking.

Any hoo! I will continue to march.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/08/2018:
Hope your kitchen gets done soon...did they at least order your materials?

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
Lol why no potatoes and carrots!? haha

ah, i'm sure the cheesecake and pb tasted good though!

all meals look great today!!! just great!!!

keep marching is right!!! :) me too! easy night over here!

Donkey on 11/16/2018:
Hope you're going OK...

innerpeace - Wednesday Nov 07, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Work is stressing me out.

Monday I get home and baked some chicken. I had baked chicken tenders and avocado and tomato for dinner.

Doing well on my drinking water.

Tuesday - stressed out at work. So irriatated I wanted to pull everyone else's hair out. Just stay away from me!! DH bought me more sugar free koolade - chrystal light packets - the pineapple is delicious.

B: last of the maple cheerios, milk, vanilla iced latte

L: chicken tenders, avocado

S: balanced breaks

D: Chicken apple sausage, green beans

Got the girl and brought her over, she did her homework and talked about her upcoming birthday. In years past, I did not decorate the hough for Christmas until after her birthday. This year, she isn't over on her birthday and it will be two weeks before Christmas before we see her, so we have decided to have her birthday the first weekend of December, this will be about a week early, but with DH working 2nd shift, he doesn't even get to see her during the week. She just rattled on and on. She left at 8:00.

I cooked the rest of the sausage for lunch today.

B: last of the peanut butter cheerios (yes this is a thing)  - last of the vanilla iced latte (have no plans to replenish stock, as we have to drive out of town)

L: chicken apple sausage, fage yogurt

S: balanced breaks

D: pork roast

November has been a success with water and sweets! Will continue to drive on.

Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/07/2018:
Lots of good choices there!

BearCountryGG on 11/07/2018:
Congrats on the 2.2 pound loss!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
THE AVO AND CHICKEN TENDERS sounds yum yum yum good!

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
with work, remember how they NEED you! :)

innerpeace - Monday Nov 05, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Had a great weekend. I just can't bring myself to sit down at the computer at home on the weekend.

Saturday - we were running around. I ordered my new eyeglasses finally. The girl got her eyebrows threaded and then DH got some new jeans. I also found the Maple Cheerios, which are delicious.While shopping DH asked if I wanted a candy while waiting in line at Target...uh...NO!


B: waffle, egg, bacon sandwich, iced vanilla latte

L: maple cheerios, milk,

D: 1/2 French dip sandwich and bowl of tomato basil soup - restaurant

We went to a TGIF/Applebee's kind of restaurant before the play. I had a macaroni and cheese bite and a mozzerella stick off the appetizer tray DH ordered. Then I had a bowl of soup and 1/2 sandwich. I was very happy with what I ate. We then went to 5 and below - just wasting time before the play and again with the candy. NO I DON'T WANT ANY!! The play was cute and I did have 1 sugar cookie we bought at the play for a fund raiser for the kids.

Sunday - DH went shopping and I did laundry. Suprisingly the girl's mouth wasn't Sore at all, so she was pretty happy about that. I just say...YET. I'm sure it will get sore once they tighting the wires a little more. She has a great attitude about it though. I walked the dog and we found a little yorkie running around alone. He followed us. I knocked on one door and asked if the puppy belonged to them,, they said no. The puppy followed me home so I took him in the house. I didn't want him lost or snatched up or attacked by other dogs. The girl and I entertained Her for a few minutes and sure enough the owner came out and was walking up and down the street. I asked if she was looking for her puppy and we gave her back. Steve wasn't asking very friendly toward her and he was happy to see her leave. He is such a brat!

B: maple cheerios

L: beef jerky, white cheddar popcorn

D: spinach, artichoke ravioli with grilled chicken

S: cheese cake dessert - indiivudal pack - this is how I have to eat dessert in individual/pre-portioned sizes.

Very happy with my water drinking this weekend. And I stayed below my calores and was able to deal with it, so will start off this week good.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/05/2018:
Sounds like it was a great weekend!

BearCountryGG on 11/05/2018:
GOOD EATING...and good saying NO to candy!!! And Steve was feeling a little jealous....how cute......you might have saved the puppy from getting hit by a car.......happy she is back home safe...and I'm sure Steve is happy too...LOL

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
SAME HERE, it's sometimes hard to come on here on the weekend and comment / post as i do during the week!!! :)

isn't it great getting new eyeglass frames!!!! so fun to get a new look...in my opinion!

Donkey on 11/06/2018:
Nothing wrong with having to have pre-proportioned serving sizes for dessert. Extremely helpful, I find...

innerpeace - Friday Nov 02, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Today was crazy. I was only to stay at work for half the day and it seems like everyone at the headquarter's office had some kind of request. I wondered if they even worked Monday-Thursday.

Drank more water, swelling in feet has subsided a bit, will continue to drink more.

B: frittata

L; 1/2 roast beef and cheese sandwich

S: balanced breaks

D: 2nd have of roast beef and cheese sandwich

Met DH and the girl at the orthodontist's office. DH went to work and I got the girl and went home. She ate soup. I'm thinking her mouth will be sore tomorrow.

Have a great night.

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 11/02/2018:
Hugs. Love how you keep plugging away! You are unstoppable.

Donkey on 11/03/2018:
^ Echoing what Happy said :)

bearcountrygg on 11/03/2018:
Sounds like the girl is taking the discomfort very well....I know my son was in a lot of pain...but I think that they are so happy to get their teeth straightened...they willingly put up with it......it is a long hard haul though...it does get easier.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
why did you have so much swelling? a lot of salt?

like bcgg says, it's worth the pain for the beautiful smile! i thank my parents so much for giving me the "gift of braces"

innerpeace - Friday Nov 02, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Today was crazy. I was only to stay at work for half the day and it seems like everyone at the headquarter's office had some kind of request. I wondered if they even worked Monday-Thursday.

Drank more water, swelling in feet has subsided a bit, will continue to drink more.

B: frittata

L; 1/2 roast beef and cheese sandwich

S: balanced breaks

D: 2nd have of roast beef and cheese sandwich

Met DH and the girl at the orthodontist's office. DH went to work and I got the girl and went home. She ate soup. I'm thinking her mouth will be sore tomorrow.

Have a great night.

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
glad you are feeling better after drinking some water.

from my experiences with braces, the soreness is mostly at the beginning, and then you just get used to the tightening whenever you go...and it never hurts as bad as it used to. soup is healthy... :) she's looking so pretty in your photos. very pretty girl.

innerpeace - Thursday Nov 01, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Happy November!

Very busy week. Someone's big idea to have a chili cookoff grew into a huge event that somehow landed on my desk. It turned out to be a building wide function (there are three different agencies in my bulding) and again, somehow it became my project to organize and schedule and plan. I guess that's a perk of my position, same someone forgot to mention. But despite the stress, I believe everyone had a great time and it turned out fantastic of course, just took much more of my time than I anticipated. And I didn't win...I think I came in 6th. Oh well.

Girl was over and passed out candy to the trick or reaters. It was cold and rainy and I'm surprised we had any at all, but she did manage to give away the entire 5 pound bag of candy. I told her if she didn't give it away, she would take it home with her. I had 4 fun-size twix - probably the size of one regular pack.

B. maple, brown sugar oatmeal; iced vanilla latte - 400

L: home made pizza (2 squares) - 534 (I used the recipe maker on the Lose it app and added all my ingredients - I thought it looked like just a few calories, I went back and review the recipe and i forgot the cheese)

S: yogurt

D: I don't know yet

Friday I am leaving work early to take the girl to get her top braces finished. Then I am going to vote.

Saturday we have errands and I really need to get my new eye glasses ordered. We have tickets to go see ELF a play put on by a local theater. It is a few towns over. We are supposed to go to dinner before the show.

And then Tuesday - they are finally supposed to start the cabinet installation. I can only hope they are finished before Thanksgiving.

Have a great evening. IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
A chilli cookoff sounds so fun at work!

Let me tell you, i GET IN TROUBLE, for handing out Avocado Brownies.

that's cool they placed you in charge of planning <3 feel positive they can trust you!

innerpeace - Wednesday Oct 31, 2018

Weight: 319.4

Back on the wagon tomorrow...Day 1 of everything!

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 10/31/2018:
Hugs! Day 1 for me too.

BearCountryGG on 11/01/2018:
You can do it.

horn_of_plenty on 11/01/2018:
woooohoooo! we are here for you always, INNERP!

innerpeace - Thursday Oct 25, 2018

Weight: 319.4

My schedule is all out of whack, my kitchen is in disarray. These are my excuses today. My dog has a routine and he doesn't like change...neither do I, except I don't poop on the floor when I get mad.

The granite slab is in for the countertops, still waiting on the cabinets, funny I thought this would be the other way around.

DH working 2nd shift - is the worst thing EVER! The only good thing about this, is I have been eating less. I will cook but I pack that up for lunch the next day and I have just been having small meals...by myself.

B: blueberry muffin. I took a brownie but one bite, I had to spit it out and I tossed the rest in the trash. This girl...does not do dark chocolate of any kind. I find it bitter and really unpalatable.

L: cream cheese and crackers, Subway cookie

S: balanced breaks

D: I think calzone. The girl can put what she wants in hers and I will put what I want in mind. DH just takes everything, he don't care, but again this will be for lunch tomorrow.

DH gets home about 12:30, I tried staying up when he went in at 2:00 pm, but he is going in at 3:00 pm and the one extra hour I just can't stay up. He putts around the house doing I don't know what and takes a shower about 2:00 in the morning, I think he finally made it to bed at 3:30 am. Seriously...this isn't working for me. My sleep is getting disrupted when I do finally go to bed. Not my idea situation, but I will figure somthing out.

Putting off going to the VA, do NOT want to hear that PCP **** about my weight again. I will do the mammogram though!

AND then I was sad all morning because of those stupid memories on FACEBOOK. One of my soldiers from Fort Bragg died unexpectedly a few years ago and the book of face feels I need to be reminded about it.  I''m still really saddened, disbelief all over again.  he was so young and died of a brain aneursym, he had three boys all young (18, 13, 5).


Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 2.2 lbs lost so far, only 109.4 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/25/2018:
I didn't like it when D worked nights either....but airport construction has to be done then...……….for me the worst pat was keeping everyone quiet all day so he could sleep..

Donkey on 10/28/2018:
^I agree with Bear, the worst part was keeping everyone quiet during the day while the husband slept.

happy-1 on 10/31/2018:
LOL... What if you DID poop on the floor when you got mad? Oh the things we will be able to get away with in our 90s

horn_of_plenty on 11/01/2018:
wow a dark chocolate brownie....yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dang those subway cookies are madddd goooood!

welcome back!

i hope DH starts out on a diff shift soon if there's a chance of it?

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