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innerpeace - Wednesday Jun 08, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Well I was in a good mood!

Got home and threw some potatoes in the oven and DH got home and cooked some pork on the grill. Throw in the caulflower and that is dinner.

DH asked me about my day and I told him I was talking to my friend in Oklahoma and telling her the dates we are going to be there. She was like OMG I can't believe you are driving 16 hours to stay two whole days, well what can I say I miss my mom. Anyway DH asked if I wanted him to text POS (his ex) and ask if she would be willing to let us have the girl for an extra weekend. AND then the sh!t hit the fan! OMG she is such a POS, they argued all night long, it was just awful. DH was upset, I don't think we actually got to sleep until well after 1:00 am.

We woke up and and was eating breakfast and that heifer was still texting and threatening and she just won't stop. She even goes on to say that we are show boating! What the h$ll ever.

B: blueberry bagel with cream cheese, iced vanilla latte

S: almond sweet salty protein bar

L: 1/2 turkey and swiss sandwhich, cheetos bag (160 calories) gummy bears snack pack (80 calories) and a beat up and bruised banana I will probably not eat.

D: we will probably go out, because we didn't take anything out to thaw - no idea

I was sitting here at work and decided to write a letter to the POS and just wish I had the nerve to send it, however, it did make me feel better after I wrote it.

Wow, I must admit that you have surprised me to no end and this time I just can't let things go. I try to be nice and go with the way things are but you...you are a peice of work.

First off we bend over backwards when it comes to time with Kayla. For instance in the past year we have asked you several times to do additional things with Kayla: the dinosaur exhibit and scavenger hunt come to mind and both times, you were busy and had plans. Which is ok, since this was your scheduled time, however, when we pick Kayla up for our next visit and ask what your plans were she always replies...nothing, we did nothing! So on the occasions that we did need a few extra hours, on our nights, because we were actually doing something fun, exciting, educational or as you pit it...show boating. We kept her out longer to earn a hiking stick pin, to enjoy the Shrek the musical play in Akron, to experience a once in a life time Taylor Swift concert and to see Matilda at playhouse square and for the glow in the dark Easter Egg hunt, that didn't work oout in our favor due eo the weather. Thanks for this extra time, and I'm more than sure, Kayla appreciated it too.

Now for the times we are so unbending - we let Kayla go to a birthday party at ChuckECheese, a babyshower, another birthday party and sadly we let her spend an afternoon at a funeral home all of these events were on our time, but we let her be with you. And this last instance over Memorial Day Holiday - we only picked her upon on Thursday instead of the Tuesday that was rightly scheduled as ours - but no, you wanted to spend time with her and again, when we picked her up on Thursday, she says you did nothing!

She is with you 80% of the time and what little time she is with us, you still act like we are taking something from YOU! This is not about you, this has nothing to do with YOU!

I had mentioned before that it was my intent to expose Kayla to everything possible in Lorain county that she could experience and do and see to find her passion, to find an interest so she won't be confined to a ten mile radius in the great state of Ohio for the rest of her life. I am so sorry that you can't see this and that we are just showing off. You are so out of touch with reality I really feel sorry for you as a parent.

And this brings me to seriously, I want to thank you for the hours I've spent combing lice out of your daughter's hair, that she says you do nothing for. And thank you for limiting her showers to every other night. And most of all thank you for being a great mother to try and help bridge the gap between Joe and his dad, instead of driving a wedge deeper and deeper into it! Way to go with the letting him drop out of high school and not earn a high school diploma, I'm sure he has a great future ahead of him, you...you win Mom of the Year!

Before you get all pissy, just know that I went through a divorce with a son  of my own and I was never vindictive or selfish and always, always put the needs of my son first! And I will always, always put the needs of Kayla first and foremost regardless of how you describe all the show boating and everything else you say to beat down her dad, who is doing the best he can while also dealing with a shrew like you.

Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, this is how I see it. You are a selfish, vindictive person and I hope you get everything that is coming to you, as I've heard karma is a biotch! Have a nice day!

I told DH if only I had a little bit more of my mom or sister I would have already hit the send button! But I am just so fed up with the drama I don't think I can handle it everyday allday like some other people.

This...this is my life and OMG I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

Enjoy this day that we have the luckiest chance to make the most of!



Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 06/08/2016:
Hugs. Sounds like constant heartbreak. You are probably the best role model Kayla has. Super important.

innerpeace - Tuesday Jun 07, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Having serious issues with myself. I picked up an old journal that I had written and was beating myself up in. I weighed 177, OMG I would give anything to weigh that much again. Anyway reading them, got me sad and disgusted with myself. I have been trying to lose weight my whole life and instead of loosing all I do is gain. It is just so unbelievably defeating! Heck I've been a member here since 2001 and have gained 80 pounds since then.

This is a struggle, the hardest thing I've ever tried to do in my life. So here's to all you who succeed everyday!

I layed in bed until 6:40 before I finally decided to actually get up and take a shower. DH drove himself today, so I was in no hurry to get up and about. I left the house at 7:20 and for the first time in eight months, my boss beat me to work today...we walked in at the same time at about 7:50.

DH walked the dog and was gone forever, or longer than I thought it should take. I was worried he was having knee issues so I took off to find him. I got half way around the block and he was in the neighbor's garage just chit chatting away. I'm like do you just walk into every open garage you see. These are new neighbors who just recently moved up to Ohio from Florida...well OK, hello and welcome. I told him I was worried he was sitting on the curb somewhere and was gald he was OK.

Dinner last night was grilled chicken and salad - the salad is a bagged salad Oriental in type with a sweet ginger soy light dressing with cabbage, carrots, and other stuff I'm not sure what it is - but it was good.

B: two grands biscutis with maple butter, iced vanilla latte

S: almond protein bar

L: 1/2 turkey swiss sandwich, with pickles, cheetos

S: string cheese

I don't know what is for dinner tonight I didn't look -

No real plans for tonight - there is a hike, but doubt we will go for reasons!

Have a great night.

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 06/07/2016:
Hugs. I know how you feel. When I weighed 225, I was dieting to get back to 190 and ballooned up to 308... Trying to control it the whole way... It was awful. The only thing that has helped is staying out of restaurants as much as possible. I started last march when I was laid off and couldn't go out to eat. I'm 60lbs down now.

MyGiftedLife on 06/07/2016:
Omg, IP, I feel for you and I so understand. I'm having struggles too.. It's so puzzling to me that I'm successful is so many other areas of my life, but just can't successfully lose weight and/or stop the binge eating sessions.. I know sleep helps me.. I'm going to try to get more sleep tonight.. Sounds like you ate well today though.. Hang in there because you're totally not alone.. You've got lots of friends you're struggling with.. Let's all give ourselves a big virtual hug!!! Have a good night!!

innerpeace - Monday Jun 06, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Friday, get DH and head home. Neither one of us wanted to cook so we go to the local diner. I had an open face meatloaf sanwich with mashed potatoes. Once we get home, I start falling asleep in the recliner and just go to bed, it was about 8:00. BIG mistake. I was up again about 10:00 with my dog and we stayed up until 2:00. DH slept the entire time and was up at 6:00 to go to work. I didn't get up until 8:20 - but it was good sleep.

B: lucky charms

DH gets home about 3:00, I asked if he wanted to do anything and he said, I'm doing it...which was relaxing in his recliner.

L - D - Chinese take out - beef and brocolli, fried wonton

Sunday not too much of anything. Normal Sunday, cleaning and laundry. DH did go shopping alone and he saved money.

B: - awful breakfast - DH brought home donuts - I may just have to cut him loose! He is such an enabler.

L: left over beef & brocolli

S: cheese cubes

D: steak, salad, mushrooms

Another MONDAY! I woke up feeling blah, I layed in bed for over almost 30 minutes before deciding to get up. I feel just awful - not that I have to go to work and it's Monday, it just seems that I struggle doing anything and getting motivated.

Today I feel uncomfortable in my clothes - everything is too tight and I changed clothes two times before finally settling on something - wearing a embroidered cotten tee and a pair of OD green capri pants, probably too casual for the office - but if you can't wear your clothes.!!!! OMG Back hurts, hip hurts, feet hurt - yes this is due to my weight!

I WILL though!

B: blue berry bagle, iced vanilla latte

S: sweet & salty protein bar

L: turkey swiss sandwich with pickle, banana, bag of cheetos

S: string cheese

D: some kind of chicken TBD

Have a great evening IP


Lots going on this week - I had to reschedule my women's health it was Thursday but my boss is not going to be at work and I have to sit on a teleconference for need to know information. My new date is July 6. I also have a date to pick up the at home sleep test with is June 14th.


Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/06/2016:
I think a lot of people struggle in the morning. Don't feel like you are the only one. Best is I guess to have something in the day to look forward to doing later after work. For me today, even though i am pooped, i'm happy to say I can & will go to the gym. I hope to sleep better tonight....that should help too :) Getting good sleep is so important and people do not realize it!

at my office, we can wear whatever we like. I wear jeans practically everyday. it's like High School all over again - absolutely no change in dress for me. Good thing about it - cheap & no need to buy expensive work clothing. I do sometimes wear a fancier top though & cardigan. Just on the bottoms - it's usually jeans, black jeans or leggings.

your banana / pickle combo is quite neat.!

happy-1 on 06/07/2016:
Struggling doing anything + feeling awful + falling asleep in the chair after meatloaf and mashed potatoes sounds like high blood sugar.

innerpeace - Friday Jun 03, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Picked up DH and picked up the girl! We get home and the girl heads up to take a shower, this is weird to me. I made a salad with cucumber, tomato and alvocado. I tossed walnuts in it and mixed with honey lime dressing. DH grilled the chicken and we ate.

While eating dinner i asked if they wanted to go to the park with the fitness trail, they said they did, but the girl pipes up and says, maybe you should have said that before I took a shower. I replied well you jumped in so fast I didn't have time to think about it, little heifer!

So DH says, we can go because school is out and the ex isn't picking the girl up until 8:30. I say, WOW, wish I would have known. OMG this again. How can this man, just make decisions without telling me or asking me. What if I had plans for something? He is so selfish sometimes. I just feel like I do NOT matter and it pisses me off! I told him too, as I left him in the recliner asleep! Whatever, if I don't matter, you don't matter!

A$$hat! He comes up stairs. Why didn't you wake me up? Oh, why should I? You don't matter to me, so you stay downstairs in the recliner, because apparently I don't matter to you or else you would at least let me know..hey, school is out do you mind if the girl stays longer than 8:00? What a freakin' concept. I live there too, dangit! I should have a say so! I know this is petty to everyone else, but I just feel so disrespected!

There are no definite plans for the weekend. I could do lots, but whether or not I get around to it is a different story.

I did go to the sleep study group and listened to the NP talk about different sleep issues, I don't think that I am that bad, but will wait for a call back for the appointment. Hopefully I can do the at home test. I know I would sleep better if I didn't have a pet!

B: toats with maple butter, iced vanilla latte

S: bacon, egg, croissant

L: turkey pastrami, swiss, cheetos

S: almond sweet salty protien bar

D: I d k

Cavs fell in game 1! do better work harder for SUnday!


have a great weekend.

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
Your salad that you guys made sounds very good! I bet it would also taste good with balsamic vinegar and some oil (probably healthier than the honey one you did...)or a balsamic vinagrette. However, i give you major credit due! I like your ability to be creative and cook up nice things in the kitchen! And your salad really does sound tasty and nice.

I also love turkey pastrami! yum! and besides some sodium (which i never mind & i also buy meats like this...), it's low calorie! :) nice.

toast with maple butter is also good. toast is low calorie compared to...like the croissant. toast is not too bad! and butter makes it more satisfying, yes. hmmm, it just may not keep you full? i always mix my caffeine with carbs, too, like you did with the coffee / toast combo. It fuels me - but if i have it at work in the morning, i'm hungry soon after - unless you had it late in morning, like 2 hrs before lunch? that's what i would do...little carb and fat boost late in morning, then lunch...lol...i had fun commenting today.

innerpeace - Thursday Jun 02, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Picked up DH and got home. We did the yard work, I hate yard work. DH rode the rider and I pushed mowed with the broken down non-self propelled mower. My arms are so tired this morning, good thing it was only around the edges, trees and corners.

We walked Steve, he wanted to chase the rabbits so bad. I can't believe how many free roaming rabbits are around my neighborhood.

Not a healthy choice for dinner: McDonalds - DH was getting gas in his truck and decided he didn't want to grill the chicken so he brought McDonald's home. He bought lottery tickets...so I may be able to quit my job early next week if everything goes our way!

B: toast with maple butter we bought from the cheese barn, iced vanilla latte

S: sweet and salty protein bar

L: turkey pastrami with swiss on asiago bread, lays chips

S: balanced breaks

D: chicken...if DH cooks it.

DH was saying he may or may not work late tonight, I don't know the word yet.

Come on CAVS!

Have the sleep study group meeting tomorrow, not sure what this is about, but will go anyway. Next week is the yucky well woman check, must shave legs before this!

Have a great night. We have the girl....

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

innerpeace - Wednesday Jun 01, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Hello June!

DH grilled the steak out and I mashed some cauliflower, it was a quiet night in. DH walked Steve and was gone forever. I left to go look for them, but they were coming around the bend.

B: 2 pieces of toast, iced vanilla latte

S: sweet & Salty almond bar

L: turkey patrami on asiago cheese bread, lays chips


finishing yard work tonight, walking the dog

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/02/2016:
Do you mash the cauliflower in a blender? what do you add to it when making the mash? what seasonings? i need to start making things that are tasty like that...i am SO stupid not to prepare anything myself when i have all the knowldedge...especially cauliflower "fried rice" - but only cauliflower & other veggies. i will cook this by maybe...fall. LOL.

innerpeace on 06/02/2016:
I boiled the cauliflower until it was soft. I drained it, added salt and pepper and smashed it up using the masher utensil. I then added a little bit of butter and parmesean cheese and minced garlic. It was delicious.

innerpeace - Tuesday May 31, 2016

Weight: 311.9

What a great few days off. Friday I left work and was happy, not because of the three day weekend, but because it was the first time in a very long time that nothing on my body hurt. I left early and just went home, DH was getting the girl. I tried to take a nap, but between the dog barking and DH texting it was little if nothing at all. DH got the girl and of course she is hacking and coughing, said it just started after lunch that day!

D: Moe's SW grill - an imitation of Chipolte or vice versa - Had a burrito bowl and DDP. Afterwards we just go home and everyone does whatever it is they do.

Saturday I couldn't get up and we didn't go on the hike, we did leave around 10 and go to the cheese barn, stopped at a few garage sales on the way and also checked out a camping and lake spot. After the cheese barn we decided to go to an outlet mall, which I haven't been to one in years. I was estatic that I was doing all this walking and I wasn't hurting anywhere. DH was limping and his knee was not the best, and well the girl was moping and stuffy. She couldn't breathe and kept coughing. We did find a buy one get 50% off sale and got the girl two pair of shoes for school. We ended up at wal-mart and bought some clothes for her for this summer.

B: bagel with cream cheese

L: no lunch really but lots of samples of cheese, jerky, salsa, jams, dips, etc. at the cheese barn.

D: open faced Dirty Robert sandwich at the 50's diner down the street - beef patty, with onions, mushrooms and cheese and french fries, which I gave to DH.

Thunder lost! Very sad they tied up the series 3-3.


Rearranged the living room, planted some flowers, all kinds of laundry, cleaning and TV - got into marathon of Leverage and we walked the dog

B: bagel with cream cheese, iced vanilla latte

L: asiago bagel

D: chicken ranch wrap, french fries


B: blue berry bagel with cream cheese, iced vanilla latte

Finished laundry and did a lot of nothing...enjoyed the day.

DH received a text from the ex staying that since we had the girl all weekend and Monday could he just pick her up once this week? What? it's his weekend and his holiday, why? Because....her reply...was to spend time with her? What the hell? She has her 90% of the time. She said they had plans.  Yeah right whatever...school is out and she will be home everyday, all day, doing a big fat nothing! We talked to the girl and said we would just pick her up on Thursday and when we do, we want to hear all about all the things they did especially on the evening when she should have been with her dad. This crap is so exhausting!

L: corn

D: chicken fried steak (a small piece) hamburger patty size, mashed potatoes, gravy and steamed broccoli

After the girl left I started to walk the dog and he shot out of the house like a bullet, chasing after a cat. He then ran over to the neighbors' house having a party in their driveway and started trouble with their dog. The owner of the dog picked up their dog and Steve kept barking like a lunatic, until I finally made it over there and leashed him up. On the way around the block he ran into three rabbits, another dog he about choked itself trying to get away from it's owner and then a rogue dog with a blue bandana on was wondering around and wouldn't leave us alone, so I had to carry Steve back to the house....and then the THUNDER choke and lose the series...dang it. Oh well...NOW... GO CAVS!

And tomorrow June 1st will still be here...bring it!

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

innerpeace - Friday May 27, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Got home and DH grilled the chicken. I made a tomato, cuccumber, alvocado salad with honey lime dressing - delish!

DH is finally off on Saturday...first time in almost a year! I told him about that before he accepted the job, but you know men.

We have a hike scheduled for 7:00 tomorrow and then we are taking a trip to Ashland to the cheese barn. It is just something we do - making a day of it. That is all that is really scheduled for the weekend, besides yard work.

I get to leave a few hours early today...cool!

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

S: protein bar

L: bag of cheetos, balanced break, banana

THUNDER UP! should finish tomorrow - hopefully. ;)


Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/29/2016:
I love hearing about all these veggie dishes that you tear up! :) i mean cook up, i'd be tearing them up because they do sound amazing, especially the dressing to this particular salad you talk about!

We got out early from work too - how nice right!? a few extra hours helped me out so much...i got to get ready to go out & have the best time i had in a long time :)

protein bars are a snack of my choice too. mornings :) if you ever want to discuss protein bars or get my faves or new finds that i like, i order some that are really cool from amazon and all over. they are quite pricey though. i have tried practically every bar & brand out there!

sorry to hear about the thunder. we may get that tomorrow, Monday.

innerpeace - Thursday May 26, 2016

Weight: 311.9

We picked up that girl and she had a book bag crammed with stuff and two plastic bags of crap. DH asked her what she had and she said it was her school stuff, that they had to take everything home. Well, why are you bringing it to our house? She said because Marty (the step dad) won't let her have it. WTH is wrong with this person - yes the same one who says the library is stupid! A$$ hat! I told her to tell her mother that we are not a storage facility. I have all kinds of crap at my house, it is frustrating.

After dinner I wrote in the journal and then was surfing around looking on Darebee and found an exercise plan I actually think I could do and was showing DH and he pops off...I think ice cream would be good right this minute. So he had no interest in my work out program. We went to DQ, I had Steve so we were outside under the umbrella and I asked him, didn't he want to get back to his weight from Fort Lewis. He replied yeah, but I also like ice cream and good food. which is the same with me, but I am getting sick of being uncomfortable.

we take the girl home and get back and watch the Cavs destroy the raptors. This team did not even show up! I would prefer the games have a little competition in them. Anyway....THUNDER UP!

B: fruity pebbles, iced vanilla latte

S: protein bar

L: 1/2 turkey pastrami sandwhich, banana, freeze dried snap peas

S: balanced breaks

D: something with chicken but that is TBD

Enjoy your evening1

Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/26/2016:
I guess you are more driven to lose weight than your husband. truth is, a person must want it for themselves or it will not happen...

happy-1 on 05/26/2016:
Is the little girl your step-daughter?

innerpeace on 05/27/2016:
yes step-daughter. She is 11.

innerpeace - Wednesday May 25, 2016

Weight: 311.9

Last night, picked up DH and went to eat. I was trying to find a Schlotsky's Deli (we have those in OK) but when I finally found it, it was a Chipolte. We opted for Perkins instead. I had two eggs, bacon and two pieces of French toast. It was delicious. On the way to the Y for the meeting, I get a call from the doctor and she says, the dematology clinic says to keep doing what you are doing. Well, Yeah, I think that is what I told you. And then she wants to recheck my pitiuitary gland. I hate those MRIs. Anyway. meeting was supposed to start at 6:30...but did int? NO.

I have yet to attend anything in this state where it actually gets started on time. This is very frustrating to me. I guess it is from being in the military, but I am always on time and early! And all these other people who are not, it all seem so disrespectful to me. And then when the facilitor/emcee condones it by saying, let's wait another tive minutes or so. WTH? Let's get it started and over with, I have other things to do. I left with an attitude. The camp sounds really fun and inviting and will keep the girl happy and busy, however, the facility leaves much to be desired. The Y closest to my house was big, new, pristine condition and that camp filled out in 2 days....yes I can see why. The camp by my work, well, NO! Just NO! I apologized to the girl al ready because it is a far cry from the past two years she has been attending Cleveland State camp....maybe next year.

Work was crap today! Obnoxious, belligerant people there, with one who doesn't bathe makes for an I -would -rather-be anywhere-but-here-kinda-day!

B; fruity pebbles , iced vanilla latte

S: protein bar

L; 1/2 turkey pastrami sandwhich, banan, lays chips

S: balanced breaks

D: grilled pork chop and brussel sprouts.which were quite tasty.

Thunder won! Next up...the heart of the CAVS!

Have a great night!


my keyboard at home sticks...extra misisng, letters this is why!


Progress as of today: 9.7 lbs lost so far, only 101.9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/25/2016:
yeah, i got some weird coworkers too ;)....

so glad that meeting is over for you. i also do not like to get held up. and yes, you are busy. some people have no respect for anything, yes.

do you cook your brussel sprouts so that they are soft? i hate undercooked ones, they are so bitter. there's a place i go when i want them already cooked, but this one place i'm thinking of in paritular always undercooks them...i may tell them next time that they'd be so tasty if they were SOFT, not HARD.

OhioRaven on 05/26/2016:
You might have a fruity Pebble in your keyboard.

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