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innerpeace - Thursday Sep 20, 2018

Weight: 318.8

I was home before DH arrived with the girl. As I was waiting for them I just sat in my living room with this deep dark sadness around me. I don't know why. Sometimes life just seems so hard, no matter how hard I try and how much I give, it just never seems to work out the way I expect it should. When DH did get home he grilled porkchops and I steam some brocolli and cauliflower. It was very tasty.

I tried to help the girl with her homework, she was gripey and whiney and today everything sucked to her, I hate when she gets this attitude...though I understand it...she's a teenager, but with the mood I was in, I just had to get away. I excused myself and went and loaded the dishwasher and started lunch for today.

Today one of the people at work is annoying the crap out of me...the word scenario....How do you pronounce it?

Scen - ARE-io or

Scen- AIR-io?

She was pronouncing it NOT the way I do and OMG, it is like nails on a chalkboard. Thankfully she only said it four times, so far today. She was talking about all the scenAREios the hurricane could have taken...vs the track it actually did...UGH!! I guess they are both correct depending on where you grew up. But it will always be scenAIRio to me.

B: PBfit protein shake, banana, iced coffee

S: protein bar

L: grilled pork chop, romaine lettuce, in a garlic spinach wrap

D: grilled chiken and green beans maybe - I need more vegetables in the house, may go shopping tonight.

S: balanced breaks, apple

So I am hoping hte days get better

We went to bed at 9:00 pm, I woke up about three times, thinking I was oversleeping. I will try to stay up until 10:00 pm. I had dreams of being in my Army offices with the civilian people I work with today. It was weird.

Foundation Day #3 completed.

Progress as of today: 2.8 lbs lost so far, only 108.8 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/20/2018:
seen-air-E-O....I agree with you!...But then again...we are both from the Midwest...LOL...seems like a lot of people are in bad moods...……….me too!

Donkey on 09/20/2018:
Sorry, I've been in Chicago for almost all my life and pronounce it scen-ARE-io, so it's probably good we don't work together, LOL.

The word that irritates me - as far as pronunciation - is "interesting". Hearing "inneresting" or "intresting" just drives me nuts. It's "in-ter-esting".

graindart on 09/20/2018:
For me the word is 'supposedly'. I keep hearing people pronounce it 'supposABly'. That and hearing people interpose the words Cavalry and Calvary irritates me.

I guess if those are my biggest gripes, I lead a pretty sweet life......

BearCountryGG on 09/20/2018:
Asked/axed and wretched and ratchet

Maria7 on 09/20/2018:
Sce-NER-rio is how we southerners pronouce it...smile...like the NER rhymes with BEAR...smile... How do you pronounce tomato??? We pronouce it to-MAY-to...smile...How about pecan??? pee-can...not pee-kan...is how we pronouce that word, ha...

legcramps on 09/21/2018:
I'm in the scen-ARE-io gang :)

My aunt pronounces Ambulance as Ambliance and Aluminum as Alumium. I think it's sweet.

The one that bothers me the most is irregardless. Nope. Not a word, people.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2018:
It is ScenAIRio to me too!

sounds like sometimes you deal with a little depression? just know that those feelings will pass...

:)keep on!

innerpeace - Wednesday Sep 19, 2018

Weight: 322.2

Left work to get the girl out of school. The receptionist asks for the referral and xrays. DH says they were supposed to be sent over. He left work and went to the orthodonists office and the girl said they sent them to the wrong surgeon, so they resend them. Then the receptionist says my insurance is out of network and I will have to pay and get reimbursed. I'm like no, that's not OK. Why would they send me over here if you are out of network? She then relooked and confirms they take Dental dental and we go sit and sit and sit. DH finally shows up and he sits with us. Our appointment was at 4:00 and about 5:00 the receptionist tells us the doctor is still in surgery and could we reschedule. Uh...NO! The girl is cranky and hungry and wanted to go, so we rescheduled. That is 1 hour and 45 minutes of my life I will never get back. DH took the girl to her mother's house and I get home and cook the low carb dinner: meat balls and brocolli.

And then people at work think they are so precise and perfect and then everything they tell me to do is ...WRONG!! I get error notifications that reflect badly on me...not the ones who tell me to do the things wrong. This irriates to me and kindly makes me lose all respect for them and also makes me start second guessing my work. I was glad to leave early yesterday.

We went to bed early about 9:30. I tossed and turned and had the craziest dreams about reptiles and spiders and aliens...three different dreams.

B: just crack an egg omelette, iced coffee

S: protein barr

L: lettuce wraps with charcuterie meat and pickled cucumbers, a piece of harvartie cheese

S: balanced breaks

D: pork chop and green beans

We have the girl tonight.

Foundation program day 2 complete.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 112.2 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/19/2018:
Good job on food today and rebounding when things don’t go right

BearCountryGG on 09/19/2018:
We went the braces route with youngest son....It can get grueling...….Have you considered the clear plastic ones that get ordered through the mail?

innerpeace on 09/20/2018:
She has an over bite and the Invisaline and/or clear plastic ones were not an option for her. Believe me...I tried.

happy-1 on 09/19/2018:
I hear really good things about the plastic mail order ones from friends that are doing those. As good as Invisalign.

innerpeace on 09/20/2018:
She has an over bite and the invisalign and/or clear plastic ones were not an option. We asked about ceramic ones too, and was told those break easily.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2018:
i would almost reconsider at this point going to a diff surgeon...or, making an early appt if he's open on weeekend? try to go at a time he's least busy if possible...i am so sorry about your weight time, especially with dental stuff....

i have a regular dentist, always on time, never double booked...

it's so wrong for drs to do that to their patients like what happened to you!

innerpeace - Tuesday Sep 18, 2018

Weight: 322.7

Day 1 - have came to terms with the scale - it wasn't as bad as I thought - oh it was bad, but I can deal with this number...322.7.

DH is working first shift this week, learning something new. He will be on day shift for a little over a week and then he will go to second shift from 3 - 11:30. I will be alone during the evenings, but not at night, so this may help me sleep better.

DH and I went to Sam's club. His sister told him about PB Fit powered peanut butter and he wanted to try smoothies for breakfast and/or snacks. We also found some charcuterie meets (prosciutto, soppressata and  dry coppa) to make lettuce wraps.

This morning I was going to try a PB smoothie, however, I couldn't get the lid off the blender, when I finally did, there was mold all along the air tight edges, I will have to ensure this thing is dried out before storing it again, it was kind of disgusting so I will bleach it down when I get home and maybe try again tomorrow.

B: crack an egg - American scramble without the potatoes, iced coffee

L: lettuce wraps with 3 oz of the charcuterie meats with mustard - NOT A FAN - did not like the texture of one of the meats

S: protein bar

D: meatballs, brocolli

I am leaving work early to get the girl to go to her oral surgery consult. I guess this braces thing is a go! Not looking forward to it.

We close on the refinance Thursday.

Foundation Program Day 1 - complete.

Have a great night. IP



Progress as of today: -1.1 lbs lost so far, only 112.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/18/2018:
Glad to see you back!

happy-1 on 09/18/2018:
Hugs! Sounds like a good start!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2018:
yes :) def take no chances with using a dirty blender! mine is stuck having a slight odor to it...they don't clean so well i have found!

excellent food choices...i do not eat the powder pb but it's a good source i believe of a little bit of protein without the fat. i just feel it won't satisfy me without the fat...and you know i have so many other food choices....so i do without it..but i do feel if it gives a good flavor to use it! and i do have something similar, cocoa powder...similar to give a flavor / light taste...so i guess i do something similar indeed!

good for her getting braces...they will hurt up to a week, then she'll be used to it...you may want to give her that piece of advice before she gets them on...and you may want to buy some pain killers to dull the pain slightly...it is very painful at first, but her smile will certainly be worth it!!!!!!!! and she will have a wonderful smile! i have seen it already!

graindart on 09/19/2018:
Our oldest daughter got braces just over a year ago. I was way out of touch on what they were going to cost. In my mind I thought they'd be around $2000, when in reality they were closer to $6000.

innerpeace on 09/20/2018:
Yikes! I am hoping I don't have to pay that much.

innerpeace - Monday Sep 17, 2018

Weight: 315.0

Work has been crazy with Hurricane Florence running rampid in the Carolinas. We had to send two people down to help out, getting travel down-in-and-through the area is crazy. One came back over the weekend, the other is still there trying to get back - prayers for all dealing with the flooding.

Over the weekend, DH and I went to two different dog events and took Steve to socialize. I think he enjoys sniffing other dogs and he jumps in the car so we go.

I have also been worrying about my health and will actually try and start some program back up. I have been dreaming of running so I may start that back up, my knee has been having a burning sensation, it is probaby a scream for help.

I will get back on the scale tomorrow - and I know it will be another horrible gain, but I will start over and make it work one way or the other.

have a great day - until tomorrow.


Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/17/2018:
Glad to see you back...…..

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
yes, good to see you here!

that's great your area is sending help! so are we in NY!

even if you do not run, you can walk...

have you ever considered a light weights routine, 2x per week?

happy-1 on 09/17/2018:
Check out the DDP Yoga app. He’s a pro wrestler who created a program for people with major health issues and injuries to build themselves back up again. You pick your level from “I can barely be out of a chair” to super advanced. I am really liking it because he’s funny, kind, and encouraging but tough. He has dvds if you don’t want anything with a monthly fee, but the app he released takes you through a structured plan and helps you track your progress. You might remember this “internet famous” video https://ddpyoga.com/blogs/success-stories/51634885-his-story-has-inspired-tens-of-millions/

Donkey on 09/18/2018:
I enjoy reading your posts.

innerpeace - Friday Sep 07, 2018

Weight: 315.0

My mom accompanied me on my Maryland trip! Big mistake. She is cold natured and i think I was totally hot and uncomfortable the entire time because she needed to be warm! I can't listen to music in the car because she gets more nervous than she already is, so I didn't get to listen to music driving - not a good trip. I did learn a few things to help do my job, but other than that I feel it was a waste of my time.

While there I couldn't find a place to eat, that we both could agree upon so we had Panera bread one day, went to Walmart one day and bought a salad and the last day we ate at Chipolte, which my mom absolutely hated. We tried to eat at Red Lobster and was being shown to a table, but then said we had to wait for one to be cleared off, I just decided to leave, just for the pure simple fact, I didn't think I would fit into the booth and I didn't want my mom to witness that, so embarrassing. It was quite warm the four days I was in Maryland and we had to walk back to the hotel two nights after class. This was about .75 miles and mostly up hill. I did OK, but was super hot only to come back to the room and it be 78 in the room. Very rough trip. I know I will be forever grateful for the time I spent with my mother, but it was uncomfortable mostly.

My mom doesn't drink fat free milk, she says, there is no way to take fat out of milk that she is comfortable with believing it safe...so she drinks whole milk. My mom left Sunday and also left a 3/4 gallon of whole milk. DH says we can't waste it, so I was drinking it in the morning with my iced coffee. BIG MISTAKE. My face as exploded with acne like I've never seen before, I'm convinced it's from the whole milk. Anyway  it is gone now and I will just have to wait for my face to heal.

We have a lot planned this weekend and I especially want to go to the Greek festival and eat some Galaktoboureko dessert, it is my all time favorite and I eat it once a year at this festival. However, it is supposed to freaking flood Sunday.

Oh and the Saturday night before I left for my trip my basement had water in it, not a lot but we couldn't find where it was coming from and have someone coming out next Friday 9/14 to check on it, in the mean time it is suppose to rain between 5-7 inches this weekend due to tropical storm Gordon - this is making me very nervous. Our basement hasn't leaked in five years...what's the big deal now?

DH works one more week on third shift, goes to work on first shift for a week to learn something new and then they are putting him on second shift. I will never get to see my DH...this is kind of pissing me off...for reasons...the girl and others.

I will jump back on the wagon Sunday and make healthier choices for myself..

Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/07/2018:
ooooooo greek food. I have to hand it to you... you know how to party.

Donkey on 09/08/2018:
Nice to hear from you!

graindart on 09/08/2018:
At my highest weight of 283 I had some instances that I wasn't sure about how well I'd physically fit. Took my kids to Knott's Berry Farm when I weighed similar and was embarrassed when I wasn't sure if I was going to fit in a rollercoaster cage thing. Mildly embarrassed as the ride operator was pushing and shoving the bar until it finally clicked one notch closed. Felt relieved that I "fit", but then started wondering if one "click" was safe enough to keep me from falling out. Obviously things worked out because I'm still alive, but the embarrassment followed by mild fear is what I remember more than the actual ride.

Like your husband, I hate wasting stuff too. However I've gotten better at occasionally throwing stuff out when it's just counter productive to my goal of losing weight.

Back on the wagon tomorrow. No excuses. :)

happy-1 on 09/08/2018:
I had times where I didn’t fit either. I’ve blocked them out entirely... but just hread grains’ comment and flashed back to high school grad night at magic mountain. Man was I fat.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/09/2018:
Sorry work trip didn't work out so well with mom...perhaps not a good idea in furture to do this type of trip where food is scarce and you have to make do with what you find and be spontaneous....plus....HOW CAN SHE NOT LOVE CHIPOTLE! lol, i love chipotle! perhaps she's not used to eating mexican food ?

due to a storm in summer, my parent's house flooded for the first time on the MAIN FLOOR instead of only the basement. worst flash flood for them in forever.

welcome home and nice to hear from you! keep on, DD friend!

innerpeace - Tuesday Aug 21, 2018

Weight: 315.0

So much going on - I have totally zoned out eating well, dieting and exercise.

Mom is still here, but has her ticket to leave on 9/2/18. I will miss her. I leave for Maryland on 8/26 and will be back on 8/30 just in time to say goodbye. She isn't happy here and hates climbing the stairs and of course we are drama free and don't need money from her everytime she turns around so she feels 'not needed'. She says, 'you don't need me here'. Why do we have to need you? Why can't you just be here? We go round and round.

The girl has her third orthodontist appointment and then has to have four teeth surgically removed prior to braces. She is having real issues at her mom's house and wants to live with us.

She starts school tomorrow and has issues with this as well, she can't have her cell phone in class anymore, she has to wear a shirt with a collar and she doesn't want to do homework on an issued lap top - so she is very attitudinal lately.

DH and I have decided to refinance the house in case we have to have that retainer money to hire a lawyer, we also wanted to get a few home improvement projects finished.

Work is still crap and I hate DH working nights and I DO NOT want to go to Maryalnd next week.

I will be have a plan soon.

Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/21/2018:
You have lots on your mind.....this too shall pass.

happy-1 on 08/21/2018:
Just invent stuff you need her to do. Mending? Sorting a junk drawer? Help the girl? If she’s anything like you she’s going bat **** because she’s bored and a puzzle isn’t enough. Start a garden.

legcramps on 08/21/2018:
I'm sorry that work is crap; I hope things get better. Moms always like to feel needed :)

Donkey on 08/22/2018:
You're dealing with a lot of change. Hopefully things will settle down soon.

horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2018:
what teeth does she need removed? Her wisdom teeth???

Maybe she should live with you, she's getting older and i think she'll be able to fend for herself more and more....i think your place is a good option...

well, perhaps her own laptop is better....i am sure many things are restricted on the school issued laptops!

is Maryland a work trip???

parents are always coming to visit with issues...i have a coworker with the same issues as of late.

innerpeace - Monday Aug 13, 2018

Weight: 315.0

We got back from vacation...sorry it is over.

Mom decided not to go and stayed home with no AC. AC decided to crash Saturday night, so we are living with the windows up and fans on.

Vacation was nice, somehow the girl picked up a cold with sore throat and cough.

On the scale this morning and ready to start something....scale was very sad..not suprising.

Enjoyed everything, hoping one day to have a longer stay.

Will post again in time. Have a great day! IP


Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/13/2018:
Nice to hear that you had a great trip......

Donkey on 08/14/2018:
Welcome home!

horn_of_plenty on 08/16/2018:
I"m so glad you all enjoyed yourselves...so sorry girlie got sick...i think kids get sick on the vacation more than adults do! my sister got sick quite a bit on family vacations!

innerpeace - Friday Aug 03, 2018

Weight: 315.0

DH came up to my work and we drove downtown to get mom. While waiting we ate a sandwich. Mom arrived safety and looked a little ragged after being on the bus for over 24 hours. She said she didn't fly because she thought it was stupid to go to the airport two hours early, stand in line and take your shoes off and get x-rayed. I said yeah but you would have been here 18 hours ago.

She is resting today.

DH is supposed to sleep until about 11:00 and then go get the girl.

Lice eradification project commences.

Indians game tonight.

Tax free school supply shopping tomorrow.

Laundry and packing Sunday.

Monday start of vacation!!

Because Mom is going we decided to rent a larger vehicle. We selected the Ford Escape, while I was out picking up a few things for mom I saw a man getting out of one and ask him if I could look at the back of his car. He thought I was crazy, until I explained I just wanted to see how much bigger it was than my Encore. It is much bigger so we should all fit fine.

I couldn't access Day 3 of my meditation...so I will have to find time today to get it done.

B: toast with pecan pumkin butter


D: it's dollar dog night at the stadium (I usually eat 2) and some caramel popcorn.




Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 08/03/2018:
Oh my....she must have needed to escape very badly...to make that long bus ride.....

Horn_of_plenty on 08/04/2018:
why long bus trip indeed, i can understand looking ragged! i'm glad mom is safe and sound with you all!

your breakfast sounds delicious!

sounds like a perfect weekend into Monday vaca <3

happy-1 on 08/09/2018:
Hugs! I am enjoying your meditation challenge.

innerpeace - Thursday Aug 02, 2018

Weight: 315.0

I really don't think adulting is for me!!

Last night at the dinner table, DH looks across to the girl and sees bugs crawling in her hair. I CANNOT believe this! OMG I have fought those nasty lice for the first three years I have been in the state of OHio. I just don't understand how she keeps getting them. Someone at her mom's house has got to still have them. She is 13 now and I know should take a more active role in this. One would freakin' know if they have head lice or not! HOW COULD YOU NOT???? OMG I am LIVID!

She said her brother's stinky GF was going to put the OTC lice treatment in her hair last night. DH still took her to the urgent care clinic and got the prescription strength treatment, this took care of them the last time...well which wasn't the last time, but it has been over a year now.

While they were gone, my sister called and told me my mother was on her way up! I FREAKING new this would happen. We leave for Tennessee on Monday. This morning, I called and purchased an additional ticket to the dinner show we are going to and we decided to rent a larger vehicle, since we are taking the dog. Oh man, I'm just not prepared to do all this spur of the moment decision making. I am supposed to pick up mom from the bus depot after work in CLE!

Friday we get the girl and have basball game tickets, I guess Mom will have to sit at home and watch the game...we probably won't get home until after midnight.

Saturday - we will strip the girl's bed and wash bed clothes and bag up the stuffed animals and fumigate her room for lice. Then we are supposed to go tax free school supply shopping. Saturday I will apply the prescription medicine and hope it works. This really, really pisses me off. The girl has hair down to her butt and refuses to get it cut. I just want to shave her head, but am told this is emotional abuse! IF, IF we get rid of them the week she is with us and then comes back over the next week and has them again...I will be going to jail, because she WILL NOT go back to her mother's house without police involvement. Not to mention school starts in two weeks.

And to top this off...my DH's schedule (working night shift) has totally pissed off my dog! I just can't understand how a house broken dog, with a doggy door, just decides to poop in the floor! And he knows it's bad because when he sees me coming, he runs and hides...little @sshole!

So vacation is next week...there's that!!

B: blueberry bagel, cream cheese, iced vanilla latte

L: blueberry bagel, cream cheese

DL DH made baked chicken crusted with ritz crackers with a sour cream, cream of chicken soup and green beans for dinner.

I slept ok.

I did day one of the meditation yesterday!

I did day two of the medictation this morning.

My life pretty much blows...yet I will make things happen!

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
I joined your meditation challenge! I will listen at lunch today.

That poor girl. I can't believe how many problems she has with lice. I'd be horrified at sending her back too. It sounds like depression... she's so far down she is oblivious to the lice.

horn_of_plenty on 08/02/2018:
sorry about the lice. that is gross and disgusting. i am just SURE she obviously got them at the other house. so bad!!!!! at least you are taking care of it. you may need to do it like 2x.

horn_of_plenty on 08/02/2018:
Meditation sounds good!!!!!

BearCountryGG on 08/02/2018:
We had a couple of foster girls arrive with lice....what a mess...I agree.....telling her that she may have to have shorter hair,...may be an incentive to be more careful...apparently no one at her Mothers is doing any cleaning of her bedding etc. You sure do have your hands full.....just try to breathe!

innerpeace - Tuesday Jul 31, 2018

Weight: 315.0

DH's new schedule sucks!! I hate it.

I haven't slept for sh!t the last two nights.

My BFF in Oklahoma sent me a link to sign up for a 21 Day Mediitation for Weight Loss challenge that starts tomorrow on 8/1/18


Hopefully this will help me be calmer at night.

I found a Asian latner Festival that is going on most of the summer. I bought tickets for us to go when we come back from our short vacation next week. Looking forward to this.

DH went to sleep yesterday at 8:30 and was still asleep when I got home from work at 4:30 so we went out to eat. I had eggs and bacon with French toast. I love breakfast.

Yester day at work I was able to stop by my old place of employment at Cleveland State and talked to my boss for almost an hour. She was telling me she is doing the fruit/vegetagles/lean meat diet. No bread, pasta, soy or sugar. She said another girl at the university has lost almost 50 pounds. She was excited. I hope it works out for her.

Will write more later.

Progress as of today: 6.6 lbs lost so far, only 105 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/31/2018:
Meditation is really calming...I used to do that back in the 70's......

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2018:
You'll have to tell us more about the Asian festival coming up! and also about your vacation!

I think it'll work for her, the meat/veggies/fruit...hopefully she'll learn from it and be able to incorporate more variety later on!

Donkey on 08/01/2018:
I didn't realize the change in work shifts was happening so soon!

Thank you for sharing the meditation link. I'll check it out!

happy-1 on 08/02/2018:
I signed up!

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