- Monday Oct 05, 2009
Well, my family has been under a bit of stress lately. I'm not sure if i'm happy, angry, sad, etc etc etc today. I'm weary.
My Grandpa will be leaving us soon, for a better place. It is such torment to watch him struggle through the days, and to watch his wife and daugher do the same. I wish him peace in passing, and I hope he will continue to be our matriarch and watch over us in the years to come.
I couldn't say how my eating has been this weekend. Sporadic, I guess. Maybe I shouldn't be making an entry today - I don't feel as though I could string together a sentence to save my life. I'll just add that there was no exercise this weekend and I think that must be the reason for my dog's insolence of the past few days.
I'm learning patience. I'll get there, where I need to be, eventually.
- Friday Oct 02, 2009
Three mornings in a row where i've come to work and not been miserable! Yay!
Took the dog for a walk yesterday, since I had to pick up a couple of things from my grandma's house anyways I decided I might as well walk and ensure the dog gets a bit of exercise as well as myself. It was cold and rainy and my runners were squishing and squashing by the time we got back home, but oh well. We suffered through it and managed to get some exercise.
I picked up some chicken after work and had that with the potatoes and carrots for dinner. Today at lunch is leftovers, then I won't have to worry about meals until Sunday probably. I picked up a whole lot of vegetables from grandma's since she won't be able to eat it all, so I have plenty of pickings for snacks, too. No need for chips!!
It's great that I have so much going on in my life, lots of friends and family pulling me in all directions. For the last little while, that's what I needed - to have someone else do all the thinking for me, and to have them fill up my schedules so that I didn't have to sit at home alone. This week, so far, i've had the house to myself for three nights. That is a HUGE change for me since i've moved in here. There's ALWAYS been someone else hanging out or around, or someone calling on the phone or whatever. Three whole nights, where no one came, no one phoned (except that one guy on Monday where I didn't answer...) and it was totally quiet from 6pm on. It's been a rough week, but also a very encouraging one. Because I got through it. Not only did I get through it, i'm even happy about it. I'm on my way!
I'm going to walk over to my friend's place tonight for dinner - she's only a couple of blocks away, but at least i'm still planning to walk it instead of driving that distance!
- Thursday Oct 01, 2009
Again, not angry. Sweet, two days in a row...
I took my dog for a walk yesterday after work. It was a touch cool, but by the time we were on our way back home, I was sweatin' from the pace she was keeping! We met up with an older gentleman with his 7 year old black lab. It really made me miss my other dog, the one that X has now. So I sweet-talked her and she really seemed to like my dog. She is a feeble dog - her hips are giving out on her and she limps a bit when she walks, but every so often she'd pick up the pace to try to catch up to my dog! Very cute and funny to watch her little legs giver for a few seconds!
I caved yesterday and bought myself chips. My friend cancelled on me, so I wasn't able to go for chicken wings like i'd planned. I thought about asking someone else, but then decided I was exhausted and would rather read a book in bed. Then I fell asleep. I woke up around 10pm, let the dog out for a bathroom break, had one myself, and went back to bed. I feel a good bit better today, though my neck is sooooo sore! I'm getting a massage on Saturday, thank goodness. Just two more days of work to get through.
It is raining cats and dogs today. I think maybe no walk after work for my dog. She may resent me for it, but she didn't want to go outside this morning for her bathroom break because it was raining so hard. I doubt very much she'd like to go for a walk, though by 4:30pm she could change her mind. We'll see. I don't mind walking in the rain, as long as it's not too cold.
That's about it for today. I'm having cooked potatoes and carrots for lunch, possibly for dinner as well if there's still enough left. I'll have to think of something for tomorrow's meals. I haven't gotten groceries in a while, so my fridge is pretty bare. A friend mentioned it the other day, so perhaps I should fill it up a bit... she thought only having two bottles of water and two bottles of beer in the fridge was quite hilarious. The potatoes and carrots came from my cousin's garden and I cooked them up right away. Maybe i'll go buy some chicken breasts or something. Yeah, that might be a good idea. And I have boxes of rice and pastas that I need to use as well. Lots of carbs, hardly any protein!
Good luck today everyone.
- Wednesday Sep 30, 2009
Not angry today. This is how i'm going to start every entry from now on, letting you know if i'm angry or not... haha! Not funny?
Anyways, i'm not. I had my lovely sushi last night and even though my stomach is not quite used to it yet, my tastebuds sure are. Oh, heaven. And tonight I get to go for chicken wings with a friend. And Saturday i'm going to another friend's place for their early Thanksgiving supper. I'm gonna have to refrain from heavy meals in-between and drink lots of water.
I managed to get my ivy plants transplanted and into the house yesterday, but didn't get to take my dog for a walk. She is starting to be affected by this - she cries a bit when I come into the house and doesn't like to leave my side for very long. I will have to spend some quality time with her so that she knows i'm not ignoring her. Maybe today before supper i'll be able to take her outside, even for a quick walk to the park or something.
Well, I weighed myself this morning and realized that since i've moved into my house i've lost almost ten pounds. I'm thinking that with the start of routine and the lessening of that stress factor i've been able to monitor what's going into my mouth a lot easier and have been able to take time to plan out meals. Like my dog, i'm realizing that if I don't eat all of my meal, another dog/person won't swoop in and eat it on me! This means there have been more occurrences of leftovers, and less occurrences of total binge eating and licking the plate afterwards. This is good. I've been waiting for this, and am so glad that this was the case (stress eating = binge eating) and that I am able to turn the tables and come out on the sunny side.
It's still cold here. I'm not sure i'm getting used to it yet. When I left work yesterday, I bundled myself up in my big winter parka, scarf, tocque and mitts. As I was walking to my vehicle in the parking lot, I noticed another girl heading home. All she had on was a little short-sleeved dress shirt, her hair whipping around her face. She didn't seem to mind the weather. I think she must be crazy.
- Tuesday Sep 29, 2009
Buh. I'm angry today. At least I know I won't be angry EVERY day for eight months straight. I wish this eight month anger thing would hurry up and be over. I also wish I didn't live in such a small town. At least that way I could hide and still go out and not have to always be running into people I don't want to see anymore. I just want to yell at them at the top of my lungs! Buh.
That guy I met on the weekend called me last night. I didn't answer the phone! I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing, and I stuffed my phone into the pillows of the couch so I couldn't hear it. I'm so out of practice!
I ate too much for dinner last night, I was reading and just kept dishing food into my mouth, not realizing when I was full. I paid for it, too. I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Then my back started hurting and I said to myself 'self, your period has reared it's ugly head' so I turned on the heating pad and tried to go back to sleep. I'm so tired today. That's the freakin' story of my life! Tired! At least I don't have to worry about my period being absolutely horrible, just a few aches and pains. Popped some advil this morning and I should be fine for the rest of the day.
Sushi tonight! YAY! God, the things that are making me happy right now... it's nuts. My heart just quickens at the thought of sushi. I suppose if I could marry sushi, I might think hard about it before saying no in the end.
I should take the dog for a walk today, she hasn't had one in a few days. It's just so cold outside! Yuck.
- Monday Sep 28, 2009
My weekend was good. Finally got my washer/dryer into the basement and the old ones out. I also finished watching Wolverine. It's a really good movie, I enjoyed it.
I went out with a friend on Saturday night. At first it was really lame, there were so many people there that I didn't know and I was slightly uncomfortable since I hadn't really gone out on a weekend for a while. Eventually though it got better. I even met someone, although I hope he doesn't pursue anything because i'm really not interested in him! It was still fun though, it felt good to flirt a little bit and get back out there.
Another friend brought me a book to read, so I started it last night for an hour or so. Good so far, but I stayed up too late and am a little tired this morning.
Not much planned for tonight. I think i'm okay with that. I guess we'll see how lonely I get!
Eating over the weekend was ok. Just ok. Not great, not fabulous, but not totally disgusting either. Not enough exercise either. It's getting cold here, fall is finally settling in. That does not make me happy!!
- Friday Sep 25, 2009
Well, this hasn't been the best week of my life. To add to it, one of my managers got snarky with me and then was even more snarky while apologizing for being snarky in the first place. This morning, I missed my ride to an out of town meeting and so here I am still sitting at my desk. I'm already very late for the meeting and they know that so I guess they decided I didn't need to go. Gosh, I feel so bad about it, but it's not totally my fault. Not TOTALLY!!!
Eating is good, drinking lots of water (well, that might be exaggerating a bit), nothing new to report there. I struggled through a potato chip craving last night. It was already 9pm and I just all of a sudden wanted chips. I drank a lot of water last night to try and get rid of the craving...
I took the dog for a walk yesterday. She is a hard dog to wear out, which is hard to imagine since she's a little teddy bear that seems to only want to snuggle all the time. But she just wouldn't go to sleep the night before. She sleeps in bed with me, and that night she was panting and pawing at me and rolling around in the covers all night long! It totally exhausted me, which was why I thought if I take her on a longer walk she might wear out. Didn't happen. That's okay, though, I really enjoyed the walk. Didn't run into anyone I didn't want to see!! (ie X).
Might go for cocktails with a friend after work today. Then watching the rest of "Wolverine", a movie I rented last night.
Have a good weekend everyone!
- Thursday Sep 24, 2009
So the sushi was so good! I was so happy by the time we were finished eating, it was crazy! Just crazy how good I felt!
I took Tuesday and Wednesday off work, was feeling frazzled and needed to have some time to myself. I was able to clear out the garden and cut the grass, and feel like I accomplished a great deal of work that now I won't have to do this coming weekend.
I've been off and on with the anger thing the past few days. I really just need to move past this and on with my life. I ran into my ex yesterday and worked out a plan to get the rest of my things to my place. Yes, there are still some things sitting at his place. I told him "I want my stuff. You told me that you'd bring it, and you haven't yet. So, either I can phone a moving company to come and pick it up, or you can do what you told me you would do. This is stupid already." I was surprised that I was able to maintain a calm disposition, because inside I was raving mad (surprised?!!). He looked away from me, then said that we could move my things this weekend. My Dad might be coming down, so that will be great. I won't have to deal with X on my own, and once all this is done I can rid myself of X totally and completely. Enough of this berserkness. I want my life back. I don't care what he wants anymore.
My weight seems to be coming off slowly. I'm not really doing anything different, so I think the gains I had in the past had a lot to do with stress. We'll see if i'm right.
I'm thinking about setting up part of my garage as a studio. I could put all my painting and craft supplies there. I don't know if i'd use it more, but at least it would be set up for me if I wanted to. It could be a good thing for me. A good way to vent.
- Monday Sep 21, 2009
I'm feeling a little like i've 'reached my edge of sanity' today. I woke up angry again this morning. Not sure if it was because of a dream or not because I can't remember anything. It is also really windy and cold outside and I am just not a fan of cold weather. Anyways, I read over the letters that i've been writing to myself to get out of these stupid moods, and now I feel a little better about life. Geez, a friend told me it will probably take me a long time to get over this anger. Like, eight months. I am not looking forward to feeling this way. It's really draining and i'm just not sure what I can do about it.
Eating was really good on the weekend, though I did add in a few portions of potato chips. Darn! Oh well, I still think I did alright. I spent a lot of time with friends and family.
Tonight I am going to the movie "The Ugly Truth". I have no idea what it's about, but apparently it's supposed to be really funny. I need some funny!!
Our little town is getting a Sushi restaurant! This is such exciting news! They're opening tomorrow, and tomorrow a friend and I will be ordering take-out from them! We plan to taste everything on the menu, a few things at a time, once a week. Oh! Exciting! I'm pumped! I hope it's good!
Other than that, I saw a cute boy when our slo-pitch team went for supper on Saturday night. I caught his eye right away, then was distracted by the group I was with and didn't make much eye contact after that. But, when he was leaving he made sure to walk right past my table, and he looked shyly over to me and I smiled but was talking to someone so didn't say 'hi' or anything. I think I will have to drag a friend out for cocktails with me this Saturday night to see if he is still around!
- Friday Sep 18, 2009
Chicken last night was eaten around 9pm due to the busy busy evening I had. I'm hungry this morning, no idea why except that I didn't eat a lot of chicken because it was so late, so I probably didn't eat enough yesterday and that's why i'm hungry today. Oh well. Soup and sandwich for lunch, courtesy of our local hockey club's annual fundraiser, and even a little dessert too! I think I picked the Rice Crispy cake.
I finally got my box spring up into my bedroom, so now I am sleeping on the whole sleep set and boy, am I happy! It's so much more comfortable than sleeping with the top mattress laying on the floor. My puppy has some trouble jumping onto it, but other than that we're good to go! I just wanted to continue sleeping when I woke up this morning. I'm glad it's Friday. Tomorrow I will be sleeping in and enjoying my new bed! Hee-hee!
Also got another book from a friend last night, so plenty of time will be set aside for reading this weekend. City of Bones.
This weekend: need to tidy the house, cut the grass, pay the bills, get my papers organized into a rubbermaid container, attend our slo-pitch wind-up, do laundry, have playtime with my dog.
It's going to be a full couple of days! Especially when you add in the extra sleep time!