- Tuesday Sep 29, 2009
Buh. I'm angry today. At least I know I won't be angry EVERY day for eight months straight. I wish this eight month anger thing would hurry up and be over. I also wish I didn't live in such a small town. At least that way I could hide and still go out and not have to always be running into people I don't want to see anymore. I just want to yell at them at the top of my lungs! Buh.
That guy I met on the weekend called me last night. I didn't answer the phone! I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, and I stuffed my phone into the pillows of the couch so I couldn't hear it. I'm so out of practice!
I ate too much for dinner last night, I was reading and just kept dishing food into my mouth, not realizing when I was full. I paid for it, too. I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Then my back started hurting and I said to myself 'self, your period has reared it's ugly head' so I turned on the heating pad and tried to go back to sleep. I'm so tired today. That's the freakin' story of my life! Tired! At least I don't have to worry about my period being absolutely horrible, just a few aches and pains. Popped some advil this morning and I should be fine for the rest of the day.
Sushi tonight! YAY! God, the things that are making me happy right now... it's nuts. My heart just quickens at the thought of sushi. I suppose if I could marry sushi, I might think hard about it before saying no in the end.
I should take the dog for a walk today, she hasn't had one in a few days. It's just so cold outside! Yuck.
- Monday Sep 28, 2009
My weekend was good. Finally got my washer/dryer into the basement and the old ones out. I also finished watching Wolverine. It's a really good movie, I enjoyed it.
I went out with a friend on Saturday night. At first it was really lame, there were so many people there that I didn't know and I was slightly uncomfortable since I hadn't really gone out on a weekend for a while. Eventually though it got better. I even met someone, although I hope he doesn't pursue anything because i'm really not interested in him! It was still fun though, it felt good to flirt a little bit and get back out there.
Another friend brought me a book to read, so I started it last night for an hour or so. Good so far, but I stayed up too late and am a little tired this morning.
Not much planned for tonight. I think i'm okay with that. I guess we'll see how lonely I get!
Eating over the weekend was ok. Just ok. Not great, not fabulous, but not totally disgusting either. Not enough exercise either. It's getting cold here, fall is finally settling in. That does not make me happy!!
- Friday Sep 25, 2009
Well, this hasn't been the best week of my life. To add to it, one of my managers got snarky with me and then was even more snarky while apologizing for being snarky in the first place. This morning, I missed my ride to an out of town meeting and so here I am still sitting at my desk. I'm already very late for the meeting and they know that so I guess they decided I didn't need to go. Gosh, I feel so bad about it, but it's not totally my fault. Not TOTALLY!!!
Eating is good, drinking lots of water (well, that might be exaggerating a bit), nothing new to report there. I struggled through a potato chip craving last night. It was already 9pm and I just all of a sudden wanted chips. I drank a lot of water last night to try and get rid of the craving...
I took the dog for a walk yesterday. She is a hard dog to wear out, which is hard to imagine since she's a little teddy bear that seems to only want to snuggle all the time. But she just wouldn't go to sleep the night before. She sleeps in bed with me, and that night she was panting and pawing at me and rolling around in the covers all night long! It totally exhausted me, which was why I thought if I take her on a longer walk she might wear out. Didn't happen. That's okay, though, I really enjoyed the walk. Didn't run into anyone I didn't want to see!! (ie X).
Might go for cocktails with a friend after work today. Then watching the rest of "Wolverine", a movie I rented last night.
Have a good weekend everyone!
- Thursday Sep 24, 2009
So the sushi was so good! I was so happy by the time we were finished eating, it was crazy! Just crazy how good I felt!
I took Tuesday and Wednesday off work, was feeling frazzled and needed to have some time to myself. I was able to clear out the garden and cut the grass, and feel like I accomplished a great deal of work that now I won't have to do this coming weekend.
I've been off and on with the anger thing the past few days. I really just need to move past this and on with my life. I ran into my ex yesterday and worked out a plan to get the rest of my things to my place. Yes, there are still some things sitting at his place. I told him "I want my stuff. You told me that you'd bring it, and you haven't yet. So, either I can phone a moving company to come and pick it up, or you can do what you told me you would do. This is stupid already." I was surprised that I was able to maintain a calm disposition, because inside I was raving mad (surprised?!!). He looked away from me, then said that we could move my things this weekend. My Dad might be coming down, so that will be great. I won't have to deal with X on my own, and once all this is done I can rid myself of X totally and completely. Enough of this berserkness. I want my life back. I don't care what he wants anymore.
My weight seems to be coming off slowly. I'm not really doing anything different, so I think the gains I had in the past had a lot to do with stress. We'll see if i'm right.
I'm thinking about setting up part of my garage as a studio. I could put all my painting and craft supplies there. I don't know if i'd use it more, but at least it would be set up for me if I wanted to. It could be a good thing for me. A good way to vent.
- Monday Sep 21, 2009
I'm feeling a little like i've 'reached my edge of sanity' today. I woke up angry again this morning. Not sure if it was because of a dream or not because I can't remember anything. It is also really windy and cold outside and I am just not a fan of cold weather. Anyways, I read over the letters that i've been writing to myself to get out of these stupid moods, and now I feel a little better about life. Geez, a friend told me it will probably take me a long time to get over this anger. Like, eight months. I am not looking forward to feeling this way. It's really draining and i'm just not sure what I can do about it.
Eating was really good on the weekend, though I did add in a few portions of potato chips. Darn! Oh well, I still think I did alright. I spent a lot of time with friends and family.
Tonight I am going to the movie "The Ugly Truth". I have no idea what it's about, but apparently it's supposed to be really funny. I need some funny!!
Our little town is getting a Sushi restaurant! This is such exciting news! They're opening tomorrow, and tomorrow a friend and I will be ordering take-out from them! We plan to taste everything on the menu, a few things at a time, once a week. Oh! Exciting! I'm pumped! I hope it's good!
Other than that, I saw a cute boy when our slo-pitch team went for supper on Saturday night. I caught his eye right away, then was distracted by the group I was with and didn't make much eye contact after that. But, when he was leaving he made sure to walk right past my table, and he looked shyly over to me and I smiled but was talking to someone so didn't say 'hi' or anything. I think I will have to drag a friend out for cocktails with me this Saturday night to see if he is still around!
- Friday Sep 18, 2009
Chicken last night was eaten around 9pm due to the busy busy evening I had. I'm hungry this morning, no idea why except that I didn't eat a lot of chicken because it was so late, so I probably didn't eat enough yesterday and that's why i'm hungry today. Oh well. Soup and sandwich for lunch, courtesy of our local hockey club's annual fundraiser, and even a little dessert too! I think I picked the Rice Crispy cake.
I finally got my box spring up into my bedroom, so now I am sleeping on the whole sleep set and boy, am I happy! It's so much more comfortable than sleeping with the top mattress laying on the floor. My puppy has some trouble jumping onto it, but other than that we're good to go! I just wanted to continue sleeping when I woke up this morning. I'm glad it's Friday. Tomorrow I will be sleeping in and enjoying my new bed! Hee-hee!
Also got another book from a friend last night, so plenty of time will be set aside for reading this weekend. City of Bones.
This weekend: need to tidy the house, cut the grass, pay the bills, get my papers organized into a rubbermaid container, attend our slo-pitch wind-up, do laundry, have playtime with my dog.
It's going to be a full couple of days! Especially when you add in the extra sleep time!
- Thursday Sep 17, 2009
Arrrrgggghhhh. I saw him this morning through the drive-through window and my heart started to beat wildly. I ignored him. Totally. And me and my wildly beating heart hardly made it out of the drive-through.
I think I should start a blog called "breaking up & the rocky road to recovery" so that I could at least vent somewhere other than in a diet journal. Geez. I suck.
I went for supper last night with friends and got home quite late. So i'm a bit tired this morning ;O) Had chicken for supper and not a whole lot of it, either, surprisingly. That's a good thing!
A biscuit and coffee this morning, sandwich is planned for lunch. Chicken leftovers for supper with...hmmm...that I don't know yet.
- Tuesday Sep 15, 2009
I didn't have the best night last night. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I ate a lot of crackers.
Anyways, I feel a little better today, so i'm just going to go with it and see where I end up. I have nothing planned for tonight except to watch Big Brother Finale on tv, so it may be another long night. I hope not, i'm getting pretty sick of 'em. I'm feeling like I need to find me a Mr. Right Now!!!
Since i've been in a bit of a slump i've gotten nothing more done with unpacking or finding myself bookcases. I did see my Dad on the weekend and he bought a water cooler and a nice bench for the mud room for me for a housewarming gift. I set those up right away and i'm so glad - they're just perfect in my space!
I am spending some time reading as well. Got myself a big thick book about vampires and witches and werewolves and it's incredibly easing reading so I don't have to do much thinking. There are too many other thoughts going in circles in my mind! It's pretty good, and i'm already halfway through the book. Thank goodness a friend has all the other ones, so I can pick up where I leave off.
As I said, my eating yesterday was good up until the cracker fiasco. I was even thinking about how good I was doing when I subconsciously went downstairs to the pantry and pulled out the box. Sometimes, just sometimes, I am a loser... :0)
I'm taking the dog for a walk after work today. Yes, I am.
- Friday Sep 11, 2009
Oh, i'm glad it's Friday!! What a week it's been...
Last night I went out with ex's sister since it was her birthday and she didn't seem to have anyone else to do anything with besides her boyfriend. Anyways, we went out to the bar and who do you think is there?? Ex, of course. In a stinking, drunken state. He didn't see us right away, thank goodness, so we were able to carry on a conversation and get most of it out before he saw us and came over. Firstly, he wanted me to dance with him. When I said that I was talking to his sister, he pouted at me. In the bar! Pouted! Then, he asked his sister to dance with him. She said she was talking to me and didn't want to dance. He pouted again, then finally walked off in a huff. Oy. Soon after that, I left. I figured he was in the right mood to try to get even with me by doing something very silly. I needed to get to sleep anyways :) His sister was very happy that I came out for a drink with her, though, so that made my day!
My eating was good yesterday, structured and no cheating. No exercise though. Well, sort of exercise, but I probably wouldn't stack it up against yours!
Tonight I might go to the movies with my mother and her friend. "Julie & Julia" is playing.
- Wednesday Sep 09, 2009
I'm having a bad day today. I ended up having a choppy sleep last night, and into the mix was a dream (nightmare) that woke me up in a terrible rage. I'm sure that's the reason for my edginess today. Got to get over it. Need to be more aware of my own resourcefulness and of the things that are important to me.
My eating is good, at some point I just need to add some exercise to the menu. Maybe i'll take the dog for a walk today after work. I'm sure she would love it.
Tonight i'm waxing legs with a friend. Have I thanked God for my friends lately? Thank you God!!!