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innerpeace - Thursday Feb 14, 2019

Weight: 0.0

I made dinner...

chili cheese tots, home made version which I made with fat free chili and low fat cheese. Ended the day with 1488 calories. I'm ok with this.

DH gets home by 10:30 so we are in bed by 11:00, just to be back awake about 2:00 because it was cold. I usually sleep with the fan on, but this was unusual cold. I got up to turn the fan on and snuggled back into the covers with the two dogs and DH. At 5:30 when I got up for work it was frigid, especialy when I got out of the shower.

DH went and checked the furnace, it was not coming on, the breaker box wasn't tripped. DH changed the filer but didn't know of anything else to do, so we called the repair man. It was 58 in the house. The repair man at first said he couldn't get over until tomorrow, but made it over by 9:30. DH was happy, as he is usually at home until 12:00 when he goes to work. He did start a fire this morning to take the chill out of the house while we were eating breakfast.

B: Carnationa instant breakfast with PB fit.

S: belvita

L: left over chili cheese tots, clementines

S: balanced breaks.

D: white chicken chili, DH put this together before I left for work and the girl likes it so he made this. Maybe got the idea from my chili cheese tots. i don't know, can you ever eat enough chili?

Today is my mom's birthday, I will call her later.

The girl who gave me chocoloate every day, brought a red velvet cake to work. I called her Satan, in jest of course. I will have to go in the breakroom and eat up my lunch. I am digging deep down for the will power to just walk away.

Hope you all have an enjoyable Valentine's Evening.

Donkey on 02/14/2019:
I hear you on willpower. Oh my goodness, I think today is the worst struggle yet. I can't believe how addicted I am to sugar.

Horn_of_plenty on 02/14/2019:
Chili Cheese Tots = YUM! what a cool dish! I'd like it, with a salad :) sounds very tasty, your meal!

I'm glad he did something to make your home more bareable! that is cold inside for a home! let us know what happens with your boiler...

chili is good, so is the idea for white chicken chili! i like some real meat with the chili, makes it more satisfying!

Happy Bday to your mom! what a fun day to have it!

it's ok to have a few bites of the cake. a few bites is moderate :)

enjoy your day!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/14/2019:
oh, how old is your mom today?

legcramps on 02/15/2019:
Oh boy! Stay warm!

innerpeace - Wednesday Feb 13, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Tuesday was a good day for a Tuesday.

I picked up the girl and get home. Cooked dinner, unloaded the dishwasher.


Loaded the dishwaher and prepared lunch for today.

Puppy didn't have an accident.

D: 5 oz salisbury steak patty (Hamburger meat with seasoning) mushroom and onions with onion gravy, 3/4 cup of mashed potatos and brocolli.

I did eat another package of Belvita because I got hungry about 7:30. The girl left at 8:00.

Finished the day with 1387 calories.

DH said he was working late, so I go to bed about 11:10, only to get back up because of...skunk! The two dogs ran in from outside along with skunk. I grabbed them because I didn't know which one was sprayed. It wasn't the puppy so I let him down, I gave Steve a bath...but I actually don't think he was sprayed either. The smell eventually went away, so it must of just blown into the house when they ran in. I didn't smell it this morning either AND I have a clean dog. With all the shenanigans I didn't get back to bed until about 1:20, so a bit tired this morning.

Had a pretty big project this morning and I have a few things to do today. Just hoping I can work again next week.

B: Carnation instant breaktast with PBFit and banana

L: left over salisbury steak, mashed potatos

S: belvita and clemintines (at seperate times)

D: TBD -

Have a great evening! IP

horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2019:
it does sound that there will not be another government shutdown...i wonder what will happen with agreeing on who will fund the wall!

innerpeace on 02/14/2019:
no just the breakfast drink and PB fit, I ate the banana on the side.

SilverySparkles on 02/13/2019:
Lucky that the skunk didn't run in too.

horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2019:
your breakfast sounds VERY GOOD!

nice idea to add some pb fit to it. did you blend it all including the banana?

legcramps on 02/14/2019:
Oh boy! I'm sorry to hear you didn't get much sleep; hopefully you'll be able to get in a early bedtime tonight and catch up a little bit.

innerpeace - Tuesday Feb 12, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Monday was...well Monday. I hate being the the one to call vendors and telling them...we didn't pay our bill due to the fulough, please don't disconnect our service. The government is a big bully and shouldn't be given any special consideration because bills weren't paid because adults are being childness in political positions.  They all make me sick!

Monday was...great on the food side. I ended the day with 1382 calories. I didn't move around as planned, will have to work on this activity. Morning is by far the easiest for me to do activity/exercise, just have to wake up early enough, today...I overslept about 30 minutes (I seem to get the best sleep in 9 minute snooze intervals.

Today I am feeling bloated and gassy..must be all the vegetables I ate yesterday.

B: carnation instant breakfast, 1 cup of milk and 1TBSP of PB fit, banana

S: Belvita

L: Spring mix salad greens, carrot, tomato, broiled chicken and 2 TBSP shredded cheese, 2 TBSP ranch dressing and grapes.

D: salisbury steak, salad, mashed potatos, (brocolli or brussel sprouts) this is what the girl wanted for dinner and I can make it work for me.

A lady at work always gave me Ghiraradelli chocolate, at least two pieces a day. This day...Tuesday February 12, 2019...I told her no thank you. That I apapreciate her offer, but she mustn't bring me chocolate anymore. She then asked how can she support me....just don't offer me chocolate anymore. So we have terms now....

Have a great evening!! IP

 Where is BearCountryGG? Did I miss something? I miss reading her posts.



SilverySparkles on 02/12/2019:
It's good you could stop the chocolate gifts.

horn_of_plenty on 02/12/2019:
my mom loves those Belvita crackers....i can't do them...they don't keep me satisfied for long but they do taste nice!

legcramps on 02/13/2019:
Nice that she is wanting to support you - you don't always find that kind of support in an office setting.

I believe BearCountryGG went offline for a while.

innerpeace - Monday Feb 11, 2019

Weight: 0.0

There are just no words to express my sadness and disappointment today.

Friday I picked up the girl and we decorated for DH's birthday. I cooked chicken and brocolli alfredo, it was good. DH got home and didn't even eat the alfredo he had cake instead.

Saturday we get up and go to our string craft I had signed us up for. I loved it. The girl was ok and DH could take it or leave it. We go home and wait for the dining room chairs to be delivered. After delivery we take the girl to her grandma's house and DH and I go to the Big Home and Garden Show that is out by the airport - close to where I work.

It was big and overwhelming, lots of people and hot. We went to buy a knife to add to our Cutco collection and also it was a gift for DH. We walked around a couple of hours and decided to leave, as we were still going to go out to eat for DH's birthday. On the way out, I had another PTSD episode when a blast of jet fuel  assaulted my nostrils. I just dropped down and covered my head. This smell took me back to a place/places I just cannot tolerate thinking about right now! I was eventually ok when it passed, about three minutes, but it sure seems like an eternity.

We pick up the girl and DH decides he wants to eat at Red Robin. I ate like a starving pig. We shared onion rings, I had a Southern charm  byrger that had 1220 calories, I ate half of it. I had the sweet potatoe fries (also half) and because that just wasn't enough I ordered the salted carmel milkshake - but again, I split this with DH. We go home and unwind...walk the dogs and watch TV.

Sunday - DH and the girl go shopping and I washed the clothes. DH brought home pizza for lunch. I just had the fat/weight/eating better converation with him yesterday. I had my left over burger for dinner. I told him he can eat what he wants, but I have got to get my weight under control. I am uncomfortable, almost miserable.

So after I enjoyed all this food over the weekend, my scale doesn't hide a thing. Today I am heavier than I have EVER been and I just refuse to get any heavier. 331.3 Unbelievable. I disgust myself.

And then when I get to work today, I am told one of people I went to the conference with back in August was killed in a car accident. This is so very sad to me and reminds me that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

But all I can do is start over and keep trying so I've admitted not actively working a program over the past few months...today is day 1.

B: High Protein carnation instant breakfast, 1 cup of milk, banana -340

L: small salad with mixed greens, tomato and carrots with 1 TBSP of ranch dressing (yes I mesaured this tablespoon). 1 hard boiled egg and egg white- 244

S: balanced breaks, grapes - 284

D: broiled chicken, brocolli and salad  is scheduled.

If I survive the day, I will try to do a zumba video or something with activity (more than what I have done in the last 3 months) at my house.

Yes, Yes, i definately have issues.

Have a great day! IP


thinkpositive on 02/11/2019:
I suppose it doesn’t help to know that we have all had days like yours but that is true. All we can do is get back on track - whatever that means to you. It sounds like you have done that. It just takes one day at a time, I wish you the best.

SilverySparkles on 02/11/2019:
You got through it, I'm sure it was difficult. Deciding to work on an eating program will help.

horn_of_plenty on 02/11/2019:
you have a habit of self negativity and when you are upset, you eat, then get more upset.

try to work on yourself emotionally. you are a good person. you give so much and do so much.

do you run around to too many activities which fuels overeating? for me, if i kept a schedule like yours, i wouldn't handle it every weekend bc for me i like some time at home. but we are different people, so what works for me may not work for you :)

don't hate yourself for making mistakes or not the best food choices. try to learn from it, but do not learn to keep hating yourself. you are a good person. a smart person! people rely on you at work and home.

you see, they rely and trust you....now you just have to trust you!

Donkey on 02/12/2019:
I think reaching my highest non-pregnancy weight is what got me started this last time around as well.

innerpeace - Wednesday Feb 06, 2019

Weight: 315.4

It doesn't feel like it's been 5 days since I've last journaled anything.

Though I don't feel busy, I guess I do get lots done.

The contractor came over Monday and finished the kitchen, except for one small strip of wood that goes on the floor. He ordered it and it should be here in 10-14 days. But other than that my kitchen looks fantastic.

Last thing...the chairs will be delivered Saturday. that is four chairs for the kitchen table and three for the breakfast bar and the kitchen should be finally complete. It was a long four months...but well worth the wait.

Both of the dogs...Rocco and Steve went to the veternarian's office yesterday. Shots for all...they were not happy puppers, and they didn't run around the house all night, this was a nice break.

Monday I made leftovers - left over teriaki chicken and left over pizza, which was really well done. DH ate this. I ate the chicken. I think I'm sick of chicken though for now.

Tuesday I made a hamburger steak pattey with grilled onions and garlic parmesean rice and brocolli. It was nice.

Wednesday- I am getting the girl and we are going to pick up DH's birthday gift. His birthday is tomorrow. We will celebrate it Friday when we are all togehter. Because we will be out the girl decided on Chipolte again. I am ok with this, as we each get what we want. I ordered DH a cake I will pick up tomorrow on my way home from work.

This weekend we are going to The Big Home and Garden show and will get some nice walking in.

Other than that, I just need to move my clothes into the new dresser, this has taken longer than expected because...things!

Still not working any kind of plan, I will...I just need to be in the right mind set.

I will continue to fight.

Have a great day. IP

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/06/2019:
my parents had redone their kitchen and believe it or not, they waited like 5-10 years before finishing it with the backplash done - to cover the wall in back of the kitchen countertops!!!!! they are bad with that...with keeping up with the little things i guess.

when you mentioned the little wood strip being delivered in 10-14 days, it makes me think of my parents, who waited years to finish their new kitchen!

you get sick of the chicken (meat) i know here and there!

Lately, like you, i'm enjoying parm cheese. I've been putting a very little bit of it, mixing it, into my cooked vegetables for a REALLY nice flavor. All week i'm enjoying that with tofu. a bit too much fiber, but, tasty.

and Chipotle is rather healthy! i don't have one as conveniently located as i'd like...if i did, i'd probably be ordering it quite often.

I'm glad you are back to work, lady! That was overdue since day 1 you were out ;)

Donkey on 02/06/2019:
Every day is Day 1.

legcramps on 02/07/2019:
Glad to hear the kitchen is almost done! How nice to get back to a normal routine in the kitchen again!

innerpeace - Friday Feb 01, 2019

Weight: 315.4

The girl came over at 8:30 yesterday  and spent time with DH while he was home.

The sink and garbage disposal was installed and I can use running water in my kitchen again. We opted for a single tub instead of the two tub sink we had. The single tub is deeper and seems bigger - more dirty dishes to pile into it...just kidding I use the dish washer. And now that the kitchen is complete I'm finding it hard to get in there and use it...I don't want the newness to go away.

DH left for work at 1:00 so the girl stayed alone (for the first time) for 3.5 hours, until I got home from work. She texted me a few times and said she was bored. This is how teens usually get into trouble when they get bored. She watched TV and did some drawing and she even made a picture of tea. She played with the dogs and stayed out of trouble until I got home right at 4:30.

The dogs hated the cold and I was sad to make them go out to use the bathroom...the puppy didn't care for it one bit and refused to use the bathroom out side, so he came in and promptly pooped on the floor. GRRR

B: 2 eggo waffles

L: left over pizza

D: chicken ranch wrap and a few french fries

S: belvita breakfast cookies

DH has been selling stuff on the facebook market thing. He sold some kitchen lights we had up so we will be driving to Sandusky to hand over the lights. We have other shopping to do so it will not be a wasted trip.

B: 2 eggo waffles


S: balanced breaks, 1 no bake cookie from work

D: teriaki chicken and fried rice.

Been busy at work and there is a lot going on...just to be told this shutdown crap could happen again in two weeks.  SO this sucks.

Have a great weekend. IP

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/01/2019:
....LOVE roasted brussel sprouts! yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donkey on 02/02/2019:
Love FB marketplace!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/02/2019:
girl is at an age where it's ok to be alone and i'm glad she was ok. if she is bored, i think it's good you help her figure out activities she can do at home. she's at an age where she does need to be able to be on her own a little and figure out what to do with herself. i wasn't so good at it that age, but, you can help her. my parents didnt' really help me iwth that because they put me into music groups but when they ended and i had free time, i didn't use it well.

you always bring the girl here and there...but she also needs to be able to do something with her free time :) this was a good first attempt.

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 30, 2019

Weight: 315.4

Here are the finished counter tops and cabinets. I am very pleased with the outcome.

Tomorrow the faucet, garbage disposal and sink will be completed as well as all the mouldings on the floor. There will also be three new light fixtures and the kitchen renovation will be complete and I will be able to cook again.

Last night we had Boston Market. There I had the best Brussel sprouts I have ever ate. I will be trying to duplicate that recipe.

The girl was over and wanted to stay until Thursday - they had closed her school because of the cold and she didn't want to go back to her mother's house, however, the mother of course said NO. This makes the girl upset, because why? She didn't get her way or she is realizing just how selfish her mother really is. She lives over there for pete's sake, and will not budge whenever the 14 year old asks to stay. It is sad to see her upset but I dare not interact with the witch. She even told DH that her time at our house is with him NOT with me - since DH works second shift he isn't home on the nights I get her to come over. I do because the girl says she wants to come. I could see this being a problem with the witch soon. Again with the step-mother drama...I really don't need in my life.

I told DH I am going to start with the weekly menu planning again - I really miss cooking in my kitchen - these last two weeks - the longest ever.

B: some croissantwich think with chicken sausage that was ok and a rubbery nasty egg I took off. I won't eat this again


D: will probably be the frozen pizza

It was -1 degree driving in , -25 wind chill. very chilly.

Have a great day.

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 01/30/2019:
I'm sorry about the family drama :( that's never fun, but to know that a mother would try to take happiness away from her own daughter is such a devastating thought :(

legcramps on 01/30/2019:
P.S. those counters look awesome!!!

Donkey on 01/30/2019:
LOVE THE COUNTERTOPS!!! It will be so nice when everything is finished and you can have your kitchen back to yourself.

horn_of_plenty on 01/31/2019:
Everything looks fabulous, ESPECIALLY THE COUNTERTOPS!

i'd love a garbage disposal. that's great you're getting one.

I also agree that new lighting will totally change up the look of your kitchen!

horn_of_plenty on 01/31/2019:
Boston market is a tasty, healthy alternative to hom cooking :) i have never seen brussel sprouts there! how cool! i may have to go to the one near me to see if they have brussels, too! what kinda recipe is it? roasted ? creamed ?

one day the 14 yr old will not have to listen to her mother. as she gets older she'll see the truth of her mother. for now, don't let it anger you so, if you cannot do anything about it. at least when girl IS with you, she gets plenty of great experiences.

there are some good frozen pizzas out there made of cauliflower crusts. i tried the Oprah pizza and liked the taste, but calories are too high.

innerpeace on 02/01/2019:
It was a roasted recipe for the Brussel Sprouts. They were the best I've had.

innerpeace - Monday Jan 28, 2019

Weight: 315.4

Back to work today! Now, I can maybe plan and keep a schedule.

The girl was over on the weekend.

And I had to work yesterday on Sunday to get the time cards from two pay periods turned in so hopefully we will get paid by the end of the week. Happy to be back to work for however long this lasts.

Countertops installed tomorrow - DH took the day off so he will be there when they come to do this job.

i will be back.

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/28/2019:
I'm so glad you are back to work! hopefully a paycheck or two will come soon also!

i can't wait to see photos of countertops...maybe a before and after for us!?

legcramps on 01/28/2019:
It's nice you are back to work! Yeah, i'd love to see pics of the countertops too.

Donkey on 01/29/2019:
I'm very happy for you - back to work, new countertops. Things are looking up.

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 24, 2019

Weight: 315.4

It is evident that my house needs a super cleaning. When the mattress was delivered I cleaned out from under the bed - five years of dust and whatever else accumulation was there, surprisingly dust was about it. But the amount was what was so bad, especially by the baseboards. I have time to fix that now.

Boss and I agreed that I will work Tuesdays and Thursdays until this is over. I am okay with this and have an option to work a third day if I have too much work piling up or it gets over whelming. I don't see that happening, but the option is there.

Yesterday I had a hunger pang I could NOT get rid of, I felt I was always hungry and that let to not so good things. DH and I was out (ordering a chair) and stopped at a bakery.

B: Jimmy Dean Frittata

L: half cookie - half brownie big cookie with a cream filling - so delicious

D: goulash I made with green beans

S: salted caramel cupcake and then a few hours later a peanut butter chocoloate cupcake

NOT one of the best days. It has been awhile since I have binged on sweet stuff.

I get up this morning and I think i am finished with the binging but i guess not

B: Jimmy Dean Frittata

S: belvita cookie bars 1 pack

S: belvita cookie bars 1 pack

L: left over goulash and then a slice of left over pizza that was in the break room - WTH is wrong with me

D: DH took out chicken -

This is stress eating at it's finest!

I did get approved for unemployment (that will have to be paid back if I ever get my paycheck) I'm ok with this, as long as my bills are paid and I am NOT charging anything.

The girl is over this weekend and I think we are driving to Sandusky.

Kitchen countertops are installed on 1/29/19 - looking forward to the kitchen finally being finished - well except the backsplash and I am OK with this for now.

I will survive the day. IP

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2019:
yum to creamed filling! it's good you can go into work a couple days. will you get paid at all or not until the end?

goulash = YUM!

meals don't seem bad at all overall!

those belvitas are good but only satisfy me if i'm having them with a nice coffee to fill up my stomach you?

Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2019:
maybe your appetite is spiked bc you are home more with unplanned activities so you are reaching for food?

can't wait for the photos of the completely newly installed kitchen!

Donkey on 01/25/2019:
I was very glad to hear about the shutdown being resolved, at least temporarily, for now.

happy-1 on 01/26/2019:

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 22, 2019

Weight: 315.4

I can't believe the snow! We had 12 inches in my driveway, DH snow blowed, I shoveled the porch and sidewalks. Dog hate it very much.

New mattress arrived yesterday. DH kept asking me how I like it...first I haven't slept on it so I can't answer. It is much thicker/higher than my last mattress. I finally get to sleep and DH gets home and asks me how I like the mattress. Seriously!! Can I tell you in the morning?

I thought the mattress created pressure points and I had to continuously move to get rid of them. I think when I finally did fall asleep I sleep OK, except for the fact the little puppy is always in a crevice - knees, butt, back..he is so hot it feels like a hot water bottle next to me. I have to move him away several times a night.

Hoping tonight will be better. I did work today, so maybe i will fall asleep faster.

Saturday, DH had a fire going, it was super nice for awhile, and then I got hot and had to go back into the living room. Haven't been focusing on anything...except not being able to work. It is hard to have a schedule when i don't know if I have to work or not.

Things will change for me! I am sure of it

Progress as of today: 6.2 lbs lost so far, only 105.4 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/22/2019:
I think you're doing remarkably well, considering the circumstances. I'm not so sure I would be able to hold it together. And then add all that freakin' SNOW to the equation...

happy-1 on 01/22/2019:
Mmm new mattress! All that spinal support is going to hurt for a bit if you aren’t used to it. Stretch out!

horn_of_plenty on 01/23/2019:
now, that's a TON of snow!

how nice that you have the fireplace! and a new mattress! treating yourself :)

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