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innerpeace - Thursday Jan 05, 2017

Weight: 306.0

I picked up the girl yesterday and we went to the library. I helped her with her homework and then I changed clothes to go to yoga. As I was gathering up our mats a lady approached me and asked if I've done yoga before. I told her yes, a few times, but never here. She says well I was just wondering because my mom is about your size and I was trying to get her out of the house. Oh, OK. Well I'm glad that you can tell your mom that other fat people are here doing yoga, so come on out and join them.

Anyway we got into the room and there were maybe six other people in there at the time. Some introduced themselves and the instructor introduced hisself which was all nice. The girl would not! I told her, tell him you name. She looked at me like I was insane. I told the man, her name is Kayla. I said that was so rude, what is wrong with you, you don't do that anymore, you are 12 not 8. Her reply...I don't like people. Well listen here sweetie, I dispise most, but you gotta do what you gotta do to make it through the day.

Lots of participants showed up and we were crammed in this little room. The registration says unlimited, I'm thinking that should be changed. Some were complaining that someone else wore too much perfume and then true to charactor for Ohio, after the session had started about six more people walk in and disturb others - making it even more crammed. Despite this, I enjoyed it, but had a hard time thinking I should be doing something else besides breathing. I'm more concerned with the time I'm spending in there trying to relax and breathe and stretch than actually relaxing, breathing and stretching, if that makes any sense. I could not give it my undivided attention. Maybe this comes with practice. The girl made me chuckle a few times. Once she told me she needed a break - I told her to keeping doing it, and then I'm wondering if she knows her right from her left. This is an eight week session, so I'm thinking I will return next Wedneday.

We get home and I reheat dinner and tell her about the plans I have for her room, she is sold on it and we will work on that this weekend. She finished dinner and cleared the table and then went and took a shower. Shorly after her brother came and picked up up.

DH got home about 8:30, ate dinner and fell asleep in the recliner. I was going to leave him there but work him up to go to bed. I did not have a good sleep at all. Something woke me up again. My heart wanted to beat it's way out of my chest. I swear I hear people in my house and I have paranoia that someone is going to come in our bedroom and shoot us both. I don't know why. I didn't even watch a 20/20 episode or anything. But once awake I just lay there and seemingly wait...wait for what? I have no clue, wait to see someone walk down the hall, wait to die? I also listen to my husband breathing and not breathing. I know I told him to breathe two or three times. He insists that he is breathing...

Needless to say, I have had a little difficulty staying awake this morning.

B: bagel with cream cheese, iced tea

S: protein bar

L: roast beef, cream cheese wrap, apple

S: balanced breaks

D: vegetable burger, avocado

I finished yesterday with 1515 calories...tonight maybe about the same.

Have a great evening!

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/05/2017:
I think what the little girl meant more is that she sees you active and doing things...and her mom doesn't...keep it like that. She sees a difference between you and her mom...don't worry InnerP, little girl didn't mean to cause you any bad feelings. She said it wrong...it's more like: Why is this woman able and capable of doing so much; and my mom might look like her but is nothing like her? Or you are like another mother, she wonders why her mom doesn't do what you do. Don't think it's just about weight comparison bc it's not...

this yoga thing is great for the girl. I can understand her shy feelings as when i was her age I was also like that. You have to help bring her out of it. Try telling her that many people feel shy but these people doing yoga are all here to do the same thing & support each other and want to bring each other up. Tell girlie that nobody will judge her or make fun of her...that the class is for all to enjoy...and everyone wants her to enjoy it with them! :) Teach her. She's at a very trying time - middle school years can be very difficult for some kids. I understand her shy attitude. Maybe you can help her out of her shell. It will be so good for her.

Yes, I know what you mean...your mind wanders during yoga...it's normal. try to forget about the other things going on while you are there - and YES it takes practice.

See if you can have girlie join you for all classes. It's good to be a part of something till the end...it's really, really healthy to finish things. Have her join you...tell her all the reasons i mentioned here.

Also, it'll make her really knowledgable about yoga as she will have actually participated and learned about that form of medition / relaxation / stretching / exercise. GOOD STUFF for her to be part of - and not sitting home / stuffing her face. It's a GREAT THING for girlie!

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 04, 2017

Weight: 306.0

Had plans to rearrange the girl's room, but she asked me to wait so she can see what we are doing first. I told her OK, but I was only trying to make more storage space for her.

Dinner was the left over chicken and pasta and will probably have this again...for the third night. DH just makes so freakin' much. I tried to walk the dog, but could only get halfway down the road before it started raining. I can walk in wind and snow, but the rain and wetness and throw the cold wind in there too, is a NO GO. I had to go back home.

I finished Tuesday with 1382 calories.

Tonight DH works late so i am getting the girl and we are going to Yoga. I registered us for every Wednesday for eight weeks. This should be interesting. I also registered us for Zumba on Saturdays, this should even be more interesting.

B: yogurt

S: banana

L: roastbeef, cream cheese on flat bread, apple, balanced breaks

S: hummus and carrots

D: chicken alfredo with brocolli and mushrooms, green beans

I had stomach issues last night. Crampy, bloated, just uncomfortable. I'm blaming the apple for now.

I was woken last night by noise. I just heard noise and woke DH up. He asked why'd you wake me up? I said because I hear something. I asked, do you hear it? He says yeah. I said, go see what it is. He replies, why don't you? I say, because I'm scared, you're a man, go do man things. He roamed around and realized it was the clock radio alarm in the girl's room. The alarm was on but hadn't been set and was just all very loud static. After that I woke up again at 1:45 and 3:15 because of noise. Wind and rain and stuff. I guess I shouldn't have worried because my dog wasn't barking.

Have a great evening! Go and do things!


Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/04/2017:
Lol you know how it is, if it were your room, you'd want to be in on it...so she wants to be in on whatever you do to "her space."

It can be some bonding time :) lol...but it is for sure.

LOL sorry her alarm woke you. i was up a lot of the night also.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/04/2017:
Lunch sandwich sounds to hit the spot. I like my cream cheese too, the whipped one by Temptee.

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 03, 2017

Weight: 306.0

I tried to stay up to finish watching the Sooners win, but due to adult responsibilities of getting up for work, I had to call it quits at 11:30.

I had my alarm set to get up at 4:45 to go and walk this morning, but that didn't happen. I was so tired, I just turned it off and slept until 5:45 and got up to shower. DH doesn't work today so he slept in.

B: yogurt

S: banana

L: 1/2 peanut butter sandwich, balanced breaks, apple

S: hummus, carrots

D: left over chicken alfreado, salad

I will go walk after dinner. Yesterday I walked a little further before my back started hurting. I am hoping I can get a little further today. My shin hurts too for some unknown reason, oh yea...i'm fat!

If needed I will have a cottage cheese/fruit snack if I get hungry - I should finish between 1300-1400 depending on the hunger.

I have only been drinking one DDP and my body is telling me all about it today. I have pain in my shoulders and neck that started about 1.5 hours ago at work...normally two hours after my 9:30 caffeine hit.

I slept fine last night and do not even remember DH coming to bed..

Have a great day!

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/03/2017:
your shin may be hurting from shin splints. if you walk & it's painful, do not walk anymore and take a few days or week off until pain is gone. trust me. I have had very bad shin splints and leg tendonitis. it's the worst and doesn't get better unless you rest - it's from doing too much too soon.

you are eating well today, nice job InnerPeace.

I also had a little caffeine, but less. Trying to do better.

Ms.Kay on 01/03/2017:
You all are so inspirational! Keep up the good work!

innerpeace - Monday Jan 02, 2017

Weight: 306.0

Had a good day.

I wanted to get up early, but I didn't set the alarm or I didn't hear it, but I was up at 8:00. I showered and got the laundry downstairs but didn't start doing it until 10:00.

B: blue berry bagel, iced vanilla latte - with skim milk - not my favorite but I can tolerate it 

L: yogurt

D: chicken alfredo, salad

S; different yogurt

I finished the day with 1253 calories - I am definately OK with this.

I have only drank one DDP today, so I am OK with this.

I took a long walk almost 45 minutes - this is long for me and then I took the dog for a walk.

I finallly got back home and finished the laundry and then just releaxed. I finished my book last night so will be on the look out for something new -

Book sale next weekend!

I did meet my step goal today.

Just hope my SOONERS win tonight.

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/03/2017:
Hi IP! your monday sounds a lot like my Monday morning :) I was barely movin' haha. but, overall, my monday was excellent...i hope you find a great new book.

I am so sick of my book sorta - it's not a story so it's easy for me to find myself really distracted when i'm reading it. need a book with a plot and story-line next, no more research / self-help books for now.

GREAT calories.

I need a low cal day like yours to fix my weekly calories...lol. but i'm sorta ok with higher cals right now as well...fix it next couple weeks.

innerpeace - Sunday Jan 01, 2017

Weight: 306.0

Saturday was a day we have planned to say goodbye to the horrid year of 2016. DH and I woke up early and went to breakfast.After breakfast we dropped my car off at the garage to get the oil changed and then we just went shopping. All over shopping. We hit the Giant Eagle, DH receied a gift card here from his employer. We shopped and picked up things we normally wouldn't hae purchased. We go to Aldi and pick up a few things and then to SAMs. Here I walk around SAMs just to be walking. I have decided to wear the fitbit again and was adding steps.  After SAMs we have a few other items to pick up at Wal-Mart but DH decides he doesn't fill like going at this time so we head home.

Friday night I had finished playing Candy Crush, I mean finish the game as far as I can play. I have played this stupid game for over 4 years and have wasted so much of my time on this stupid game. Finally I came to a place where the game tells me to "WAIT - THEY ARE CREATING MORE AND MORE LEVELS EVERY WEEK' I don't want to waste anymore of my life on this stupid game so I deleted it off my mobile devices and I am happy with this!

Anyway, since I deleted that awful time consuming game off my phone and iPAD I picked up a book and started reading it Saturday night. We decided to go to the Habachi Grill because I wanted to eat Sushi one time before the new year. We had a good time. I had grilled chicken and shrimp and only one roll of the Friendship roll with crab, avocado and cream cheese, so good. Once we finished dinner we stopped by a different Giant Eagle and went shopping again...for dinner stuff. Once home, I walked my dog and achieved the 5K step goal + more. Then I sat and listened to the OSU buckeyes get blown out of the water by Clemson. I was deleriously happy! I read about half of my new book (The Girl on the Train) and watched Mariah Carey trainwreck her performance and then we hit the sack.


I was up about 8:30 and DH made me a blueberry bagel and iced vanilla latte - i sat and tried to complete the Sunday Crossword and we hung out until about 9:30. DH leaves to go get the girl and I am watching something on TV, so unimportant I can't even remember what it was.

Once the girl gets here we go out for our New Year's Walk. We go to a park that was once a golf club that has been turned into walking trails and fitness trails. The wind was kinda cold, the trails were a bit muddy in places, the ponds were frozen over but just being outside in the brisk air and bright sunshine made it a great walk. We walked about 45 minutes, maybe almost two miles. I met my step goal of 5,000.

Once home DH chops onions and ham for me. I make black eyed pea and ham fritters every New Year's something to do with black eyed peas being lucky or something, or maybe my mom just told me that so I would eat the dang peas. I will have to do some research on this. Whatever the reason I have been making these forever so I made them. DH was testing out his new air fryer and cooked up some chicken breasts So we had the black-eyed pea and ham fritters, cranberry sauce, chicken and salad for dinner. It was very nice. The girl went home at 6:00.

And then to top the night off I had a yogurt for dessert and will be reading more of my book.

Tomorrow is the domestic maintenance day, another walk, yoga and some more book.

Have a great evening and stay safe

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2017:
That def was funny with Mariah Carey...

You have the blueberry bagels and latte stuff at home? that's cool...or did he go out & get it for you? Either way, i hope the former?, DH is being a good boy!

I enjoy reading too. Let me know how the Girl On the Train is bc maybe i'll take it out from the library next as i need a break from reading about habits / self help / human tendencies...would be good to read a story again as the last time was really awhile ago - i sometimes read romances and also i read the Harry Clifton series which is excellent...but really the last romance i read had to be last Spring or over the summer i think!

I laughed about you going to the supermarkets like many times because that's exactly what i did this long weekend too! On friday after work I stopped in for veggies and then later on friday i went to another one for some hot food, then yesterday i went just one more time for this week....always good to be stocked up i guess.

I actually bought too much (maybe bc i was shopping after going to the gym and was hungry) and i think that there's a good chance something is going to be wasted which is sad because it's such a waste to spend $ and then throw the food away....! not good.

innerpeace on 01/02/2017:
The girl on the train - was a fast read, quite good, surprise ending. I enjoyed it. I wondered who did it all the way until the last few chapters.

innerpeace - Friday Dec 30, 2016

Weight: 306.0

We picked up the girl and decide that Arby's is for dinner. I had a turkey and swiss sandwich. I love that bread.

Once home the girl showers and stays in her room talking to friends. Me I'm sitting in front of the TV again, watching Breaking Bad, this is the last night.

Today, I am leaving at noon and going home. No major plans for the New Year's Eve. I did tell DH I would go shopping with him tomorrow, which is fine since I have an extra day off on Monday.

I am having hot spots/sensitive spots on  a few different places on my legs - it feels like a mild constant charlie horse I have one on my left calf and then on two of my left toes and then on the ball of my foot on the right side. It is constant tingling. It is very sensitve to the touch as well, and I wonder if this is like fibromyalgia or diabetic nerve pain. Either way it is quite annoying and bothersome.  I  have been freaking out about little things like this lately. I received a post card in the mail to make a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician. I may do that on Tuesday.

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

S: pretzel peices; gummy fruit



In homage to Breaking Bad - Have a great day...b!tches!

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/30/2016:
I hope you feel better. If anything, maybe you are walking less bc now the weather is cold? I was having annoying pain at work also - now I just stand up when I have to...and walk when i want to walk. I have a lucky deal and that's why i can do this - but also I know what happens from not moving enough. so sick of that!

anyways, I also left work early at 2pm. So nice to get out & be able to use the time doing something good for me - i went to the park with a friend who happens to also be a coworker that lives close to me = great deal!

enjoy your NYE relaxing. I too have Monday off :-D nice deal i say!

Donkey on 12/31/2016:
You MUST watch the train episode in Breaking Bad -- edge-of-your-seat, nail-biting -- best episode of the entire series. I'm not sure why you missed it, but it's definitely worth watching as a single episode on its own (i.e., not sequential, although that helps understand Jesse's rage against Walt afterwards).

innerpeace - Thursday Dec 29, 2016

Weight: 306.0

Picked up DH and when we got home, we had some of the 15 bean soup. It was very good but had a weird spice/flavoring in it. Not sure if it was from the flavor packet that was included or if it was something off the Honey Baked Ham bone DH put in it. It was very thick too, but good.

After dinner DH and I spoke in length about stuff. He understands my POV now and he will willingly go to the therapist now and he doesn't feel like I'm making him go, as he now understands that between his POS exwife, his job stresses and the pending relationship with his son, he needs to learn how to deal with all the situations.

After that he showered and I took my dog on a long walk. It was pretty chilly out. Once home I get back invovled with Breaking Bad, it is over tonight, there was only 5 seasons, so good thing that won't be around all weekend.

We received an email at work today that a main working in our sister station in Mt. Holley, NJ just died of an apparent heart attack...he was 50. I am freaking out about my health now, with this and my cousin dying Christmas. I will be more health conscious this new year...mental and physical.

B: yogurt, iced vanilla latte

L: 15 bean soup, cheetos

S: balanced breaks

TDOM (the dealth of me) I ate two donuts (before getting the email)

D: I have no idea  - DH is thinking subway, but we will see.

We have the girl tonight!

To Do List: get fitbit charged up - I can lync this to my health insurance and get paid for steps

Take Christmas gifts upstairs and off the island


Have a great night! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

puddles on 12/29/2016:
Things are sounding more on the positive side that is good. Our health has to be number one as we age if we want to live a long productive life. Have a great evening.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/29/2016:
Overall, you do know what you are doing with yourself health-wise...you make some really great choices - all the time. You are also a great chef and very capable of good choices and cooking healthy food. I have no doubt you can keep improving upon your health in the New Year.

soup sounds very nice :)

I am sorry to hear about the death of the worker at the sister station....but...it seems that there's been a lot of this in the news...especially hollywood with the mother / sister actresses of whom their names i forget.

wow you can get paid for your steps...that's so cool! so cool!

good eve, InnerP :)

Donkey on 12/29/2016:
Glad you talked things out with the husband. i hope you like the end of Breaking Bad -- oh my, I loved that show!

innerpeace on 12/30/2016:
I need to find about three episodes I missed - One where Walt poisoned the little boy, and another one when Jane dies and the planes crash over his house and then when they do the train heist.

I didn't want Hank to die, but I am glad he freed Jesse. It was a very different series for me to watch, but I did enjoy it. Thanks

innerpeace - Wednesday Dec 28, 2016

Weight: 306.0

DH was off yesterday and I texted him telling him my check engine light came on. He came up to work and brought me his truck and took my car for service. He also brought me some flowers and cancy, but he never apologized.

I get home and the girl is there - I forgot it was Tuesday. DH stopped and picked up KFC for dinner - we usually have that Christmas Eve but due to the visitation/custody thing we sorta changed that. I had three chicken fingers and a biscuit.

The evening was quiet because I am/was still mad. The girl is doing her own thing, talking to her friends, cleaning her room and just being there. DH tells me he was texting his son and his son tells DH he was rude to his girlfriend. The girlfriend didn't feel welcome in our home because DH didn't talk to her and/or invite her on the house tour! WOW I'm thinking maybe now he will get what I was saying about him being rude for not introducing me first, but he just sits there.

Me I just watch TV again with the Breaking Bad episodes, I should have never started watching that! I don't say anything else, but I do tell the girl goodbye and good night. We will see her again tomorrow.

This morning on the way to work DH as the audacity to ask what is bothering me...seriously? I tell him again how rude he was and how disrespected I feel and he refuses to apologize. Then I say..OK then it is my house and I'm saying...do not bring anyone else into my house that I don't know. If you do and don't introduce me first I will make a scene and literally say...whoa, whoa, whoa, who is this, who are you bringing into my house? He just sits there.

So then at work he texts me a song by George Strait - The Man in Love with You

I text him back a song by Faith Hill - It Matters to Me

He finally apologized and then said he invited Joe (his son) back over so he could apologize to his girlfriend. We will see how this goes.

I have been snacking all day today - stress I believe

B: yogurt, iced vanilla latte

S: peanut butter M&Ms

L: salad, ranch dressing, cheetos

S: peanut butter M&Ms, balanced breaks

D: DH put on a pot of 15 bean soup so hopefully that will be good. There are some beans I'm not really fond of like LIMA BEANS - I hate them. My mom would make a pot of stew and I would get lima beans. My mom would always say there might have been two lima beans in the entire pot and I would get both of them.

I have a headache today.

One of my cousins died on Christmas Day - she was only 4 years older than me. I will miss her, she taught me the appreciation of reading and for that I will never forget her!

Have a great evening! IP

Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

puddles on 12/28/2016:
Sorry to hear about your cousin and good luck tonight with DH's son coming over. Have a great evening.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/29/2016:
seee so what comes around goes around and now DH was told by you and his cousin that his actions weren't so hot! nice.

actions speak louder than words, it seems DH is doing right by you....he is not the best communicator we all know that by now!

Iam so sorry about the loss of your cousin during the holiday time :(

stay strong :)

innerpeace - Tuesday Dec 27, 2016

Weight: 306.0

WHew! thank God Christmas is over! I had a good Christmas, sad Christmas and OMG I don't even know how to act Christmas. I just need to get it out...so please don't feel you need to read it all my food will be at the bottom.

Friday I left work a few hours early and went home. DH was working late of all days so I told him I would pick up the girl. She gets in the car and says, so there was another fight last night about 12:30. I ask oh, who was fighting this time? She replies, her mom and brother because her brother didn't think her mom and stepdad should punish her for texting/talking to her dad. So oh, wow this could be a good thing, because her brother hasn't had anything to do with DH since I've been here. They apparently got into some big argument fight back in March 2012 and they haven't spoken since. I just tell her, well, I don't really think they should keep you from talking to DH either. I had ordered Chipolte for dinner so we stop by and pick it up. We get home and DH gets home and we eat dinner. When the girl goes to take a shower he tells me that his niece isn't coming over to give the girl her birthday/Christmas present, but she is now coming tomorrow because she had something to do tonight. Fine, I don't really care anyway. They shower and then leave and go to Wal-Mart for something.

Saturday we get up and I take the girl shopping for DH. We go to a few places and get him some grilling spice and a new grill cover, we pick up a few things and head back to the house. We said we were going to eat about 5:00 and then do Christmas at 8:00 because the girl had to be back at her Mom's Christmas day at 10:00 am. We cook, we eat. So about 6:30 the neice finally shows up. DH answered the door and he chauffers the neice and her son (about 7) back into the family room. The girl opens her gift and then she shows them her room and DH shows them the house because they have never been over before. Oh yeah, and I have never met this person. So after the gift giving and house tour DH finally brings her into the living room and says, Oh yeah, this is my wife JoAnn. All I could say, was Hi, it's nice to meet you and then they leave. I felt so disrespected I couldn't hardly talk. Once they leave we watch the remake of Pete's Dragon and then open the gifts. This was a nice part. Fun and surprises it was all good, almost made me not be upset. While the girl was opening gifts I told her and DH that I am making them appointments to talk to a counselor at the beginning of the year. Of course the girl asks why and i tell her that I think it will be better for her to talk to someone not involved in what she has to deal with at our house and at her mom's. She actually seemed ok with it. And then she asked why does my dad have to go? I said because he has anger issues and I'm sick of getting the brunt of it because someone p!sses him off. She started laughing at him and he just gave me the dirty look...oh but he is going!

Sunday I make biscuits and chocolate gravy - this is a yearly treat I only make on Christmas. My son never liked it and the girl doesn't either, so I just make it for myself. I think DH just eats it because that's what he does...eat. The girl leaves at 10:00 and then DH and I just hang out until movie time. I told him a few days ago that I wanted to see the movie Passengers. We did. It was a great movie. We get home and all is good.

Monday we get up early and go shopping for discounted Christmas decorations. I wanted some ornaments from Big Lots so we stop there first. We are looking around and deciding if we want stuff. I see a little bag of bows. They are the cutest bows ever. They are bows that don't look like bows but more like flowers and they are so darling and they were half off! A $1.75 at the most for twelve so cute! I put them in the buggy and keep going. We have a few wreathes I wanted, more ornaments and stuff. I notice DH put a big bag of regular bows in the cart, I didn't say anything because I can always find a use for bows! So we get to the register and he picks up the little bag of bows and asks, do you still want these? I look at him funny because I'm not sure why he's asking me this. I say of course. He then says, well I got these regular size bows, do you still need these? Seriously right now...Yes I want the small cute bows for $1.75. And then he says, but you can get these regular bows for the same price and there are 24 of them. I do not care about the price. I want the small freaking bows! I am trying to say this nicely as we are still in the store. I'm aggravated and the clerk is trying to put the stuff in the bags and I just ask for two extra bags for my wreathes and I leave the store.

We get out to the car and while unloading all the stuff I am trying to put the wreath in the bag and DH says, that's not going to fit. One of the ornaments on the wreath was snagged on the side of the bag and only needed to be moved over. So I push the ornament to the side and get my wreath in the bag and say...that's the difference between me and you! You have this defeatist attitude and give up without trying. I can see that the wreath will fit and with a little effort I can get it into the bag. And then I ask, what is the big deal with my bows? He says, I just thought you didn't need them if we got the big ones. And then I say, if I didn't want the bows, I wouldn't have picked them. I had my bows before you put the other bows in the cart. I wanted the bows. He gets all mad and says his usual crap...whatever JoAnn "IT DON'T MATTER!" Well of course it matters!

We get in the car and I am just so frustrated. No, I am furious. I started out to go to Wal-mart because there were some doves I wanted, but I was so mad. I just went back home. I told him...it matters to me!! The bull sh!t stuff I listen to with you and your exwife POS THAT STUFF DON't MATTER! I matter. What I want, feel, think and do... MATTERS! Tears were shed by me this day! I hated him at this moment! I go in the house and go in one room and he goes in the other and I hate him right now. About 11:00 I start moving around again and start taking the Christmas Tree down. It was relatively warm out and I get sick of looking at it after awhile, especially when there are no gifts under it. The tree is down and stored for next year.

DH's friend is going back to Bulgaria today, so DH says he is going to say goodbye last night and wish him safe travels, which is fine. He leaves as I am finishing laundry and get drawn into the Breaking Bad marathon. He soon calls and asks if I want to go to dinner with him and his friend. I politely decline because we have tons of food at the house. About an hour later I get another text from DH that he has received his best Christmas present ever. His son just text him and told him Merry Christmas and that he misses him and it is time to patch things up. This is the son he hasn't talked to in four years. This is fantastic, I am so happy that this person finally came around. I told DH to stay as long as he needed to get things right.

So in about another hour, DH texted me and says, Joe is coming over. Oh, OK, that's cool. So I am sitting in the living room and hear DH come in the house. Again he shows Joe and his girlfriend into the family room and tells Joe that he has Christmas gifts for him, that we had got years ago. So I go into the kitchen and stand there a minute - maybe I should have said hello, maybe I should have said something, but I chose not too. After a minute, DH did not acknowledge me so I go back into the living room and continue watching Breaking Bad. About an hour later, DH gives his complimentary house tour and then comes into the living room and says...oh and this is my wife JoAnn. I smile and say, hello, it's been a long time. I haven't seen you since you were four. DH takes him back into the family room and I continue to watch tv.

Again, I have this little feeling of disrepect, because I grew up learning to introduce everyone first and then go and close yourself off and conduct your meeting and/or whatever it is you were going to do, but hey...that's me and I was born and raised in Oklahoma, they might do things different up here in Ohio....but NO it's just freaking Rude as hell!

So after the son leaves DH is excited, and rightly so. I am happy for him, but then he tells me that he had to give Joe gas money and he gives him $20.00. Oh really! Well, I hope that's not the only reason he wanted to patch things up, because he knows you have money. What are his ulterior motives? Then DH mentions that he thinks his son sounds like a redneck hick. I told him I agree. He sounds like he was raised in the back woods of Kentucky - no disrespect to anyone from Kentucky, but where did this come from. He dropped out of highschool a few years ago and I guess this took anything he learned away from him enter sarcasm font here.

I just kind of laughed and told my DH that I thought he was rude and disrespectful. He said how so. I said normally you introduct someone first and then go and do what you have to do and then commence with the house tour, not treat me like I'm an afterthought, that this is the living room and then oh and this is my wife - it's like you wouldn't have said anything at all if I hadn't been siting in the living room, the one room you had just walked into. And I said you did it Saturday too when your neice came over. I'm just letting you know that I feel disrespected and I think you are rude. Of course he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and he doesn't even apologize. This, this is what pisses me off. I am telling this man how I feel and why I feel that way and he's obviously the reason for it and he can't even bring himself to apologize. I just want to be single again! I hate him still today. I told him that when it comes to his POS and that family over there they are here (i had my hand up high in the air) and I feel that with your actions that you show that I am here (with my hand lower). I don't appreciate it and I won't tolerate it anymore!

And then he's all texting me this morning why didn't you wake me up. Why didn't you kiss me before you left? And I want to say...because I can  shower, blow dry my hair and get dressed without waking you up...because I don't need your help to do this. I can make my own breakfast. Every Saturday this man goes to work...I have to wake him up, because he doesn't hear the alarm. Do you think I need to wake up? No...but it's OK that I do, because I'm just the wife and I don't matter! And I'm mad at myself for making him make me feel this way and it just sucks right now. I remember I would get all worked up at stuff and then go talk to my therapist about it. Afterwards I would say, wow, saying it out loud and to someone else not involved, it really doesn't sound so bad. And my therapist would say...it mattered to you! Yes, yes it does!


D: chipolte burrito bowl - lots of vegetables - i did have guacamole - still very good


B; bacon, egg, biscuit, iced vanilla latte

S: cordial cherries - three

L/D: ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, pumpkin pie


B: biscuits, chocolate gravy

L/D: ham, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie

S: popcorn


B: iced vanilla latte

L/D: ham, turkey, cheezits


Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/27/2016:
Holidays are always an emotional time. Even for me, when I go back to my parents, we fight and argue. I had our little fights and arguments but it seems we cannot move past them. Especially when my sister’s husband is away, which he was this year, there was nobody to lessen the blow of the petty fights so they were worse than usual. Just stupid arguments though – like me telling my mom not to point her finger at me like I’m a 4 yr old when in fact I’m 34. Ah, whatever…

I am glad her brother stood up for her saying she shouldn’t be punished for texting! Of course she shouldn’t – not if she’s doing it with her dad! !!! of course she should!

Love chipotle..

Don’t take offense to the people you never met. It can be hard on their end too? No worries, Joanne – don’t take any offense. Just the weird holiday season…wow you did so good for them making those appointments. You are awesome Joanne.

Awww, it seems you may have to stand up even more to your hubby. If you want things like the little bows, just say YES. or if he asks again, I would just repeat yourself. Don’t give him looks or anything to further provoke him. The bow thing is a similar type of petty fight I get into with my folks. Just small fights over little things…I know, it can be frustrating. We have the same problem in my family. Lots of these petty small fights over insignificant things. Try to move past this…DH knows you matter…he just is not good at communicating it all the time is how I see it.

You may have to just be blunt, nicely, with DH and say to him that if he brings guests into the house, you’d like to meet them straight away before he gives them a tour or hangs with them. That you like to know and meet whomever enters your house. Which you did say…ask him to try more to thank you when you do things he appreciates..

puddles on 12/27/2016:
Something as got to give DH seems to be getting more and more frustrated and certainly hope he and the little do go to the session it will be very good for them... until then hang on JoAnn there is bound to be a light at the end of that tunnel. Have a great evening.

innerpeace - Friday Dec 23, 2016

Weight: 306.0

Much emotions going on today. Had a crazy evening with the girl and omg i just don't know. I feel so sorry for her at times. This all stems from the texts my DH received from his exwife and niece the past couple of days. We pick her up and DH starts asking her all these questions which he already knows the answers to, to get more information from her. This makes her feel uncomfortable, so she asks me why is my dad asking me all these questions? I tell her, I don't know, I'm really not sure - because I wasn't. Once we get home we eat dinner and then when DH goes to take a shower she just starts a tell all session.

The girl tells me that her brother, Joe's girlfriend, Brittany and her grandma were arguing. Of course I ask why. She says because Brittany was trying to talk Joe into getting his ears pierced. The girl says Joe told her NO at least twenty times and she just kept on pestering him, when finally the grandma stepped in and told Brittany to let it go. Next chaos ensues arguing back and forth. There was something about Joe getting a tattoo as well.

I just tell the girl that these are personal decisions and before this bodily adornment is persued that her brother or anyone should think about how it will affect their future. Like if the tattoo is visible during an interview and/or where the piercing(s) are placed, because if they are visible it could affect the first impression if trying to find a job in the future. And then I said, please don't get a tattoo on your face or neck, I think it looks trashy and you might have issues when finding a job unless you want to work at Chipolte, because OMG do you see all the weird hair, face piercings and tattoos all those workers have? She just laughted. I do have a tattoo that is on my calf and can be covered if needed and it is by no means offensive to anyone.

Then she gets into the meat of what has been really going on and why DH received the crazy texts he received. The girl has told her grandma that she would prefer to live with her dad. Well the grandma apparently told her mother (DH's ex) and then her mother starts telling the girl some crazy stuff, that we (her dad and I) only do things with her to 'buy' her. She said all the things we do, like go to plays, the the library crafts and hikes will all stop if she comes and lives with us. I'm like what? She said mom told me that if I come over here everything we do will stop. That you guys need your alone time and I will just be sent to my grandma's house so not to get in your way. OMG is this for real.

I tell her that, this is totally not correct. That we do things when she is not with us and we would even be at the library more if she were, because on the days they have stuff she would be interested in, she is with her mom and we don't go because she isn't with us. There was a nail painting class I know she would have loved, but I didn't register her because she was at her mom's. I told her we would do more but I have to schedule the events when you are with us and this would no way change because i want her to experience all kind of things.

I told her the only thing I knew how to do when I graduated highschool was type and that is why I joined the military. I type, ergo I work in an office. I want her to experience as much stuff as she can so maybe, just maybe she will have an interest to do something when she graduates...not stay in Lorain county, Ohio for the rest of her life. I think she understands.

She also told me her step dad was going to throw her out of the house if she kept texting her dad. I guess they are just very insecure over there! This is why DH was getting the scew ball texts he was getting because they people over there are whack jobs. I know she was felling pretty down and confused. I will probably get her into counseling after the new year.

This makes me sad, she goes upstairs and takes a shower and I am telling DH about our conversation and this p!sses him off. I told him, I am tellig you this in confidence, I'm not telling you this for you to go and give her the third degree about anything. We were sitting at the table eating and she chose not to bring all this up until you left the room and I don't want to lose her trust, but I wanted him to know what she is dealing with at her mom's house.

This all takes a toll on me. This is making my life harder than it needs to be and sometimes it hurts to move.

Wednesday pork chops were taken out. I did not want pork chops. We stopped at BK on the way home and got burgers. I had a BK Jr. Whopper, it was okay, but then I taste again and/or burp up the awesome smoke flavoring or whatever it is they use for the rest of the night, which is YUCK!


B: yogurt, iced vanilla latte

L: pasta, chicken, brocolli, banana pudding, cookies (left overs from Christmas party)

D: again...not ready for the pork chops. This is the night we have planned to pick up the honey baked ham, so we do that. We come out with the honey baked ham, turkey breast and then go to Boston Market for dinner.

I had a half of a small chicken with pototoes and mac and cheese. DH gets the same chicken with green beans and then a broccoli, cauliflower medley. I was looking at his plate compared to mine and I should have chose his sides, but I opted for the carb route - I will change this in the furture.

Now today is Friday - still having the feels from Wednesday. I get to leave work early and DH will pick up the girl and bring her home. We are having Christmas tomorrow because the girl goes back to her mom's at 10:00 am. Christmas morning for all the fun there! And the pork chops still need to be cooked.

B: yogurt, iced vanilla latte

S: pretzel pieces and then we had a team building exercise and I had to eat a piece of peanut butter fudge - I don't know the rest of the day, hopefully I'll make good choices.

I hope you all have a drama free and a very, merry Chirstmas!


Progress as of today: 15.6 lbs lost so far, only 96 lbs to go!

puddles on 12/23/2016:
Wow what a terrible household to grow up in. The only grace in that is her escape to your place for a break but in the end she must return to the crazy house. I will keep her in my prayers no child should have to be tortured mentally and emotionally that way.

grannyannie on 12/23/2016:
So sorry the poor girl is going through hell at her house. Hope you and her dad can balance it out for her.

Donkey on 12/24/2016:
This sounds so stressful for you. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you --- for everyone involved. I hope that some peaceful resolution can come out of this.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas too!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/27/2016:
InnerP, stay strong lady. Btw, you may "only know how to type," but by reading your entries and also what you wrote about the tattoos and piercings and how you responded to the girl, you are a very, very smart lady. If you had been given more opportunity, I could see you as a teacher for sure...or any other profession that is not only typing. YOu have so many talents in the arts & crafts and how you think and balancing your family well. You are a nurturer.

YOu must also take care of yourself too :-) Which I know you are working on. With walking and eating and taking the time to care for you.

Little girl loves you and that's why she shares with you. She's so lucky to have you!

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