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innerpeace - Wednesday May 02, 2018

Weight: 321.7

I may be back. I quit posting because I had nothing good to say, I wasn't sticking to a program or counting calories or doing anything positive. I was and still am super busy at work and I always have drama in my life somewhere.

It is hard to stick to any plan because I love sugar, I love sweet stuff and I love food. I have all the tools available to me/for me to use but choose not to use them. I don't want to be uncomfortable in the least and I'm lazy. All of those together make a lethal combination. Oh, and I lie to others (this DD and my VA telehealth coach). I have gained so much weight in the past month, it is just not even real. I posted the real number today, it was as high as 326.5 and I kept blaming that on water because my feet and hands were swollen, but after mowing the yard last night and walking, this 321.7 is what I woke up with and I'm ready to face the music. I just ask myself, how I just keep doing this to myself? I get no true answer, just the fact that I'm lazy and would rather have a donut than walk around the block.

Work has been tough the last three weeks and this month of May will be horrible with the safety inspection coming up the first week in June. I have been training in a program for a contracting representative, which is something I don't have time for but volunteered to do...and then I have family drama back in Oklahoma that concerns me because my mother is stressed out and feels she has to fix it all.

In short my nephew's three kids were taken by DHS because his wife tested positive for meth whling giving birth to their fourth child. The wife swears up and down that she wasn't doing drugs (and they don't have a history of doing drugs) that she was just taking cold medicine - sudafed and unisom to help her sleep. After both of them testing negative (urine test) DHS still kept the kids away. The oldest -14 is in a foster home, the second 13 was so traumatized from being ripped away from his family he is in a mental health facility and then my mom said she doesn't even know where the 3 year old is and the new born - (who by the way is not even having the chance to bond with her mother - and prison inmates get this right). DHS told my mother that she was too old to take them - which then you have to ask yourself...really, how many other grandmothers are raising their grand kids these days?  - Anyway it's a big mess, my nephew has been taking anger management classes because DHS thinks he could 'hurt the babies' when he has never hurt the two older kids in 14 years...and never had a record of doing so. So instead of the kids staying with their dad and continuing to be home and going to school, DHS thinks it's best they stay away from t he home.

This whole entire scenario has my mother writing letters to judges and DHS and anyone else she can think of to make a point that DHS is NOT helping this situation.

And then I start thinking, how if this was a well to do family how nothing would ever be questioned - my family does not have a history of doing drugs and it is very daunting that they have so much power to disrupt peoples' lives.

So...in jest work sucks, life sucks and adding weight loss suckage to the pile just really isn't where I want to be right now.

But I'm at work and I will make the best of this day with my morbidly obese self.

On a lighter notet after all of this drama, I did talk to my son in Georgia and he was at the gym when I called. I couldn't be more prouder of this young man!

Have a great day!

Progress as of today: -0.1 lbs lost so far, only 111.7 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/02/2018:
It sounds as though you have been up against a lot of obstacles lately. However, you are FAR from lazy, lady! You are passionate about life and successful in so many things that you do! So quit being so negative about yourself and keep your head up. You have SO MUCH to be proud of. You are the rock that holds your part of the family (hubby and girlie) together...be so proud of yourself.

you do not have to give up on the weightloss. i am sure you have learned so much so far. so you like sweets? eat them! just eat them after you are full, then you will not want as much. find substitutes that are lighter and mix and match...have some heavy things and some light. you are able to do this. you aren't a liar. we are all struggling here at times. we gain, we lose, we always learn.

all because you do not feel good right now about things, doesn't mean we want you to leave or that we will not continue to encourage you.

you have a lot on your plate but you are successful. despite work stress, you do well at what you do! in terms of tasks, maybe next time do not take on the volunteer thing that you aren't enjoying. even if possible, leave that group if you despise it? you can say you have a conflict? or that you want to concentrate on another work matter right now as that is priority compared to this group you joined....just a suggestion.

i am so sorry to hear what the DHS did to the family...remember you cannot fix everything...i am so so sorry. i think it's worst on the kids that are affected with school and such.

Just give some love to your own self. remember that you matter. sometimes you forget to take care of yourself bc you are so loving and concerned with those around you. Your hubby will prob have to eat better if you do - so you can all eat the same things together. you can do this. you've learned a lot...maybe try out eating only fruit for sweets...and everything else the same.

what works for me is making one change, sticking with it for a month. then making another change. you are young, you have your whole life to continue to improve on yourself. start again, it's ok!!!!!!!

innerpeace on 05/02/2018:
thank you!

graindart on 05/02/2018:
Like HOP said, pick one thing and do it for a month. If you have a smartphone, my suggestion would be to load an app that allows you to track food intake. Track every single thing you eat for a month in the app. After that 1st month, you'll be used to logging your intake and can make another change for that next month.

horn_of_plenty on 05/02/2018:
you know, the above suggestion from Mr. GAINS as I call him is GREAT!

maybe make no change, except to tally / log everything you eat. just do it for a month. write down everything and anything you eat drink when you do. Just the time, and when you ate it...sort of like i do in my entries.

after a month, or even two weeks, go back and read it...see if things stand out. if you can make a change in the pattern.

so don't change yourself, just look at what is going on that you may be forgetting about now :)

keep on, we love you here!!!!

bearcountrygg on 05/02/2018:
We need you....you need us....please keep posting I love to read your posts......I know how it is to want the goodies...I know how it is to feel like I don't have any control when it comes to them....but we both know that we do not want to get any bigger...right? We know the misery of that.....we can improve.....we just have to keep working at it...in small amounts....you can do it...we want you here and we want you to be healthy. On the family crisis.....I know from being a foster parent...that the main goal of DHS is reunification between parents and children....but the government moves very slowly....this most likely will not be fixed quickly....but...the faster the parents do whatever the court and the social workers tell them...the quicker they will be reunited with their children...they MUST set up visits and be on time...they must show good will...being angry with the social workers will work against them.....I'm hoping that they put their anger aside...and do what needs to be done as fast as possible.....and see the kids as much as they are allowed...following the rules will go a long way in reassuring the social workers and judge......I'm sure you mom is beside herself.....the whole situation is sad.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
You don't have to only post when you have something good to say. We're here for the hills and the valleys. That's what a supportive community is about.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
Plus, I have to say I need you too. I get such a boost when you comment on my posts. It helps me get back on track.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
I like Gains' thing too. I am doing it on a worksheet I made in google aheets and printed out so I can keep it in my purse and have the emotional satisfaction of crossing it out in a green marker.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
But I think all of us have stuff that is too dark to post here. I have days where I just cry and can't do much of anything... I watched 11.22.63 a week or so ago and realized that I have spent the last four years in emotional turmoil due to a guy that wasn't worth spitting on if he was on fire and I don't post about why because it is still too horrible to even write about. I look at posting here as part of a self care ritual that helps me put pieces back together so that I can keep going on even when I don't feel like I can go on. Even if trying to keep daily posting here seems frivolous and ineffectual, like it takes too much time to do vs the reward, and the scale isn't moving... That tiny little bit of self care makes me feel a tiny bit better, so I can do the next thing and the next thing until I dig myself out. It's what I do when I feel paralyzed and I can't breathe or think, and I just feel trapped. It loosens up the bonds I am holding myself in and then my brain works again. Between this forum and DA, I feel like there is a very unique value to sharing with people who I am not paying and aren't part of of any monetary / survival structure... It's not a replacement for professional help (psych, training, nutrition, career, etc.)... it's just a different place and space to do it and I think helps me get better value from the professional services I pay for.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
As far as lying to us, I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly. Everyone here is a flawed narrator / flawed hero. Being better and happier is a hard and scary thing to do. It requires an awful lot of self examination and reality and the more difficult the starting point the longer it takes. I would say create a total vision for your life and yourself... even make a vision board... then you know where you want to go and it is easier to stay on the path to get there. I lie when I'm nervous or socially awkward. I tell fish stories and tall tales. It is a terrible character trait and I wish I didn't do it... and I feel you. I wish for myself evolution so that I never feel that scary spinny feeling that makes me lie like an involuntary reflex.

happy-1 on 05/02/2018:
As far as being lazy, having all the tools, and just choosing not to use them... I have to say that I know that feeling too. I have always had all the tools available to me and done the same. I have always beaten myself up about it. I have always gone for the pizza and not taken a walk around the block. I have always wasted all the potential for happiness and actual happiness that life has given me. And the more I beat myself up, the more I waste... And I have to stop beating myself up about it. It's hard because the tape in my head tells me all the same things yours tells you... and listening to it makes it come true. The worksheets I make are really helping with this... because I can "score" myself... and surprisingly my scores are always higher than I expect or think in that moment. I have a weekly worksheet for each area that I am trying to work on in my life... I use pencil and red/green markers to track my progress. And then I can't beat myself up, because I can see what I did and why/how. And then I don't know what to do with myself, or what to say to anyone for like the next hour. Because I should be sitting there spinning and all I can do is what is in front of me. Sometimes that's my nails, but mostly it's petting my dog... and that's never a waste.

Donkey on 05/02/2018:
I can't think of anything better or more to say than what has already been offered by these fabulous DD-ers. Sometimes it can be difficult to admit things to others, much less to ourselves.

innerpeace - Monday Apr 16, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Friday we did get to the baseball game, however in the middle of the 4th inning this horrific cold wind started blowing and the temperature dropped 45 degrees in five minutes. We couldn't stand the cold, so we opted to leave early...good think my Tribe lost.

Saturday monring we were up early and made it to a nice hike. We enjoyed the park, not a lot blooming yet, but that will change. Saturday afternoon we went to a sea glass planter class at the library. Had a fun time. We were close to the Hispanic food shop so DH wanted Hispanic food again. It is ok.

Sunday was up and did laundry, DH and the girl went shopping. Did pretty good with eating, did not over eat.

DH is off Wednesday and Thursday this week and we should make it back to the gym...hopeful.

Have a great evening! IP


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/16/2018:
Saw the pics on FB...looked like you had fun!

horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2018:
WOW...the temps dropped a full 45 degrees! that's nuts! i'd have DEFINITELY left also!

Such fun weekend activities. Wish i lived by you...i could hike with you then! and the glass planting class sounds fun too.

Are you still doing no dairy...i'm guessing it's made a return or you would have written that you had no dairy still...

have a wonderful day :)

Horn_of_plenty on 04/22/2018:
Where are you at, IP!?

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 12, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Train of thought....

Two weeks ago I told the girl that we were going through our closets and getting rid of clothes that we no longer wear, can't wear or don't like anymore. She said ok.

This morning on the way to work I was thinking about all the clothes I have and should get rid of, but for some reason I hold on to. For instance there is a short sleeve white top with teal and black flowers and designs all over and has a little silver circle sewed into the center, that I just love. I bought this shirt and only wore it to my step-father's funeral, I never wore it again.

the funeral was on Friday and my friend at work wasn't there because she had stayed back to work for me to turn in time cards. Oh and DH has a payday Friday and I still have monthly bills to pay and damn, I sure miss my step-father. I have lots of clothes that I won't get rid of because I like them regardless if I don't wear them (and some I can still wear). I must have a wire lose somewhere.

I get home and cook dinner. I made grilled porkchops and mashed sweat potatoes, this was just ok. The pork just wasn't what i really wanted.


Have a great day!

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

trishpiglet3 on 04/12/2018:
Clothes hold memories. I've found I tend to hold those that hold good memories, even if they don't fit.

bearcountrygg on 04/12/2018:
I get the same way about getting rid of things with memories....I get it.

Maria7 on 04/12/2018:
It is liberating to free up space in your closet. Deciding what goes is another deal. :-)

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
I like to take photos of things so I can remember the memories associated, but sometimes there is something sensory about them... so I keep the item or a piece of it.

Donkey on 04/12/2018:
Happy has some good insight there ^

horn_of_plenty on 04/13/2018:
I also save TONS of clothes that i do not wear. I am eager to throw them out at the same time - but some i just like....just like you. It's not really a memory thing like Happy, but i just like to have the clothes as an option. just a few are memory items. most i just have trouble parting with - but plan to do more cleaning maybe Sunday! My closets are too full and everything wrinkles.

innerpeace - Tuesday Apr 10, 2018

Weight: 303.7

I have taken so much from all of your journals and entries, and I think the difference in mine is I fail to set measurable and realistic goals. When I think I'm doing good for a month I slowly and steadily revert back to all my old habits and bad decision making.

I have had so many conversations with my DH about this, I have a happy life, some drama now and again, but I am genuinely happy with my life and my job and everything, so I am somewhat aggravated as to why weight loss aludes me and why I cannot stick to a goal or plan or life style for any amount of time. I think because way down deep in side I really don't care. The only thing I think about is having to stop wearing my black sweater at work when it finally warms up around here...Not if, but when because it will eventually happen and then all my fat that my nice black sweater covers up will be splayed out for all to see. Now don't get me wrong, It's not like I'm hiding it, because can you ever really hide fat? No.

I had a manager once say...it's all in the choices you make. So I will strive to make better choices and think about the consequences of my choices and then when that binge moment comes along I will think of all the good choices I've made and how much harm that will cause. Sounds like a good plan and it sounds easy. I just have to get right in my head!

DH made a pasta dish with chicken, bacon and cheese!! He obviously didn't get the no dairy memo - well he did...but!

We have the girl tonight...I will work on my decisions and goals.

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/10/2018:
I am also guilty of thinking that I'm hiding behind certain clothes......it's an easy place to go....but deep down inside...I know better too. Hugs!

Donkey on 04/10/2018:
That's the title of my biography: The Lady Who Hid in Her Clothes.

horn_of_plenty on 04/11/2018:
...will you go back to no cheese for the rest of the month?

It is def hard to not give into all temptations of life. you are a good cook, perhaps this is part of your dilemna...or your are used to cooking a certain way? old habits are very hard to break!

happy-1 on 04/12/2018:
I feel you. I tried on running shorts today... and nooooo... not yet, maybe not ever.

I'm trying to have fewer choices. The more opportunities for choices I have the fewer I make correctly... So I'm even going as far as keeping a cooler on the kitchen counter and putting all my food in it the night before with frozen water bottles so I don't even open the fridge door... and hiding from going out to dinner with my parents because I don't trust myself to not eat taco chips and stay on track... so if you are going through normal life and making ANY correct choices, you are better at it than me.

innerpeace - Monday Apr 09, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Dairy free...ok I can do this. Sunday morning I did miss my iced vanilla latte though.

Saturday I was alone all day and could not get motivated to do anything. I forgot to take something out for dinner, so DH and I had Chinese food, probably not the best option, however there was NO cheese. We had peanut chicken, beef and brocolli, general Tso chicken and fired rice. DH did have a few egg rolls, I don't like them.

Sunday I was up early and got all the laundry done, DH's new job does his uniforms, so that took a load away and I am so grateful for that. As I sit home I made a list of things that I need to do, but making the list took all my energy - just kidding I was watching baseball most of the day.. I made some grilled chicken with spinach and artichokes.

Monday - since I didn't go to the store and am not drinking milk, DH went to McDonald's and got me a bacon and egg biscuit for breakfast.

Lunch - left over chicken

Dinner - not sure - I downloaded a meal plan app Mealine and selected a dairy free option and DH is making one of the five meals - so it could be chicken again or pork, I will know when I get home.

Friday is our first game of the year and I'm so excited. GO TRIBE!

Doing lots of training at work.


More later...IP


Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/09/2018:
That was a SCORE on the uniforms!!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/09/2018:
So So So proud of you for keeping up with the dairy free!!!!!!!!!! cheers!!!!

I know you must miss the Vanilla Latte...sure you cannot use something else to make it...like the Vanilla Almond milk? Or maybe you can sip herbal tea? i know - it's not the same as what you want :)...anywho, it's probably quite good you are taking the dairy break bc you may get the results you want...especially on the cheese end.

LOL, i sense DH is trying to derail you by getting you McDonalds's...JK....that's a small tasty breakfast anyways! yum!

if you are trying to be sorta good, try not to replace all cheese with other heavy items lol...

ok, i'm being a brat now....you are doing well. very proud of you. awesome on the yoga! i am not good at it, especially at home, bc it requires CONCENTRATION! lol

Horn_of_plenty on 04/09/2018:
So So So proud of you for keeping up with the dairy free!!!!!!!!!! cheers!!!!

I know you must miss the Vanilla Latte...sure you cannot use something else to make it...like the Vanilla Almond milk? Or maybe you can sip herbal tea? i know - it's not the same as what you want :)...anywho, it's probably quite good you are taking the dairy break bc you may get the results you want...especially on the cheese end.

LOL, i sense DH is trying to derail you by getting you McDonalds's...JK....that's a small tasty breakfast anyways! yum!

if you are trying to be sorta good, try not to replace all cheese with other heavy items lol...

ok, i'm being a brat now....you are doing well. very proud of you. awesome on the yoga! i am not good at it, especially at home, bc it requires CONCENTRATION! lol

trishpiglet3 on 04/09/2018:
Have been dairy-free for some time on account of I'm allergic to it. A relative gave me a dairy-free cookbook, which I haven't used and is just taking up space in the kitchen)... measures and things are likely to be in grams rather than cups because I'm in the UK but would you like me to send it to you? "No thanks" is a perfectly acceptable answer :)

innerpeace on 04/10/2018:
Thank you for the kind offer. I have found so many dairy free menu plans online and on various websites. So No thank you! I really appreciate the offer, and I will save you postage. Have a great day.

innerpeace - Friday Apr 06, 2018

Weight: 303.7

DH received agift card for Chipolte from his job so he wanted to use that. This is OK. I just ordered my food with no cheese or sour cream and it was edible, just as good with just the guacamole.

B: 1 boiled egg and one egg white, banana

L: baked pork chop, blackberries, nuts and granola

S: balanced breaks - I left the cheese for Steve

D: burrito bowl - no cheese or sour cream

So i was very pleased with Day 1 of the dairy free zone!

The girl was over and then YA and his GF came over for a while and brought the two grand dogs so Steve was very happy.

Work has slowed down for a minute.

This weekend kicks off the hiking stick program, so I may go on a few hikes...my myself because DH works this weekend.

Opeing day for the TRIBE.....

have a great weekend!

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

graindart on 04/06/2018:
Good job on making it through the day without the cheese / dairy. Get a successful streak of days going and you'll be in the 200's this month.

horn_of_plenty on 04/06/2018:
I 100% agree with Grainy!

You did a wonderful job. Good choice on just the guac/avocado is healthy fats for sure. The opposite of dairy fat!

Just do the experiment as you are...i hope you are pleasantly surprsied! i am proud of you. i always at Chipotle get extra sauteed peppers and onions :) over a salad...and the rice is just a topping :)

bearcountrygg on 04/06/2018:
Well...Steve is really making out with your new plan isn't he????? And then he gets company too!!!!

happy-1 on 04/06/2018:
Yum. Guacamole on EVERYTHING!!!!

innerpeace - Thursday Apr 05, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Day 1 of no cheese and dairy. So far, so good. I usually drink milk for breakfast but I'm ok today...I have concluded that milk is the issue with my skin problems too. So this is the start of an experiment.

It took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, seriously...it is April and I'm sick of the snow.  They say more is coming.

DH baked pork chops and we had baked beans and a salad, which was OK. Lettuce is vile stuff.

Slept good.

Tonight we have the girl and that is all I know.

have a great day!


Oh...Joey was adopted, I hope he went to a good home.

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/05/2018:
I'm glad someone adopted the doggie :)

Good job on no cheese or dairy...Keep on.

I would in your case try to do none of the cheese and dairy for one month...see how much weight you lose.

instead of cheese / dairy, try using some avocado though not all day long!

also, you can i think substitute nothing for most of the cheese / dairy as it only seems to be a topping in the food you make...so just leaving it out seems ok to me...and keep eating vegetables. roasted is my favorite....

honestly, if you can totally leave it out for one month, you can see if you have a weight change...which i believe will be around 5-10 pounds.

bearcountrygg on 04/05/2018:
Interested to see how the elimination diet goes!

graindart on 04/05/2018:
Agree with HOP. If you don't replace the cheese / dairy with something else, I wouldn't be surprised to see your weight start with a "2" within the next 2 weeks.

innerpeace - Tuesday Apr 03, 2018

Weight: 303.7

At work yesterday I saw a post about a toy fox terrier rescue in Akron (about 40 miles from me) and I am consumed with saving this dog. My household does not need another dog, but I just want to save him. DH said we could do a meet and greet and see if Steve would even tolerate another dog.

I get home and make dinner. I had mushrooms and brussel sprouts in a mustard sauce with the grilled chicken DH cooked over the weekend. It was just ok, wasn't a fan of how the sauce tasted, probably because it wasn't loaded down with some sort of cheese. I also made a quiche for breakfast for the rest of the week, which did have some cheese in it. DH gets home and he eats and showers and sleeps.

The girl texts and asks if she can come over Tuesday and Thursday instead of Wednesday and Thursday? Why I don't know, but these days when DH is at work I have to go get her and feed her and entertain her because he doesn't get home until she is on her way out the door. It is his time with the girl...not mine. But I told her I would get her....maybe I just can't say NO!

Do you find it easier to follow a planned out menu or make your own up?

Telehealth calls are back on - so will have about 42 more days of this and I will be finished with the program. I will make the best of it!

Hopefully I can get to my goal weight which was out of the 300s.

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/03/2018:
If you don't like the telehealth or it hasn't helped...i'd say QUIT it...and spend your time / sleep elsewhere.

See if Steve likes the dog, if not, somebody else will have to save him :(

lol of course you'd make Cheese quiche haha...too funny per our last conversation!

i hate following any online menu or menu given to me...i have too many other food options than the boring menus or to cook exactly per a menu, no. i do like my own plans better. lately i have so many options though, so many food choices, that it's hard to limit myself lol.

bearcountrygg on 04/03/2018:
No planned menu....I take meat out of the freezer in the morning...and then I figure out what to serve with it from what is on hand.

graindart on 04/03/2018:
I love cheese too. However have pretty much given it up as it was getting in the way of my weight loss. I like all kinds of it, but prefer the stronger ones like 18 month aged Gouda, extra sharp cheddar, and all types of blue. The stronger the flavor, the easier it was for me to control the portion size. Different types vary, but with 1 oz having around 100 calories, it just wasn't a filling snack in limited quantities. I much prefer my bag of 100 calorie microwave popcorn. It takes much longer to eat and seems much more filling. Although I do sprinkle some super low calorie popcorn seasoning on it and several of the flavors are different cheese flavors.

happy-1 on 04/03/2018:
I have to shop sales to keep things at a price point I can handle since I'm not working. A planned out menu is too hard to shop for and match to sales. I basically just pick the proteins on sale, the veggies on sale, and then do a quick menu off that. I have a price book on things that are regular price at different stores I go to for when I can't find stuff on sale.

innerpeace - Monday Apr 02, 2018

Weight: 303.7

I spent the better part of last month stressing and preparing for a safety inspection. Just when I announce we are finished with phase I, the most intensive part and all of the paperwork and we are now ready for phase II, the housekeeping phase - my co-workers tell me that they heard through the 'grape-vine' that our inspection is going to be cancelled because of our upcoming office move. Ok for one, we havie been supposedly moving the entire time I've been here, which will be three years in October, and two, why couldn't they mention that eight weeks ago? So as I was pouring all my energy and waking hours into this inspection, just to have someone say something like that to me...words cannot describe.

Regardless if the inspection gets cancelled, at least the paperwork is finished and just has to be updated when the review process rolls around.

This is my life and trying to lose weight. I go hot and heavy the first month and then things don't progress as I feel they should, so I revert back to my old, bad habits.

When I got home Friday evening I did not leave my house until I came to work this morning. We had the girl over and we did nothing. Easter we gave the girl her Easter basket and the YA came over with his dogs and stinky GF. They stayed a few hours until the left to go to the mother's house. I was happy to see them go.

Friday, DH made a grilled cheese sandwich made with cheddar and ground beef, it was actually pretty good.

Saturday we had steak, baked potato and salad. I cut my steak in two and finished for dinner on Sunday.

Sunday we had a brocolli, chicken, croissant ring for lunch and for dinner I had the other half of my steak with tortilla chips, and refried beans. DH also grilled some chicken so I could bring for lunch during the week.

I think about how I can turn my work ethic into my weight loss goals.

It snows last night more to come and yes, it is April here in Ohio too!

Points to ponder. Have a happy day! IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/02/2018:
That's the ticket.....your drive to get ready for the inspection was a winner...harness that drive and make it work for you!

graindart on 04/02/2018:
Like you, I'm motivated when I see results that I deem are worth the effort I've put into it. And when the results aren't as I expected, I find it hard to stay on track.

I just have to push through the lack of positive results at times, knowing that the extended payoff is worth it. Started this "diet" 1 year ago (last April 4th or 5th). Weighed 283 at the time, but am now down to around 180 depending on the day. Almost quit several times along the way when things didn't seem worth it, but just pushed through. I know it's overwhelming / depressing at the beginning to look at all of the weight you need to lose, but it is possible if you just keep plugging away week after week.

innerpeace on 04/03/2018:

horn_of_plenty on 04/03/2018:
You are always active doing fun, creative activities. You are a very smart, creative, hard working and sincere person. You have a GREAT life and work ethic and are very well rounded. So, remember don't be hard on yourself.

Your weekend sounds good, except why did you stay home all weekend - you were tired? Even though you were home, you sound to have been doing nice things, cooking good stuff. Your husband's grilled cheese sounds amazing...

I still think if you let go of most cheese that i do think you'll lose 5lbs easy. Maybe remove most dairy? You can replace milk with almond milk, 30 cal per cup for Vanilla flavored which is better than original...and replace some of the cheese with avocado for a fat.

Cheese is not easy to moderate. That's why i do not have it daily. I find it doesn't keep me very full. I'd rather have meat or egg or even tofu.

However, some cheeses are light not sure you'd like those flavors...i don't even love these light cheeses that can be only 30 cal per triangle that are sold in the round containers all sliced up like a pie...but those cheeses wouldn't taste good on grilled cheese.

A tip for you, if you don't mind some extra gas lol, is to make the veggie portion of your meal the biggest. like really big. and the protein and carbs are the toppings.

I do mostly cooked veggies - they are easier for me to eat than cold, unappetizing salads...

For meals, you can eat in abudance, you can eat till definitely very full.

with veggies, i eat them first, protein with them, and then i eat the carbs last, when i'm typically already full. carbs are whatever you like - crackers, toast, any carb. a cup of noodles....anything. just after you eat your meal........once you get the veggies in.

less cheese i think....i hope i didn't offend you!

innerpeace on 04/03/2018:
no! You have suggested the less cheese route many times...one day I will try this. I cannot tell you how much cheese is in my refrigerator. Now, this morning I can tell you there is shredded mild cheddar, mozzarella, taco flavored shred, parmesean, gouda, mexican shred and a log of goat cheese. This is so, so sad! My DH loves cheese and usually once a year we go on a road trip to a cheese barn and get the gourmet blends of homemade cheese.

With that being said, I remember Woody Harrelson saying he had a milk/dairy allergy and it caused his face to break out. I drink milk everyday (with my vanilla latte iced mix) - just maybe this could be why my face breaks out so badly.

The mind is willing but the flesh is week. I will have to ponder this more. thank you for all your suggestions.

horn_of_plenty on 04/03/2018:
wow i hadn't realized cheese to such an extent haha... :)

innerpeace - Tuesday Mar 27, 2018

Weight: 303.7

DH made some baked sandwich last night for dinner. It was ok. The girl was over and we filled a few eggs for an Easter/April Fool's activity at work. I sent a few postcards and then watched TV. Not a lot going on.

DH is off again today and took Steve to get his nails clipped. They clipped one too short and he bled all over DH's truck seat. They went to lunch and then brought me some mac and cheese from the restaurant.

No idea what's for dinner, but i'm still pretty full with lunch.

Have been selected to be a contracting representative, this entails more training :(.

Need to get priorities in order for anything to work in my life.

B: toast; peanut butter

S: balanced breaks

L: mac n cheese with chicken

more later.

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 03/27/2018:
I feel you on the priorities!!!

bearcountrygg on 03/27/2018:
We clip our own dogs nails...and getting too deep sometimes happens here too....sometimes it's hard to know where the quick really is. Always makes me sad when it happens.

Donkey on 03/27/2018:
The work/life balance eludes me from April through September, sometimes October... I will enjoy reading your journey.

horn_of_plenty on 03/28/2018:
congrats on being selected to be contracting rep...is this like a raise? apparently, your work trusts you to do the job!

don't be down on yourself too much, you are doing good!

filled in eggs..meaning you colored some easter eggs? cool!

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