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legcramps - Wednesday Oct 12, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I got a flu shot yesterday at work, and when I got home I passed out on the couch. I didn't wake up until after 9pm, and then was sleeping again by 10pm. Slept right through the night. What's with all this sleeping?!!!

I am sure a lot of yesterday's issue had to do with the flu shot. Normally, it wipes me out.

So I didn't get much done yesterday ;)

I feel tired still, and I don't really have much to say. Or maybe I do and I can't think of what I want to say. At any rate, I think I'll sign off and get to work. Or go back home and sleep some more.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/12/2011:
The flu shot does the same thing to me! By tomorrow hopefully you will be back to normal!!

sweetpea1977 on 10/12/2011:
I hope you get to feeling better soon!

V on 10/12/2011:
Aww man I hope life gets easier for you soon, stay strong! Love you

legcramps - Tuesday Oct 11, 2011

Weight: 164.0

11 books read out of 36 ;)

Hello Everyone! Hope you had a good Columbus Day in the US yesterday. I had Thanksgiving Day yesterday and with the extra Friday off, I had a four day weekend. I can safely say I caught up on a lot of sleep!

Friday - 4.65 mile walk; take nap; grocery shopping; visit family

Saturday - 3.84 mile walk; visit family; take nap

Sunday - clean house (finally); take nap; visit family; have family overnight

Monday - visit family; host friends

As you can see my weekend was filled with a lot of naps. They weren't very long, but they helped me get through the difficult moments with Mom. I've been feeling resentful of her actions towards me. I held all of that in this weekend, but it bothers me that I'm so angry with her because I want to move on from it. Family in general exhausts me. I have a hard time being around them for long periods of time; they are so outspoken that I simply sit there and listen and disappear into the colour of the living room wall. I'm not like them at all so I like to escape back home to give myself a break.

I also got some walking in! Woohoo! 8.49 miles. I’m very pleased with sending in this weekly total, and I’m confident that this number will only increase as the weeks go by.

Unfortunately, I also ate a lot of food. I realized this morning that I have a little bit of work ahead of me to undo the damage from the holiday weekend. My plan for today:

Mocha, coffee, bran muffin

Stuffed Zuchinni (no, I’m still not done it!)

Yogurt, almonds, Skinny B

4 litres water

Leftovers from holiday meals

Alright, off to work! Have a good week everyone!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/11/2011:
great job on the 8+ miles of walking. I'm sorry things are so difficult with your mom right now and I hope they get better soon! Menu looks great for today!!

glycrina on 10/11/2011:
Our Thanksgiving is in November and I hope to be down 10 pounds by then . . . if for no other reason then to have some room to gain it back again. LOL.

Umpqua on 10/11/2011:
I'm glad you had a nice holiday weekend with lots of walking and napping!

grannyannie on 10/11/2011:
Well done on all the walking. Doing well on the books. :-)

sweetpea1977 on 10/11/2011:
Glad you got some sleep and look at that mileage your racking up!

Keeping ya in my thoughts. xo

moogy on 10/11/2011:
I haven't seen or spoken to my sisters or brother in donkey's years. Love them but don't like them much. Fortunately they live in another state. Just because they are family there is no law that says I have to stay in touch with them. My parents are dead so that makes life less complicated as well. I am writing this down so that you know there are better days ahead if you make choices that make you happy instead of other people:)

V on 10/11/2011:
Girl I have a friend in Baniff(anywhere near you?) That is a fitness trainer who also competes in fitness competitions..Anyhoo It was shocking at the number of naps she has taken over the holiday, it's the churducken(am I saying this right?) LOL If it is anything like the aftermath of sleepiness that Turkey gives you then I can see why so many naps are needed..hahaha Love you!!

Supercheese on 10/12/2011:
I take lots of naps too cause I sleep so poorly at night but you seem to need it with so much walking!! good job!

legcramps - Friday Oct 07, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Good Morning all :)

I have today off work, so when I woke up this morning I thought i'd get a start on this walking challenge with my cousin. I grabbed my Garmin and headed out for a nice long walk. Logged 4.65 miles towards my weekly total :) and just as I stepped back into the house, it started raining. What luck! Maybe things are starting to turn around for me?

Yesterday was the anniversary of my grandpa's death. He's been gone for two long years. It was the first thing to cross my mind when I woke up. I miss him so much.

I took umpqua's advice and had some yogurt with my morning anti-biotic. I noticed some slight nausea while I was walking, but nothing like the last two mornings - so thankful!

When I got home, I made myself an egg and turkey bacon bagel and had my morning coffee. Now I think I am going to read for a bit and then run some errands this afternoon. 10 books read so far!

Today I will remember that I have the strength to persevere.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

sweetpea1977 on 10/07/2011:
We love our Garmins. Our second one quit working a little while ago and we felt so lost without it. Anyway, we just pre-ordered a brand new very high end model for $400 off of Amazon and its scheduled to arrive some time next week. Its Christmas in October for hubby! :) In addition to using it for GPS, he will get free lifetime map and traffic updates as well as use it to listen to his audiobooks. He's so excited! Anyway, so glad you're able to map out your walks with it. Such a handy tool!

Death anniversaries are always difficult. Im keeping you in my thoughts today!

grannyannie on 10/07/2011:
Well done. Sounds like you had a great day. Love my Garmin as well. I understand about anniversaries as well.

Umpqua on 10/07/2011:
Great job on the walk and I'm glad your nausea lessened. Have a great weekend!

biscottibody59 on 10/08/2011:
RYC: Coffee's an issue with me--I'm up and down with it.

Hope you're having a good weekend!

V on 10/09/2011:
Thinking of you my friend! Sending lots of love your way

~WI~ on 10/10/2011:
Glad you are feeling better and that the yogurt worked! Good to get all that exercise physically and mentally, you are doing so awesome!

moogy on 10/10/2011:
Your day sounds really good so far. Even the remembering bit, I bet you remembered him with love. Yes, you are right you do have the strength to persevere. I am always amazed that somehow we manage to get through all the stuff that life throws at us:)

legcramps - Thursday Oct 06, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Was sick again this morning. Woke up around 6am and used the heating pad on my back until I started feeling better. No advil today. I refuse.

I've been taking anti-biotics for my tooth infection and it's finally starting to help. My tongue keeps wanting to move over the place where my tooth used to be, so i'm trying to be aware of that consciously so that I can stop myself when it happens. It feels good to feel better! Although, now I have this sinus cold i'm trying to keep away, and i've been sick for the last two mornings. Can't win for losing!

I slept in this morning so today i'm a mess: Wearing brown dress slacks and a grey top, no makeup, and my hair is still wet but I tried to style it as best I could. It's gonna be one of THOSE days. At least today I brought 1.5 litres of water with me and I plan to guzzle it through the day and get back on the water wagon!

My plan was to make pita pizzas yesterday for dinner, but i've been only able to pick at the stuffed zuchinni lately so i'd like to try and finish that off first before I make something else.

My cousin wants me to join her in a walking challenge, so I said I would. We are supposed to check in with each other once a week with our stats (mileage, time, etc.). It will run until the end of the year. I'm hoping this will help me to get back into running more often beause i've really been letting that slip away and this would give me a good base to start from.

Zumba tonight!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 10/06/2011:
I wonder if the antibiotics are causing your tummy issues? They wreak havoc on my stomach. I'm only doing the TurboFire toning classes, the HIIT and Fire classes are way too aerobic for me, just not my thing. I love the toning using the resistance bands though, it's a way tougher workout than when I was using free weights. Feel better!

Umpqua on 10/06/2011:
Yogurt - even a couple of spoonfuls, will help. I always try to take it wiht antibiotics, the biggest benefit is preventing yeast infections (sorry to go there) but it should also help your tummy. I know you eat a lot of it already so it may not be applicable, but you could try taking it with the antibiotics.


grannyannie on 10/06/2011:
Hope you're feeling better soon. I get the sinus headaches sometimes. Hope you can handle the Zumba and have fun! Re jump rope - it's a great aerobic workout. I work in about 8 sets of 25 skips with my tae bo workout.

hackersdiet on 10/06/2011:
I love having a friend to keep me accountable. I feel like that is what DD is for me. Take care and get well soon, and don't feel too competititve with your cousin. Perhaps just say if you met your goal yes or no without details of how much exercise you did...Unless you are similar in fitness level and have similar goals too. Anyway, that sounds fun! I hope you feel well soon!

sweetpea1977 on 10/06/2011:
Ooh, a walking challenge! Sounds fun! I am willing to bet that you will win. :)

I hope you feel better soon!

Supercheese on 10/06/2011:
Oh yes it was scary but shes out of my life now!!! I hope you feel better :) How do you make your pita pizza cause that sounds interesting....Have fun at zumba!

glycrina on 10/06/2011:
thanks for validating my feelings.

V on 10/06/2011:
:) That would make me so happy if you did...If you love bootcamp, I know you will LOVE Turbo Fire <3 There are so many ways you can go about this... You could do Turbo prep before you jump into the regular class schedule or just jump right into it...There is the "new to class" options on all of the choreographed stuff to show you the tricks of how to get the most of the workout... Chalene's right hand girl Allie is the go to girl if you don't want to go as hard as the rest of the class..Trust when i say that as a gym rat myself i was a bit skeptical, but everytime I push play it is like a party that only the elite, fittest of the fit is invited to.. If you are up to the challenge, I guarantee you will NEVER get bored.. If you have more questions feel free to ask, and BTW I would be honored to be your Turbo coach

legcramps - Wednesday Oct 05, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I felt sick this morning when I woke up. Much better now though. I took Benadryl last night before bed because I felt a nasty cold coming on, but this morning it was my stomach and back that were in pain, like period pain. And at work, everytime I get up from my desk to walk around, my hips hurt. Maybe too much sodium yesterday?

Zumba tonight!

I calculated wrong yesterday when I mentioned how many books i'd read since Sept 16th when I went to the book fair. I bought 36 books. I've read 9 so far. I had to count them twice because I didn't believe it, but yeah. 9.

I finally received an e-mail from my brother regarding our family situation. I had to remind him about it, he'd forgotten!

I told him some things that I bet he didn't think I knew, and then I told him that I wanted to support our mother in getting some help, and I was also going to support my father by not cutting him out of my life. I guess what my brother decides to do is his choice. He's left some things up to me; he will talk to our father about the reunion and having him no longer attend, and I will talk to our mother about some of her issues. He asked me to do it without riling anyone up! LOL, I find that both humorous and impossible. End result for me? He abused her, and she's been emotionally abusing me for even longer. If she can't ask for help, I can't help her. And I won't let her berate me any longer for the things that he did.

Of course, I will manage to be much more compassionate than that, because I really do care about what happens and how we respond to this situation. There's a quote out there by someone I can't recall that goes "We are not who we are because of what's been done to us. We are who we are because of how we choose to respond to what's been done to us."

If you choose to deal with your pain by bottling it up and becoming insecure, who are you? Insecure. And that's a bomb just waiting to explode.

If you choose to deal with your pain by letting it out, discussing it, and moving on, who are you?

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 10/05/2011:

A few years ago, there was a tragic shooting the Amish community near where I lived at the time. A shooter walked into a small Amish schoolhouse and shot and killed five young students and wounded others. To say this was tragedy in the Amish community is an understatement. Their ability to forgive brought me to tears when the article above. The Amish community (who is not known for their wealth) actually raised money for the widow and children of the convicted shooter who killed thier children.

glycrina on 10/05/2011:
Wait. The reason why I am sharing this with you is to say that anything is possible when get the help we need to move on. It sounds like your dad was wrong but you are completely right in so much as your mother taking it out on you is also wrong. Sorry to get all corny on you but I got this article from a friend and it made me think about my own cabaility to forgive and then I read your entry and it made me think of your mom's inability to forgive and how it is affecting your relationship with her.

glycrina on 10/05/2011:
You are correct about the scale.

Umpqua on 10/05/2011:
I love how men are able to forget about important stuff like what's going on in your family. Sometimes I wish I could forget about that stuff! You are doing some serious reading :) I hope Zumba was fun!

V on 10/05/2011:
Oh i am so sorry, I hope your mother accepts the help..I am sure you know she lashes out her anger at people that are closest to her, and she really doesn't mean it(I am sure you know this) I am hoping for the best for you and your brother..

sweetpea1977 on 10/05/2011:
wow, I hope your mom accepts help. I think she lashes out as a form of release or control. Keeping you in my thoughts!

thinkpositive on 10/05/2011:
Your mother has some mental health issues but you don't have to let her abuse you in any way and if she starts just say or yell stop, I won't allow you to speak to me in that manner. A good friend of mine was emotionally abused by her mother and telling her mother over & over that she wouldn't listen to her abusive comments towards her or anyone else it did help her gain control & improved their relationship. Very hard when you can't count on your parents for support the love that you need.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/06/2011:
sorry to hear about your mom and those family issues that you unfortunately are a part of...so many families have secrets and hardships similiar...it's just so sad. Even my family has secrets that I am not privy to...sad when it causes anxiety and hardship between family members.

On another note, that's a TON of books that you've read. Your brain is definitely not turning to mush!

I cannot exercise that late either, I was up till around midnight on the night that I went to the gym at 9. I only did it because I hadn't gone in so long and I knew i was waking up a little later and i'd be at work for less hours the next day. but i was soooo tired! :-D

legcramps - Tuesday Oct 04, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Good Morning :)

I took a rest day yesterday. After the busy weekend, I just needed some time to do the laundry, clean the kitchen, and read a book. I'm gonna start a countdown of books i've already read. I finished another one last night, which puts me at 6 of 36 read. V, do you honestly think I have some dirt to share about boys?!!! I'm too busy reading :P besides, I never called him to reschedule, I think i'm too shy for such nonsense ;)

Monday: coffee, two bagels, almonds, stuffed zuchinni, cupcakes

I made stuffed zuchinni yesterday for dinner. I almost didn't; I wanted to be really lazy and just eat crackers and cheese for dinner, but I forced myself to the grocery store to pick up the few things I needed in order to make it.

Stuffed Zuchinni ingredients: brown rice, mushroom soup, mushrooms, tofu, red pepper, green onion, sea salt, ground pepper, herb and garlic powder. It was delicious, and I have tons for leftovers.

Schedule for the Week:

Monday: laundry and clean, rest day

dinner - stuffed zuchinni

Tuesday: shred, pushups

dinner - stuffed zuchinni

Wednesday: clean, zumba

dinner - homemade pita pizza

Thursday: zumba

dinner - stuffed zuchinni

Friday: shred, pushups

dinner - homemade pita pizza

Saturday: cut grass and yardwork

dinner - ??? leftovers, or sushi with a boy???

Sunday: thanksgiving dinner with mom and grandma

Hardly seems very busy, does it? Good. This week, I don't like Busy. Busy sneers at me sometimes, and pinches me when he knows no one is looking.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/04/2011:
Love your schedule!!! I think the stuffed zucchini sounds AMAZING!!! Have a great day!! I vote for sushi with a boy on Saturday by the way:)

glycrina on 10/04/2011:
make boy take you for sushi! I am an old married lady so I have live vicariously through my single friends. Do you really cook for your dog, too? He is such a lucky pup!

glycrina on 10/04/2011:
PS what books are you reading? I need a new book in my life.

grannyannie on 10/04/2011:
Sounds like great food! Have a great week!

V on 10/04/2011:
Hahaha no such luck huh?? Wellll I guess you are forcing me to have some fun for the two of us since you are so busy ;) LOL Have a good one :)

Umpqua on 10/04/2011:
Sushi date sounds like fun ;) Quorn is a brand of veggie substitutes for chicken nuggets, chicken patties and other stuff. It's made from fungi - they do a very specific process to get this fungi to a texture resembling meat. Sounds yummy, right? It's actually really good!

nomoreforme on 10/04/2011:
The stuffed zucchini sounds yum. Have you read A Game of Thrones? It is amazing!

sweetpea1977 on 10/04/2011:
mmm, stuffed zucchini sounds great!

If you like fantasies, you might in enjoy The Name of the Wind (The Kingkiller Chronicle: Day One) by Patrick Rothfuss. I loved it! The Wise Man's Fear (The Kingkiller Chronicle: Day Two) is waiting for me when I finish my current book (a Ken Follett book). According to hubby, Day 2 is even more amazing than Day 1!

moogy on 10/04/2011:
OK, I got interested at sushi with a boy???, sounds good to me! You know I love a woman with a plan and yours looks good legcramps. I have a pile of books (well they are on the bookshelf) waiting for me to read. I always have a novel on the go but never seem to make any headway into the pile, I just keep buying them, or reading my daughter's:) It's not a bad obsession:)

legcramps - Monday Oct 03, 2011

Weight: 164.0

My weekend was good, I finally managed to find the energy and drive to cut the grass on Saturday. It took me over two hours and left me covered with a thick film of disgusting sweat and bits of grass and leaves and mud.

On Saturday evening, I went to the season opener of our local junior hockey team. The stadium was pretty full (It's brand spanking new!) and I was pleasantly surprised by how many people stopped to chat with me even though I haven't been the social butterfly I was before. I think I will make an effort to go to more games this winter. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed watching those little gaffers. Just like I'd forgotten how much I liked to golf. I threw their schedule on my fridge so that I'll know when there's a home game.

On Sunday I got my exercise for sure. I walked all through the park, setting up for a dog park event, then walking through the park once again when it was done. I had Dog with me the second time around, but had to pick her up when a large, vicious looking golden lab came barrelling towards us. I freaked out and yelled at it. You should have seen it - the hair on its back was standing straight up. It belonged to a runner who was like three miles away (approximately lol) and she finally called it back to her. Crazy people. Dog didn't know what was going on, only that I was yelling pretty loud and I scared her.

I made my way through two more books this weekend and started a third last night. Unfortunately, I didn't get the dishes washed or the floor cleaned. Or the laundry done. But whatever. It felt balanced to me.

Saturday - coffee, bagel, leftover noodle dish, mozza cheese and crackers, 1 whiskey with soda, gatorade.

Sunday - coffee, two bagels (!), mozza cheese and crackers, hot dog, soda.

If you can't tell, I bought myself a bag of bagels because I was spending way too much money buying them from the donut place. I love bagels. It's embarrasing, really. There's one left.

Monday - coffee, two bagels... plan for dinner is pasta with brusell sprouts and tomatoes. Yes, it looks like I'm carb-loading for no particular reason. But there is a reason - that's what's in my house today. It's budget-crunch time and I'm overdoing it on my weekly grocery allowance by purchasing silly things like bagels, so I need to scale back a bit.

Have a good day everyone 8-)

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 10/03/2011:
I'm glad you had a nice weekend! I love bagels too, I have trouble controlling myself when they're in the house.

glycrina on 10/03/2011:
I love bagels too. I find that if I cut one and half and add a turkey sausage patty or some egg whites on the side, I don't go for bagel number 2. I still use cream cheese -- I mean I am not going to torture myself. I do hear you on the budget crunch. Why are carbs so cheap? On another note, I have a dog who can be aggressive with other dogs -- he has never hurt anyone or any other animal (not even the mouse in my basement!!) but he can be a pain in the butt. I don't let my dog off leash even in leash optional places for that reason. The reason my dog IS dog aggressive is because another dog attacked us when he was a pup. Fortunately neither of us was hurt but I was holding my dog when a cane corso knocked me over. My husband came over and got the other dog but my dog was soooo scared he wet himself (and me). My dog goes to doggy daycare and he is fine but sometimes is aggressive with new dogs on walks. Anyway, I don't really have a point except I know how you feel and it is scary and I love my dog.

glycrina on 10/03/2011:
I also watched season of the witch with nicholas cage this weekend. It was awful. I am glad you are back and sounding a little better. I hope everything is going well -- and if you need to vent and be angry and sound like a you are going into a hole -- please do it on this site and DON'T actually do it in real life. I think I worry because you sound a lot like me and you look a lot like me and if you were me, I would want to someone to worry about me. at least a little. I am part Italian now (I married an Italian-- LOL), after eating, drinking and fist pumping -- we worry about our friends.

moogy on 10/03/2011:
Sounds like you had an active weekend legcramps. I bet you felt better after a shower and looked at the nice short lawn. Love the smell of freshly mown grass. I hope you have a good week, you and dog of course:)

V on 10/03/2011:
Please tell Dog that V said hi :) I am counting on you to do this so..Have a good evening :) Hey have youtalked to the guy you were supposed to go out with lately?? Just curious, my lovelife is boring at the moment(til next week LOL) So give me some dirt

sweetpea1977 on 10/03/2011:
your carbfest sounds heavenly! I cant have bagels in the house. They are a trigger food of mine. Case in point: I think I ate bagels every single day while on my honeymoon in San Francisco! And just about every day for dinner, I ate Italian food (PASTA!). I think I gained 9lbs in 10 days...WORTH it! ;-)

Anyway, Im glad you had an enjoyable weekend! Have a healthy week!

legcramps - Friday Sep 30, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Eats Thursday:

- pumpkin spice latte, coffee, brown rice, beef, rootbeer, mozza cheese, chips, onion dip

That looks terrible. But it's true.

Exercise Thursday:

- 1/2 hour stapling route markers

This wasn't really exercise but I had nothing else to put here, so...

Other Thursday:

GOOD: I baked a delicious pumpkin roll, other than the sides crumbling a little bit. And it did make me feel better. Mostly, it took my mind off of everything that's been pulling me under.

   I brought a piece to work for breakfast. If you think i'm wierd for bringing cake to work for breakfast, I just want you to know that a few minutes ago, my boss broke out in karaoke in the middle of the office. People are strange.

I also went to a friend's and watched a movie - the one with Nicholas Cage and the Witch, what's it called? Anyways, we ate cheese and chips with onion dip. That was bad of me. But I didn't care. At the time.

NOT SO GOOD: My kitchen is now a disaster from baking said delicious pumpkin roll.

I didn't have time to cook up more beef for Dog's meals. That means she's getting plain old rice for breakfast and lunch today. I would hate me too.

My Mom phoned me twice since she tore a strip off me. Pretending like nothing happened. I cannot stand it when people avoid confrontation. I don't like confrontation either, but communicating is going to be the best way to resolve this. So communicate already, damnit. My brother is also avoiding having to talk to me. His last chance is tonight. If he doesn't call, I suppose i'm on my own.

I realize i'm probably sounding like i'm burying myself in a hole right now. I promise, that's not happening, and that's not going to happen. I am strong enough to pull myself out of this; it's simply that there are some things that I need to have resolved, therefore, I need to be strong right now and make the effort for my family. I'm sorry that i'm venting it all out to you; I promise to try and be better about my entries so that I don't worry anyone. But I promise! I will not sink!

No worries!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 09/30/2011:
I love pumpkin anything. Glad to hear you aren't going into a sink hole! Not worth it.....too hard to climb out - I believe in you - :o)

legcramps - Thursday Sep 29, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I haven't been updating for the last couple of days, sorry. I'm still here. And just as screwed up, which is why I didn't want to come here and bring you all down with me.

My grandma gave me a loaf of homemade, whole wheat bread and I ate it all in two days with organic peanut butter. Just a gentle reminder to myself that I can't have fresh bread sitting on the counter at home.

Last night I was feeling sorry for myself because I had to get a tooth pulled at the Dentist and I think my gums are infected or I have dry-socket. So I drowned my tears in mozza cheese and crackers.

It feels like everytime I find a way around all of the things that are happening right now, life spits something else out at me. Yes, they're little things that can be resolved fairly quickly (I phoned the Dentist this morning and i'll have a filled anti-biotic prescription by lunchtime), but I tell 'ya: it's the little things that make up the bigger picture. If the little things keep going wrong, the bigger picture is going to start to crack and shatter.

Other than that (haha?) my eating has been good because I can't really chew on anything. I've been eating a lot of brown rice and chicken or beef cut up into tiny pieces. This morning I tried to make myself a comforting pumpkin spice latte. It didn't really work out as well as I thought it should. But I drank it anyways, plus more coffee after that.

Last night I missed Zumba class because of my tooth/gum issues, and I think i'll be sitting it out tonight as well. Instead, I will bake a pumpkin roll. Yes, instead of exercising I will bake really delicious, unhealthy food. But don't worry, i'll bring most of it to work with me and make others eat it so that I won't feel so bad LOL. I always feel better when i'm baking, so it's worth a try. And since it's beginning to look a lot like fall, i'm starting to crave all things pumpkin.

I am not giving up. September is not going to bring me down. October is not going to find me curled up in a corner and waving a white flag. Nope. But life can stop throwing curveballs at me. I've had enough for one year.

I will be registering for another 5k run on January 1st, the Resolution Run. I'm not giving up on that, either. Suck on that, Life.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/29/2011:
Legs, I am worried about you. I am glad you signed up for a 5K but I am concerned that you seem to falling a victim to all the crappy stuff that is happening and not working on your bigger picture goals. I am not trying to be mean or discouraging but I have been where you are now and it is a spiral downward (well it was for me). Maybe you are different and you will completely turn it around and get back on track. I need my doppelganger. I want to do this together!

grannyannie on 09/29/2011:
Sorry about your tooth. I've had dry socket before. Ouch! I hope you get back on track. I know about fresh bread being tempting. I make it for my hub for his toast and the smell drives me nuts. But I don't eat it. I've been brave and bought peanut butter but I carefully weigh it and haven't given in to temptation and stuck a spoon in the jar! Good for you registering for a 5k!

sweetpea1977 on 09/29/2011:
Wow, you have been dealt a lot of crap lately. Life will get better, you just gotta hang tough and do the best as you can one day at a time.

I LOVE fresh baked bread. I would easily be satisfied with a fresh loaf of warm bread and a stick of butter for dinner. And that is why I hardly ever make bread anymore, lol.

Cooking for others, especially baking, always makes me feel better. My in-laws and hubby's coworkers are spoiled by me every fall and winter. And pumpkin, I LOVE all things pumpkin. I will probably make some pumpkin oat bran muffins, pumpkin-wheat pancakes, and pumpkin oatmeal soon. Cant wait!

V on 09/29/2011:
:( WTF??When it rains,it def pours and I am so sorry girl..I hope your weekend goes well

Umpqua on 09/30/2011:
Good for you for not letting all this crap get you down. Take care and I hope you have an uneventful and boring weekend ;)

legcramps - Monday Sep 26, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Wow! What great support and advice from you all on my most recent turn of events. I really appreciate it so much!

I truly think my family is hurting themselves and others, and we DO need help to overcome this issue. I do not believe it is healthy to spend our lives grieving over the past.

I want to do whatever I can to ensure my Mom is living the best life possible. That doesn't mean choosing sides, or ignoring the blaring fact that something is very wrong. That means offering her help in any way I can. It means discussing what the issues are with someone who can be objective about it. In no way do I think her feelings or actions are not necessitated.

I don't know. It's difficult to explain in full because it's a 30 year story and I only know bits and pieces! All I know is, i'm hurting because she's hurting. I'm hurting because my Dad might be hurting soon. I'm hurting because my brother is so obviously hurting. All I know is, this is creating a whole lot of hurt, and I want to fix that.

My weekend was horrible.

I'm fairly certain my co-worker's toothache was contagious because i've been suffering from a toothache all weekend! I need to call the dentist I guess - i've been medicating with advil; thank goodness it isn't making me sick.

Had to cancel the plans for the dog park and i'm just hoping to God that there are no hard feelings inbetween all the confusion on Friday. Even though construction was cancelled, I still found myself out there both Saturday and Sunday, working away at other things. I am exhausted and frustrated with this process!

Received a phone call from my credit card company telling me someone was trying to use my card. Had to cancel and order another card. Did some deep thinking about the online sites i'm ordering from. Better cut back on that.

Was going to go on a date! but felt like crap and bailed. Now i'm a Bailer on Dates. Great.

So, obviously the stress that attacked me almost (or more than?) a month ago is still creating a great strain on life. I refuse to go into another depressive state, but damn I was very close this weekend.

I shouldn't say my weekend was horrible. I got to take Dog to the park twice this weekend, and she loved every second of it. She was definitely my saving grace.

Today... I have phone calls to make and signs to make and then I am going to take some more advil and zone out with Dog. I had over four hours of exercise yesterday. Today is a rest day.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/26/2011:
Legs!! Aw, I just heart you so much. I hurts me to know that you are hurting too!! I am sorry you had some crappy stuff happen to you this weekend. I am sorry you skipped your date. But it sounds like you got some time in with Dog. No depression. I do that too. It usually involves a big sweatshirt, lots of carbs, ice cream, diet soda, cigarettes and wine with crappy reality TV and some girly movie which is suppsed to bring my spirits up but always makes me feel like my life in the crapper. I am not doing that this year. No sir. No matter what happens to me this year I can handle it. So can you. I wish I could HUG you.

Umpqua on 09/26/2011:
I just caught up on everything that's been going on with you, wow! I think you did just fine this weekend considering teh stress overload. Hang in there!

moogy on 09/26/2011:
Thank goodness for dog. Seems like dog is the only consistent thing in your life at the moment. I am pretty sure toothache isn't contagious, maybe you went out in sympathy. It would be great if all concerned could get into counselling but I am pretty sure your mom wouldn't do it, unless she did it thinking it was to help you and your brother!! The credit card thing it a bit scary. You look after yourself and your mental state. Try to focus on the positive things in your life, they are there if you look for them, look at the beauty around you and breathe deeply. It sounds a bit new age but really it is old age and it does help you to keep things in perspective. AND next time - go out on the date!! LOL

V on 09/26/2011:
Girl i am so sorry you had a bad week :( Sending lots of love and prayer your way!! Love YOU

hollybelle on 09/26/2011:
Well, just call it a party then and for that matter - sounds like everyone knows who all is invited and they can come or see you another time. So sorry something like a party felt like "kicking the hornets nest". Hope your tooth feels better without too much work. I had to switch to sensitive toothpaste a couple years ago. The credit card fraud is terrifying. I had ID theft last year and attempted ID theft this year, too. It was suggested this way by my bank - I have a real checking account that I keep money in and another account that I only keep $25 or so in. When I order something on line I transfer the amount of the on-line purchase over to the $25 checking account - only enough to cover the purchase. That way there isn't much for anyone to get in the checking account. Of course the checking accounts are free and they don't give me a float like the credit card. The payment is immediate. I can transfer money on line in about 60 seconds. All my fraud and ID theft had to do with my checking accounts - not credit card, though, so I'm not sure that helps you much - other than maybe giving you and idea.....

biscottibody59 on 09/28/2011:
Hope you're having a good day there!

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