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innerpeace - Saturday Jan 06, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Got home last night and helped DH with dinner. It was roasted vegetables with polenta. We didn't have polenta so I used corn meal. I really didn't know corn meal cooked that way, but it turned out delicious. All the while chopping up the vegetables, i kept thinking how HOP would be proud.

sweet potatoes, beets, onion, carrots, brussel sprouts

With the corn meal and goat cheese

Ended the night with 1272 calories. Very happy these last five days have been tolerable. Starting to think, I just might be able to do it longer. One day at a time.

Saturday morning:

B: oatmeal, blueberries

I spent all day and evening helping the girl get her book report finished. She finished the book at 11:00 this morning. It is now after 8:00 and the report is done. OMG so, so tired right now.

L: quinoa, left over roasted vegetables, kale

D: vegetable soup with zucchini, carrots, cannelini beans, tomatos, kale and chicken - very tasky on this freezing @ss cold day.

Finished the day with 1123 calories.

I did put booties and a jacket on my dog and took him for a walk. We both got cold. Tomorrow it is supposed to warm up for a few days.

Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/07/2018:
So glad the book report is DONE :-) That was very nice of you to help her with that.

innerpeace - Friday Jan 05, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Didn't really get much work accomplished - just that time of month I suppose.

On the way home it was 10 degrees and a man was standing on the side of hte road asking for money. My thought at the time is, it's 10 degrees, this man must really need money or else he'd be home or somewhere else trying to get warm. He had camouflage on and I handed him a $20 bill. I don't know what he will do with it, but I just know he was cold and maybe, just maybe, he bought a hot meal with it. I didn't need the $20 just then. So, I felt better about myself.

I told DH when I got home, and then gave him the other $20 I had, in case the man was standing there today when I drive home, or else my heartstrings would have probably handed that over as well. But dang 10 degrees, I would be sitting at McDonald's or something.

DH and I made dinner, the dressing was kind of messed up and looks nasty but it tastes rather good. It was a salad with grilled chicken. 473 calories.

Ended the day with 1292 calories. Happy with this. I still do NOT like yellow or red bell peppers. I am still tasting them from 10:00 am this morning. GROSS!

I really like goat cheese.

So I picked up a pen pal, funny thing is, she lives less than 200 miles away, but I like writing letters. I also sent a letter to the last known address of my father before he died. I wanted the names of some half brothers and sisters I have running around, that I have never met. Maybe, someone will know something at that address. If not, I will never know.

Tonight we have the girl. She hasn't had school for the last two days, making plenty of time to read. But last night she still had 97 pages to go, so I doubt she will be finished. Oh well, I will deal with this at that time.


B: yogurt, blueberries, walnuts - 164 calories

S: boiled egg - 78 calories

L: tossed salad with mixed greens, carrots, cucumber, tomato and vinegrette, hummus and pita points

D: polenta with goat cheese and roasted root vegetables (kinda excited about this)

Have a great day! Stay warm. IP


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2018:
Hello InnerPeace! Happy Friday!

Regarding your roasted root veggies, I roasted a Daikon yesterday which is a radish. It’s white and looks like a white carrot like a parsnip. However, it tasted HORRIBLE roasted! It’s too bland. So, if you find any daikons, do NOT roast them by themselves. Now I understand why the Asians folks always serve it in a sauce or soup! It’s just horrible roasted. To bland and flavorless and even adding salt and pepper doesn’t help weirdly enough. Most veggies, especially root ones, taste GREAT roasted I was so surprised there’s a root veggie out there that just tastes terrible when roasted. I’ll still eat it rather than waste it…but I def learned a lesson regarding the daikon!

Lots a lot of $$$ you gave that man – don’t make too much a habit of that or you’ll be down LOTS of cash! I used to give beggers but now less so – because there are too many beggers around here. It’s constant that they are asking for cash and it adds up…once in awhile I will, but usually not. When I do, I feel better about myself too….but you just never know about them. It’s sad either way – so many homeless in our country.

A lot of the homeless hate shelters, etc., and I think they’d rather freeze. I think they feel safer outside…from danger and other people, that is.

I hear goat cheese is pretty low fat and a good alternative to other cheeses right? Feta I know is pretty healthy. … GREAT job on the salad, looks like a balsamic vinaigrette type dressing? Looks amazing! Balsamic type dressings are my preference over creamy / cheesy ones!

Girlie needs to finish her book in segments, not all at once. Help her with this as I mentioned to you previously! Let her read 15 pages, take 20 minute break….etc. until she is done!

BearCountryGG on 01/05/2018:
Your dinner looks really good....I've never had goat cheese but I have had goat milk...and it was stinky and disgusting.....is the cheese stinky?

Innerpeace on 01/06/2018:
I didn't think so. It was actually pretty good. Very tangy, but I liked that.

happy-1 on 01/05/2018:
Goat cheese is amazing, especially with beets and blackberries.

How did you acquire a pen pal?

Innerpeace on 01/06/2018:
I do Postcrossing - it is cool. Check it out..postcrossing.com that is just a postcard exchange, which is really cool. I just been in over a couple of months and have received 18 post cards from around the world.

Anyway, this lady just like a postcard and asked to be pen pals, she is a retired school teacher and lives in Columbus, not too far away, but it's neat, for me at least.

Donkey on 01/06/2018:
Bless you for your charitable heart! I get where Horn is coming from, but that was a very nice thing you did. You may have made a huge difference. IDK, I'd rather err on the side of generosity.

happy-1 on 01/06/2018:
Love your neighbor like yourself and all that jazz. Good karma!

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 04, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Cold here in Cleveland as well. Lots of school closings and business closings - yet I work.

Girl is out of school today and tomorrow- there should be no reason she shouldn't get her book read. DH had her reading when I got home, she wasn't happy, I wasn't happy and he sure wasn't happy. If she is not finished with that book I am tempted to refuse to help her with that stupid presentation! DH text the POS mom and all she said was " she can work on it with you this weekend" WTF!! And then DH is like, "sorry, I can't be of more help!" Excuse me...is it MY job to help your daughter? Is this expected of me now? OMG so, so frustrated.

I've always been told that if someone doesn't want to learn, you can't make them. If someone want's to learn, you can't stop them. Well it is sorely apparently this child has no initiative to learn, no self discipline to make herself read this book! All she said was, "I didn't realize this book was so hard, next time I will read an easier one." She is in 7th grade and the book is a 5th grade reading level. Priorities!!

Anyway, I let them know what I thought and argument ensued with DH and then the little heifer didn't even say goodbye when she left. But I'm supposed to be the bigger person and help? WTFE!! I could surely say, Not my kid, not my problem right now!

Dinner was good. Salmon, asparagus (which was ok, sure has a woody fibrous texture I was not too sure about, but I ate it) quinoa - 476 caloriers

Ended the day with 1359 calories. I'm ok with this. Following the eatingwell plan so far, except for my added milk and iced latte in the mornings.

Overslept big time this am, didn't roll out of bed until 6;22, makes for me to have to really rush around.

B: non fat greek yogurt, blueberries, walnuts - 164 calories

L: quinoa, black brean bowl with avocado and salsa with hummus dressing - nice little lunch bowl. I wasn't sure whether to eat it cold or warm it up. I warmed it up. It was very tasty. - 380 calories.

Again I'm just amazed at the creativity of people and putting food together. This is so much better than the same ham and cheese sandwich we would throw together for everyday!

S: yellow peppers, hummus - 90 calories

D: tonight should be baked/grilled chicken and salad.

Try and keep warm out there! IP


Just asked my boss if I could go to my Move Program. He said I could come in thrity minutes early, each day and use that 2 hours for my program on Monday. I am at least excited for now. We will see how it all works out. My new fear is that I'm going to be in a room with a bunch of old veteran men and I'll have to reach deep down and find my 'crass-BS-talking self', but maybe not!

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/04/2018:
Your meals do look good!!! I totally agree with you theory on learning.....it makes all of the sense in the world. I think you will find that her interest in books will improve if she starts reading books about what her interests are,I'm not sure if this book was assigned...but if she is free to choose..then she needs to do some soul searching and choose something she has a real interest in....I think that will help....the other possibility is that she has given you the job of pushing her...and she waits for the orders to be given. I will say...junior high is my least favorite age group....

Donkey on 01/04/2018:
I look forward to your food pics every day. Looks so tasty!

horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2018:
Hello InnerP:

Sorry you had to work also! To maybe make you feel like you aren’t the only one working, my sister did go to work yesterday in NYC. She lives in NYC and commutes using public trans to her office also in NYC. So, despite myself being off, and my dad’s work closing early, my sister was at work all day yesterday.…

I agree with you – tell her you will only help her when she’s done with the book and she needs to finish it on your terms. Explain to her a good way to read the book is in half hour chunks with breaks. Let her read a half hour and go on FB for a half hour…she has to learn to work and be allowed a break and then go back to work….but help her get it done…within reason…and tell her she needs to finish and give her an appropriate deadline…I’m in full agreement with you and definitely NOT her mom…

NO JOKE – here at work people are discussing the word you just used “heffer!” they are saying it’s a 1994 word…not sure why…lol, I consider it an ok word for now….not sure why it’s not….but my coworkers are not the smartest of the bunch….so I’ll just say Heffer is a fine word to use nowadays lol….

Dinner of the salmon and greens looks great. Regarding your desire to have milk and morning lattes: ENJOY! You don’t have to follow any plan to the “T.” There’s always a little wiggle room. It’s not gonna cause weight gain and will still help your weightloss. KEEP ON. Nothing needs to be perfect. Remember this. You are doing GREAT! Proud of you!

Don’t take the little girl seriously. She’s acting like any other complacent kid when it comes to studying. But yes, impose your limits on her…but with moderation. Explain to her how she can read, then take a break for facebook or lunch, then go back. HALF HOUR increments. Maybe say she can watch a movie on weekend at home with you guys, if she finishes the book and book report earlier than expect. REWARD good choices – make it a good thing to get work done. You got this. KEEP ON, Innerp!

your cooking looks outstanding! yum yum yum! great photos!

happy-1 on 01/05/2018:
Have you guys tried taking turns reading aloud? Passing it around to hear the next section? If she's having learning /studying problems, sometimes the issue is overcoming inertia. If you or her dad help her get started for 15 minutes, she might be able to finish her homework herself.

Innerpeace on 01/06/2018:
I just think she picked a book she ended up not liking. It was like having to read Uncle Tom's Cabin in school, you really didn't want to, so actually reading it was tortuous.

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 03, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Day 3 - still trying to spin a way to propose my schedule change to my boss - hopefully I'll ask today. He just always looks so busy and I always feel I'm interrupting or imposing. But then sometimes I hear him talk about fantasy football, so I just need to listen and then go in right after that conversation.

I present to you...baked sweet potatoe with steamed kale and black beans with a hummus drizzle... OMG this was so, so good. Unbelievalby good. I mean who says, "hey let's mix this all together and see how it tastes." Whoever it was...I thank you.

Dinner: sweet potatoe, kale, black beans, hummus - 282 calories

Ended the night with 1345 calories. I could have had some cucumber slices afterward but instead I just went to bed. It was so cold.

The good news...no humming and I slept very good, especially with DH being home another night.

B: toast, peanut butter, 1/2 banana - 252 calories

L: mixed greens, goat cheese, figs, almond salad with balsamic vinegrette - again - I would never dream of eating this on my own, and it was very, very good. suprised by the tanginess of the goat cheese, but so good.

Tonight is salmon, quinoa and asparagas. Not sure about this asparagus thing, but I bought it, so I'm going to eat it.

The girl didn't have school today, too cold. So hopefully she read a lot, we will see.

Have a great evening - stay warm IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/03/2018:
The nutrition in those meals was through the roof.....good going!!!!!

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 02, 2018

Weight: 303.7

It was miserable to get back to work this morning. I was awake I know three times last night and what do I hear...a loud @ss humming noise, I swear it was even louder during the quiet of the night. This morning at breakfast, I told DH I hope those people call you back, I can't listen to this anymore. He went outside and turned it off. And then I heard a hissing noise, so I'm like WTH is that? The hum stopped and now there's a loud hissing I have to deal with. A loud hum or hiss, which one? Anyway, I walked into the kitchen and it was the electric tea kettle. LOL, so tonight should be pretty quiet...and I could die of Radon gas poisoning. DH is like there wasn't a vent in this house for 15 years, I'm sure we'll be OK, until the people come and check on it.

I still haven't got the nerve up to ask my boss if I could leave to participate in the VA Move program - it is during work on Monday's and I would be gone about 2 hours. I would change my schedule to compensate for the time away, I just don't want to use my sick leave or annual leave AND I don't want anyone to b!tch about it! that is really what I'm concerned about...other people's nose in my business. First class is next Monday.

Our biggest loser competition we signed up for was posponed until 1/13/18 - because of low enrollment. I guess we'll see if this kicks off or not.

So the girl will be in hot water this weekend if she doesn't get her book read. I've been on her before Christmas break to read, but she hasn't. I made her read over 100 pages when she was here last weekend. I talked to her last night, she's only read 30 additional pages. She has over 140 to go and I just don't think she'll get it finished to complete her book report this weekend. Again, I blame this on her selfish mother who doesn't push her to excel...at anything but flipping through the iphone! And then when I make her read, she has plans and needs to leave early! OK whatever, how about you take all the book report home to your mother and ya'll work on it there! Leave me out of it, but I know I just can't do that!

B: oat meal (cooked in the crock pot); raspberries and a little maple syrup - 228 calories

L: pita pocket (1 whole - 2 halves) with apple, cheddar, mixed greens and some balsamic vinegarette - 534 calories _ (I couldn't remember if I used one slice of cheese or two, so I counted two)

S: boiled egg

D: baked sweet potato, black beans, kale with a hummus drizzle

S: sliced cucumber if needed

Drank more water today and stayed out of the breakroom.

Have a great night! IP

Yes, yes I am devestated and heart broken that my Sooners lost in doublt OT - they tried and just couldn't pull it out!


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/02/2018:
We had the radon problem at our house downstate for 32 years....I wonder if that's a midwest thing...because it's hard to escape it in Michigan I know...we have never tested for it here...and we have a wood basement.....we never did have a radon vent.

horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
LOL wishing you NO NOISE tonight girlie!

excellent healthy eating. make sure to eat enough.

GREAT food food. very healthy and nice and not inflammatory.

i am working also on eating better...although tonight it'll be takeout....so i can cook without being hungry!

innerpeace - Monday Jan 01, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Happy New Year! I don't think it got about 14 degrees here so I basically have been holed up in the house for the last three days.

I did venture outside to see if I could find where an annoying noise is coming from. I think last Tuesday I woke up thinking someone was snowblowing, but then the noise never stopped, so then I thought someone was hooked up to a generator. Today I drove around the block and couldn't hear it, so I walked around in my back yard and finally found it. It is from a Raydon gas vent that was installed in my house. I called the people today to see if they can send someone out to make it stop. It's just a loud annoying humming noise that gets on my last nerve. Think of if someone is mowing no stop about two housing down, that is what it sounds like.

So DH and I started the healthy eating today. Today was OK. just OK. Sometimes I'm not sure if DH is serious or he just says sh!t to p!ss me off!

B: yogurt, blackberries, walnuts - 164 calories

S: hummus, red pepper slices - 80 calories

L: toast, canillini beans, avocado and spring mix - this was very tasty - 307 calories

D: chicken in light cream sauce with mushrooms and onions and roasted cauliflower - 503 calories

Ended the day with 1,054 calories - This may seem low, but I am not hungry and I can still eat another snack if needed.

We are following the January Jumpstart from eatingwell.com

I received a call from my son in Georgia and his marriage is not doing well, he called and his wife was really upset. After talking to them for about an hour, I don't think anything was resolved, but before midnight I got a text telling me everything was OK, now. I just hope they work things out. I worry about him and wish I could see him.

Anyway, I am very hopeful for a healithier 2018.



Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 01/01/2018:
After those pics we are all headed to your house for dinner.

BearCountryGG on 01/01/2018:
The pics look delish.......You can do this...even if hubby isn't into it...

horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
Great you found the noise! I also commented on your other entry. Your cooking looks fantastic. Speaking of cauli, i'm making cauliflower fried rice tonight (but without the other frozen veg bc i didn't buy them...) so just cauli fried rice. YUM.

take care.....good that things are ok with your son for now and his wife. marriage takes WORK.

innerpeace - Sunday Dec 31, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I'm glad Christmas is over.

Been eating like a pig to get back on the wagon tomorrow. Lots of changes coming up for the new year, I can only hope it will last longer than a week.

Happy New Year to you all.


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/31/2017:
Happy to see you and to be back here again, I've been celebrating since Christmas eve myself....tomorrow is a new beginning.

Donkey on 12/31/2017:
So happy to be back online -- all of us :-) This week has definitely been a challenge. I did not do so well either eating-wise, but that's what New Year's goals are for, I suppose ;-)

happy-1 on 01/01/2018:
You're on a great trend and you will rock it more this year for sure!

horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
Happy New Year, InnerP....so nice that you are on and we are all back where we left off over here on DD!

The cold mixed with being home more on holiday season leads to eating...let's all get back on track - including me!

innerpeace - Thursday Dec 21, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I appreciate each of your responses to my last rant. I think I took something away from each of them. I am so consumed with myself and how I functions, I don't neccesarily think about others and how they operate.

Pre Note to my post today. Last week DH was going upstairs and he smelled an odor. He looked and looked and finally decided to take out all the bathroom trash and wash the garbage pails. He still smelled it. Now, I'm not one to go up and offer to smell a stink, so I stayed down stairs. LOL Finally on his way back downstairs he stops in the guest bathroom (this is the bathroom the girl uses) and the toilet was not flushed. So that was an easy fix. Nasty but an easy fix. We have told her several times, this is unacceptable.

Anyway, when I get home DH had cooked hotdogs for dinner, not my favorite, but I eat it. So I tell the girl to go and get a shower and we would go and shop for DH for Christmas. So she does. When she is finished, about an hour later, DH and I are sitting downstairs and she comes into the room and DH starts with the, hey will you go and push the level in the bathroom (the powerder room 1/2 bath downstairs). So the girl goes into the bathroom and flushes the toilet. DH says, OH OK I just wanted to make sure you know how to do that. This is nice and for some reason it irritates me. SO I'm like, yeah, you didn't flush the toilet last week and it was nasty. You are nasty and you need to go upstairs and flush the toilet now, to ensure there is no nasty left in it. AND THEN by the way, you tub is nasty. I showed you and cleaned it with you the last time. She has enough nerve to tell me she didn't know what to use to clean the tub. This sets me off, SERIOUSLY!!! I told her I bet she didn't leave the tub like that at her mom's house with five other people using the bathroom. She is the only one that uses the bathroom, so she is the nasty one! She really wasn't appreciative of my critism, but sense my son and his wife may or may not come up, I will now have to scrub the bathroom to at least be presentable to someone other than the nasty girl. She is just lazy! and NASTY! And then I go off on DH too because he, being a man, for some reason can't freaking p!ss in a basketball size hole and drips on the floor and he too is NASTY. I'm not cleaning up other peoples' crap when they can do it themselves. OMG

Anyway, the girl and I go shopping and I am finally finished Christmas shopping. So, so glad for that!

D: hotdog (ball park frank), bun, ketchup, mustard

Dessert:: 1 cup of ice cream

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

L: yogurt, blackberries, granola, apple

S: balanced breaks

Kinda missing my mom today.

No word from son yet...I'm just assuming this is going to be a NO.


Have a great night IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
We had a foster/adopted daughter who did the samething....had her own bathroom upstairs...and stairway was in the dining room....smell drifting downstairs...and I went up to find a literal swamp...( and no toilet paper!!!!!!!)....took that problem to her therapist...it's not a good sign. Same kid..wanted to use Dennys shower..he said ok...but DO NOT put water in the shampoo....and of course she DID! Same kid came home and burned something in her bathroom, I smelled the smoke....smoke coming from sink drain, burned paper in toilet...and plastic waste basket melting as we stood there..and she denied the whole thing...said it was already on fire when she took it out of her back pack ( dang backpack)....

bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
I just read your response to me...I get it...he drops by work daily...that's cute. I thought he only did it when he was upset with you....So it is a good thing!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
yeah, you just seem a bit more structured than the other folks you live with - cheers to you on that one! :)

Enjoy your Christmas shopping with girlie...and enjoy since this time of year only comes by once each year LOL.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
Keep giving the girl your love bc she does look like a sweetheart to me!!!! <3

innerpeace - Wednesday Dec 20, 2017

Weight: 303.7

Another Rant!

Man vs. Woman

I don't know if it's from my military training or just my way of thinking or just because I'm a woman and think faster than a man or what, but I am labeled a control freak and I'm trying to analyze just how I got that label or if I was called that because...OMG I am totally right.

For instance there are items in area A that need to get to area B. There is also an item in area B that need to be in area A. So big doofus DH grabs two items from A carries them to B, walks back to A and gets the other two items and carries them to B. Then he picks up the item from B and carries it to A. And I ask why didn't you just bring back that item from B when you came back from dropping off the first two items? Oh, I know because maybe that takes too much brain power to even think about? Snarky comment, didn't go over to well.

Instance number two, DH is leaving for work and is going to his truck. My initial thought is that he can take some postcards to the mailbox, get his his truck and leave. However, DH sighs heavily takes the postcards and walks to the mailbox and comes back into the house, grabs his coffee and his lunch and then goes to his truck. Again, why:?  Is this just a man thing? It is so inefficient and wastes so much time and effort and energy. Or is it because he couldn't carry the coffee, postcards and lunch bag in two hands...seriously?

Instance number three. Unloading the dishwasher. DH will make ten trips back and forth from the dishwasher to areas in the kitchen. I am thankful and grateful he is even unloading the dishwasher, but not when it takes twenty minutes and he is in my way for seventeen minutes of them. I ask why can't he just take the silverware tray out of the dishwasher and carry it with him and make one trip? And then he does it....he yells at me. YOU ARE SUCH A CONTROL FREAK!! What difference does it make as long as it gets done? Why am I always doing things wrong? You do things your way and I'll do things the way I do them...and just because it's not your way, doesn't make it the wrong way!" Oh but he was screaming at me.

WOW...am I just dillusional? It's OK, be honest, these are the things I need to know, because I'm thinking I'm just being practical and the old concept of "work smarter, not harder" comes to mind. But what it really comes down to is, while you are walking five miles in my kitchen unloading the dishwasher, you overcooked my eggs!  What a waste! - I didn't say that, but that is why it bothered me. He was cooking eggs for dinner at the time.

Men suck!

At work I had one volunteer to assist with the recent inventory I did. Oh wow, thanks! That would be so helpful. I really do not want to walk to the other building and look for inventory stickers. He says, I'll go and I'll take pictures of the numbers. Wow...thanks!

Two days later, I ask, hey did you get those pictures? Oh yeah, hey I'll read them off to you. He flips through pictures on his phone, grumbles, flips through some more pictures, cusses, bad mouths iPhone and how crappy it is, stupid phone, worthless piece of crap. Well nevermind, these pictures are so blurry I can't even read the letters. My iphone works great, maybe it is just the operator! Anyway, I walk out and do the inventory myself, because I'm such a control freak and my iphone pictures are just fine by the way!...or maybe because men are worthless pieces of crap.

Anyway, after all of this I have to think long and hard and my reply was...I realize awful stuff about myself around you. I'm always trying to improve me and who I am! Not just do everything the same and just leave it as that because I'm just ok and it works. YOU, YOU be OK. I'm going to improve everyday and become the best person I can be. You, YOU just continue to do you and waste your time, energy, effort and do things the hard way. @sshat! J@ckhole!

D: two eggs, freakin' way too much bacon, toast

S: cream cheese

I wrapped some more presents last night, maybe will get finished tonight, after the girl comes over and I harrass her about getting her book read, because it's apparent her mother won't!. AND this nasty girl will be scrubbing her bathtub incase other people beside her need to use it. And again, she said this nastiness in the tub, doesn't bother her!! OMG!

Not looking forward to Christmas, I would rather not see the YA again nor his skanky GF, but I will put on the happy face and be a gracious hostess. No work yet from my son whether or not he is coming up.

B: iced vanilla latte

S: yogurt, blackberries, granola

L: left over cheese ball, crackers

D: I have no clue - probably whatever the girl wants and what's not too difficult for my tired, over worked, under paid, exhausted, I work harder than everyone else DH to throw together!

I will get through this day too! IP

 PS. so DH just dropped by my work and now I feel bad because I hurt his feelings. I guess I will go see my friendly therapist to get ideas on how to relate to someone who is just not on my level - meaning I feel I go out of my way to do the best and I have to be OK with someone who does enough to just get by. Kind of like do it right the first time, no matter how hard it is, instead of doing it over and over again because it's easy and works for five minutes. This will surely be a long, long day! And then again what if it is his best and there is no hope for improvement. So very sad for me. And I'm eating cake to cope, so, so perfect!




Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
An old Dr Phil quote comes to mind right now........"we can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves"........When I get frustrated with someone...I force myself to find something right about what they are doing, that is bothering me so much...in this case I would look at all of the extra exercise he is getting making several trips...he also may be doing it just to get your attention...you know...how kids would rather be yelled at than be ignored? Men are truly just big kids.....Denny sometimes says words wrong just because he knows how much it irritates me....I know he is doing it on purpose because if I correct him...he will instantly say it wrong again.....so now I ignore it....some day he will say something stupid in public...and embarrass himself and I will feel vindicated. There is nothing like a grown man talking baby talk...UGH! I totally get what you are saying....it's frustrating, they look stupid, we look like shrews.......I've learned to ignore it because if it gets them attention then we are encouraging it...if they want to act or be stupid it's on them...LOL ( we are just with stupid.>>>>>>>.) I've learned to encourage the behaviour I like....( it's like raising a giant kid)

happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
LOL. I make 10 trips to do something and burn the eggs. I know from all the ADHD classes that it's a cognitive thing around "transitions"... That when transitioning from one task to another my brain literally has to reorganize itself so for about 20 minutes I do things inefficiently because the path that information travels on shrinks from a garden hose to a coffee stirrer. It's not only ADHD that does this... there can be a lot of different brain things that create that effect. It's not being "stupid", it's just a difference in hardware processing. You're an object-oriented system (multi-threaded, reused objects) and he's an embedded system (single thread, functional), so to speak. Different engineering, different purposes.

And I KNOW I'm not dumb even if it looks that way on the outside to a lot of people and I don't pull off all the things I know I am capable of. I test high enough to get into MENSA.

I do know that when someone in my life makes me feel dumb, I don't drop them or stop talking to them, but I do start looking for a new friend so that I feel better about myself and try to heal so I can face back up to them... Feeling dumb and "less than" is worse than an other feeling I can feel in any relationship, friendship, family tie. I need to go somewhere else / to someone else to work that out. For me, that's this forum, and my online counselor. For him that is...??????

The other thing is that every time someone has a bad interaction with you it takes 15 positive interactions to erase that bad feeling. So think about it this way... Every time you try to "improve him" you will have to do 15 things to make him feel better. So you just create more work for yourself to get things back on track.

Are burned eggs really that bad? At least someone was there and wanted to make you eggs, even if they burned them.

horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2017:
well, regarding the above, it's always better to do things yourself if you want them done to your total liking or way of thinking...otherwise, expect them not to measure up completely.

horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2017:
for the photos, i don't think he took them....otherwise, take your husband's mannerisms lightly...not to heart!

keep doing the great things, Jo!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
I have a tendency to think that we do what we think we can get away with...if it's really important...then wild horses couldn't tear us away from it...but if it's not important, we may do the minimum and let it go. And I think we also use crutches and excuses and reasons why...but bottom line is...we aren't motivated for 1 reason or another. More than anything else you mentioned...I was most alarmed that he keeps going to your work when he is upset, that is a new thing to me...I would never have dropped in at Dennys work or he mine. I really think he is looking for attention.

innerpeace on 12/21/2017:
Well he comes by every morning, if he doesn't stop by, I would see him for a whole 3 hours a day. He says seeing me in the morning is a treat. I am just getting to work and he is leaving work and my work place is on his way home. He used to bring me Diet Dr. Pepper and donuts and other stuff I shouldn't have. That tapered off, now he says, he just comes for a kiss.

bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
OHHHHH...Okay.....that's different and nice!!!!! ' I thought he came by to bug you!

innerpeace - Tuesday Dec 19, 2017

Weight: 303.7

Big to do at work yesterday. Christmas Party all the retirees come in and eat. So many people in such a little space makes for a warm area. Hot even. Very uncomfortable. And then a retiree who started before I was born trapped me and I couldn't get away, I had to listen and small talk. So out of my comfort zone. DH made an appearance but left quickly after eating. He is so uncomfortable around my work people.

I get home and was still full from the party food, so I ate a bit of left over cheese ball and a few meatballs for dinner. DH and I wrapped some Christmas presents, maybe will finish tonight. Sent four postcards out.

We did finish the inventory at work, so now all of my attention will go to the safety audit which is due next.

B: toast, peanut butter, iced vanilla latte

L: cheese pizza; ham

S: yogurt, blackberries

D: TBD not sure. I'm afraid to text DH and ask, he may still be sleeping.

Have a great night. IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/19/2017:
Company parties are usually uncomfortable for me too...those years are over for us...That's behind you now thankfully.

happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
I feel you. I hate parties too. And people. And hot rooms. I'd have been crawling the walls. Love Habitat for Humanity, hate church for the same reasons.

happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
I also wonder why there is never a craft table for grownups at these things? Keep your hands busy so your brain isn't racing around like a trapped cat?

innerpeace on 12/20/2017:
OMG that is the best idea ever!! I will have to look in to this.

happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
Saw on another post you have too much frozen chicken. If you have a ton of frozen chicken and any of it is boneless / skinless... try making hot wing dip! Yummy and easy in the slow cooker. Goes well with celery and hot paleo biscuits.

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