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innerpeace - Wednesday Nov 01, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I appreciate all your comments about my current situation - I'm just glad I can get this all off my chest here. I have made an appointment with a fmaily therapist as well. I have been reading a lot and learning a lot and talked and talked and cried lots of tears. I even told my DH that I felt so hurt that this is worse than my divorce. At least when my exhusband broke my heart I left and didn't have to still see him and deal with him ever again.

Things are tough for that girl - I know her mother and step-father have restrictions on what she can and can't do with her phone and facebook. They have even blocked DH from her phone and he cannot even text or talk to her with messenger or anything - I guess maybe we should have blocked her from talking to her mother but I'm just not like that...yet. I just still can't believe the mother condones this and actually helped her - if my kid even asked me to do something like this - I would have such a different approach - I would not help them deceive someone deliberately.

anyway - I walked my dog before trick or treaters and then couldn't bring myself to pass out candy. I don't even think there were a lot because Steve didn't bark too much at all. Both DH and I ate a few pieces but I brough the rest of the candy to work for these crazies to eat. I did make some scones for breakfast that turned out amazing.

B: oatmeal scone - iced vanilla latte

S: yogurt, blueberries

L: naan bread, left over steak

S: balanced breaks

D: scheduled is rotisserie chicken, but I can't say if DH thawed the chicken yet or not - this may change

I over slept big time this morning, I turned the 5:00 am alarm off and didn't wake back up until 6:37 - no shower this a.m. and I'm feeling it now. - just feel dirty, face feels greasy, hair is limp and yuck - I surely miss my morning shower.

Have been changing my files over at work for the new fiscal year and shredding old stuff so have been keeping pretty busy..

Still expecting a text from girl's mother saying she is sick or has something to do tomorrow. I will be very surprised if she faces the music tomorrow.

No plans tonight - may take a nap

Have a good night.


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/01/2017:
Getting it all off your chest is a good thing....we all need to vent now and then....and good for you not passing out treats last night if you didn't feel like it....

BearCountryGG on 11/01/2017:
Getting it all off your chest is a good thing....we all need to vent now and then....and good for you not passing out treats last night if you didn't feel like it....

Donkey on 11/02/2017:

innerpeace - Tuesday Oct 31, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I get home and DH was very upset the whole day. I can't discribe how hurtful this is to us. We go out of our way to teach responsibility, respect and decency and to have all that thrown in our face is just so, so very sad to me. It is hard not to feel hurt.

If the girl does come over on Thursday we are going to have a long talk with her. I have even written notes because I want her to understand how her actions affect people...and for what...just for some candy! My first order of business is the definition of these words: LIE, SCHEME, BACKSTAB, TAKE ADVANTAGE, DECEPTION, USER, PLAYER, DISRESPECT - because apparently she does not know what they mean  she is going to learn.

I have also noticed a pattern of how she is. If she is telling a story it is always someone eles's fault. Her step-sister did it, her cousin did it, someone at school did it - she never does anything, she is little miss innoscent and never does anything - well she has no one to blame for this misgiving - unless she is going to blame her mother?

We will see

DH still had his PJs on when I got home, but he made us cranberry turkey burgers for dinner. They were pretty good, tasted like Thanksgiving in a burger.

We sat in silence for about two hours - finally I said - how are we going to handle this? We have talked about it and came up with a plan, so again, if she does come over on Thursday we are prepared.

We also broke open the bag of trick or treat candy. I wish a freaking blizzard would show up about 5:00 pm, but I doubt that would happen.

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

L: 1/2 ham sandwich, yogurt, blueberries

S: balanced breaks

D: supposed to be beef and noodles, but the girl was supposed to be over, so I'm not sure what DH is going to cook. We would try to normally have something the girl would eat, but why bother now?

So if you are trick or treating - stay safe out there!


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/31/2017:
First of all your cranberry turkey burgers sound so good.....getting to be that time of year again. You are right....she needs to learn a few things and right there at the top is that it is your house and your house has rules. She is at what I consider the absolute worst age of childhood. I love babies, toddlers and grade schoolers...and I don't mind them again at 16 to 18....but that middle school age just makes my head hurt.......they are part kid and part grown up an all a pain in the you know what. Puberty has hit and she is playing all of you one against the other and it sounds like her mother has taught her that...Keep pushing the manners, the importance of responsibility and honesty and try not to let her ruin your relationship with your husband.

biscottibody59 on 10/31/2017:
Congrats on the loss--woo-hoo!

I had to voice my opinion. I think a lot of you and I hope you take it with a grain of salt where it doesn't apply.

You're swimming against the tide and going farther out to sea despite your best efforts. You have to make it clear to your husband that you're at your last straw. He should be the one disciplining this child and being the bad cop. It's not your job.

There's that. Then there's the toll it's taking on you. You should be first especially at menopause. You don't know what the future will bring for your health, but all this outside sh*t that isn't even your responsibility is not going to help.

Leave. That's what I vote for. Your very existence may be at stake. If you get a week of vacation accumulated, go and get out. Keep your job or not. Go back to OK or not. Come back from OK or not. It will send a signal to all that you're not going to be messed with anymore. They'll survive just fine.

I had a niece who this sort of reminds me of, except that her "home" life with mom/grandparents was so bad that she was a gem when living with my mother (her grandmother). She loved the structure.

This child is kind of "not with it" for her age. She may have some real social deficits unique to her or she may have a mental disorder or syndrome keeping her from "getting it."

It never ends for you and I read your EVERY post. I feel for you because it seems all you want is to have a relationship with hubby and now he's not capable of being the man you RIGHTLY need him to be.

It's not your fault!

I have a separate comment, but I'll leave that 'til tomorrow.

PLEASE please take good care of yourself. You have to! No one else is going to step up and do it unfortunately.

My happy niece eventually went home and went one year to HS. Downhill in so many ways. Got knocked up at 17 and the rest is a very sordid history. I can look up at least two mugshots on the internet. Not that even remotely that is what's going to happen with this kid. But you can't keep it or something similar from happening.

Sorry to get so personal with you, but I hate seeing you suffer. It's real and I hope you take my words as intended and not as criticism of any of the players. Life is messy for sure!

I'm glad you got a stash of your precious latte:-) Little things mean a lot!

innerpeace on 11/01/2017:
Thank you so much. I appreciate the time it took to write that. I have thought and rethought about everything you said a hundred times. It is just so hard to leave or go on vacation when money is tight.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/01/2017:
i agree with BB above that YOU matter and you have to take the stand for yourself.

i hope you never have to leave. i know hubby loves you.

i do believe you are better at parenting / brainstorming solutions than hubby - he needs your help i think. and yes he must give you his support :)

both of you should discipline her as you are....make her apologize an take responsibility for choosing to do what she did. she chose to hurt you and act that way. she chose to listen to YA and her mom. she chose those decisions and that makes her personally at fault.

always remember to not take things too seriously all the time - you will get thru.

disciplne her, but then hopefully move on to something light / happy activity together again :)

innerpeace on 11/01/2017:

innerpeace - Monday Oct 30, 2017

Weight: 303.7

So the good news is....I lost weight. I'm pleased. but really can't enjoy it.


B: English mufifn, iced vanilla latte

L: Cheese sandwich; apple

D: chicken brocoli crescent ring


B: toast, peanute butter - iced vanilla latte

L: chicken quesadilla

D: turkey burger with sweet potato fries

S: banana, peanut butter smothie


B: English muffin; iced vanilla latte

L: Sam's hot dog

D: chicken, salad, rice...bile

However, I had the worst Sunday ever! I just need to vent. Drama overload - it has made me sick.

It is hard to describe people's actions. But for the last four years, I have experienced it. For instance the girl will be over and mention something. I let it go. This could be a new hoodie, a new toy, a new CD or something she wants. I never ask for more informaiton, I never dig to see what's she's after. It was deep down in my heart of hearts, I would hope her mother or step-dad would get it for her. Never happened.

Anway, in the beginning of October she has said she wanted to be a unicorn for Halloween. DH is kinda like, whatever, you need to wear the Cheshire Cat costume I bought you last year. She replies I don't want that. Anyway, another week goes by and she is still talking about being a unicorn. I ask is your mom buying the costume. Her reply. I don't know. Maybe I can do something around her for money. - yeah whatever. And all during this time the YA and GF are saying they are coming over to trick or treat with her. OK great - I hate trick or treating anyway.

Anyway, of course we break down and buy the unicorn costume, well because she is at our house for Halloween. Now whatever happened between Wednesday last week to Sunday at 5.00 I will never know. But I did what I do on Sunday, which is wash clothes. I asked her if she needed the clothes done before she left, her reply - yes they are school clothes. So I of course start laundry to get this girl her clothes. Anyway, she managed to p!ss me off during dinner. We were eating and the dryer timer goes off and I'm like OK OK i'll be down after dinner.

She made some kind of smart comment, like I would never fold clothes. I"m like what? you can fold you own clothes. She said I will hang them. I said, yeah well you can wash them too. She says, I don't know how to use the washer. I'm like, sure you do I've shown you two other times, you prefer not to remember. It's not EFFing calculus and you are not stupid, I'm sure you can figure it out. You just don't freaking want to remember, you can remember what I said about a swimming pool 2 freaking years ago, but you can't remember how to turn a knob on a washing machine  these something wrong with this picture. You just keep your nasty clothes at your mom's house - maybe she'll get to them when she feel like it.

So after dinner, she went upstairs and was texting her mom and believe it or not the nasty YA's GF and apparently they all decided Saturday that she was to stay at her mom's for Halloween. Now let me put this out here...I DO NOT AND DID NOT CARE ANYTHING ABOUT TRICK OR TREATING!! or where the h$ll this girl did it.

But it just so happend that I get a text from her mother, asking if she could stay over there because they get good candy and she wanted to learn the new neighborhood (they moved over the summer). I'm freakin' flabberghasted. My reply was I don't care where she trick or treats, because god knows she needs all the good candy she can get. Of course I'm being facetious, this girl weighs over 200 pounds and does not need cancy at ALL.

The mother says thanks!

So the girl comes down stairs and DH asked her, does she want to stay at her mom's for Halloween, she says, i don't know. AND THIS P!SSES ME OFF even more. I said your mom just texted and said that you wanted to stay over there, do you or don't you. And then she puts her head down and says, I don't know. WTF!! I just say, you know what, go get your Sh!t and just go.

So when DH goes to be he finds a note on the bed. The note with $10.00 and says here is the money (that she earned for her grades) and she don't deserve it. (OK this is an agreement she has between her and her dad - she gets $20 for every A - she had one A so DH gives her $10 and we deposit the other $10 in her savngs account) She says I feel I cause so much drama and if you don't want me over here, please just tell me)!!

Seriously so now this is my fault!!

SO after reading the note:  I send the girl an IM telling her, she started the drama, all she had to do is say, you know dad, I would like to trick or treat at mom's! That would have been it, it would have been over and done. But instead of doing that she wanted to lie and scheme and plan stuff and then act like a victim. I told her the money was her's that she had earned it, and that she was always, always welcome at our house.

That we always treated her good and I felt really hurt and lied to about the whole trick or treating thing. I told her to have fun and be safe.

 And then I get a text from the YA nasty GF telling me that she the girl didn't lie and I was really really rude.

I get the girls Ipad and she should have logged out of facebook, because the whole chat session is between the three of them. the GF and mother telling her how to go about it, she says she is scared to talk to her dad...again WTF!! so she asked her mom to text me, and ask me if she could stay home - and the mom says, OK but you have to say you want too. And all this started Saturday night.


I cannot tell you all the crap I've put up with that girl for the last four years!! I am so hurt and feel so played and used and OMG trying to be with my DH right now is just awful.

I couldn't sleep all night and OMG my back is killing me and I cannot tell you how much I hate, hate my life right now! It's like you try and try and whatever you do, is just never really good enough

You help and try to get them to do the right things but still all they want to do is cheat and lie and go the easy road and never try anything hard, or exert any effort into living.

I'm just so tired and fed up with everything. My DH is miserable because he don't want to lose his kids...because even the YA don't come around anymore because he doesn't want to hear about going back to school and or getting a job. He'd rather sit around and work 2 hours a day for the $30-40 he can make. He'd rather go to a food bank than actually work and make money to buy his own food. And his nasty GF too...now this little heifer is biting off something she don't even know the whole story about.




Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

legcramps on 10/30/2017:
Yikes, that is certainly a drama-filled day. How old is the girl? It seems that there have been issues for a while now, and DH doesn't seem to think about it the same way you do? Is that right? That can sure be stressful, and I feel for you. Try to focus on the positives in your life; you lost some weight! Way to go :) Remember that you can't control how other people live their life, you can only control your own actions and responses. Lots of hugs your way :) :) :)

innerpeace on 10/31/2017:
she is 12 - will be 13 in December. We didn't have issues of late - that is why I am so upset. DH is upset as well - and disappointed. We try and try and do things to put her on the right path and teach her right from wrong, however, she seems to want to lie and do mean, hateful things - and her mother helps! That is why I am so upset - that her own mother helps her lie and deceive us.

BearCountryGG on 10/30/2017:
Yeah...teenagers are a lot of fun ( not always)...they do lie, and sneak around and make you want to tear your hair out...I think it's natures way of making it easy for parents to let go of them when they grow up. Time will pass and she will grow up....good for you teaching her to use the washer....keep at it....she needs to know how to use them.

innerpeace on 10/31/2017:
She can go tomorrow and I would not EVEN care. -

When my son was two days old, I knew being a mother was not for me, I'm surprised he got grown. However, he was only with me part-time. Being in the military, he would go with his dad a few years and come back to me a few years, so I didn't have the worst of it.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/30/2017:
don't take any of these people, any of them, seriously.

you are of higher standards and morals. don't feel played.

in the end, they are the liars and the cheats of the world. YOU AREN'T.

Try not to take them seriously...and keep your rules for your own house....

and rest a little, take some time to yourself.

and enjoy your hubby.

I do agree with Legs, let the act like idiots. You can't help them if they don't wanna work on themselves.

innerpeace on 10/31/2017:
Thanks! I thought that was what I was doing. The evil has found it's way into my house - it multiplies quickly.

innerpeace - Friday Oct 27, 2017

Weight: 306.0

It's been one of those days for me - I thought I could just come to work and do things, but not today, people wanted stuff and I had to fix stuff and order stuff and I was buy most of the day. So, So glad it is Friday.

So DH told me the YA did get a truck. I hope it works out for him, because I am cancelling the insurance on Monday, so he can pay his own insurance bill. I was being nice and was selling my car to him for $800 - he still owes me $250, and he told DH he was trying to sell it for $1800, what an entrepeneur. This is par for course with him, always wanting and wanting and never giving. He owes DH over $200 dollars for an eye exam, getting his car out of the impound lot and he loaned him some money when he went to the Indians game. So he was at the house and DH asked him to help him do something, and the YA says, "this is your house" DH should have said, yeah, and you owe my a$$ $200 dollars so freakin' help you lazy bum! But he didn't say anything, he just shrugged it off. Not again!

And then the GF is moving in with him. What the F ever!! They want to give the girl a ratty old vanity and I don't want it in my house. DH had to talk me down off that mad. It's a gift....yeah whatever, I see it as trash and I don't want it in my house AND I don't want to think the girl can just think she can bring anything she wants into it, because she has hoarding tendencies and I already cleaned that crap up once. Seriously though, sometimes I just want to climb in a whole and stay.

So Wendesday we had the Shepherd's pie and we didn't have potatoes so we used mash cauliflower. This was pretty good, not very pretty but it was descent.

Last night DH and I were messing around with some more Indian food. This chickpea chole turned out OK, I thought I like chickpeas more than I did last night. It was tasty though and low calorie.

chickpea chole - my salad was delicious and I ate more of that than the chole.


Tonight we have the girl and not to happy about having to spend the weekend with her, I will pray for paitence and stuff. DH is making a spinach lasagna...I think.

Football Saturday. - I am making a turkey meatloaf

Laundry Sunday - I have no clue -maybe quesadilla

Have a great weekend! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/27/2017:
Hi InnerP!

Sorry your workday is stressful! My work is the opposite always. I have to stick to myself. Be very quiet. Only speak to certain coworkers and not others. It’s all weird….work is weird….work is politics…politics are weird ! You know, everything is weird…the world is weird!

I do agree 100% with you…that if the boy owes, he has to be able to contribute to your household. And also if he borrows money, how could he not feel to thank you to contribute to you!? How can he expect you guys to open your hearts and pockets if he never even opens his heart to give to you? No good.

You have a point though about not wanting things in your house. Make sure she doesn’t hoard in your house. That would be dead wrong. It should be a rule.

The shepherd’s pie looks AMAZING actually. I would have loved it – especially with the cauliflower instead of potato – that’s a huge calorie control meal! FREAKING awesome. I’ll be doing that tonight….BIG meal coming up for me – going for Hibachi – where the Japanese chef cooks right in front of you at your table. The food at this particular restaurant is the ultimate in taste. I wish my friend would just order the chicken and not the expensive fish (we are sharing) – but I guess the total difference isn’t as bad as I thought – it’s $10 more for the dish or just $5 more each. But it adds up….! I was going to order a beer, but I don’t really want to. I don’t want to drink…and I have to drive home…sorry, I keep talking about myself as I’ve been 100% in my head all day at work. It’s prob not the best thing, but I know I can take myself out of it once January comes along. It’s very good that I now stay very busy on weekends, just to get out of sitting all day and not talking like I do at work…boy am I thankful for Ricky!

Chickpeas are healthy yes and a good substitute for vegetarian meals sometimes as opposed to always eating meat – and I do know that you like to sometimes skip the meat. It does look great! Even better knowing you had more salad. I love my greens too…didn’t actually have that much of them this week though!...and you just reminded me to go downstairs and clean my containers and take them home.

For spinach lasagna, does that mean making regular lasagna plus some spinach? Good idea. !

Good luck with girlie. Turkey meatloaf sounds good…It’s low cal too! I hope it tastes great – what do you put in there?

BearCountryGG on 10/29/2017:
That mashed cauliflower is amazing and a close sub for mashed potatoes...I see oprah has a mashed cauliflower potato mixture out...but its not in our stores yet...cuts the carbs and calories so well.

innerpeace - Wednesday Oct 25, 2017

Weight: 306.0

DH made the spaghetti squash and brocolli for dinner. It was pretty good, but so huge. I ate the rest of it for lunch today.



Then DH and I went around town looking for cupcakes for me to take to work. I got a dozen from one bakery and then stopped at another for some cookies. I also put together a guessing game (closest wins) with other candy. I do something for them, most holidays. I used the wine bottles we made last weekend for decoration. They will probably stay here since we made two sets.

Well, the YA also didn't go through with the deal for the car trade, for some unknown reason. Oh yea, because it was a scam or didn't work out in his favor. Whatever the reason,  I didn't get my $250 bucks!

We have the girl tonight, and I think DH is making a diabetic version of a shepherd's pie, I hope it turns out a little descent.

Ohter than that, I have realized that I still need to get some exercise in. I blame DH and his stupid shift change. I used to get in bed by 10:00 pm and now I'm lucky to make it by 11:15-11:30, this hour to hour and 1/2 was my early wake up time to exercise. I'm lucky if I get up in time now to even get a shower. I will work on this schedule of mine as I perfer to exercise in the mornings, if/when I actually do said exercise.

Things are OK.

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2017:
Spaghetti squash looks beautiful...if you want to save calories, less cheese and more meat even - turkey's the lowest cal...you can even be meat free with beans....but it sure looks wonderful, IP, don't take my suggestions as being rude it's just my honesty.??? i'm weird :)

all your food and goodies look amazing. intriguing cookies lol and superb design on the cupcakes too! i personally like your own creativity using the wine bottles!

So you were right he wouldn't have that kinda money. don't keep too high hopes and always remember that you cannot fully trust him yet i do not think...or to think before you give him anything that he needs to pay back...or to make him do a chore to make anything up to you...that would be a good idea i'd say.

i want to see & hear more about this shepherd's pie...diabetic must mean less potato?

sleep is def very important for exercise....i understand you...i think actually the main reason for my improved exercise is actually due like 99% to my improved sleep! for real!

so you will hopefully get back on track with your sleep soon so you feel better to exercise - trust me, it helps.

BearCountryGG on 10/25/2017:
They had spaghetti squash here for 89 cents yesterday...great time to enjoy that.

innerpeace - Tuesday Oct 24, 2017

Weight: 306.0

DH had another interview yesterday afternoon, so he got home late. We had salmon patties and salad for dinner. It was pretty good.

The YA called and asked about how much he owed on the car still. It is $250. He said he will bring it over today, because he is trading it for a Ford Ranger pickup. Well good luck! He did admit that he is working for the step-day again and he agreed to pay him $20 an hour, which I do NOT believe. He's an idiot! Everytime I think about it I just want to slap that mother of his in the face. Anyway he came and got the title and hopefully I'll get my $250 dollars tonight. Wishful thinking and I don't have to pay insurance anymore! YAY that gives me an extra $120 in my pocket. I do feel bad that I want him to fail. I want him to understand he needs to finish highschool, that he can't rely on people to bail him out when he makes bad decisions. Oh well, I guess he will learn.

DH went to bed and I made a quiche for lunch and played around with my juicer. I made a grapefruit, carrot, ginger juice it was called Spicy Grapefruit carrot. It was just OK, not a fan of grapefruit. DH drank it after he brushed his teeth and he said it was disgusting. i laughed.

I didn't sleep well last night, was up a couple of times, hearing things.

B: English muffin, peanut butter, iced vanilla latte

S: yogurt, blackberries, blueberries

L: slice of quiche,

S: granola cups, balanced breaks

I think DH said he was making the spaghetti squash thing that was scheduled yesterday.


Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/24/2017:
Hi IP!

My fingers are crossed for DH :-P..and your dinner sounds very good! So healthy! I really am going to eat more fish soon…I can make it in oven…shouldn’t smell too much right?

I agree the kid needs to finish high school…but I feel he’s failed enough? Hopefully things will improve for him sooner rather than later he’ll wake up!

I have trouble drinking a ton of ginger…it’s so healthy but also the taste is SO STRONG!

I hope you sleep better tonight…I have been sleeping TONS lately since my trips I’ve needed quite a bit of catch up (rest) time! I am sure you’ll sleep better tonight bc you will be tired!

Food looks great..i want to make an egg quiche I think…there’s also something really cool going around you might want to try only if you have a heavy-duty food processor: PIZZA MADE OUT OF A GROUND CHICKEN BREAST / CHEESE CRUST! I’ve been seeing it all over facebook!....oh it’s sorta high calorie but still cool I thought…but not that low cal bc of the cheese….

..i also have a couple spaghetti squash at home…thanks for reminding me! And your breakfast sounds tasty like mine!

innerpeace - Monday Oct 23, 2017

Weight: 306.0

Had an uneasy weekend for sure.

Friday I left work about 1:00, I was so sleepy. I just went home and slept with DH. We didn't get up until almost 5:30.  I told DH I was frustrated with eating healthy food and I asked him to make me a salsibury steak. It was delicious with the French Onion gravy. We had mashed cauliflour and a salad with it. I loved that salisbury steak though. It was so delicious. He went back to bed after we walked the dog.

Saturday when DH got home I threw some stuff in the crock pot for chili and then we went shopping. We went to Sandusky to get my iced coffee. I love it and missed it, so I drove to the closest store that still has it about 40 miles away in Sandusky. I bought six boxes - that will last about two months. And I will give up these (163 calories a day) to enjoy this small and simple pleasure. When we were coming out of the store I had a PTSD episode and kinda freaked out. An unforgettable smell, that I would not even be able to explain, took me back to a bad place in Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War. It both startled and shocked me to say the least. DH just kept asking me what was wrong, all I could do was just stand there holding my nose and covering my face until I got my bearing. It was just too in tense and really freaked me out a few minutes.

We also stopped at Sam's and bought some stuff and then we headed home. We had an appointment at the library to make wine bottle ghosts,mummies and vampires. I enjoyed it, it helped my anxiety from my episode. We got home and ate the chili and walked the dog and DH goes to bed. I watch football just to get irritated! Stupid team!

Sunday before DH got home I had updated my stupid Iphone and it was asking me for a two step authentication. I totally just could not think what my passcode was and got locked out of my phone. This was frustrating. And then I got a notification that someone near Washington DC wanted permission to use my icloud. What? This freaked me out even more. Finally when DH got home we sat around trying to figure out my passcode and got locked out again. We sat around until the neighbors seemed to be stirring and then we started yard work. I keeping hoping this will be the last time, maybe this time. I mowed and weeded the front. He mowed the back and edged. We then picked up the chain link fence and mowed the weeks grown up through it. This made my back and legs sore today. We ate left over chili and cornbread.

The YA came over in his mom's mustang and told DH that he mended fences with his step-dad. Last weekend his GF's grandparents told him he couldn't stay with her anymore because her grades were failing, so he had to go back to his Grandma's. The YA tell's DH that he thinks the GF's grandparents are trying to break them up because he helps her with her homework. When DH tells me this, I just laugh, because he won't do anykind of work, that's why he dropped out of shool.  I just think he is trying to take the easy way out of something and instread of going back to school and/or looking for a real job, he is going to go back to work for his step-dad who doesn't pay him. I figure they told him, he could drive the mustang if he works. Whatever, he is a bum and I refuse to let him live with us if he doesn't have a job and is not going to school. I will not condone this behavior and from years of watching my mother help those who don't help themselves, I refuse to fall into this never ending story of uselessness. Everyone who is able, should earn thier own keep. I will not support a deadbeat, lazy, a$$ young adult, who knows everything in the world. I'm sure this upsets my DH, but he said he agreed. Yes, yes, this is the same able bodied kid who goes to the food bank!! Jack hole!!

Anyway, I'm kind of glad it's Monday. Oh and this morning, when I woke up and turned off the alarm, I picked up my phone and opened my email and before I opened my email or whenever I pick up my phone after an extended period of time....I have to type my passcode in. OMG seriously....I did NOT know this was the same passcode needed all day yesterday. I was thinking it was something else and could not remember what in the h#ll it was asking for. Sometimes, I am just as dingy as a bat!

B: toast

S: I ate candy - a few kisses, reeses and carmel apple chocolate candies - about 8 pieces

L: left over chili, grapes

D: is spaghetti squash and roasted broccoli

I may try to use my juicing maching that came last week. I finally got a fresh mango and grapefruit and look forward to trying the juicer.

Have a great day! IP


Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/23/2017:
Good Morning InnerP!

Lol…I cannot ever leave work early for feeling tired…but then again I work in NYC area and you don’t…and I have only myself to take care of while you are also the main guardian of girlie. Obviously, we have totally different live and as I have learned, it is never good to ever compare…Anyways, back to you…

You lovely dinner of steak and mashed cauliflower and salad sounds AMAZING! Lately I do not eat very healthy at all. I’m enjoying the real treats of life in moderation. Loving it. I enjoy alcohol now and I’m getting better at drinking in moderation too. Tonight I plan to finish my hard apple cider can…I have a cup left waiting for me in the fridge.

About the healthy eating – and drinking – I have learned that the longer you do it, the easier it becomes. The easier it is to maintain a lower weight, to stay on track. That treats can be worked in – especially for active, working people like me and you who exercise and DO burn lots of calories. Yes, me and you…I’m learning to enjoy life. To not berate myself for eating treats. Life doesn’t need to be a black & white, good & bad, always yes & no…thankfully not! I’m so thankful to not have this mindset as strongly as it used to be for me….life becomes easier to live when we are open to all of it’s avenues…like the Salisbury steak :-P

This weekend I slept tons too…just like you. With all the traveling and adventures, my body was craving it so much! Gonna def go back and sleep extra tonight too…people who exercise generally need more rest versus less! If you ever read about Olympic athletes, they can sleep 12 hours a day some of them.

It’s ok to feel emotions, I am sorry you felt that way on Saturday but I’m glad DH was with you there to help you through it.

OMG your libraries are as cool as my libraries…actually yours have more crafts! We have a lot of music at ours. I am able to go to all the libraries in Queens which is so many…some offer really amazing (free) music programs…and sometimes acting programs too! It’s awesome especially for me with a music background.

My neighbor told me that her husband was also majorly upset due to the sports games / teams he was watching lol…

I have also gotten emails like yours about people trying to get into your phone….once again someone used my debit card and guessed my pin yesterday so I called the bank, was refunded the $200 they took out, and now will be waiting for a new debit card (second one in a month!) to be delivered. So frustrating.

Ah yes, you reminded me I want to make cornbread! Pumpkin cornbread…I also bought cranberries to cook! I love to eat cooked cranberries thru the winter! I usually sweeten them with liquid stevia as otherwise they are too tart and bitter.

I think that YA needs to join a trade…go to school for that. Like an electrician or plumber so he can have a career. He needs coaching and re-directioning. Cops make great money…

Good luck with your passcode! Haha.

BearCountryGG on 10/23/2017:
My Dear IP.....You brought tears to my eyes!!!! If I have never thanked you for your service please let me thank you now! THANK YOU so much for what you have given our country!!! I'm also glad to hear that you are loosening the calorie food strings a bit. Happiness counts for a lot and sometimes we just need to throw a little food fit and find our happy!!! Your flashback is where the tears started for me and I have the utmost respect for your feelings and any suffering you may do regarding that, and I know that you are aware of there being people out there for you in that regard...we do live in a time where there is more and more being understood about PTSD...talking to someone may help, but I know you know that. I'm happy to hear that you are getting fed up with the young mans lame excuses, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for a kid is to let them fall down and figure out how to get back up themselves.....you have a lot going on....YOU found the fortitude to join the service, get and keep a job, take on the responsibility of step children...YOU ROCK LADY! The young man can work for his step dad...live in their house...and drive their car....then he will stay out of your hair.....maybe he would benefit from the service. Anyway.....glad you figured the phone out...they are a pain and glad you enjoyed some yummy things and took the pressure off the calorie counting.....we will do this...but we do not have to make ourselves miserable while doing it. Thank you again!

innerpeace - Thursday Oct 19, 2017

Weight: 306.0

Pretty discouraged today, there is something definately wrong with my scale. I doubt an extra piece of bread will make me gain three pounds WTF!!

If you do everything right and gain there is definately something wrong with something. I requested a call from my care worker. There is nothing wrong with my body, maybe my meal planning. DH said he thinks maybe too much pasta.

Maybe, we have a chicken caserole tonight with egg noodles, so after tonight, no more pasta for awhile.

The girl texted me and said she did very good on her book report poster. So glad! And then her mother emailed and sent me the link to get pictures ordered, she has never done this, so of course I wonder why she is being nice.

Last night DH grilled some chicken and I steamed some zucchini and then it was tossed with basil, avocado and arugula creme sauce, it was tasty but didn't look very good.


B: oatmeal bar - this is the last one

L: left over chicken and zuchini, yogurt, blueberries, granola

S: balanced breaks

D: should be tuna caserole (but the girl doesn't like tuna, so we are using chicken)

No plans tonight...

Have a good one! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/19/2017:
Hi InnerP!

It could be a salt / bloating thing, InnerP. The same happens to me so I wouldn’t worry myself too much if I were you. And if you have been eating well in general, then I definitely wouldn’t mind the 3lbs which must go off soon..?

I think if anything – try to fully drop CHEESE for a week. You will lose a lot of weight, I promise. Cheese and Granola. Those are very high calorie, even if you eat a little bit the calorie damage is HIGH! This is why I do NOT eat cheese or granola very much – except for my beloved small granola bars – 100-150 calories that’s it – not like regular granola which can be like 200 cal in just a half cup…and nobody eats just a half cup. This is why I do not eat it at all. I can’t stop myself. I’d eat at least a cup at once which is already 400 cal of carbs (equal to 4 pieces of good bread!). in just a cup of oatmeal! Same with cheese. Two really tasty foods. If you break free of them this week, just leave them out, I can promise you that you will lose a pound.

Her mother is darn thankful of how much you are helping your daughter. I’m sure both girlie and mother are overjoyed about the results of her good work (haha and yours) on the report. You deserve a little price you pretty InnerP lady! You Rock!!!!!!!! It’s good you like doing projects. Comes in helpful for girlie…that’s for sure. What I mean is, it’s a GREAT thing that you aren’t lazy in the least!

Oh…yes, pasta is also a calorie burner. No good. A half cup has 200 cal almost and that’s not what any adult ever serves himself. More like 1.5 cups or 600 cal or like 6 servings of carbs. 6 slices of bread. I’d stay away.

Maybe you are night eating? You think you might be eating in your sleep? Because your eating is good…I don’t understand either the scale issue.

Chicken casserole does sound better than tuna one. I never eat cooked tuna except when it’s seared like black & blue style.

BearCountryGG on 10/19/2017:
Definitely better to get along with the girls Mom than not. I think she is thankful for your interest and input into her life.....she is so lucky to have you. About your weight.....I know that if you drop cals too much your metabolism will slow down to match it...if you think that you calorie calculations are accurate then your body may be thinking you are trying to starve it....and is just slowing the calorie burning down...it's an old throwback to cave man days where it was either feast or famine.....when they had food they gorged...when they didn't have much food their bodys burned it slower to conserve energy. There is 2 things I learned from my old WW days and that is...drink lots and lots of water...and when I hit a plateau or just didn't lose much...I had to shake things up...by doing something very different. Do you have any beverages with calories.....I know when I have ever used creamers in my coffee...I could never lose no matter how much I tried...and I know another lady from WW that was the same way...some people can't lose eating bananas.....I'm wondering about your balanced breaks...I looked at them at the store...but didn't notice the calories, they are small and it's healthy stuff....but maybe they have become too routine....you may be holding water....or maybe you are on a medication like say a steroid...that can cause weight gain...but you food lists are good...and your portions are not big.....could you be just picking at food a little here and a little there and not counting it...it's easy to do...we are foodies...we do love our food...we wouldn't be trying to lose now if we weren't. maybe it will just drop off all of a sudden too...I've seen that happen before too,

legcramps on 10/20/2017:
Yeah, it might be difficult but it's best to just accept the positive gesture from girls' Mom and leave it at that :) maybe the best of her is coming out to peek at the world for a little bit ;)

innerpeace - Wednesday Oct 18, 2017

Weight: 306.0

After a long, long day at work. I get home and DH cooked. We had a backed mac and cheese with gouda and ham and then a kale salad. It was all very tasty.

The girl started a new book and read to me a little. She left early because it was her GMa's birthday. Before she left she got a text from YA's GF asking if she was coming to GMa's because she had something to tell them.

I'm thinking OMG she is going to tell them she is pregnant, but I got a text from the girl this morning telling me she wasn't pregnant and the GF would tell me and DH soon. Great then, nothing she says will impress me unless she says she won the lottery or something.

Work is slow but I am continually grateful I have a job.

Two days in a row I haven't been inspired by the flash fiction, so I may organize a drawer at home tonight.

B: oatmeal bar

L: left over mac and cheese, yogurt with blueberries and granola, apple

S: balanced breaks

D: is supposed to be grilled chicken and zucchini. I will see if I can get this zucchini figured out - haven't had the best experience with zucchini.

Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/18/2017:
Wonder what their big secret is!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/18/2017:
Hubby's dinner looks amazing. I had something similar last night - Lasagna with not too much cheese and also i had a vegetable with it - spaghetti squash. I ate the two together. was good.

LOL, i'm glad she isn't pregnant! whew. But, she might still be...i hope not! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

innerpeace - Tuesday Oct 17, 2017

Weight: 306.0

DH used the left over London Broil to make a beef and noodle dish. It was just ok, not the yummy, thick, rich dish I'm accustom to.

He was kinda bummed out, still in his pjs when I got home. He didn't have much to say and went ot bed about 7:00.

I thought I heard someone calling my name last night, so I woke up hollering, "I'm right here." This scared my dog and he left me. I woke up again at 5:00 and my dog was back, I hit the snooze button and didn't get up until about 5:50....

B: baked oatmeal

L: peanut butter sandiwhich, yogurt, blueberries, granola, walnuts, apple

S: balanced breaks

D: some form of baked mac and cheese - will see if DH gets around to make it. The girl is supposed to come over tonight.

Kinda stuck with my weight right now, will have to look at things. Not really feeling it but I haven't lost hope and haven't gained, so there's that.

Really need to push myself to start the physical activity back up.

I will get through this.

Have a great day! IP

OH and I received my first postcard - it arrived from Minnesota. Can't wait to get more!

Finished another flash fiction story - I think I've only missed two pictures, because they didn't inspire me to write anything.

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2017:
I'm going to comment on all your entries starting from Wednesday!!!! So make sure to look back, InnerP!

Lol...sorry...the dog and hollering thing made me laugh...i hope you are feeling good now!

i see you are enjoying your baked foods...the baked oatmeal really sounds good. i want to bake some pumpkin cornbread soon...i have a nice recipe at home :-)

so was the postcard any good? is it fun?

i am also low on my exercise now- recovering from the trip bc my legs / ankles are still sore. so i'm not jogging this week.

i've not really heard of flash fiction...need to see about that!

innerpeace on 10/18/2017:
The postcard was of a CLE Indians player from long ago, I don't know who it is, but I just recently started liking baseball.

I just like getting postcards.

Flash fiction is just a month long project. A person will post a picture and everyone participating writes a short story inspired by that picture. It takes my mind off of things and also takes time when I have little to do at work...like today.

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