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jazzstorie - Sunday Jan 06, 2008

Weight: 230.0

Happy new year everyone! In terms of my weight and diet goals, the new year meant nothing to me - no new resolutions, no instant changes or whatnot. Just simply, continuing what i have been doing. I stepped on the scale the other day and I was all the way up to 230, but then again, just a day or two before I was 226. I doubt I could gain four pounds in that time, and frankly right now, Im just trying to get back on track with some good eating habits.

Yesterday I went to the store. I bought lots of veggies, fruits, beans, lentils, turkey jerky, low fat yogurt, almonds, popcorn, brown rice, and some more odds and ends to make a few of the recipies I have. My goal is for the next 10 days to eat no breads, meats, fish, or other stuff. I need to fill up on veggies and fruits to sort of clense myself. Ill focus on having a serving of the beans, lentils, or jerky per meal so I get my protein in.

Im still aiming to lose 40 pounds, and I know I can get there, Im not going to weigh myself for 10 days either. We'll see where Im at after a week+ of being a vegitarian and working out. Im also going to concentrate on my running and walking for the next few days, and then go to the gym to start lifting once I re-introduce chicken and other lean proteins back into my diet.

Right now Im going to go for a walk, and Im going to start the day off right with some fruit, almonds, and low fat cottage cheese.

Im trying to remind myself that eating right, excersizing, and losing weight are all choices. And since Im able at the moment to make the choice, Im going to try and contribute to all those goals by taking it one meal at a time.

Best of luck to everyone out there, its going to be a great year.

Progress as of today: 68 lbs lost so far, only 40 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2008:
why don't you want to eat fish!? some fish is sooo healthy! Especially flounder, tuna...those aren't even high in fat and are low in calories. also, the packages of salmon that in tin foil sold in the canned food section are also really really low calorie! Salmon is a healthy fish, but is hefty in the healthy fats. Still, its good for you. Sea Bass, my favorite, is similiar to Salmon. But if you want to remain low on calories, flounder and tuna are great! shrimp, scallops work too! :)

jazzstorie on 01/08/2008:
Right now, im just trying to eat as many veggies as possible, and lean protein like beans and lentils. Im going to start eating tuna and salmon and chicken in the coming weeks, im just detoxing right now.

jazzstorie - Saturday Dec 15, 2007

Weight: 224.0

Well today wasn't that great. Although I had an awesome workout this morning, a great run around echo park a couple of times and then a few hills in there too, that really kicked my butt. . . .

breakfast was fine, some cereal again and almond butter. Lunch was alright, I had two chicken sandwiches w/lettuce, tomato, some ketchup and on french rolls. I tried to take off half the bread to help not take in so much. I didn't eat much the rest of the afternoon and then I had a gig tonight on the queen mary in Long Beach. I started the gig a bit hungry so I went to the gift shop and got two of the nature valley fruit 'n nut bars, which aren't really the greatest for you. Rather high in sugar. And I had a diet coke too, not the greatest for the metabolism. I had drank a lot of water throughout the day, but not enough to warrant me drinking soda. Seems like Im having soda every day - not something I want to do right now. Then dinner was alright, it was some caesar salad, chicken a little meat and some scallopped potatoes. But I also ate some finger food from the appetizer bar, and thats what wasn't that great. Some crackers and cheese. But I didn't eat a lot of that. I also had some M&Ms, and I probably could have cut my portion of those in half. There very addicting. once I had a few, i kept going at them. As the gig went on after eating all that, I felt sooo tired. No energy. Then I had to drive home, unload the car, park the car, and walk home. Here I am, and Im pooped!!!

I have similar days the next week, so I need to plan ahead a bit more. I also need to addres the depression a bit right now, I felt pretty down today. Im really stressed about some stuff - see below. . .

But good news, I was a solid 224 this morning on the scale. That brings my weight loss down 6 pounds since I started blogging on here a few days ago. I couldn't have done it without all your help! Thanks again, and im going to get on here every chance I get!

190, here I come

Progress as of today: 74 lbs lost so far, only 34 lbs to go!

fritters on 12/15/2007:
Congratulations on the 6 pounds - that is great! What kind of music do you play? Do you sing also??

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/15/2007:
congrats on the 6 lbs...next time you start eating something like M&Ms, give yourself the portion you are going to have before you begin to eat and don't go back for more..

hollybelle on 12/17/2007:
Yup those pesky M & M's they look so tiny and innocent, don't they? Just a few won't hurt, then before you know....well, after all they are supposed to melt in your mouth - not in your hands! Congrats on your success. Keep up the good work.

jazzstorie - Thursday Dec 13, 2007

Weight: 226.0

Boy oh boy, this week has been a text book example of how stress and sickness effect our diets. I faced food poisioning on monday, the fallout from all that up through today, and then coupled with the stress of work, my car falling apart on me on tuesday, and my so-called plans to try and have a sane and sound holiday with my family - - - all made for a potential diet disaster.

As I recently figured out, stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.

Today I had to be at my mechanic at 8am to continue working on the car problem. I woke up at 6:30, and my roomate had made a mess in the kitchen (he actually threw up in the sink because he went partying with his friends and came home mad drunk). I was repulsed. With the traffic, I had to be out the door. I knew I was screwed. I left the house with no pre-made lunch or dinner, and I just nibbled on some kashi cereal for breakfast. Frankly my stomach is still not feeling that great anyway. Still hurting from my own monday night of trying to lose everything I've ate post 9/11. At this juncture, no time to work out.

Get to the mechanic, and he says its going to be a few hours. So I did the right thing. I walked for about an hour up and down the street, went to the post office, had a snack at starbucks - the usual lowfat apricot blueberry muffin, walked again for another 30 minutes, and then I had to eat again . . . .

fast food. the only option in that part of town. So I went to burger king, and had myself a grilled chicken sandwich w/lettuce and tomato and no mayo. I ordered a diet coke. no fries of course. My stomach felt like crap still. I barely ate the whole thing. Plus, im super nervous at this point because I know my mechanic is going to call me and tell me it will be another $500 to get my car fixed, after spending that already on tuesday. . .

So I get the car fixed, im $497 poorer, and with the thought lingering in my mind that my house was a mess, I decided not to go home and chill, but to go straight to orange county two hours early for my teaching. I get to irvine, and then decide to walk again. This time I walked all the way down to the train tracks. I love watching trains. Then I went to teach, and felt something I haven't all week - the desire to eat. And then again. . . .

Fast food. Headed over to Wendy's because I had 30 minutes to grab dinner in between students, and I ordered a spicy chicken sandwhich, again no mayo, and a chili with diet coke. This time it hit the spot. Especially the chili, its cold out so something hot gave me a bit of energy. The chili isn't that bad at wendys. Its got some good protein and it sure beats fries or a sloppy baked potato. The spicy chicken, i could have done better. Its breaded, naturally, thats the worst. However, it is chicken (or i think it is) and I avoided the extra 100 cals by not getting mayo. The diet coke was huge and I should have ordered water. I've decided I can't get enough of that right now.

Came home, no energy, hit the wall, and here I am writing again. I know either god or my self-consicious is testing me right now. I have to stay on track, its so worth it. Today was good, I managed to make okay decisions amongst the legions of poorer ones at my disposal. Now I just need to go clean the disgusting kitchen so I can eat there again, cook my meals, get my appatite back, and essentially flush out my system with water and Ill be 100%. And you know things could be worse. I could be 300 pounds right now, or in bagdad, or with an illness far greater than a stomach ache. In retrospect, my complaining and moaning really aren't that substantial. Thanks for reading about my stupid problems.

And on that note, good night and good luck.

Progress as of today: 72 lbs lost so far, only 36 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 12/14/2007:
What a rough week. But....you did make EXCELLENT choices. Food poisoning and results leaves one so chemically unbalanced it causes all kinds of problems with choosing good foods. Well done - hope next week is better.

jazzstorie - Wednesday Dec 12, 2007

Weight: 226.0

The scale was 224 in the morning, then 226/7 and tonight it was 229. I think I should avoid standing on the scale everyday- this is driving me nuts.

Breakfast: kashi cereal w/milk lunch: green beans, tossed salad, 2 dinner rolls, plantanes, filet mignon, roasted chicken, bbq braised ribs, turkey sausage, and some more fliet mignon. Water to drink.

I went to Fogo De Chao, its the best brazilian food restaurant you'll ever go to. All you can eat buffett. Back in my donut eating days this would have spelled disaster. But today I was very good, while It looks like I ate a ton, I actually just had little portions of all that stuff. I made a point to visit the salad bar first, and once I had finished that, then I got to chow down on some meat. I love meat. Love it, love it, love it. half-fised-sized portions were what we're talking here for each of those protein selections. Damnit, so good. . .

Dinner: freaking full from the late lunch, so I ate nothing. Plus, I still have a bit of that stomach problem from monday so I couldn't eat. Just had a few more glasses of water.

Excersize: two laps around echo park lake in the morning, then I ran about 4 miles along the beach tonight.

Progress as of today: 72 lbs lost so far, only 36 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 12/13/2007:
Definiately don't weight everyday. Also - your fluids were probably out of whack from the stomach thing this week. Keep on doing the right things and it will happen. You are doing great!!

jon'smom on 12/13/2007:
When you do weigh yourself, do it first thing in the morning only. If you do it in the evening you will be 3lbs. heavier because of water weight:)

fritters on 12/13/2007:
They are right - go ahead and weigh - once - first thing in the morning. You are doing really good - keep it up!

shadetree on 12/13/2007:
Most definitely weigh only once if you must weight every day. (I do weigh daily, mostly so that I remind myself every morning when I step on the scale of my goals) But NEVER weigh later in the day - it just serves to frustrate for no good reason. You weight fluctuates throughout the day with food and water intake, so it's best to stick to the am (assuming that's when you get up - if you go to bed in the am and get up in the afternoon, weigh in the afternoon...)

jazzstorie - Tuesday Dec 11, 2007

Weight: 226.0

After a night of being quite sick and pretty much losing everything I ate yesterday, my weight reading was down 4 pounds - pretty astonishing. Considering I was dehydrated and its not exactly the kind of weight I have intended on losing, Im just going to disregard the reading. I use one of the digital weight watchers scales. I've had it for over two years and since then its given me hundreds of readings, i doubt it errored my reading. Its been a tough past couple of weeks, my weight has gone up and down and up and down, and hopefully after I get through this stomach problem, ill level out in the mid-220s, just where i need to be to continue working toward my goal. In the mean time, Im trying to isolate how I got food poisoning.

Today, since i was so sick in the morning, I couldn't work out. Instead I walked around a bunch while my car was being worked on, and i walked around 2 malls as I christmas shopped. I got plenty of walking in, felt great. I planned ahead, I packed my walking shoes so I could walk around in comfort.

Breakfast: Kashi cereal w/milk, lo fat apricot blueberry muffin, water Lunch: Chipolte burrito bowl w/light rice, lettuce, pork, corn, little cheese, guacamole, and black beans, 16oz diet coke. Dinner: 2 pizza bambino mini-pizzas and a side of greens with, yup you guessed it, water. Dessert, a very tiny sliver of dark chocolate.

You have to be careful at chipolte. Did you know that the burritos there are a whopping 1100 calories! by axing the tortilla and asking for 1/2 rice you save yourself over 500 calories. So approximately, by doing so, I ate a 600-700 calorie meal, right within my goal for per-meal calorie intake. Im not sure how avoiding the diet coke I had would have made my diet better today, but so long as I only have diet coke every other day I should be fine. Tommorrow is a work day so ill be packing my food and just drinking water all day. I hope the food poisoning I got this week isn't from something I got at the store. . . . .

Progress as of today: 72 lbs lost so far, only 36 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/12/2007:
sorry about the food poisoning feel better! :)

jazzstorie - Monday Dec 10, 2007

Weight: 230.0

Breakfast: 1 cup kashi go lean w/1% milk Lunch: 1 chicken breast, 1 cup brown rice, green beans, side of guacamole and salsa Dinner: turkey, swiss, avocado, lettuce, wrapped in whole wheat tortilla, and side of apples and carrots then for dessert I had a twix bar, some almonds and 6oz diet coke. Drank about 8 glasses of water today.

Excersize: walk 2.5 miles in the am Planned on also running a 10K tonight, but I got sick this evening, something stomach related. Im going to try and sleep it off and go for the run tommorrow. . .

Things have been going strong for me the past week, im going to really try and log in daily. My diet does best when I get to post it on here and get feedback. Thanks again for all the support. . .

Progress as of today: 68 lbs lost so far, only 40 lbs to go!

raksi on 12/10/2007:
Great food selection!! All whole natural foods! Doesn't it feel good to eat that way? I'm trying to be diligent about posting too, I find that it makes my choices a little more conscious throughout the day.

jazzstorie - Monday Dec 10, 2007

Weight: 230.0

Today was better,

Excersize, brisk walk around echo park lake 2 times

diet: (late) breakfast, 2 turkey wraps in whole wheat tortilla and a little bit of guacamole and salsa lunch, 2 mini pizza formaggio's (soy-based product with 15g of protein and 250 cal each), side salad dinner: subway foot long turkey sandwich w/lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, peppers, mustard, swiss cheese, on wheat bread. Water water water water, and then at the gig I had tonight at the church, i nibbled on a couple of cookies, but i was very good, I just had the tiny ones and stuck to oatmeal. . .

Tommorrow, 10K in hermosa, and ill be packing my dinner and lunch too if I go see my auto mechanic, Im thinking about doing that on tuesday so I can have my morning here and not have to pack so much food to take with me. . . .

This has been my first full week of blogging on this site and I really like how im getting feedback. It such a great incentive to write on here. Ill be keeping this up in the weeks to come, the holidays are such a tough time for diets, this will help me get through it.

thanks everyone for your support, it means so much.

190 or bust.

Progress as of today: 68 lbs lost so far, only 40 lbs to go!

jazzstorie - Sunday Dec 09, 2007

Weight: 230.0

For some reason this morning, the scale put me back at 230. But Im not discouraged, i know if i keep doing what im doing it will go down as it usually has.

However, yesterday was bust! But I was sorta already counting saturday as my free day. I started off the morning with a nice long run which was good. lots of hills in griffith park and stuff, and I had a good breakfast. My lunch wasn't too bad, I had two small turkey wraps w/salsa and (a little) guacamole. But then starting at 5:00 it all went to hell. . . I stopped at el pollo loco, had a chicken burrito, and a chicken thigh, and half of my side order of fries with a diet coke. Then at the gig, I ate a ckicken kabob, some white rice, some flatbread, and a sorta sauce you put it all with. Then for dessert, a few small pieces of baklava and 1 slice of white cake. Then at the party I went to afterword, I ate mini gingerbread cookies galore, some chips, some crakers with brie cheese, more gingerbread cookies, some other misc candies, and I had a beer at the bar we went to. You could say that wasn't excactly food thats helping me get down. Im still in a high risk zone, being that I haven't been this heavy in a year. So I've gotta really watch it.

Im going to go have a nice breakfast today, and Ill make sure to eat my dinner before i go out the door to my gig tonight. Ill keep you posted. . . .

Progress as of today: 68 lbs lost so far, only 40 lbs to go!

geevee on 12/09/2007:
My, my. You were totally out of control. That's no way to lose weight. You gotta rethink this.

jazzstorie - Saturday Dec 08, 2007

Weight: 228.0

Today was alright, but could have been better:

no breakfast, soda and a candy bar in the late morning to "hold me over'. Not sure why I didn't plan ahead and just have some cereal before going out the door. Lunch - two turkey sausages, and water. Dinner: salad w/basamic vinegar, vegitable soup, 1 chicken breast w/swiss cheese on side, spinich, (a little) mashed potatoes, carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower. Some diet coke, and for dessert, one scoop of vanilla ice cream.

So there were a lot of things wrong with the diet today, but at least I avoided fried foods, fast foods, and decided to eat a smaller portion of sweets. I had a craving for some apple pie at the harbor house tonight, but i opted for just a bit of ice cream to cure that craving. That was a good choice. Although, I had about three large diet cokes which is a part of my unauthorized foods list. . . . Tommorrow, I also have a gig at night and stuff during the afternoon and Im out of lunch foods. Im going to try and go to the store first thing in the morning. . . .

No excerise today, it was raining in the morning and i didn't want to slip while on my run, plus im still aching from the 10K on wednesday. Tommorrow Ill go for a run in the morning.

Thanks everyone for your comments and support, its really helping me stay on track and keep my eyes on the prize.

Progress as of today: 70 lbs lost so far, only 38 lbs to go!

shadetree on 12/08/2007:
Aside from the candy bar and pop, there wasn't that much wrong with your menu. Vegetable soup, salad, veggies with dinner, turkey sausage, nothing wrong with that. At the beginning of the week you were three pounds heavier, so you're doing something right! Keep it up!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/08/2007:
hi! overall, great food choices!!! that's a lot of veggies at dinner..yum!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/08/2007:
and you're a runner, how cool! there are quite a few runners on this site. I hope to become one! nice screen name.

workingit2 on 12/08/2007:
At least you are aware of what happened today..you didn't lose 70lbs by not knowing what works! Have a great evening =)

jazzstorie - Friday Dec 07, 2007

Weight: 228.0

Today was another home run:

Breakfast: kashi cereal w/almond butter protein, 2 glasses water lunch: 1 chicken breast, brown rice, corn, pineapple, more water snack, almonds dinner: 2 small turkey sandwiches w/lettuce and low fat cheese and mustard, a diet coke to drink - evening snack: grapes and a small amount of bleu cheese and more water

excersize: walked twice around echo park lake this morning - in general took it easy, im feeling yesterdays run.

how I felt: I had lots of energy to do laundry in the morning and practice into the afternoon, I had a gig from 5:30-7:30 and made it through that. But as soon as 8 or 9 came along, I was dragging hard. Guess I need something more to fuel my energy.

By the way, I've adjusted my goal weight back to 190 from 180. That was my original goal from the beginning, and frankly I need to think smaller picure right now because. . .

Im starting to get stressed about the holidays and a bit down as well. Im trying to be aware of this so I dont resort to eating as a way to deal with these feelings.

Im realizing that I am going up to oregon to yet again no home for christmas. My mom is still living with a friend and my dad is still in the assisted living home. My rather ill grandparents are in a nursing care facility two blocks from my dad, and the rest of my family I haven't seen in years. I really hope I dont spend my christmas in the assisted living home, but its looking like thats the only place I can be. I was there last year and it was tough. I almost left a few days early and checked into a hotel off the freeway, but eastern oregon had lots of snow, and I had no way of getting out there. . . . and the thought of spending new years alone in a shady motel 6 of I-84 just made want to hang myself. It would probably have been better If I had a girlfriend to call up and talk to at that juncture, but for some reason, I don't and I've still never had one. I remember flipping through my cell phone last year on new years eve, trying to figure out who I could call. I think i went through my entire cell phone list about 20 times before just turing off the lights and going to bed.

Its been 10 years since my dads stroke, and its amazing how Im still trying to figure all this out. He was obese, smoking, and a severe alcoholic when he suffered a major ischemic attack on the left hemisphere of his brain. Three months after being in ICU, his neurologist told my mom and I he was going to die. Then an eye twitched, a finger moved, and before I knew it, he was being shipped off to a care home in eastern oregon three hundred miles away.

He had opportunities to change. First he admitted to me he was a drunk. Then he was in rehab for three months. When he got back, we started swimming regularly at 5am every day before school. He told me he quit everything. He promised. Last year, I found a mother's day letter in my grandmothers old dresser from him dated just a few months before the stroke back in 97. In the letter he said how things were getting better, and he was determined to get healthier now after leaving rehab. He said the booze was gone for good.

Then the stroke. And now, 10 years later, he's still trying to learn to read and write, his vocabulary is about 50 words, his walking is slow, and his whole right side is gone - not to mention all the memories we shared when I was a young kid. I was 13 when he had the stroke on sep 15, 1997. Our home was forclosed a month later, and my mom was forced to find work and take care of me. Despite being an attorney, my dad had no health insurance, and the feds took all his money from my mom and I because his tax leans were so large. Alcoholics apparently don't take very good care of business. In the weeks following, my mom taught me about some new things - food stamps, social security, and job searching. Not excacly 8th grader material. She then preceeded to divorce my dad, and we moved to the far corner of the state. I lost touch with everyone on my dad's side of the family, and the cold war began between my mom and dad's folks.

Anyway, I know that every pound I take off, gets me a little farther away from where my father was. And yet again, this christmas, ill be reminded of the worst of things, and how I could easily be on that same path if it weren't for the dedication im putting into getting healthy right now.

The thing that scares me, is that my dad claimed he was also determined to reach his goals. He said so in that letter to his mother. And yet, he lost everything. We lost everything. How do I know that my determination is different than my dads? and how do I keep myself from breaking the promises I have made to me?

And by the way, the day after the stroke, my mom and I found an open bottle of vodka in his chevy blazer. . . he lied to me, he was drinking again.

Progress as of today: 70 lbs lost so far, only 38 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/07/2007:
Alcoholics are very good at telling lies, they have to be because the biggest person they have to convince that they are ok, is themselves. It truly is an illness. I have suffered through several alcholic relatives and friends and it is the same pattern each and every time. Even though, the lies still break my heart and the eventuality of the path they are on reads like an open book. The one thing I always have to remember is that I cannot make the choices for them, just like nobody can make our weight loss/fitness choices for us...I can only be there to support them as they try to quit, be the rock that they lean on, and remember that just like when we fall off the wagon on our fitness journey, sometimes alcoholics will fall off their wagon. The one thing that I always chant to myself is "nobody ever wants to become an alcoholic, drug addict or obese person and if they knew the drink,the drug, the food, would turn into an addiction that would cripple their lives....if they knew that the substance would take control, they wouldn't have allowed it to happen." Nobody ever starts out saying "I'm going to become an alcoholic/drug addict/unhealthy person." We all, at some point, think we are 10-foot tall and bullet proof. The thing that makes us different from each other is the way our bodies and minds react to the substance. I can have a drink and not have another for five or ten years because I don't care. However, if I were to smoke a cigarette, I'd be hooked again instantly. It doesn't mean I don't want a cigarette..I have a lot of good memories of smoking...but the trade-off isn't worth it. Fortunately I found that 'off' switch in time.

I really like what you said:

<He had opportunities to change>

Those are very powerful words. Each of us has an opportunity every day, and it is good that you reminded us of that fact. In the end, we have nobody to blame but ourselves for the shape we are in.

I hope that no matter where you spend your holiday that you find peace and comfort within your own heart and mind and you continue forward with your goals.

Have a great day!

shadetree on 12/07/2007:
You are not your father. You must decide what you want in life and must reach deep inside yourself to find the strength to accomplish that. Somedays you will not be quite as successful in achieving those goals, but overall it is all up to you. You must use your father's life as a lesson to be learned, accept that lesson and incorporate it into your life. Learn from his mistakes. You can do this - you can become healthier. Don't waste time running the 'what if' scenarios - do what you know is best for you. We'll support you every step of the way!

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