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innerpeace - Monday Apr 08, 2019

Weight: 335.1

Day 6

I picked up the girl and she wanted pizza...of course I caved. I love pizza, it just doesn't love me or the scale. So I had pizza and baseball. Ended Firday with 1988 calories.

Saturday we were up and running around doing things, errands.

We left abour 4:30 for dinner and our play.

Dinner was at a local pub, I had 1/2 a french dip sandwich, and  1 1/2 prtezel sticks....but dessert was atrocious (DQ) - anyway, another day of complete failure - ended the night with 2,448 calories

The play was great fun and I laughed all the way through it. The girl like it too, which was a big plus.

Day 7

Complete lazy day. I did finish three laods of laundry.

B: toast

L: left over 1/2 french dip

D: tacos

finished the day with 2,334 calories because of the snacking and DH and his donuts, that I just can't say NO, I'm working on this...I did say NO to salted caramel chocolate cream pie. He knows he needs to lay off the sweets, I think he is just going through a phaze.

So I tracked all week and blew my calories each day, but the good thing is I tracked everything I ate, good and bad.

I did make the menu for the entire week and I can only hope I stick to it.

The girl stayed over because she had an orthodontist appointment this morning...her mouth already hurts. Lovely!

Day 8

Good ole monday!

B: Pepperidge French Toast - toast -
L: taco salad with leftovers (no beans)

D: lettuce wraps

S: Peanut M&Ms

maybe get some exercise in tonight - stressed at work and no baseball, perfect opportunity! And I want to go to the library.

Have a good night IP

Progress as of today: -13.5 lbs lost so far, only 125.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/08/2019:
Which play did you go see? it sounds like a really fun night!

laundry takes time, so doing 3 loads can take a big part of the day (i forgot how long loads take as i do all of mine in one shot always bc i have multiple machines to use at once in my apt building!)....but i was with mom on Saturday and did 4 loads with her...it took all the way from morning till early afternoon!

lettuce wraps sounds so good!

i love the library too...i def make use of it for books and dvd's

thinkpositive on 04/09/2019:
I have a tough time with pizza also. Basically have to stay away but also tough when that is the meal .

Donkey on 04/09/2019:
I love reading your entries - you keep it real, IP. I hope you had a chance to de-stress and exercise and/or library.

innerpeace - Friday Apr 05, 2019

Weight: 335.1

Day 4

B; quaker oat cereal, iced vanilla latte - (again this cereal and the BMs...at work...inconvenient!! to say the least) - probably won't eat this on a work day again

L: PB&J on naan,

S: gogurt and belvita

D: pork cutlet, brussel sprouts - and I was fine

until my enabler gets home and eats and then he says...we have naan left you want a peanut butter sandwich for dessert? I ate a half of one.

Ended the day with 2568 calories, again this is way too high for me if I have any desire to lose weight.

And then my DH walks all day at his work and logs over 14,000 steps on my food logging app and it acts like I walked these steps and substracted these walking calories from my daily calorie totals - I can't figure out how to get it to NOT recognize his phone. I will probably have to make my own Itunes account - stupid IT is not as smart as I think it should be! That's his phone...YOU ARE ON MINE!

Idiot dog pooped on the floor, first time in three weeks...I guess everyone messes up once in a while.

I have an ear ache.

Looking for my passion.

Have a great weekend.


Day 5

Slept pretty good

B: English muffin, pb & jelly, last of the iced vanlla latte

L: left over pork cutlet

S: gogurt and belvita

D: I want a really big salad. I may buy it from somewhere. I have the girl, so I have to worry about her as well because all she ever wants is "i don't know" which is annoying AF sometimes!

we have a play this weekend and we are going out to eat haven't selected a place yet.

A little spring cleaning this weekend.

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: -13.5 lbs lost so far, only 125.1 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/05/2019:
everyone poops at work sometimes! hey, if you gotta go, it's only natural ;) lol....no worries, at least you pooped in the pooping facility!

legcramps on 04/05/2019:
Sounds like you're struggling to find your footing. You've got this! You will find your passion and you will find your joy again. Keep on, and get yourself that big salad for dinner.

Donkey on 04/06/2019:
I admire your perseverance. Keep trying! You do pretty good overall, with just a couple of land minds like the peanut butter naan sandwich. (YUM)

I too am looking for my passion...

horn_of_plenty on 04/08/2019:
I like Donkey's thoughts!

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 04, 2019

Weight: 335.1

 Day 2 was a FAIL!

And this is why we can't have bread in the house! I was cooking and found a package of flat bread, not just one round...but three! WTF! This is 780 calories and I just consumed it like it was nothing! It was good though.

And then I think I am just like bread soft and doughy!

I cooked shrimp with carrots, brocolli and corn. Could have left out the corn and this would have been better.

I walked both dogs around the block, they pulled on my back and i was a bit uncomfortable half way around, but we finished. Rocco needs more training to keep from pulling...he chocked himself on more than one occasion.

Ended the day with 2364 calories - so this is why I haven't been losing any kind of weight. Being truthful with the food tracking.


Picked up the girl. She wanted Jersey Mike's so I had ordered that. I ordered me a regular and a mini for lunch (for day 4).

We get home and we eat....I do...NOTHING!

She plays around on the keyboard and phone, showers and it is time for her to leave.

When she left I felt still hungry so I eat the mini sandwich I was supposed to have for lunch today. I was just hungry...and then I felt bad for eating that, but I wasn't hungry anymore.

Ended the day with 2251 calories - still way too many. I just like to eat, I like food. If there was just an easy way.

B: quaker breakfast square oat cereal - weird texture (does assist with BMs), vanilla iced latte

L: gogurt, belvita - cheezits

S: - DH gave me two donuts (Again WTF...I ate them) - 502 calories

D: Jersey Mikes regular sandiwich and a mini later - 701 calories

DH was home about 10:15 so I go to bed about 11:00. He comes to bed about 2:30 and I swear he woek me up on purpose, but he says he didn't. I heard him distinctly whispering "hey", "hey". When I asked if he just woke me up, he said he was just clearning his throat. Yeah whatever....

One day all I've learned and read and experience will all click together and things will succeed.

Have a great day!


Progress as of today: -13.5 lbs lost so far, only 125.1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/04/2019:
Corn is still healthy and has fiber :) Your shrimp dish sounds so TASTY!!!!!

Day 2, despite you saying it was a fail, sounds very good to me! Look at all the positives of your day 2 ;)

I'd also eat 2 donuts if someone gave me 2! ;)

LOL, why'd he wake you on purpose, what a meanie! ;)

I gotta tell you, maybe you were 100% how you'd like, but i see many positives in days 2 & 3...look at it from another lens...you are doing ok ;)

innerpeace on 04/05/2019:
I don't know he said he was talking to the dog! But he's just mean sometimes.

Donkey on 04/05/2019:
I agree - there were a lot of positives, even if the day(s) felt like fails.

I've come to accept that I too am a orson that loves to eat. Drinking water or chewing gum can sometimes - not always! - delay the actual eating, but often, it's just doesn't cut it.

innerpeace - Tuesday Apr 02, 2019

Weight: 335.1


I guess ysterday was correct, today the scale was 335.1 so I will just go with that! My feet are swollen and I thinking it would be TOM, but thankful for the ablasion procedure that doesn't come around anymore, symptoms but that is all.

Crazy dreams last night, but I thought I slept well. I just need more of it, because getting to bed by midnight and up at 5:30, is not working for me.

B: English muffin, iced vanilla latte (I have three of these lett - and will not travel to another city to get more)

L: left over pork cutlet, biscuit

S: gogurt, belvita

D: TBD vegetables now that we went to the store after the vacation - we have some that isn't brown and disgusting.

Progress as of today: -13.5 lbs lost so far, only 125.1 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 04/02/2019:
Sleep is a problem for me. 5:00 & I was awake & couldn’t get back to sleep.

Donkey on 04/03/2019:
That's very interesting to hear about the effects of an ablation, that you still feel symptoms. If this procedure is in consideration in my future, I may or may not move forward with it. It's helpful to hear what other women have experienced.

innerpeace on 04/04/2019:
It's the best thing I ever did in MY life! I do still get moody and bloated, but no more heavy bleeding.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/04/2019:
I also cannot make do on short sleep. Last night i actually took a sleeping pill, so was so tired waking up bc of it, just to get to bed early and get a longer sleep (i don't take pills regularly or i get really, really tired from them for several days)...anyways, sometimes you just need more sleep.

sleep heals, it helps with decreasing hunger levels too. I always notice the difference in my appetite when i don't get enough sleep!

I'm glad you got the veggies, now i see why you didn't have any the past couple days ;) keep on, InnerP!

innerpeace - Tuesday Apr 02, 2019

Weight: 333.9

Day 1

So disgusted with myself. I stepped on the scale and weighed in at 335.1. I was so astounded so I stepped off and stepped back on - 333.9. Again, I stepped back off and stepped back on - 333.9. Ok, I will go with 333.9. I am so totally going in the wrong direction.

I have dreams and goals, but I'm too week to keep them. (From Cathy - comic strip)

Today's breakfast -


iced vanilla latte, milk, English muffin with butter

Lunch: - Baseball opening day luncheon (my idea - kicking myself in the arse)

1 bratwurst, 1 hot dog, 2 buns, relish, catsup, mustard, handful of chips and French onion dip


pork schnitzel cutlet with gravy, cheddar bay biscuit

 Ended the day with 1829 calories, high for me!

Visited son in Georgia. He is angry and in a rut, I wish I could help him more. I enjoyed seeing him though.

Took dogs, added to stress - but they were happy to NOT be at a kennel. or with a stranger.

 The girl hated it, I think she was jealous of my son getting all the attention. She was sick and mopey until we were doing things she wanted to do. I hate this about her selfish self. And then her pants didn't fit right and she had to make a big to do over that! UGH.

Rental got a flat and I had to pay for that....

Vacay was just so so.

Kinda glad to be home.

Walked Steve around the block, I was going to walk Rocco, but he escaped out of the fence and was running through the back pasture. I yelled for him to come back, but he looks at me like I'm stupid and takes off again. I leave him. And then the fool dog was sitting on the back of the sofa barking at Steve and I walking up the sidewalk when we get home.

Progress as of today: -12.3 lbs lost so far, only 123.9 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 04/02/2019:
Hey opening day baseball deserves a celebration! It sounds like you are ready to make some changes. I am too.

Donkey on 04/03/2019:
Potato chips are one of my trigger foods. "Can't eat just one!"

Horn_of_plenty on 04/04/2019:
Hi InnerP! I've been meaning to write on your journal earlier, but this month is a bit cramped for me! ;) and i'm all over the place!

First, you are being SO HARD on yourself!!!! InnerP, you have so much to offer to everyone and yourself, please don't feel the need to be "disgusted!" You are treating yourself and your body worse than you treat anyone! Worse than possibly anyone would treat you! Of course you know the saying that we are our worst critics!?

I'm glad girlie joined you for the trip. Typical teenager not wanting to do anything, but, it's great she wasn't home :) better to go on adventures with you! Learn to see how others live and other towns !!

Sorry your son is feeling bad but i'm glad you were able to visit him. I'm sure he is thankful you came. Maybe he needs therapy or low dose of anti-depressants? I'd recommend therapy first.

Welcome home. Try to include more veggies with your meals :) remember, love yourself and all you do...you have the power to change within yourself.

innerpeace - Tuesday Mar 19, 2019

Weight: 0.0

DH smoked meats over the weekend. The YA gave DH a turkey breast and he smoked that and a pork roast and a smaller full turkey. Turkey is not my favorite. DH sliced up the turkey breast and added cheese and panko and heated it in the over for dinner. It was just OK, I didn't really care for it, but I didn't have to make it, so that makes it taste better.

I used the left overs and made turkey salad out of it, the pickle relish and light mayo helped this out considerable. I would never eat turkey again and I don't think this would phase me.

The first night of the week DH goes back to work is noticed...by me and the dogs. I turn on the radio to drown out the outside noise that will make them bark and run up and down the stairs. This was after the radio went off, they barked and barked and took turns running outside. DH gets home and they bark some more. I think he comes to bed after 1:30 - almost 2:00. The fire alarm goes off at 3:30. It wakes me up, DH doesn't here it. I go downstairs and see that the electricity is turned off. The fire alarm is wired to the house electric and the battery was low, so it went off. DH made it stop buzzing. I reported the outage and was told it would be fixed by 6:30...it wasn't.

I called work and told them I would be late. I had dreams of property inventory and not getting work done. The new time for repair was 8:30.

My message of coming in late was not given to my boss and he texts asking if I was OK. touched...I told him I had electricity problems and I would be in shortly.

The house was cold now and it was hard taking a shower. The electric came back on just as I was leaving to come to works...someone this didn't surprise me.

Got into a little tiff at work with someone. He asks me for account numbers for our electricity accounts for work. I ask him why. He says there is another meter outside that he doesn't know who it belongs too, but one of our buildings is hooked into that meter and not one of ours. Well this is just wrong to me and I want to call and find out who the meter belongs too. He says, this isn't your business. I just wanted to know what our account numbers are, you gave them, so mind your business.

Wow, just wow! I hate shady business doings and I told him about it. I told him I don't do lying and cheating and if something was amiss, we need to make it right. He again told me, I am just doing what I was told and I don't want you to get too much involved and/or know too much to get anyone else into trouble. Whatever, he said the person who hooked the building electricity up didn't know there was more than one meter and he is long gone from our office. Regardless if you know something shouldn't be happening I still want to make it right. The whole thing ended up being, someone back in his shop cut a lock they weren't supposed to, to open the meter, and that is why they don't want to call right at this moment. The situation is crap and now I wish I didn't know anything about it. I will see how this pans out in the end...but it'sn not my business.

Looking forward to warmer weather.

Have a great evening. IP


Horn_of_plenty on 03/20/2019:
i guess you find turkey dry would be my guess?

I like a roasted turkey...wish i could have tasted your smoked one as i LOVE the taste of smoked food!

you know, if i were you, don't let that work situation phase you. you are out of it. sometimes it's better just to give the info and not as questions. then, when there is a problem later bc of shady stuff, you won't get blamed. i wouldn't let it bother you in the least. just concentrate on your other involvements like at home with DH :) work is work.

legcramps on 03/20/2019:
Ugh, that sounds like a rotten sleep. One thing after another. And then a bad day at work on top of it all. I would be upset about the work situation too, I completely understand. I hate shady dealings.

Donkey on 03/21/2019:
I'm not a big fan of turkey either.

happy-1 on 03/27/2019:
Hugs. I feel like your house must be like the meat counter at Hometown buffet and it sounds delicious.

innerpeace - Monday Mar 18, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Oh the weekend, was so sad to see you go.

Saturday, I got out of the house on my own, this rarely or never happens. I was trying to find a few new tops for our road trip at the end of the month. I walked through several stores and couldn't find anything I liked. It seemed like the clothes were either old womanish looking (now I may be 50, but I don't feel like an old woman) or too young looking. I just wasn't happy with the selections. After three stores I got frustrated and quit looking. Instead I started looking for 10x13 picture frames for pictures of the kids. Again, I hit up about three different stores and couldn't find anything I really wanted - really, really disappointed in Target...but that is another story.

Finally, I went to the grocery store and picked up the few items I needed and I was hell bent on not going home without a purchase. So I went to the Jo-Ann store and I did find some picture frames that were 40% off so I bought them. DH was irked because he send me a link from Amazon with three frames for $33 something...yes, but I wanted them now, I didn't want to wait until Amazon got around to ship them. It was a nice little outing but I'm really not a shopper and was glad to get home.

Sunday, laundry day. I was also on a mission to clean the inside glass on my stove door. This was a learning process and after watching two you tube videos about taking my oven door apart, I finally got this accomplished and I was very satisfied with the result. Now there is no grease trail running down the inside glass. DH did have to help me put the stove door back on, it is heavier than I thought, but mission accomplished.

We did eat Chinese food Saturday and left overs on Sunday, I think I'm pretty much finished with Chinese food for awhile.

Rocco got sick last night on the comforter, so I will be washing bed clothes tonight,  I was going to Kohl's to look for the tops I wanted, I usually find something there. so busy after work.

Food has been ok, trying to cut back on the sugar.

Crazy dreams with laundry and Caroll O'Conner (Archie Bunker) and war on the beaches of Normandy - WTF is going on in my brain???


horn_of_plenty on 03/18/2019:
And usually Target has like everything! So sad it didn't have you covered!

oh...i also have to clean my stove! Did you do it using vinegar solution?

wow...i couldn't make up your dream if i tried...Too much info indeed going on! that's good...means your brain works! LOL

legcramps on 03/18/2019:
Sounds like a great weekend! That is definitely a crazy dream! LOL!

Donkey on 03/19/2019:
That's too bad about Target, but I know what it feels like to be disappointed by a store.

Donkey on 03/19/2019:
Wasn't Caroll O'Connor in movie The Longest Day? I loved that movie. Maybe I'm thinking Rod Steiger... I think I'm thinking of Kelly's Heroes.

innerpeace on 03/19/2019:
I don't know. I just remember him being Archie Bunker and in The Heat of the Night.

Donkey on 03/19/2019:
I'm still stuck on one of your entries from a couple of days ago, where you thought that your phone was spying on you because of the butt-itch topic. I was thinking, to test your theory, you should go around saying "testicular cancer" once an hour, and see if that topic doesn't come up on health app thing soon.

innerpeace on 03/19/2019:
I'm going to...I'll let you know what happens.

innerpeace - Thursday Mar 14, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Thngs are going ok i guess.

Last night I made two pies for PIE DAY at work. Seriously??? I made cream cheesey pies. I licked the bowl and beaters. This morning I felt like I was ran over by a truck, probably from all the sugar. Woke up with a pounding headache too.

The girl is over tonight and I think I'm making Shepherd's Pie, but I haven't quite talked myself into that yet.

Rocco went to the vet for his second round of shots, DH said he did ok.

I did eat pie at work.

stupid pie!

butt is better. shin is better, not as sensitive.


horn_of_plenty on 03/14/2019:
i'm so glad you are feeling better on your butt and shin!

listen, if you are making pie and bringing it to work, i think most people are going to eat it including you!? i think i'd do the same!!!!!!

innerpeace - Tuesday Mar 12, 2019

Weight: 0.0

I have issues...these are issues I don't normally share with anyone, but this morning when I woke up a 3:30, DH was up and I told him. And you guys are lucky because you are going to know too. It's not something pleasant and it is the most awful thing I have ever in my life experienced. I think I have a hemmorhoid. OMG it woke me up this morning itching. DH asked me why I was up and I said because my butt itched. He kind of chuckled. I tried to get back to sleep but the alarm went off at 4:30 and I did Zumba this morning. It was a start of somthing. My arms are a little achy.

I started this exercise thing back up because there is a place on my shin that is senstive to touch, it stings and burns and is just uncomfortable. I had it tested for nerve damage, they said no, but i really disagree. I think it is skin damage or nerve damage from wearing combat boots for 20 years. It is just on my left leg, right where my boots would stop. Anyway, of course they say exercise will help the stinging and burning, and the losing of all the weight.

So the crazy thing about all this is...after I showered I was laying across my bed and I grabbed my phone and was checking/deleting email. I had an email from Health Guide telling me 7 reasons why you scratch your butt!! Seriously??? Is this stuff for real? Now I'm thinking my smart phone is spying on me.

My son got his PCS orders to go to Hawaii in August, so I am extra glad I will be visiting him in two weeks. Looking forward to this little road trip.

Next trip is the end of July/beginning of August and DH and the girl wanted to go to Nashville. I have been a couple of times before so I hope they enjoy the trip.

Anyway, besides being freaked out about this morning's email, things are going OK.

I may be back regular now, nothing on the burner per se for awhile.

Have a great night! IP

Horn_of_plenty on 03/12/2019:
just wanted to say thank you for posting...and i hope your butt is feeling a little better...def check that if you need to! ...i will write more, but, trying to fit in exercise now!

horn_of_plenty on 03/13/2019:
the shin pain can be from too much exercise at a time....any pain, rest until you feel better and do less the next time.

i am also dealing with slight minor pains, i was doing too much in the walking category and have tired out my legs / left ankle to the point of needed to rest!

oh now i read more of the shin pain, i'm sorry to hear it's an ongoing issue.

Great you will go and see your son! GREAT PLACES he'll be. i hope you get to visit them all, especially Hawaii.

i gotta say, Hawaii is best to go to get a break out of a cold winter or late fall or early spring (like now!)

innerpeace on 03/14/2019:
I lived in Hawaii for three years. I don't think I will ever go back.

innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 19, 2019

Weight: 0.0

The heater was fixed with a replaced igniter switch. House temperature was back to normal by the time I got home on Thursday. I talked to my mom and she is doing well had a great day doing what she likes to do, which is playing bingo and walking through thrift stores. She turned 74.

DH and I had a delightfully relaxing weekend. DH works 60-70 hours a week and he slept off and on all day Saturday. I was really OK with this, I got a few naps in as well.

Saturday night we ordered Chinese food (Beef & Brocolli, General Tso chicken, peanut chicken and a combination with (pork, chicken and shrimp). I had a few spoons of each of these with minimal rice.

Sunday the usual, I washed clothes and finally got all my clothes moved from the armoire to the new dresser. I donated some and tossed some. We had left over Chinese food for a late lunch and then about 6:30 I had a bowl of cereal.

Over all the weekend was good on the food, I never went over the 1500 calorie mark.

Monday, I woke up and went to my dental appointment. I had a cavity in one tooth, and now I have three new fillings. I don't remember discussing this with my dentist, but when the right side of my mouth was numb and the cavity being filled, he just went ahead and replaced to silver amalgum fillings in two teeth right next to the one with the cavity. I just don't remember talking about doing this and will not be happy when I get billed for the replaced fillings. This whole process my have taken 30 minutes, I can only imagine the hundreds of $$$ he will bill to my insurance.

While I was getting my teeth filled, DH went to pick up his Sam's club order and went to Aldi for a few things and picked me up on his way home.

All is good today for a Monday/Tuesday.

Have a great night!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/19/2019:
It sounds like you had a good weekend especially taking a nap! Nothing better when you are tired and want one on the weekend!

I think i'll follow your lead and next weekend i'll stay home a bit more, too.

Chinese dishes sound so tasty! Nice job sticking to your calories!

I'd have been annoyed for SURE if a dentist didn't tell me what he was going to do before doing it! that is SO WRONG, indeed!

with the filling replacements, are they replaced with WHITE color or silver again?

I'm glad you are back home and back to being WARM! :)

Donkey on 02/20/2019:
Sounds like you're working a good plan!

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