Again, another quick entry. I've received no word yet on the position I applied for, but am hoping as each day goes by that I will get an interview. I know I am capable of much more than what i'm doing, and I feel like i'm just going to waste! Yes, i'm a freakin' GENIUS people, so USE my brain!!! People tell me I have an ego, but I think they're just jealous. hahaha.

Anyways, i've been walking but haven't been able to control my eating and it's really starting to bother me. I don't know, but I can tell - the weight's staying on incredibly well. I need bootcamp. I need less stress. I need peace. and quiet. and a new job with no mess.

Out for now.

Birthday party went alright - had some chicken and salad instead of pizza and ice cream, so i'd say it was a huge, roaring success...

It is so darn busy these days, and I only imagine it getting worse from here on out. I found a posting for another position yesterday, and I think i'm going to apply for it and see what happens, if I get an interview or anything. I'm ready to move on.

I need to get back to work. Take care all!

Wednesday:

Dinner - Chicken with potatoes, 1 Oreo Jello pudding. I didn't put anything on the potatoes, instead using the chicken sauce as a 'topping' for my spuds. Yeehaw. actually, it wasn't bad.

Also - cappaccino, water, and a couple advil.

I went for another 30 minute walk today after work and developed some very painful shin-splints. I thought they would go away if I just kept on walking, but they didn't. Oh well.

Thursday:

Breakfast - Almond Crunch cereal with 2% LACTOSE-FREE milk.

Morning Snack - grapes.

Lunch - salad with grilled chicken and light ranch dressing.

Afternoon Snack - grapes and honeydew melon. so far.

So far today at work I only felt like crying twice, was only very angry once, and only told one person off. God, i'm on a roll...still a pretty good day though, considering. I mean, my bad days must REALLY be bad if i'm calling this a good one, huh?!!

A birthday party tonight with pizza and ice cream. Ice cream's out, but I gotta eat. What can I do? I'll eat something before I leave so that I don't indulge in that much pizza. I can't do the pizza, I don't want to be more grumpy than usual!!

In a regained effort to monitor my food intake, i've started the food journal up again. Elect to skim through this entry if you'd like, though there MAY be some funny parts. Or not.

Monday:

Breakfast - Almond Crunch cereal with 2% milk.

Lunch - Two Deluxe Pizza Pops. Stop. Dum. b.

Afternoon Snack - Two Oreo Jello Puddings. Yum. Stop. Dum. b.

Dinner - Two Deluxe Pizza Pops. Obviously I can't take my own advice.

I also had some water, gingerale, a couple of advil and a nice cold mocha with my best friend who cheered me immensely. I hope she knows that. I was tired, grumpy, pissed off and had a large headache for most of the day. I did (grumpily) take myself for a 30 minute walk though, which exhausted me to the point of going to bed before 10pm.

Tuesday:

Breakfast - Almond Crunch cereal with 2% LACTOSE-FREE milk.

Lunch - Tossed salad with grilled chicken and light ranch dressing.

Afternoon Snack - Two Oreo Jello Puddings. hmn. not lactose-free.

Dinner - Staff BBQ!! Hot dog with whole wheat bun and ketchup, salads and vegetables and a slice of mud pie. not lactose-free.

I also had some water, a cappaccino and some non-alcoholic beer. It was a pretty good day - tough morning, but my boyfriend came in to the hospital for x-rays on his foot so we were able to have coffee together. That helped me break up the day a bit. And his foot is just fine. He also came to the staff BBQ and was a total hit with my co-workers. I'm glad, because I always vent to him when I have a bad day and I just assumed it would eventually anger him to the point of being an a-hole to them. We played Ukranian Golf, but I wouldn't call it exercise. I was in bed by 8:30pm, asleep by 9:30pm. Stick a fork and all that.

Wednesday:

Breakfast - Almond Crunch with 2% LACTOSE-FREE milk.

Morning Snack - Grapes.

Lunch - Tossed salad with grilled chicken and light ranch dressing.

Afternoon Snack - Grapes. so far. but I also have a couple of Oreo Jello snacks in the fridge. calling my name. not lactose-free.

Also water and a cappaccino. I have a slight headache today, and took a couple of advil, but I am feeling incredibly well in spite of this. Potatoes and something will be dinner tonight, since my friend decided to empty her potato-garden and give most of it to me. But that's okay, 'cause... yum. With yummy toppings. Probably not lactose-free.

I kinda feel like i've been bit by a flu bug for the last couple of weeks. I am just EXHAUSTED, wow. I'm usually exhausted, but holy crow i'm really, REALLY exhausted these days...

My boyfriend placed 3rd overall in the 5k run, and 1st in his age category. I'm really happy for him, he did really well. He ran 5k in 21:35 (ish) and is planning on running it again next year. I hope he gets the running bug, because it will help me as well!!

We're spending our days trying to enjoy the last of summer/autumn and preparing for another cold winter. Lots of fastball yet to be played, and season-end wind-ups for this team and that team. Busy busy! Work is steadily increasing, which is driving me bonkers, but i'm hanging in there so far.

Right now i'm walking three days per week, no running at the moment but i'm hoping to work that in once I get myself a gym membership for the winter and can run on the nice shock-absorbing treadmill for a change. I'm really watching my nutrition because I think i'm lactose-intolerant and I keep getting really sick and depressed after a bout of pizza or ice cream!

I'm not running the race tomorrow. I've been sick for a few days and i'd be kidding myself if I thought i'd be able to run the thing. However, because I paid my registration already, I will be picking up my race-day package today and keeping the shirt.

I won't get a finisher's certificate. That sucks.

I've demoted myself to taking pictures of my boyfriend and my mother, both of which are participants. They suck.

I even took pledges for this race. To all the people who gave me money thinking I would finish the race - You suck.

Most of all. I suck.

I wonder what else I could be good at? I wonder, if I left my job today, what could I do that would make me happy?

It's too bad I don't know these answers... 'cause i'm ready to quit.

I'm sorry, but sometimes, I really hate people and their disgusting lack of morals. And I really wish I wasn't such an emotional person.

Two more workdays and then i'm on holidays for a week. Yay! I can't wait, really. I'm looking forward to being away from work for a little while - away from the people.

I did nothing yesterday in terms of exercise. I drove into the city after work to pick up some stuff my cousin bought at a baking supply store and by the time I got back home I was pooped! Too pooped to even eat!! Then I had a slo-pitch executive meeting (which was SO MUCH FUN, no really, really, it was...), got home, took a bath, went to bed. THIS is the kind of day I want to remember to show people when they ask me how it's possible that I don't have any time to do anything with them. Tonight I will probably end up totally vegging out because i'm still tuckered from yesterday! This is just how it works, people, don't hurt the messenger.

My eating is so wicked good, though. Well, except for last night. Ok, screw it, my eating's not that great, but i'm drinking lots of water.

I've been getting the blues lately, and I can never seem to pick myself up out of the blues when they snag me. I'm not overly upset about anything in particular, I just would rather be sleeping. I mean, it's my god-given right, isn't it? To sleep? Even if it needs to be more than your usual eight hours? Even if, say, it needs to be more like fourteen? And please, could no one speak to me in those high, loud, pitchy voices? Also, if you don't mind, i'd rather you didn't touch me in any way, shape or form as this sets off alarms in my brain telling me to scream and swear and yell at you. I realize i'm not very good company at the moment, but would you rather I had a fake personality and turned on the bright shiney happy face when you know darn well I ain't never had no bright shiney happy face ever before in my life? So i'm blunt. So what? It's better than rude, ignorant, fake, cruel and a whole other plethora of modern day words. I'm honest.

That was a tangent. Just ignore me.

I managed to not wake up at all yesterday. I really don't know how I got through the day, to be honest witcha. Work was really busy for most of the day and when it wasn't, I was staring at my keyboard, zoning out for a few minutes at a time. I'm on 'zoner' time these days, constantly having to re-adjust my attention to whatever it is i'm trying to accomplish and regularly zoning out after just a few minutes of work. I've even zoned out like three times while writing this entry. It's very difficult to get through the day this way. Coffee. Thin, I need sommayour strong coffee.

I need to stop daydreaming.

Ah, coffee. Better.

We played our last game of slo-pitch last night, and we got POUNDED!! Holy, did we ever get pounded. I was stuck on first base again, but I was having a good night catching balls so it was okay. My hitting sucked though. I didn't even get on base! And I think I pulled a muscle in my leg. Oh, am I complaining again?!!

Summer is so busy that i'm starting to not like it. And I already don't like winter. Things are NOT looking good for me! Anyways, I have next week off work, and my boyfriend and I are planning a road trip to Minnesota for a fastball tournament he's playing in. I hope I can relax there. I think I will force myself to relax. Maybe i'll spend the whole week in the hotel room. Watching movies and sleeping. Oh, I could SO get used to that.

Haven't run since Saturday. Very busy today at work. Must go, cannot stay too long. Just wanted to say 'hi' and let you all know that i've done nothing good for the remainder of the weekend and I am hoping to wake myself up at some point today...