forums directory search about DD
or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Horn_Of_Plenty 3 hrs
legcramps 13 hrs
InnerPeace 15 hrs
Donkey 16 hrs
jazzstorie 1 days
BearCountryGG 4 days
tgshare 12 days
Duaa123. 14 days
Southernboy 16 days
happy-1 16 days
MaKI 19 days
Maria7 22 days
questforthebest 11/14
OArecovery 11/12
grannyannie 11/05
graindart 11/01
trishpiglet3 7/28
BookLover 4/27
greengirl 4/12
thinkpositive 4/09
CICO 4/05
Jayhawkjen 3/30
Cybermom4 2/10
OhioRaven 1/15
pinklatte 12/31

Recent Forum Topics
Diet Pills - 8:51A 18-Feb

Mr. Lonely here. - 3:40P 5-Feb

 Hi Webmaster! We have a new spamme - 3:00P 28-Jan

Slim Fast - 5:54P 22-Jan

Small Bit From a Book - 5:52P 22-Jan

Struggling With Nighttime Eating? - 5:52P 22-Jan

view innerpeace bio page
innerpeace - Monday Jan 14, 2002

Weight: 0.0

Weekend turned out to be quite entertaining. I work until noon on Firday and I actually went out for a 2 mile walk. Friday night my son had some friends over and I was trying to entertain Brittney, she is ten and a few times I just wanted to shout "Please be still" she was just all over the place. I rented the "Princess Diaries" for her to watch and my VCR picked this night of all nights to break. She stayed up and watched the cartoon network all night long. I received a phone call at 3am, which turned out to be my very first love. It was exciting and strange. He called just because he had a dream about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I would have left to go and see him but with the kids over and having to get up for drill early, I said no, maybe another time. I'll probably wind up kicking myself in the butt for that.

Saturday was a drill day. For once we kept busy so it turned out to be an OK day. I did manage to watch the "Princess Diaries" it was the tape and not my VCR so Blockbuster gladly replaced it and I watched it with my girlfriend. It was a great movie, I just loved it. It inspired my friend so, she wants to apply to be a contestant on "Survivor". She said she would need my help trying to get back in shape. Great that makes two of us, so maybe we can motivate each other. We both have a reason to lose weight. Sunday was the same, I was kept busy all day, which for a change is great. We did alot of strenous work, putting up and tearing down tents. Sunday night was spent catching up on house cleaning and the laundry I don't get a chance to do.

I ate good, but I didn't get all my water in. I'm working on that. Tonight I'm going to get my hair cut and meet with my friend to see if we can come up with an idea for her video to submit with her application to "Survivor". I'm so excited for her, I hope she gets accepted.

You all have a great evening. Jo Ann

CharlieAngel on 01/14/2002:
Jo Ann: I am glad to see that you are feeling better about yourself. I love that you have changed your screen name to reflect your changing attitude. I think that I figured out that for me I just have to ask myself "is it worth it'? everytime I want to eat something bad. I, too, hate to exercise but have found the Leslie Sansone tapes to be remarkably easy and quick and still feel like I am getting a workout! Plus lifting the weights is totally the key! It really does kick your metabolism into overdrive. I wish that I had the guts to try to make it on to Survivor. If it weren't for the fact that Eddy was sick I would definitely try, but right now I don't feel that I could safely leave him alone for any length of time.....since I am the "enforcer" when it comes to diet and meds. Take care of YOU!! and have a blessed day! Love ya, Charlotte

innerpeace - Friday Jan 11, 2002
(Hilton Head Metabolism Diet)
Weight: 250.0

It's amazing what a chain of events will do to your thinking. Yesterday I couldn't leave work (what a nightmare just thinking about that) because I locked my keys in the car. I had a girl I work with take me to my mom's house (she wasn't home when I called - but the extra key is there)anyway, once we got there, mom was home and she took me back up to get my car. While I was there I found an old tape I had made while I was still on active duty. It was a bunch of short clips of HOOAH activities and exercises we trained in. There was a clip about and Airborne Operation (when I jumped out of airplanes) so I took it home and watched it.

Then... while I was watching it, I remembered how I felt. The pride was overwhelming. I want that again and I think that was finally my motivation to actually get back on track. And then if that wasn't enough I received a phone call from a friend I had while stationed at Fort Bragg and she was my roommate for two years in Hawaii. While talking to her I looked in the mirror and realized she wouldn't even recognize me anymore because of all the weight I've gained. This is a girl I jumped out of airplanes with and ran 4 miles a day with for almost 6 years. That can make you sit down and really look at things in a whole new prospective.

Yes, folks, that is all the motivation I needed. Now, I'm off to see how I'm going to deal with this.

Have a great day and enjoy the weekend I won't have. Jo Ann

PS. violetsareblue, my old name was BIGOLEJO

Butterf;y21373 on 01/11/2002:
You can do it!! If you were disciplined enough to be in the military, than you can do anything you set your mind to!! My father was in the Army for 26 yrs and we lived in fayetteville for a good majority of my childhood...my parents are still there!

violetsareblue on 01/11/2002:
I know you can do it! Anyone can if I can! LOL Just remember, we are always there for you. If you ever need some support just come here and read the stories of everyone like you. It gives you strength and motivation and empowerment. That's enough for anyone to acheive their goals. BTW: I had a feeling you were BigOleJo. I like your new name a whole lot better.

noshie on 01/11/2002:
WOW! The thing I fear..heights! You must have been givin my share. Sounds like a lot of fun though. Take care and enjoy what little of the weekend you will have. :)

Maria7 on 01/11/2002:
WOW! Jumped out of airplanes!

stellastarr on 01/12/2002:
How precious you are to recognize and embrace your "gift" tape from the Universe.... I am thinking that motivation comes in every form but some are just too powerful to ignore. You've got a great one and I am SO with you here. Love, Connie

innerpeace - Thursday Jan 10, 2002

Weight: 250.0

Had a hard night with a sick son. He couldn't sleep because of a cough he can't seem to get rid of. We went in for a throat culture but it came back negative. All the nurse had to say was "we can't do anything for a non-productive cough" and sent us on our way. So my son moped around all day.

I finally went out and bought some over-the-counter remedies. It was so funny, I had just seen a commercial for some cough syrup so that is what I went after, I never knew I had a touch of dyslexia. I went to the pharmasist asking for WD40. You should have seen the look on his face. He thought I was absolutely nuts, I didn't figure out why until he directed me to the automotive department. I looked at him and we both laughed. I wanted the Formula 44D, but I bought NyQuil Cough, DayQuil, Alka Seltzer Cold and Cough, Cough drops and a diet coke. I figured one of them might work, and they did for about 4 hours at a time.

I called the gym that I'm a member of and had them fax me an aerobic schedule, again. I really want to go and check it out but things will change on the 21st. I was admitted to the University of Oklahoma and will have class on Monday and Tuesday nights, so I have to plan around school.

I'll get re-motivated this weekend at drill, I know for sure. I hope you all have a great day.

violetsareblue on 01/10/2002:
Thank you so much for your note. It means a lot to know that there are others going through the same things. I have spent the last few minutes reading all of your entries. You have moved me to tears. So many of the points you made rang true with me. You have phrased them so much better than I ever could have. You are a very special woman and I don't think you hear that nearly enough. Congrats on OU. I am in Arkansas so I follow them pretty regularly. By the way, did you have another diary on here at one point and changed your name? Just wondering.

SoccerMom on 01/10/2002:
Oh my gosh...you're tooooo funny! WD40!! hahahahaha

Sometimes our kids have that chronic "tickly cough" (non-productive) and it's usually allergy related. Just a tiny post-nasal drip caused by allergies can make a kid cough, even if he's not coughing anything up. Changed anything in his environment lately? New laundry detergent, bar soap, pet in the house, anything?

Good luck finding the cause. Hope he feels better soon.

Have a great day...and Congrats on being admitted to the University! What are you going to study there?

RareDiamond on 01/10/2002:
Hope your son feels better. Even with going to school, I am sure you will fit exercise into your busy schedule.

SOU812? on 01/10/2002:
Thanks for your comment. I laugh at my irrationality too. I hope your son feels better and good luck with working out! -Kelly

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 09, 2002

Weight: 250.0

OK so far this morning I returned library books and dropped off the dreaded uniform to prepare for drill this weekend all before 7:00 am. I hate the thought of drill after having five weekends off. Oh how I hate it. I think Charlotte asked me long ago if I hated drill so much because I was overweight. My answer to that is mostly YES and partially NO. Yes because I feel uncomfortable with my weight and I'm not portraying a soldierly image, but I hate when we sit around and do nothing which is 1/2 the time. I could be catching up on laundry or doing something constructive, God forbid it would give me more of a chance to exercise. I really need to change my attitude.

I was driving to work today and passed by a Burger King with an inside playground with all the plastic colored balls. I remember when my son was little, my parents would make a special trip to this one Burger King so he could play in the balls. He would always get so excited that he got to go. He would always say, he was going to 'jump in the balls' with such enthusiasm. Once he got there it was a bear to get him out, he had so much energy and never wanted to leave. Well, I'm going to look forward to, not just exercise, but everyday as 'jumping in the balls'. Aren't kids the greatest?

Yall have a great day!

CharlieAngel on 01/09/2002:
You have the right idea! Everday is brand new with no mistakes in it. I, too, want to be able to look forward to exercising and moving my body. I want to be able to play volleyball at the beach and tennis with my sister and join in on some of the sports that we play here at the office. I know that I could do that now, but am really too self conscious. But, hey, this is our year and I just know that we will end it in a positive way. We will all have lost some weight and gained some perspective. When you are just sitting around doing nothing at drill....could you take a walk maybe? Have a blessed day! Love, Charlotte

kyrin on 01/09/2002:
Get as much as you can out of the weekend experience. Everything that we do while on earth is a state of being. Being loving, being kind, being active, etc. Choose to be the "best you" you can.



innerpeace - Tuesday Jan 08, 2002

Weight: 250.0

I have all these great ideas, but I just don't know how to go about setting them into motion. I read a "CATHY" cartoon long ago with the caption "Strong enough to make plans, but to weak to keep them" I wrote that down, because I knew somewhere in my life it would pertain. Boy, did I find out where, trying to diet and lose weight.

I read in someone's journal entry (I forgot who, sorry) that they were so much more happy at their current weight and still couldn't believe they had weighed so much. Well, I think I have been overweight for so long I can't remember what it felt like. I remember what I did and I even kept some of the things I wore, with hopes I could someday wear again, but I don't think I remember ever appreciating the way I felt. That will be something to look forward to.

I also read some journal entries and think to myself, how can these people who weigh, what I consider to be my idea weight, need to lose weight? Sometimes it disturbs me to think they want to be smaller. Now I realize how everyone has opinions of themselves and need to be at ther goal weight but I can't see how someone who weighs under 130 pounds messed up their diet because they ate an extra chip at lunch. Sorry to be so hateful, those are just my feelings and I'm not finger pointing, so I hope no one gets paranoid and thinks I'm talking about anyone, because I'm not. I'm just having my own little pity party, which i have to take part in, with hopes of improving my motivation. I can think to myself. One day...one day...I'll get there.

Thanks to Connie and Christy for trying to get and keep me motivated. Hugs to you both.

CharlieAngel on 01/08/2002:
What can I say but DITTO! You expressed my thoughts exactly. When I weighed 118 back in the day, I thought that I was fat but that was because Twiggy was the ideal and I had curves....now, I would give so much to be down to just 155....Just keep trying every day and I just know that this time we will be successful....love, Charlotte

Maria7 on 01/08/2002:
I LOVE you entry today...didn't think I've been reading you, did you? You 'say it like it is'...your true feelings and that is what we are all here for...to VENT...cause if we let out our pain, we will be less likely to STUFF our feelings by overeating....so VENT and don't apologize! Love, Maria

pastagal on 01/08/2002:
I can relate,,but i think also that no matter what size or what the numbers read on the scale,it all boils down to how YOU feel about yourself inside,,,i know for me when i got to 125,which is a good size for my height,i still didn't feel good about my size,,i guess being so short i would feel better alittle smaller,anyway,i wish you the best and YOU can do this and with the help of others you will do this;} just remember it takes time,,lots of commitment and ya gotta want it bad,,i know for me yr & half ago something clicked and i was finally able to make it happen,,tho i slipped up over the past couple months and gained some back,but i know why and how i did that,,,and now i am on track again and plan on staying here:}}have a wonderful evening ok:}

innerpeace - Monday Jan 07, 2002

Weight: 250.0

I always tell myself I'm going to write something in my journal. I'm here everyday and usually respond to a few entries but I don't take the time to write an entry for myself.

I had a good weekend eating wise, but I'm still having trouble getting motivated to exercise. I have been drinking all my water too, and you know, I do think I feel better.

Along with Charlotte's question about the single shoe, why do people push the elevator button more than once, do they actually think the elevator car will arrive sooner? That is so funny to me, to watch the people in the bank do that. One day I'm going to ask them.

I have totally cut out my 3 cookies for breakfast. Every morning I would go upstairs and get 3 sugar cookies and enjoy them for breakfast. Now I'm eating a piece of fruit, which I can't believe myself. I even ate an apple, which is very good for me, because I don't think I like them. The verdict is still out.

I also can't believe how my state is freaking out just because a football coach my stay or go. Come on guys it's just football.

You guys have a great evening.

kyrin on 01/08/2002:
Hi Jo!

It's kind of hard to get motivated to exercise in the winter. It means taking off all the layers of nice warm clothes and puttin on something else--like shorts and t-shirt--something that you can get sweaty in. Why would I want to do that? I'm already nice and warm in my sweater and fuzzy socks. LOL Try turning on the radio or the stereo. Leave your sweater and fuzzy socks on. Just start beboppin' to the tunes. Dance those little fuzzy socks and sweater right off. ...Must caution you though. Dance activity can lead to other things--especially if a significant other is around to see the strip-fest when you start warming up. Of course, that's all exercise too. LOL

I'm proud of you for switching your breakfast to something besides just cookies. But where is it written that you can't have an apple AND a cookie (just one)? Got milk?

Have a terrific day, Jo!!!



innerpeace - Thursday Jan 03, 2002

Weight: 253.0

What temptations await me this day? Just a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts sitting on my service counter. Have you ever experienced one of the golden drops of sweet sunshine melting on your tongue? A pure piece of heaven. I will think those thoughts as I sit here munching on my squishy, gritty pear and again thank my full length mirror which can not lie, but only tell the truth and show the flat tires attached to my waistline. I again, didn't do any excerise yesterday, because of the weather. It was only 9 degrees out. Listen to me type excuses, when I could have driven to the gym or went out to the garage. Tonight I will go, I have already planned ahead so no excuses.

I was brushing my teeth this morning and thought, this is a great opportunity to drink some water, so after rinsing I just tossed back a few cups of water, never saw that opportunity before, its amazing how ideas just slap you in the face.

I hope you all have a successful day. Take care, Jo Ann

halley on 01/03/2002:
It looks like you are finding great ways to get on the ball. Once you set an apointment with yourself it is harder to break than when you just think you'll workout sometime.

CharlieAngel on 01/03/2002:
Good Lord! A whole dozen? I just love Krispy Kreme Donuts....fresh and warm....but I have decided that the old saying "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" is my new mantra. In the meantime I try to imagine my favorite foods as less than appetizing....think of that donut as a large round slab of lard....Good idea about the water....WE CAN DO THIS!!!! Take care and have a blessed day...love, Charlotte

yoyo on 01/03/2002:
what a great way to get in extra water!! good thinking..way to go!!!!!

Jelly Belly on 01/03/2002:
OH!!! Why did I read you?! LOL! Krispy Kream....... My Favorite!!! I would eat the whole box and start again tomorrow! I'm some big help, huh?

innerpeace - Wednesday Jan 02, 2002

Weight: 253.0

Happy New Year to you all. I really didn't do much of anything, that is including sticking to my plan, but this is a new year and things can only get better. I was around a bunch of pessimists New Year's Eve and that didn't help matters any.

Why are you going to make a New Year's resolution? They asked. You didn't keep the one you made last year, which just happened to be the same one I'm making now. Well for many reasons, if I lose weight and get comfortable with my looks again, maybe I could spend it with someone who loves me, instead of being here listening to you remind me of my failures.

Yesterday my son asks me what I'm doing, I say nothing, he adds, now would be a great time to go walk. I say, sure if it wasn't 20 degrees outside. He says, walk on the treadmill. I had nothing to say to that, but I just couldn't get motivated enough to do it. I swear sometimes those sofa cushions are just glued to my back side.

Every morning getting dressed, I remind myself why I want to lose weight, thank you full length mirror.

nsbratt on 01/02/2002:
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!It was nice of your son to remind you to walk but I can relate to the low self motivation I really have to push myself to walk even after walking a lot over the past few years but I'm always glad after I get going and proud of myself for moving it even if I only walk for 10 or 15 minutes at a time,Take that first step you'll be glad you did. GOOD LUCK

RareDiamond on 01/02/2002:
Sometimes, it takes children to help motivate us. He wants to see you healthy and happy.

halley on 01/02/2002:
I'm not sure if it would help, but you could choose a time to exercise say 7:00 - then it isn't so vague like "I need to exercise tonight" instead it becomes - "I'm going to exercise at 7:00" not much of a difference - but maybe!

Crittermama on 01/02/2002:
I know how it is to be around negative people. I live with one and he makes it SO difficult on me. Don't be afraid to fail. Simply look at it as a lesson. Learn from mistakes and press on. The important thing is that you don't quit. Good luck and fail til you succeed. God bless.

stellastarr on 01/03/2002:
Hello again. Missed you. You know what? It is so natural to give in to temptation when you have a big project in front of you. I am sure that you knew of that syndrome when you were a school girl, waiting (perhaps :) unti the last minute to do an assignment that was assigned weeks previously? :) Human nature. Embrace it and just keep beginning again because EVERY single effort will add up to something. I just want to give you a hug and beg you to realize how beautiful you are. I had an experience once. I was 250 something. Somebody kind of nice seemed to be pursuing me. He was an athletic type and five years younger than me. He had a great profession that he loved, had never been married, built his own place in the woods and was as FIT as they come. He was always training for bicycle races. Each and every summer he bicycled all the way from Astoria, OR to Missouri! I could not believe that he could care for me, yet all he did is show up with gifts and more and more invitations. I just froze up when I was near him and I THOUGHT that it was because as a recent and young widow, I was not ready to be free of my husband. A couple of years went by and I met that great guy in the grocery store. We spoke and he was so nice still. I went with him for coffee and we talked and he begged me to tell him what the problem was..... why I could not warm to him. He said: "I just fought through every "no" sign that you gave me until my ego was just a mess.... what was it? In that very second, Jo, I knew! It was me! I was so uncomfortable with myself, with my weight... I WANTED love and care. I was very lonely, yet, I simply could not believe that I could be lovely to anyone at that weight. Try to remember that you are lovely. That you are lovely and of a fine character and a hard worker and a proud mother. Try to walk with that awareness, Honey. Try to invite contact with your love of yourself. I have seen your photo and I believe so sincerely that you have simply lost your confidence. :) Go get 'em!!!!! Love.

frogger on 01/03/2002:
It sounds like your son is trying to support you. Never mind the failures, we all have them, focus on the small successes, even if it's just that for today, you didn't once have a negative thought.

Today, maybe you could start with a 20 minute walk. Bundle up, walking in cold weather burns more calories than walking in the summer.

Good luck

Maria7 on 01/03/2002:
Come on, you CAN do it! Love, Maria

innerpeace - Friday Dec 28, 2001

Weight: 253.0

Made it through day 1. Drank all the water, but I didn't get the excerise in. I could have, but I didn't and I don't even have an excuse. Today I leave work early and will have plenty of time to do it. My neighborhood isn't the safest during the dark hours. I usually find time enough to exercise during the weekend too, don't working take alot out of you?

Hope you all have a great weekend.

kyrin on 12/28/2001:
Hey! Congrats on making it through Day 1! LOL Sometimes it's just hard to get into the mood to move those buns! ...but execise will make you feel even better. So move it, cutie!

You can do it! I know you can. (Lying on the floor and working those muscles as you watch TV counts too, you know. {Some days you have to do whtever you can.}



CharlieAngel on 12/28/2001:
Just take baby steps and give yourself a pat on the back for drinking all your water. One day at a time and before you know it you will be making great strides at losing the weight! I totally understand your exercise situation....it is my hardest thing to motivate myself to do it, but just don't give up! Take care and have a great weekend...love, Charlotte

halley on 12/28/2001:
Let us know how the exercise went - OK?

stellastarr on 12/30/2001:
It is late Saturday - Early Sunday morning here on the Olympic Peninsula, 12:50 A.M. (PST). I was thinking about you and missing you. I hope that your weekend is a revitalizing one. Take good care of yourself, Sweetie. That is one of the MAIN components of this whole deal.... One gets down and the jouney seems unbearable long and then when we are "down" our defences join our soul there and we desperately need comfort .... we recall the comfort component of the foods we love and miss. We have a little and then alot and then soon we are back into the depressive mode. I just want something wonderful for you. I think it is so exiciting that you want to date .... that you have that energy for another with all that you do working jobs and caring for your son. It is a sickening thing the way precious and friendly and loving and gorgeous women are passed by for someone with a certain type of "look". It is all such an illusion. Beauty is beauty is beauty is beauty. Hearts matter the most in my mind. Hearts and character and generosity of spirit. It is SO absolutely clear that you shine in all areas. You know, when I started here on March 19 this year, I was so desperate..... I think that I weighed 253 that next day when I actually weighed myself....found this site in the middle of the night, sobbing because Husband had said something so negative about my abiity to have ANY kind of resolve. I think that I reacted so strongly because I felt that he was right. That had been my pattern. Some miracle involving God and friendships here at this site and courage which came seemingly out of "nowhere" :) caused me to feel quite smug about my ability to get my monsters under control. It turns out that I am going to have to enter a higher weight on January 1. I have been celebrating a little TOO much :) and yes, sometimes that exercise just does NOT happen. But, I am going to be right ON it on the 1st. I can feel it and I have great confidence in myself just now. I am writing this to share that with you and to tell you that I certainly know what a lonely and long battle it is. And, we are on this net to each other for only moments really of a twenty-four hour day. So, as Rader so eloquently said once (and which I will try to at least paraphrase) "The work we do is done in our many quiet and private hours and moments. On here we speak of our hopes to win the battle and the skirmishes we have, but it isn't the work. The WORK is that which we trust each one to do on their own. It is always rough. Like watching a todler, right?! :) This one is thinking of you. Love, Connie

innerpeace - Thursday Dec 27, 2001

Weight: 253.0

Wow, day one is just about complete. No temptations today that I couldn't handle. There is a gallon jar of M & Ms on my service counter that will be moved out into the processing area because every once in a while I hear them scream my name, so they gotta go.

I was thinking how sometimes I miss my exhusband who always reminded me when I was getting fat. Well I haven't had that exhusband around so I ate at will. I can just remember when I could run 7 miles a day and now I have no motivation to even get up in the mornings. I'm hoping all that will change but right now I'm having trouble walking a mile. Persistence is the key.

Today I had an apple for breakfast, a chicken breast and a small salad for lunch. I will have broiled hamburger and some egg noodles for dinner and an orange. My biggest weakness is bread. I'm not normal I tell ya, I can down a whole loaf of bread in one day, no problem. So that is on the 'allergic list' of foods I have made for myself which consists of M & Ms of any kind (I used to have the excuse that if they were peanut butter M & Ms or peanut M & Ms, the ones I don't like so they wouldn't count against me) bread and diet coke.

CharlieAngel on 12/27/2001:
I think that you did wonderful today...and the key is to avoid those trigger foods. I know that I sometimes pass by the M&M jar and just grab a handful...but when I pass it 17 times a day...how many empty calories am I consuming that did nothing to really satisfy me? Just take it one step and one day at a time. Welcome and hope to learn all about you!! Have a blessed evening, Charlotte

halley on 12/27/2001:
7 miles? Wow! I could never run that far! I hope you make it back!

[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 Next Page ]