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innerpeace - Wednesday Mar 11, 2020

Weight: 328.9


Mindless thoughts

Today my mind has been all over the place - Water - when I was maybe four or five I almost drowned in Lake Texhoma. My parents were still married so I was young. Anyway I just remember my sister coaxing me out further than I should have went and I just remember stepping out a bit too far and the next thing I remember I was gulping water bobbing up and down in the lake. I couldn't touch the bottom and I was flailing my arms trying to grab onto anything, but there was nothing there...not even my sister. The next thing I knew my dad grabbed me by both arms and held me barely above the water and kept asking me 'if I'd had enough" and "was I going to listen and stay in the shallows" he was yelling at me like it was something I wanted to do...drawn! yes, yes I believe everyone should experience that at least once in their life. He took me back to shore. He was in jeans and a t-shirt and he was only wet to about his chest. I hated my sister that day.

Also today I watch the people in my office run in and out to the filtered water in the hallway. A lot of them do this, I guess I just don't drink enough water.

And then last night I was washing my hands again...and I was just watching the water, it is a miracle. What makes it wet? I know it is oxygen and hydrogen but what exactly is it? I just watched it running through my hands and wondered.

When I was in jumpschool in Georgia, we had to carry around a canteen. We did stuff all day and it was hot. Every so offten the Black Hats (the instructors) would yell at us "DRINK WATER" and like little robots, all of us would take our canteen out and drink water. On this one particular day we were running back to our company area and when we were finished and as we were standing in formation we heard "DRINK WATER" we drank water...again 'DRINK WATER" empty your canteens. They gave us a minute or two and then told us to hold the canteen upside down over our head to verify that we had drank all the water. This morning I googled exactly how much water that canteen held...it was only 32 ounces, but on that day it felt like a gallon. Force hydration much?  I guess I don't drink enough water.

This morning I was googling the map of representatives for the State and then I wanted to know the congressional representatives. I also never knew what the majority leader and miniorty leader were until today. I guess I never really cared that much about politics to care about the differences. I also learned all the representatives voted for the Speaker of the House and I then wanted to know what the hell they were all smoking to vote for Nancy Pelosi...because just NO.

I also looked at district maps and wondered how the hell they determine where district boundaries and lines will be. I know it has to do with population but...damn!


Yesterday the girl didn't have school. DH picked her up early and they spent the day together. I forgot my lunch and they brought it to me. DH came up to my office still in his pajamas, God bless him. I was so embarassed and NOT at the same time.

I get home at 4:30 and was about to get dinner started when DH called and asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. The first thing I asked was "did you get fired" he chuckled and said no, we lost power at the shop and the electric company can't get here until after 7:00 so they are sending everyone home. I told him we always go to dinner, his reply was....'not on a weekday'! So I said, sure we can go to dinner.

The girl mentioned we always eat out. Yes, we eat out more than we should, but it is sometimes hard to go get her and then get home right about 6:00 pm and then start cooking dinner. If that is the case she might not eat until 7:00 or after and her mom picks her up at 8:00 so that is a rush job. But I told her, after we get back from vacation, I will cook every night. I told her I will cook and if she has to eat walking out the door, we wouldn't eat out as often. She agreed. And I'm asking myself now how long that will last. I don't mind cooking. But I do mind having to come up with meal plans and meal ideas when all I get for input is "i don't know" or "it doesn't matter" or "whatever".

We ended up going to a Mexican restaurant. I was not happy with my meal, and I was thinking I could have made something similar and I know it would have tasted better. I didn't say anything until we were finished. I think DH and the girl enjoyed their meal. And this is fine!

DH is worried about not having toilet paper and he has went to SAMs the last two days and bought two 45 roll packages of toilet paper to hoard in our basement.


Heard this song today - LOVE IT - I'm sure it is old but it is new to me


Hope you have a great day IP



Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/12/2020:
omg girlie wants you to cook! that says something! it means you cook REALLY WELL! but listen, you don't have to go from cooking 1 night to every night!!! strive for something doable. TELL HER that she needs to help you by giving you input on WHAT to cook or what she likes that you cook in advance to help you plan...also, you can try to cook on weekend and save it for when she comes! :) or freeze it. but you don't have to cook EVERY NIGHT for girlie. don't stress yourself and go overboard! a little at a time is my suggestion!

i know there was much more than population in mind when they were developing some of these district lines. in the past, it had to do with "politics" or with race / ways to get certain parties elected.. in the past this was so.

wow your mind is on power drive today!

lastly, i cannot believe he showed up in PJs! that is funny.

innerpeace - Thursday Mar 05, 2020

Weight: 328.9


Flex spending account people denied a clain. WTF!! It is for the girl's braces. They are so irrirtating. I asked them to mail the check directly to the orthodontist and providing an invoice. They told me I had to submit why and for who? Ok the who is on the invoice and it reads for ongoing orthodontia care, what the hell else do they want? ..and not to mention IT IS MY MONEY! Oh well, I will get this paperwork from the old insurance...hopefully.

Rented a minivan for the trip to Oklahoma, just for the fact, I'm thinking my mom will come back with us.

Things I've learned in my class that I should refurbish for my weight loss....

Consider the level of commitment to the idea and answer whether you think it will work...

- Do you have a strong conviction about the merit and/or need?

- Do you have an overpowering desire to succeed?

- Do you have the willingness to commit time, energy and personal resources over an extended period of time and well beyond the demands of your formal job?

- Do you have the willingness to experience set backs and negative reactions as you implement?

I just need to get through a work out for now.

I requested the day off tomorrow, no word if it has been approved.

My car needs new brakes, the girl has another eye appointment for her contacts and grocery shopping, a busy Saturday. I have errands to run tomorrow.



Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/05/2020:
forms and compliance and all that....is such a pain indeed!

your trip sounds good so far :)

you don't need to be perfect to succeed, just to keep forging ahead, like you do :)

i hope you can take the day tomorrow :)

Donkey on 03/07/2020:
I like the list of levels of commitment! I've sort of lost sight of my own goals - other than numbers on the scale, which doesn't seem to be working very well for me at the moment. Thank you for sharing this!

bearcountrygg on 03/07/2020:
I remember the cost of braces well.....When our youngest son needed them and a jaw stretcher.....we had to take the money we had saved for a car and use it to pay for his orthodontist bill.......it was well worth it WE THOUGHT.....but in the end...his top front teeth were not centered...and now he tells us that he wishes we had spent the money on a car instead....we thought we were doing the right thing...he doesn't agree......Parenting choices!

innerpeace - Wednesday Mar 04, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Signed up for online courses to keep my COR representative status. Usually I do other work and other things, however, this time, they have thrown quiz questions into the training and I have to pay attention and get the questions answered in the limited time frame. I have to get 70% of the questions right to pass the class. So much for my multi-tasking.

We have a filtered drinking fountain in the hallway. People walk through the office to fill up their drinking cups with this filted water, however, they have ice from the freezer....if they are using ice from the freezer why not just use tap water, our ice machine isn't filtered. Oh well!

Last night I made bean burritos that tasted better than Taco Bell's.

Tonight I have the girl.

I have a frozen chicken, spinach, artichoke lasagna that I am going to cook in the oven for dinner. I will see how this tastes.

Prepared my little cardio/exercise studio in the basement with my yoga mats and left over carpet. However, I have yet to use it. It's a mental block.

Back to class.

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

legcramps on 03/05/2020:
What does COR stand for? Did you finish the courses you needed to do, or is it something that will be ongoing for awhile?

innerpeace on 03/05/2020:
Contracting Officer Representative - the contracting officer is in Kansas City and I have two contracts I manage for her. I have to get recertified every two years. At least 40 hours of additional course work.

innerpeace on 03/05/2020:
Contracting Officer Representative - the contracting officer is in Kansas City and I have two contracts I manage for her. I have to get recertified every two years. At least 40 hours of additional course work.

innerpeace - Friday Feb 28, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Been quite busy at work.

Been quite busy at home.Last night I was at the high school for the girl's winter band performance. I must say I can tell a big difference from the middle school band. However, I guess this is highschool and there were four different bands that I had to sit and listen to - Orchestra, Jazz Band, Concert Band (this is the band the girl is in) and the Wind Symphony....really? There was a combination of all students in each of the four different bands..i get it, but an hour and thirty minutes is a bit much for me.

I discovered today...I am not a teacher, nor will I ever be one. I have no patience with trying to teach people stuff, especially when they have no motivation to learn. I have shown the same two men how to do the same thing for three months running now.  They have an example book, they have step by step instructions, but they fail to comprehend. They just don't get it. One of the men told me he failed this portion of the ASVAB test that is why he become an electronic technican. The administrative part of his brain doesn't work. What the hell ever!

I'm glad we don't have the girl this weekend, I am just mentally exhausted and really didn't want to mess with her...if I could get rid of my dogs for a day, they would go too!

Have a great extra day tomorrow!


Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/28/2020:
LOL...i was just talking about "administrative tasks" with my project manager. I had to look thru new hires' paperwork done by 10 newly hired electricians! and you could tell some of them also failed the "administrative" exam if they had to take one! it's funny just how badly some of them filled out their own paperwork!

Donkey on 02/29/2020:
I hope you read this. When my kids were in high school band, the concert nights were divided into 2 separate sessions, with an intermission in between. This is because, overall, there were 6 bands.

When the kids were in the same session, that was fine because the concert was 1-1.5 hours. But eventually, the kids moved into different bands, and I ended up having to attend BOTH sessions. One year, the concerts didn't get out until almost 11 pm!

The concerts were so long that my husband couldn't attend all of them if his back was hurting. Too painful to sit for that long!

innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 25, 2020

Weight: 328.9

The one thing I likee about being in the military is that I got to move around every four to five years. Right now, I wish I could leave and go somewhere else...my five years are almost up here and I am way more than ready to go to a different base! ...If only.

The weekend was ok. Saturday we went shopping (without a list - so this was just pointless) I have no menu prepared and I have no clue what I want to prepare and/or eat. We did get out on a hike on Saturday afternoon, which was nice.

Work is slow and will be until next week. I struggle to get through the day.

Tonight I get the girl and I have no clue what is for dinner.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/25/2020:
that is very cool to move around and get to see new places. as long as i would always have a job ;)

i'd have liked that military type of life myself ;)

we all wish to escape at times ;)

innerpeace - Friday Feb 21, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Taking a break and getting my priorities straightened out.

I was talking to a therapist and he says...you either do or don't...you can't change your mind or change horses in midstream. He is so right. I was doing well on the WFPB, I made a little progress and then gove in.  It was Christmas Eve, DH says lets get KFC...because it was our tradition, to eat KFC every Christmas Eve. OK and then Christmas Day he cooked Prime Rib and it was delicious and then it just went on from there. But from the end of August until Christmas Eve I was great! What inside of me just threw all of that away for a KFC half@ss tradition.

Oh well, have a few things going on this weekend and the weather will actually be pretty nice. so maybe get a hike in or two.

I'll worry about food another day. Scale is steady.

Have a great weekend.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 02/22/2020:
The key to fitting food traditions into your life is to get back on track the very next meal, no excuses. I struggled with fruitcake and keto, too, so I know it's not easy. But in a nutshell, that's what has to be done.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2020:
Christmas Eve and Holiday Time is the hardest for me to stay on track, too. Usually there's more options at mealtime and more you want to try.

I do agree with Donkey...it's not how much damage is done that day, but how quickly you get back on the horse. :)

Don't worry, there's a lot of people including us here that keep getting back on the horse along with you. You aren't ever alone in this.

innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 18, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Big Fat Feeling sorry for myself entry and also a lesson in How Not to Adult coming up.

Friday night I just went home, I made black bean burgers with salad and avocado for dinner. I tried to stay awake until DH got home but he was late. He was late because he brought me tulips, my vanilla iced latte mix and a reeses for Valentine's Day. I love him so.

Saturday was a free for all with food, so much so I wonder why I come here and post, why I come here and try to manage my situation.

B: toast

Late Lunch: sushi and stuffed wonton

Snacks; gold fish, SnapD cheesit crackers, Reeses from Valentine's day, bowl of cereal, three or four of this brown bread DH bought - the brown bread The Cheesecake Factory serves before meals and then some meat from a chicken breast.

And no, I didn't make it to the gym. I did make it down to the basement to try and finish the storage shelf project we have going on down there.

Sunday again with the food

S: toast

Late Lunch/Dinner: ribe eye steak, salad and roasted potates

S: Pineapple popsicle - 2 of these

Did laundy and a whole lot of nothing else.

Monday - DH leaves to pick up the girl and I do get around and clean the house a little, dusting and vacuuming and organizing. The girl hangs out all day and she makes herself pierogies for lunch, but she doesn't turn the burner all the way on and about kills us with natural gas.

B: toast, vanilla iced latte

L: SnapD cheese it crackers

D: teriaki chicken and fried rice

 I asked DH to go to the gym with me, he says he will, but he doesn't. This will have to be on my own, I will have to step out of my comfort zone and do this.

So also - I was super angry with decisions I made concerning insurance. I can't believe I do this and then get myself in situations that irritate me. I changed dental insurance - YES I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS!! HIND SIGHT!

I was under the impression that my dental insurance paid their portion of the orthodontic care when the claim was submitted. How wrong I am - apparently they only submit payments for the entire amount through the treatment plan. This is what I did not know.

Anyway, I change dental plans and the new dental plan reads that there is a 12 month waiting period for orthodontal care - OK SO I don't need this because I'm thinking the old dental insurance paid what was owed (there $2000 lifetime amount) - YEAH this didn't happen. I was called and told the new insurance has a waiting period AND doesn't cover orthodontial treatment in progress...so now I have to freaking pay the remaining of what the first insurance didn't - which is $708. I cannot believe this BS here. I am so mad, I am mad that I apparently don't know how insurance works, that I now have to pay this out of my pocket - (I've already paid over $2700 for these braces) so what's $700 more. Bleepity bleep bleep. I am so mad!

I am in the mindset of "it's too easy to be complacent and want without putting in the work" quoted from BearCountryBB This is me to A TEE! I was doing so well with the WFPB and then all of a sudden I am right back to the dark side, with no remorse or no regrets I am right back in knee deep.

B: baked blue berry/black berry pancakes, iced vanilla latte

L: left over teriaki chicken and fried rice

S: zebra cakes


So the last four days have been wrapped up with a nice little let's make better decision bows.

This is going to be a painful journey!



Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/18/2020:
Yeah!!!! I hear you IP.....seems to be an epidemic right now......

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2020:
can you possibly go back to the old dental insurance until she finishes her braces??

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2020:
"it's too easy to be complacent and want without putting in the work" quoted from BearCountryBB i also face...it is a challenge to continually want to challenge oneself. but it's so scary when i feel myself falling behind in general with things...like exercise where i am at right now is very upsetting in terms of my cardio...

and just in general of my use of time...time to start thinking or rather doing..

legcramps on 02/19/2020:
Oh man, I hate dealing with insurance. I'm so sorry you're having these troubles! Especially when all you're trying to do is better your family.

Reset. WFPB. Take some small steps and start making your way back. I love black bean burgers - have you tried brown rice and chickpea burgers yet? They are also quite delicious :)

innerpeace - Friday Feb 14, 2020

Weight: 328.9

DH brought me the girl's replacement contact so I gave it to her last night.  She was kinda sad that her mom's friend is moving in with them and she has to share her room and she calls her room at her mom's house a hobbit hole - so she will be losing her space. I told her there is a room upstairs with her name written all of it, but I don't she will tell her mom she wants to stay at her dad's house. I kinda feel sorry for that situation and I wish her mother could see that she isn't happy.

My back and chest are sore today from being sick and throwing up and dry heaving.

No Valentine's Day plans, DH said he wanted to cook steaks tomorrow.

I will probably go back to my WFPB eating, it is just so much work and planning, but I do believe it is worth it.

B: toast

L: PB&J, gold fish

D: TBD - I was hoping my avocado would be soft but it is still hard as rock. I put them in the refrigerator, I guess I will have to take them out for a few days.

Anyway, I hope you have a great weekend! IP

Still planning on going to the gym....tomorrow is my goal date to get in there!

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/15/2020:
I can not tell you how sorry I feel for your step daughter having to share her bedroom with her mothers friend....I am so sad for her. (Her mother is obviously a real piece of work!!)...and she fears telling her Mom. I am so happy though that you gave her the option to stay at your house and she knows that she has an out if she can get up the nerve to tell her mother. You are a super step mom....I'm sure that she feels that too...of course she is a teen ager and they have their "STANDARDS'......BUT KNOW THAT SHE APPRECIATES THAT!!!! Even if she doesn't voice that!!

horn_of_plenty on 02/15/2020:
I agree that you did everything you could for girlie indeed and sorry also for her situation at her moms.

I hope you feel better and vomiting and everything related is so uncomfortable!

legcramps on 02/18/2020:
I cannot believe she has to share her bedroom with her Mom's friend. That's absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous! And I am very sorry that she feels she can't approach her Mom to talk about it. To me it sounds like a deplorable living situation, and i'm sad that it seems nothing can be done about it :(

innerpeace - Thursday Feb 13, 2020

Weight: 328.9

I got home and wasn't hungry so I didn't cook. When I finally did get hungry I ate fritos and buttermilk. This is something I have eaten since I was a kid. My grandmother ate it when she was little and passed it on down. However, this time it made me sick. At first I thought it was the same sick I had the night before but this time it was also accompanied by full on nausea. I threw up my butter milk and fritos and then felt bad the rest of the eveing.

DH brought me home some pepto and a diet sprite and then he put gas in my car because snow was coming in and I only had 1/4 tank. I love this man so much!!

I was up a few times in the night because of stomach cramps and more nausea. It was just not a good night again.

B: toast and diet sprite

L: PB&J...maybe depends on my stomach

D: TBD - I have to get the girl and I think we are using a Chipolte gift card - I will probably pass if I dont' feel better.

The girl's replacement contact lens came in, I guess I will go pick it up and give her another chance with contacts. If this doesn't work out...well then she can stick with her glasses.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2020:
i'll have to see about those kitchen sink cookies...

good luck to girlie and her contacts...and i hope you feel better :)

legcramps on 02/14/2020:
I hope you feel better soon! Being sick sucks!

innerpeace - Wednesday Feb 12, 2020

Weight: 328.9

Got the girl, she didn't have school and her mother said she could spend the night.

I tried to go to bed a few times, but I had a case of indigestion and reflux or something, I was miserable and laying down was not an option. Rocco the dog barked for about 30 minutes...at nothing. I don't know what his problem was. Dh came home and Rocco goes down stairs and then comes back up and jumps on my head...idiot dog. Cramps started then. It was about 1:30, I got up again and sat in the recliner. I may or maynot have falled asleep for an hour. Woke back up about 2:15 and took Pepto and chewed on some Tums. I finally felt better about 4:30. I called work and told them I would be in later than 8:00.  

DH was up and took the girl to school, I must of slept very good because I don't remember him coming back home. I work up about 9:30 and I did feel much better. Made it to work at 11:30.

I have three days to accomplish my goal of making it to the gym. This has been talked about multiple times, but no action yet. I will get there!

D: ceasar salad, 1/2 frosty, french fries

S: 2 kitchen sink cookies

fiasco last night....

B: toast

L: chicken sandwich from  Chick fil A

D: black bean burger, avocado

I sure hope tonight is better!

Have a great night! iP

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/12/2020:
I hope you feel better today too!! :)

what'd you put in your "kitchen sink" cookies?!

I am on a HUGE cookie challenge / exploration where every weekend i like to make a new cookie to have with a yogurt and coffee for breakfast. it's keeping me from getting bored with breakfast!

innerpeace on 02/13/2020:
I didn't make them. I bought them at Aldi.

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