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innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 27, 2021

Weight: 292.1

Was going to get pizza, but we decided the diner instead.

L: granola bar, 2 string cheese (waiting for girl at the orthodontist-can't go in so sitting in my car)

D: chicken, ranch wrap with some French Fries

DH got home and I ate a bite of his cheeseburger

Blood sugar this a.m. 128

B: yogurt, granola, 1/2 English muffin


D: think I will make a deconstructed cabbage roll soup/goulash thing - but have about 8 avocados to use so may make some guacamole - or freeze it

Working from home today.

Going to the office in the morning for some report that needs to be done by EOM.

Have a great...Wednesday! IP


Progress as of today: 45.8 lbs lost so far, only 82.1 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/27/2021:
No idea what a deconstructed cabbage is, but dish sounds fabulous

horn_of_plenty on 01/27/2021:
yes!!!!!that sounds so good...the cabbage roll soup!

next, what is EOM...i know EOD...which is end of day...but EOM?

innerpeace on 01/28/2021:
End of month!

horn_of_plenty on 01/27/2021:
ohh...M = morning!

bearcountrygg on 01/27/2021:
Or...end of month.

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
End of Month, I'm sure. That's when all stats and stuff are due.

Are you able to see a correlation between what you've eaten and then your blood sugar levels? Or... is this just something your body is going to need help with? Does exercise influence your blood sugar numbers, too?

KathyBlue on 01/28/2021:
8 avocados, wow! That's a lot. Actually there was a recipe of "chocolate mousse" I tried once, made of lean cocoa powder and ripe avocado and stevia or coconut sugar, I actually liked that. They are to be blended together with a fork or a hand blender and the result serves as a nice healthy comfort food from time to time. I didn't know avocados could be frozen.. So will they become fully frozen or are they like bananas, they freeze to an extent but can be smashed easily?

Maria7 on 01/28/2021:
Cabbage is always good!

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 26, 2021

Weight: 293.1

Sunday night the girl texted me and told me her mother said some very hateful things to her - like - "i wish you would have died on the table with me when you were born" and "i should just wreck this car and kill us all" and "both you and your brother are the worst kids ever" - I mean who says things like that to their kid? The straw was on Monday morning the step-dad said 'they would all be better of dead" this is when the girl texted DH and then he tried to do something. He was worried about her safety. He spent most of the day with the lawyer and at the court house. He also called children services and was told they don't take those types of threats seriously because "everyone says stuff when they are angry".

DH had a zoom call with the magistrate this morning and was able to get the girl over here termporarily until the 8th - for the next court date.

It's been a really hard last two days. I'm still freaking out the POS will show up to take the girl at 8:00 when DH is at work...this will not bode well for my nerves.

Monday - blood sugar 123

B: yogurt and granola, vanilla iced cappachino

L: bread - left over pasta from Sunday night

D: left over beef and brocolli from the Friday night Chinese Food

Tuesday - blood sugar 115

B: yogurt and granola, vanilla iced cappachino - 1 piece of toast

L: string cheese, granola bar - waiting for the girl at the orthodontist

D: TBD - thinking of wrap from diner

Busy at work most of yesterday and some of today.

I just have no words and am still very emotional over the events. My son called and talked to me and calmed me down a bit. Miss that guy!

Have a Tuesday! IP

Progress as of today: 44.8 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/26/2021:
OMG who the hell says all that to their child??

coffee&calories on 01/26/2021:
I don’t know the context here but YIKES. This is awful. Are you a foster parent?

innerpeace on 01/26/2021:

bearcountrygg on 01/26/2021:
Sounds like things are completely out of control......and the social worker is nuts right along with the evil mother and her idiot husband. These people are on the edge of insanity......Sounds to me that you will get custody....especially now.....but Mom will still want that child support check......UGH ((HUGS))

Horn_of_plenty on 01/26/2021:
yes, all those things said to a teenager or any person are completely NOT ok. I think that you will eventually gain custody. I wish the courts weren't so inept and seeing what's going on!

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
Oh what a mess... I'm so sorry. The ongoing stress must be causing you quite a bit of constant anxiety, which is not a pleasant way to live.

The reaction from the social worker is gonna get some kid killed. Not your Girl, but seriously. Had that happen around here, and 2 DCFS workers were arrested and charged. Inexcusable.

innerpeace - Sunday Jan 24, 2021

Weight: 293.1

My heart is crushed.

The girl had to go back with her mom, with the step-dad who still has the active TPO. I just don't understand why this is OK. It's like the bad guys always win!

Elections, cheating sports quarterbacks, useless mothers...all seem to come out on top, just blows my mind.

So this active PTO for the mother against her husband does not also cover minor children...this is especially disturbing because the girl is scared of him, but the finest of my city, made her go back because her mother is the custodial parent, regardless or not if she is a good parent...just that the court deemed her the custodial parent...anyway so upset about this situation it effected my stomach and I have been on the toilet all afternoon.

DH is sad, mad.

Despite that my weekend was ok. Walked the doggos twice a day on both Saturday  & Sunday.

Friday night we did have Chinese Food - General Tso Chicken, peanut chicken, beef & brocolli and mongolian beef - whole smorgasboard of food...still have some now.


Blood sugar - 118

B: yogurt, granola, vanilla iced latte

L: left over Chinese food

D: hamburger, lettuce, tomato (Tony Bologna was over)

We took him home about 8:00 and stopped on the way home and I had a stuffed chocolate chip cookie and a scoop of ice cream from DQ covered with peanut butter...so didn't need this and was over my calories by a lot...almost 700.


Blood sugar 123

B: scramled eggs, bacon, biscuit

L: brioche bun

D: Itailian chicken pasta recipe DH got from Facebook - very good with Ceasar Salad.

Still just really, really sad...a dispair I was not prepared for. I even texted my son and let him know if ever there was a time in his life he didn't feel loved that I was so very sorry. I only wanted him to be happy and his happiness was how I based all my decisions when it came to where he lived and with who..his dad or me...unlike what I witnessed today.

Have a Sunday Night! IP

Progress as of today: 44.8 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
I'm so sorry :-( What a sad situation. The problem is the custodial agreement needs to get changed. I'm no fan of the police, but they are just enforcing what the court order says.

I can totally understand how this would affect you physically. Ugh...

Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2021:
with the girl, maybe this is not the end. for now it sounds very unfortunate as you and donkey say and i agree....

i agree with all, of course, it's very logical who she should really be with concerning her welfare.

just keep doing what's right for her awhen she is ith you...and perhaps it will improve in the future.

don't let your anger get the best of you...you have to take care of your health too and so does DH. do not let her mother's negativity affect you and DH's health. just a suggestion...easier said than done.

as with what i said to donkey today on her entry, and i spoke of myself too, do not think of yourself in negative ways feeling you need to apoligize for anything in the past...with when you called your son. you can apologize 1x...but after that, i am pushing with myself to feel positive, feel more secure in my decisions, know i am capable, i am good...and not question it or think i am not as good as others...so keep your head up...and keep being you because you are GREAT.

grannyannie on 01/25/2021:
So sorry! What a nightmare!

Jacky82020 on 01/25/2021:
So Terrible, you poor kid. Hope you can get custody and end this nightmare. I always thought they allowed teens to choose custodial parent, under most circumstances.

Maria7 on 01/26/2021:
So sorry for the sadness you are going through. Prayers.

bearcountrygg on 01/26/2021:
It seems like nothing makes sense anymore.....((HUGS))

legcramps on 01/26/2021:

innerpeace - Friday Jan 22, 2021

Weight: 293.1

Girl over tonight, she wanted Chinese food or Asian cusine if that hurts your feelings!

Busy with a project, that seems never ending, for work - taking all of my time.

D: dinner last night was Amish brocolli and cauliflower salad and a slice of thin crust spinach, artichoke pizza.

blood sugar this a.m. 130 (I might has well just do what I like as this makes no sense to me) I blame the small amount of rice I ate with the corn bread...oh an little piece of pizza.

B: yogurt, granola and I was still hungry so ate wheat toast

L: Amish salad and 1/2 calzone that was really cheesy bread

D: I guess Asian quisine...

no big plans this weekend - WWIII may be Sunday night, but we will see!

Have a great evening! IP


Progress as of today: 44.8 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/22/2021:
Chinese food is perfectly fine. Lots of different kinds of Asian foods including Thai.

Jacky82020 on 01/22/2021:
Love Chinese food! Have you tried the frozen Innovasian? Deep fried pieces of pork or chicken that you bake and then top with the enclosed sauce. Really really good! Love the General Tso

grannyannie on 01/22/2021:
General Tso is my favourite Chinese food.

Jacky82020 on 01/22/2021:
Mine too! The husband finds it a tad on the hot side, but I like spicy food.

Donkey on 01/22/2021:
That's adult discouraging about your blood sugar number.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2021:
lol Asian isn't specific...Chinese is! i also like thai and japanese and vietnamese...and all of that! ha!

yummm artichoke pizza!

you sound good....i'm rooting for you!

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
Praying for a peaceful Sunday...

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 21, 2021

Weight: 293.1

Got the girl - she was ok.

The girl said she needed masks for school. I swear we have had countless masks here and now can't find them. DH takes them to work and never brings them home. So I bought more - too many more - hopefully these will last and DH has his own - so we will see whose comes up missing.

Got home and threw some dinner together, just made up stuff that turned out pretty good.diced grilled chicken with refried beans and Zatteran's Mexican Rice with cheese and topped with Jiffy corn bread mix...turned out pretty good. I was going to add corn, but thought of the carbs that added...so didn't...and green beans.

After dinner I snuck out of the house and went on a 2 mile walk through the neighborhood. It was cold and crisp and I had to watch where I stepped as the melted snow was freezing to ice. It was a nice walk.

am blood sugar was 128

B: biscut, scrambled egg, ham and cheese

L: left over chicken casserole thing

D: I have no clue - I thought DH was taking something out of the freezer, but he hasn't yet so...

The girl stayed over and got up for school. She was excited to go. We will see her again tomorrow afternoon and then I guess prepare for the showdown on Sunday evening when/if her POS mother comes to get her some how.

Nothing can dim the light that shines within..Maya Angelou

Have a great day! IP

Progress as of today: 44.8 lbs lost so far, only 83.1 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/21/2021:
Hope things work out permanently for the girl.

Nice to get out for a nice walk by yourself, even if it's chilly.

Jacky82020 on 01/21/2021:
Wow, a two mile walk outdoors. Terrific!

legcramps on 01/21/2021:
I'm sorry that you're experiencing so much stress in your life. I hope things will smooth out eventually. Hang in there, keep in mind that you are part of the stabilizing force in that girl's life, and she needs you.

Donkey on 01/21/2021:
Associate Attorney takes nighttime walks too, although his are like really late. In the summer, I enjoy evening walks. Helps put the day behind you and reconnect. Good for you!!!!

Maria7 on 01/21/2021:
Mexican rice topped with jiffy mix cornbread sounds very delicious!

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 20, 2021

Weight: 294.1

Another stupid day! Why do courts even exist? They are so full of BS and irrelevant mumble jumble. It is ludicrous. Note to self: Stop watching crap on TV that have no real time lines on how stuff really happens. Nothing is IMMEDIATE! NOTHING!

DH went to court and just brought home paper with a motion AND another stupid date with the advice don't let her leave when her mom comes and picks her up.With the active PTO it is your right as the father to not allow the girl to go with her mother if her husband is living at/or near around the house where the girl is going. What the F&CK EVER!

Before Halloween there was a neighborhood not far from where we live where the dad killed the mother, three kids, the dog and himself. DH told them, he didn't want a situation like that to happen and there was NO amount of money that could replace his daughter, so I am leaving to get the girl in about an hour. We will see how this plays out. She did tell me that her POS mom can't pick her up because...they don't have a car...hahhahah. They do have a box van they supposedly run the business out of so they do have transportation...and they have picked her up in that before...so she's full of crap too.

Just more drama and crap I don't need in my life right now.

In our deleted pictures folder in the cloud DH found a picture of Tony Bologna and an amazon purchase for condoms. DH asked the girl and she said that was for when they were ready to have sex...RIGHT!! I do not trust this girl as far as I can throw her. She is a snake in the grass just like her lying scheming mother. Guilt by association until she proves otherwise. I AM NOT raising a baby.

I'm just so disgusted with my life right now! OMG.

I had hot chocolate again last night, because I was cold. I added marshmallows and it was delicious. However, I will curtail that right now. Blood sugar this morning was 138. IT was expected. I will get back on my low sugar low carb train today for the blood work in three weeks.

B: biscuit, ham, scrambled eggs, smoked cheddar

L: grilled chicken, tomato, cucumber salad

S: balanced breaks

D: chicken tamale casserole

walked the doggos in the chilling cold, It will be hard to go again later after I get home with the girl.

I miss my mom!

Anyway I just pray for a better tomorrow!

Psalm 118:24 (ESV)

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Progress as of today: 43.8 lbs lost so far, only 84.1 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/20/2021:
What a Cluster F**k! You poor kid! Geez, that’s bold ordering condoms online. What don’t they go to Walmart like everyone else?

Donkey on 01/20/2021:
Oh yeah, all those court shows on TV are terribly misleading. All court stuff moves very, very slowly. And those revelations at trial are BS. Everyone knows what is presented at trial before trial.

I've tried to take an open, non-judgmental approach with sex with my kids. My son didn't date much, so he was easy to deal with, but my daughter has had 2 boyfriends. When I realized that she wasn't being completely honest with me, then I decided that I wasn't ready to become a grandma and made the doctor's appointment for her. Just recently, we had a discussion about IUD's. I'd rather be upfront about it than her hiding things and not being honest.

AND I want to be a much better mom to her than my mom was to me.

Jacky82020 on 01/20/2021:
Don’t watch court dramas, but have been heavily into medical dramas for a while. Watch from 9-11PM everyday. Some are utterly unrealistic, some not. All entertaining. Watch a lot of the true crime shows like Dateline.

bearcountrygg on 01/20/2021:
((HUGS)).....That is a lot of pressure......Try to take some time for you......It's easy for others to tell you what to do......and you are correct...there is some very high emotions and you need to stay safe. I will be praying for your family.

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 19, 2021

Weight: 294.3

Been trying to get things sorted out.

In short, last Monday I received a call from the girl asking me to come and pick her up. She was crying and very upset. Her step-father grabbed the phone and said her mother was having a pschiatric episode and needed to be hospitalized and could I come and get the girl. I told him I was on my way. As I was driving POS called and asked if I was getting the girl. I told her I was on my way, she relayed that she was leaving and she was tired of her husband's lying. She never said she was in the hospital. I was almost at the house when POS called and asked how far away I was, I told her I was at the light and would be there within 5 minutes. She said she was outside waiting and didn't want to go back into the house.

I picked up the girl, she wa crying and shaking and visibly scared. I asked her if she needed medical attention, was she hurt? She assured me that she was just scared and wanted to get away from her step-dad. Then POS yelled out her vehicle that she would call the girl later and get Omar. (Omar is a cat).

I assured the girl she was safe and she sat and cried and was visibly shaking the entire way home. Once we got home, she showered and relaxed enough to tell me what was going on. The step-dad and POS got into another argument and POS tried to leave when he shoved her. They were arguing something about where they live and how they had to be out of the house that very day. Anyway, that's when he had the girl call and ask me to come and get her. Then he harrassed her and told her she wasn't going anywhere and if she left he would kill her animals. (they have 5 or 6 dogs, 3 cats, hamsters, rabbits and birds). This was very traumatizing to the girl.

Sometime in the night POS called the cops on her husband and he was taken to jail and a TPO was issued. He was sentenced to a 72 hour pschy hold.

The girl stayed until Tuesday when her mom picked her up and they went to the grandma's house. The girl said POS's vehicle got reposessed on Wednesday morning and later that evening the step-dad was release and he showed up at the grandma's house. She said her mom ran out of the house like a celebrity pulled up. She said she hopped in the van and left with the same man who she just had a PTO issued on.

The girl said her mother stayed away for the next three days - she never texted the girl or talked to her. I did pick up the girl on Thursday, but she didn't stay, the YA and his GF came and picked her up and took her back to her grandma's house (where they live).

So on Saturday night, the girl called DH and said her mother was making her go back to the house with the step-dad and she was scared. She didn't want to go. DH called the police and they couldn't do anything (which I call BS - because this man has an active PTO on him and he is still there in the house he cannot be in). They told DH to call the family courts on Tuesday because everything was closed because of the MLKJr. holiday.

DH called texted our lawyer (who is handling the custody thing) on Sunday night and told him what is going on. So apparently DH has to go to court tomorrow morning for a emergency custody hearing, not sure the exact wording. But the whole situation has me livid.

I cannot believe this mother would tramatize and jeopardize her daughter's safety for this crappy MAN! She is the stupidest woman I have ever know.

I have still been walking and eating the same...could be better.

Blood sugar has flucuated between 123-119 - this morning it was 134 because I had hot chocolate last night about 8:30 because I was cold.

I have appointments for new blood work early February and a Mammogram scheduled for March.

Another person at work tested positive for COVID-19 so I am staying far away from there.

Been busy at home for work.

Worried about Thursday and a bit scared...maybe they should just postpone the dog and pony show and do away with the entire ceremony for awhile...do the oath and end it. Not sure this is the wisest decision....just my thougths.

I can only hope for the best in all situations.

More later...IP

Progress as of today: 43.6 lbs lost so far, only 84.3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/19/2021:
Thank goodness she has you to protect her.......I can not imagine how many kids don't have the kind of support you give her. This case should be a shoe in for you guys when it comes to custody.....right now..if social services were involved...they would remove her from that home. You are doing the right thing.....you deserve a medal for dealing with those people.......this sounds like several of the situations that our foster kids came from....and they were considered abuse and neglect.

grannyannie on 01/19/2021:
What a nightmare! She is so lucky to have you to care about her.

Jacky82020 on 01/19/2021:
Unbelievable! I thought they let teens decide upon the custodial parent. Certainly should in this case. Sounds like these ppl are certifiable. Lucky the kid has you.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/19/2021:
This situation is in NO WAY a reflection on you. You are wonderful, we all know that here based on your entries and life that you've shared for YEARS!

i'm really sorry girl has to deal with such STUPIDITY and recklessness and such careless behavior of her "parents." (not DH, just the other side that you hate.) I'd hate them too!

it will work out. just, you stay positive and realize that girl is smart and has you and DH and it will work out one day.

this isn't what any girl should experience, but it is going to strengthen her...but if she needs to talk to someone, please make sure she does.

you're always doing your part and that's all you can.

i hope girl will be in your care 100% of the time too.

Donkey on 01/20/2021:
I'm so sorry that all of this has happened. WTH... And it's one thing to have someone in your life that stirs up all this drama for her own life (and that's an understatement), but when it affects the stability of others, namely the Girl, then that's just so messed up.

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 14, 2021

Weight: 294.6

I am not giving up...I am just dealing with other things that tax my mind to the brink.

I am still eating well and walking.

Work is a big hassle the last few days.

Personal life (the girl and her POS) are rediculous emotional taxers right now.

House issues (heater)

Bills, bills and more freaking bills.

Just trying to make things work. I'll be back maybe after the weekend.



Progress as of today: 43.3 lbs lost so far, only 84.6 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/14/2021:
Hi, InnerPeace. I get ya. Take Care. Hugs.

I’m dreading paying & doing the taxes. Hate it!

grannyannie on 01/14/2021:
Family issues can be so very draining! Hope things improve.

Keep walking.

horn_of_plenty on 01/14/2021:
i totally understand your priority needs right now :) xoxo...we are all rooting for you! You are WONDERFUL and AWESOME and i wouldn't say it if i didn't mean it!

Donkey on 01/15/2021:
(((hugs))) Hang in there! Donkey is cheering you on!

legcramps on 01/18/2021:

Jacky82020 on 01/18/2021:
Hugs! Miss you at DD

innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 12, 2021

Weight: 294.6

Came by read the entries. I'm sorry I don't have things to say or suggest or encourage more.

Just going through some things this week.


Progress as of today: 43.3 lbs lost so far, only 84.6 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/12/2021:
Hi, IPeace!

grannyannie on 01/12/2021:
Nice to see you! Hope everything is okay.

bearcountrygg on 01/12/2021:
Hi.....you do what you need to do...hope all is well.

horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2021:
Hoping it all settles down for you. My life is a bit excitable too right now.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2021:
just don't throw the towel in. you've been up to great things, as usual. don't quit

Donkey on 01/13/2021:
(((hugs))) I hope things get better soon. Sometimes, you just have to ride things out.

legcramps on 01/13/2021:
Hope you are doing okay.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/13/2021:
like donkey, i'm sending hugs too. you can do it.

innerpeace - Saturday Jan 09, 2021

Weight: 294.6


I picked up the girl last night, she was in pretty good spirits.

D: beef stew and cheddar bay biscuits (ate too many of these - they were delicious)

FInished A Painted House by John Grisham - still have questions though, I guess I will just hope everything turned out OK and the baby was actually the brother's who I don't know ever returned home or not.

I may start another...or not.

Saturday morning feels!

Up this morning because a loud noise woke me up - it sounded like a dropped dish or pot but DH swears up and down he didn't drop anything. All I did was step on a dog toy and caused the dogs t o bark...yeah...OK whatever.

Walked the doggos - it was a very chilly 28 degrees...BUT the sun was out.

The insurance adjuster and roof people are here - DH's project.

DH also started a project that is just about to p!ss me off! He has taken everything out of the cabinets and pantry and is "sorting it out". My problem with this is...1. he doesn't cook so why does he care 2. He won't finish 3. He is always asking for the girl to come here to do this or do that. When I asked him what he is taking out and putting in a box he says I'm taking this box of Cream of Mushroom downstairs - ok what are the dates of this food - are you even looking...NO. 4. We have way too much canned goods - but by the looks of things, we may need them in the future. And the biggest gripe of all is...why can't he do this Monday-Friday mornings when he does nothing but sit and play on his phone. WHY does he have to do it on Saturday? So, so very irritating!

I am just so disallusioned about everything right now.

I know everyone is on their own journey...but damn! I can't motivate or support if I just don't get it..I just don't understand, so good luck!

B: toast and vanilla iced latte

L: ?


I know Tony Bologna is coming over that is all I know for today. I may go on another walk with my dogs to get away from my family.

Have a good Saturday!



Progress as of today: 43.3 lbs lost so far, only 84.6 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/09/2021:
I've taken walks - even in less than ideal weather - to get away from family irritants. I totally get the irritation you have with DH's latest project. My husband is similar.

Donkey on 01/09/2021:
PS I commented on your Friday entry too, if you are interested.

Jacky82020 on 01/09/2021:
That would annoy me too if the husband did all that!

Never read a Grisham novel, but his one nonfiction book: The Innocent Man, was terrific. Wish he’d do more, but it’s a lot of work to do true crime. Liked all the movies based on his books.

grannyannie on 01/09/2021:
Think I read Grisham years ago.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/09/2021:
keep going...we are all on our crazy journeys. lately mine is wild.


Maria7 on 01/10/2021:
It was 28 degrees here this morning, too.

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