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legcramps - Thursday Jul 29, 2010

Weight: 165.0

Hi everyone, i'm back from vacation and had a wonderful time!  It was so nice to get away for a while; upon coming back home I truly felt that another little 'chunk' of the negativity i've been carrying around has fallen off.  I still have a long way to go, but I am trying to concentrate on living in the present and dropping the 'victim' persona.

I gained 5lbs while I was away.  My brother's family sure like to snack, not that i'm blaming them of course.  It's my own darn fault!  Anyways, i've already lost 1.5lbs since i've been back home, and am working on the rest as we speak!

Positive - I am home, where I have some wonderful friends who are taking up all my spare time!  No yardwork for me this week, haha!

No more negatives in these entries.  Well, I might vent from time to time, but i'm not going to make it a point to find something negative in each day.  That's sort of silly, don't you think?

Plan for today:

Breakfast - one slice multi-grain toast with peanut butter, coffee with sweetener.

ooo ooo - I bought myself some brown sugar cubes for my coffee.  Yum.  What a lovely treat!  It's amazing this little town even had any at the grocery store.

Lunch - i'm thinking a multi-grain turkey sandwich, mayo/mustard, sprouts and cheese.

Snack - yogurt and blueberries.

Dinner - hmmmn.

Exercise - i'd like to take the dog for a walk after work, though it is threatening rain.  instead, might just take an extra night off before getting back into routine.  that is, if no one calls me to do something else!

There's a great local concert coming up this weekend, and a folk festival in the city next weekend.  I love summer!

Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

geevee on 07/29/2010:
That sandwich sounds delicious. Yum yum!

just42day on 07/29/2010:
Yes, your sandwich does sound wonderful. Glad you had a great time away and feel more positively about things. Getting away sometimes can be the best medicine!

liza36 on 07/29/2010:
Glad you had a good vacation. And congrats on the loss of vaca-weight so far! Keep it up.

Umpqua on 07/29/2010:
Welcome back! Great attitude, it sounds like that vacation did wonders for you.

sweetpea1977 on 07/29/2010:
Welcome back! Glad you had a wonderful time with your family. :)

I do like that you are dropping the negatives. Noone is perfect so their is no reason to dwell on the mistakes. Instead, focus on all the good (positive) things that you were able to accomplish. :)

moogy on 07/29/2010:
Who is this new woman, with the wonderful positive attitude!!!LOL Wonderful and a pretty good looking menu so far. Have a grea day.

V on 07/29/2010:
Welcome back :)

selina on 07/30/2010:
I'm so happy to hear you had a great vacation!

legcramps - Friday Jul 16, 2010

Weight: 165.0

I didn't weigh this morning, but I sure felt horrible about myself last night.  Of course, it didn't help that I came across my X and his gf (an x-friend of mine - you see the connection).  Sometimes I feel so unworthy of having love.  I just wish I could focus my spirit and mind elsewhere so that I could stop the hurting.  If I continue to have resentment i'll never be able to let it go.

I leave on holidays tomorrow morning for just over a week.  I probably won't have access to a computer so don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me until i'm back at home.  I assure you i'll be having a blast!

I stuck to plan yesterday but had popcorn at the movies.  This morning isn't going well so far, and it's in direct relation to last night and my silly feelings of worthlessness.  A mocha and multi-grain bagel smothered with butter for breakfast.  This is not a good sign.

It's a sad day, which is unfortunate because otherwise i'd so be looking forward to holidays with my brother and his family.  As it is, I simply would rather sleep the day away or spend it grumbling at people I don't know.

Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 07/16/2010:
ahhh that of the x's is awful... I think you'll get a much better one!!! Maybe during holidays ;-)

Moody3 on 07/16/2010:
I'm sorry that you're sad, but unfortunetly I understand the whole broken heart/hard to get over ex thing. We all do. Running into your ex who is teamed up with someone who used to be your friend is a double whammy~Ouch. Go easy on yourself.

I am working on loving myself~I too have feelings of worthlessness~wondering if I am worthy of love..Is there something wrong with me, that kind of thing. I know better tho~and I know YOU know better about yourself. Someone is going to be very lucky and very blessed to have you as his one of these days~And he will cherish who you are and what you have to offer~

Please try to shake off last night~don't let him continue to have any control over you or your emotions..I know that's easier said than done~I don't suppose you "meant" to run into them and it was kind of a shock to the system and threw you for a loop~totally understandable. But try to let it go~focus on YOU~Enjoy your vacation and your brother and his family!!

tangalyn on 07/16/2010:
plz get rid of those feeings of worthlessness, u deserve so much better than to feel that way. hope ur day gets better, hugs

Umpqua on 07/16/2010:
Sorry you had a bad night. I remember you mentioning your boyfriend all the time back when I was on here pre-pregnancy and I wondered what had happened. That sucks...but living well is the best revenge, right? I hope you have an excellent holiday with your family!!

V on 07/16/2010:
Don't be down in the dumps you are going to be surrounded with love from your family! Have a wonderful time :)

nita51 on 07/17/2010:
I know the feeling,,,,How about walking in and catching your husband with your ( suppose to be ) best friend???? It happened to me, and It was the greatest hurts of my life. But girl, I dumped his behind and became stronger than I ever knew I could be. Somewhere, there is a good man for you,,, Just keep on believing that and keep loving yourself. Hugs!

Maria7 on 07/17/2010:
Hang in there! :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/18/2010:
Oh, yes...the other girl. Yeah, I think we have all grown to hate the other girl. And hate our exes for being with them....something like that anyway.

I feel like you are setting yourself up for failure...saying things like "this is going well so far..." you can do this. so, it's not going well, doesn't mean that it can't go well later. You can change what hasn't happened yet. Do not let something you did in the past spoil the rest of your day!

legcramps - Thursday Jul 15, 2010

Weight: 165.0

I hurt.  If you could see me right now, you'd see the pain in my glossed over eyes.

So I took an advil and we'll see what happens.

I had to run so much last night during slo-pitch that I literally had to sit out one defensive inning in order to regain my breath.  I believe the muscles in the right side of my back are swollen - ah damnit, I should have taken a muscle relaxant.  Think well today, I do not.

Sugar-free jello and 1/8 oz of alcohol.  You can do so much with it.  If anyone wants to know what kinds we used, I can be all over that for 'ya.  YUM.  We won with such startling intensity that we've agreed if it wasn't so damn expensive we'd have jello shots every Wednesday.

Positive - We played and won against my old slo-pitch team.  I don't know why, but that feels pretty good.  My new team rocks.

Negative - I didn't get the grass cut.  I'll have to do that today.

Plan for today - same as yesterday!

Exercise - cut grass

Other - prepare for trip, watch Eclipse

Have a great day everyone!

Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 07/15/2010:
That jello shot probably has no carbs in it either (most of the hard liquors don't). Too bad I'm not supposed to have alcohol during induction :P

getmebackto150 on 07/15/2010:
thanks! I LOVE jello shots... Haven't had them in ages... YUM!!

V on 07/15/2010:
I can't have booze either so I live vicariously through you all! But 1 more month and I will be able to

Moody3 on 07/15/2010:
Can't say that I've ever had a jello shot, but would love to try one!! What kind of alcohol do you typically use?

Sorry you're so achey~hope the muscle relaxant helps..Maybe a soak in a hot bath too~Take care of yourself!

selina on 07/16/2010:
I hope the meds helped you with the pains... :(

selina on 07/16/2010:
I haven't watched Eclipse but read the book... enjoy!

legcramps - Wednesday Jul 14, 2010

Weight: 165.5

The Twix Monster jumped me not three minutes ago.  Serious.  This is how it went down:

At 2:30pm, I decided to make myself a 40 calorie frappaccino using a baggie of foamy powder stuff and some boiling water.  Using a large sippy cup (travel mug), I decided to use two baggies (80 calories) and juice it up a bit.  misssssss....take.  First of all, the powder foamed over and ran all over my hands.  Next, I took a sip and just about threw up because it literally STUNK of caffeine.  WAYyy too much caffeine.  Ok, lesson learned.

But the evil that is chocolate wouldn't go away that easily.  After my half-hour beligerant attempt to make the above, I had a quickie meeting.  3:30pm rolls around and the only thing i'm thinking of is how I can get me some chocolate.

4:00pm I stumble down to the cafeteria, in a weakened state due to all the thoughts of eating chocolate, drinking chocolate, swimming in cocoa puffs with skim milk... I grab some change from my purse and start feeding the vending machine.  The Twix Monster yells out "MORE" over and over until I finally realize I don't have enough money.

4:05pm I stand in front of the vending machine and sob uncontrollably.  The Twix Monster cries with me.

4:07pm a co-worker stops me in the hallway and asks what's wrong.  Upon learning of my unfortunate situation, he offers me the 25 cents I need to complete my purchase.  I grab it from his hand, turn, and run back to the machine.  The Twix Monster grins at my co-worker which causes him to run screaming in terror out of the building.

4:10pm the Twix bar is in my hand and I feel calm, steady, peaceful even.  I break open the foil only two steps into my walk back to my desk. 

4:25pm (present).  The foil sits in the garbage can while I sit at my desk, beaten again.  But joyfully buzzed.  It doesn't take much.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

V on 07/14/2010:
You are a great story teller!I was sitting on the edge of my seat..Have a good evening and try not to let the Big Bad Twix Monster frighten you again...lol

grumpy on 07/15/2010:
I really enjoyed reading this. you're so cute. hope you're doing well too. don't let the twix monster bite! :)

legcramps - Wednesday Jul 14, 2010

Weight: 165.5

These old bones are creaking badly this morning.  Thank goodness I found out yesterday that I don't have to play ball on Friday.  Only one more game this week!  I can do that.  I won't be able to walk for two days afterwards, but I can play one more game!

Mom helped me hill the corn and potatoes yesterday, just a few more corn plants to do, some weeding, and cut the grass today.  whew.

I was suffering greatly under my "Meatless" week policies.  I caved yesterday and bought me some pig.  Well, I tried, didn't I?  I was feeling weak and grumpy and wasn't interested in eating yet another bowl of lentil casserole.  I just wasn't.  You'd think i'd have more determination since it was only day 3.

Positive - Holidays soon!

Negative - My back hurts.

Plan for today:

Breakfast - coffee and yogurt

Lunch - black bean burritos

Snack - cucumber and peanut butter

Dinner - lentil casserole with extra rice and maybe we'll slop some ketchup on top

Exercise - cut grass; slo-pitch

Other - one of my teammates has to payback for striking out a few times during the season.  she's making jello shooters for tonight.  It could be an incredibly bad day tomorrow.  don't worry.  I'll let you know.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 07/14/2010:
what is in your lentil casserole? I would like to try it if you have the recipe... I hear you on the craving meat lol... I'm a newfound vegetarian (since april) and have had many meat cravings... so much that I allow myself seafood once per month to keep from going crazy... lol

geevee on 07/14/2010:
I couldn't make it with the lentils again yesterday either and instead asked my son for 4 oz of his steak! I couldn't help it. It smelled so good!

V on 07/14/2010:
Good luck resisting jello shooters,on the other hand how bad can they be for you if she used sugar free jello,lol

legcramps - Tuesday Jul 13, 2010

Weight: 165.5

Quick discovery made that needs to be documented:  (absolutely nothing to do with dieting)

I have discovered why people know so much more than I.

It's because they blab blab blab ALL DAY LONG.  In depth conversations about the size of freakin' HORSE POOH for goodness' sake!

God help me, i'm an idiot.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

Moody3 on 07/13/2010:
LOL~thanks for the laugh~really needed that!!!

legcramps - Tuesday Jul 13, 2010

Weight: 165.5

Crazy week!  Excellent!

Monday - slo-pitch; started packing; paid bills

Tuesday - slo-pitch; hill garden or cut grass

Wednesday - slo-pitch; garden or grass (whichever one I didn't do on Tuesday)

Thursday - pack etc; watch Eclipse; take lawnmower back to Mom's.

Friday - slo-pitch; sleep!

Saturday - leave for trip 0400 hrs!!!

Four friggin days of slo-pitch.  That should lose me a pound or two.

I apologize for my lack of discipline yesterday with the tempting picture of the evil chocolate cake.  I didn't mean to post it.  Really.

Plan for today is the same as yesterday's.  It's really hard to go meatless - i'm craving all sorts of meaty dishes... some that I haven't even tried in my lifetime, like braised rabbit and lamb skillet.  The worst part about this week is that there are a dozen beefed up cabbage rolls sitting in the freezer.  I've been thinking of them like you'd think of a lover you haven't seen in months.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

geevee on 07/13/2010:
Comparing cabbage rolls to a long lost lover has me laughing out loud here at the library!

Umpqua on 07/13/2010:
LOL! I really don't think I could give up meat. Tried it briefly in college and it just doesn't work for me. That said, I've had rabbit (yum) and am a huge lamb fan. Enjoy your busy week!

legcramps - Monday Jul 12, 2010

Weight: 165.5

I could think of a few Black Magic Moments to celebrate with a cake like this one.  Not that all i'm doing today is drooling over pictures of chocolate cake.  I managed to make a phone call and send an e-mail so far...



Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 07/13/2010:
Oh. Oh my :)

biscottibody59 on 07/13/2010:
Hey there! To answer your question--no, I don't think it's the walking. This is the least activity/exercise I've gotten in a long time, but it's consistent--so not at all bad. I think what may be happening is that I'm just not eating much fat or calories (compared to what I had been).

I had a couple/three weeks with something going on with my gut, which made me full really quickly (sometimes it came with some pressure too). I still don't know what was going on there. At any rate that resolved, but I was very cautious about what I was eating. Though I was writing down my food, I didn't count calories much, so I think the little restriction I ended up doing at night because of the physical ill may have jumpstarted something. I then cut back on fat and really increased fiber (fruit/veg) there for awhile. I've toned that down just to see what I could get away with eating here and there since then.

Also I've just about eliminated all high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) in the form of soft drinks/soda waters. I wasn't drinking all that much anyway, but I seem to have a sensitivity to it. It's hard to put my finger on it, I'm just better off not making it a choice. On that same count, I had cut out ANYTHING with HFCS a couple years ago and it seemed to have some effect then as well--calming and just reducing cravings altogether.

All the research, etc more or less says the body doesn't differentiate HFCS from sugar, but I think the difference with me is that if I use sugar, I'm putting it in/on food myself. I'm controlling it. And the average cup of soda has upwards of 10 tsp of sugar (in the form of HFCS usually). Who's going to go to the kitchen and make a glass of tea for instance and put 10 tsp of sugar in it:-)

Anyway. A long-winded answer to say: I'm not sure, but I did make a few changes. I try to get at least 6 hrs sleep/night. And some of the eating changes made during my ill period in June/July have stuck. The walking helped, but it's not the key.

legcramps - Monday Jul 12, 2010

Weight: 165.5

wuuurrlllagghh. blah. monday.

My eating the past few days has been... Distracted.  At certain times, i've only eaten when hungry.  Other times, it's like there's a gaping hole in my stomach that will NEVER be filled.  What is the issue?  I think it's boredom.  I worked hard each day, but once I was back in the house facing a book or the computer, I couldn't stop thinking about what to eat.  This is such a nuisance and I can feel that I am not as motivated as I should be. 

I worked for three hours yesterday in the garden, and by the end of it felt as though i'd been hit by a semi-truck full of sticky watermelon.  I felt icky for the rest of the day, and aptly managed to keep my belly full until bedtime.  Must get past these ISSUES!!!

This week is herein named "Meatless Week".  Bean burritos and a lentil casserole are the main courses for the week.  Perhaps some fish if I have enough motivation to prepare and cook it.

Positive - 5 more workdays and i'm off on vacation to visit my brother and his family.

Negative - I will be ten times more exhausted when I get back from vacation as my brother and his family are GO people and I am so totally NOT.

Plan for today:

Breakfast - coffee, yogurt with fruit

Lunch - black bean burritos

Snack - celery and peanut butter

Dinner - lentil casserole

Exercise - slo-pitch

Other - the potatoes and corn need to be hilled this week before I leave.  I don't think I like gardens much.  And I really don't like weeding flower beds - damn bees prevented me from finishing the job.  Next year - Grass Seed.  Haha, I say that now, but I just KNOW my mother would never let that happen!

Carry on then!

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

geevee on 07/12/2010:
You echoed my thoughts and problems exactly! All last week I constantly hungry. I'd eat, and then feel as if I hadn't. it's so hard to "fill up" when your stomach feels like a bottomless pit.

This week is the second vegetarian week in a row for me. Last week the only meat I had was half a c hicken breast.

And filling up on water as some suggest doesn't work for me.

legcramps - Wednesday Jul 07, 2010

Weight: 165.5

Death to Chocolate!

Death to salty tortillas!

Death to chicken pasta dishes!

It is amazing how a change in your diet lasting all of two days will have such an effect on the numbers.  I can also feel it, especially in my tummy area - the bloating is awful.  I have nothing to blame except my own indiscretions.  The lesson?  "How to Keep Yourself Busy When Bored Without Walking to the Snack Drawer 21 Times".  That, and how to refrain from purchasing ready made meals from the grocery store when you have all the ingredients you need to make your own.

Positive - The weather really has been great as of late.  Very pleased with Mother Nature right now.

Negative - I would be extra pleased with myself if I could get past the number and focus on the way I feel and be more mindful of what I put in my mouth.

Plan for today:

It's BORING!!!  You don't want to hear it any more than I do, right?!  I'm just getting sick of writing the same things down, everyday.  I love BORING eating, but I hate having to write it down all the time.  So today, i'm being a rebel.

Slo-pitch tonight.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

liza36 on 07/07/2010:
Legcramps, this entry made me smile, because I see myself in what you wrote. Just yesterday I was driving home from work, thinking what quick fix could I have for dinner, even though I had everything at home to make something healthy. I do that WAY too often, and then waste food at home. I also feel incredibly boring, and don't write every day, because it's the "same old, same old". Anyway, I love to tune in everyday to read your entries, and I love the positive, negative you write. I think it forces at least one positive thought, which it good. Hang in there!!

sweetpea1977 on 07/07/2010:
lol, I feel that my entry and daily plans are boring too but I HAVE to write it down because if I dont, it is too easy for me to slip up. :)

I totally agree with you on cats being dirtier animals than dogs. One of my pet peeves is seeing cats walking on counters and tables. It grosses me out because I mean, they were walking around in their bathroom before they jumped onto the places where I prepare and eat food. Ugh. Yep, I am a dog person and I tolerate the existence of my husband's cats because I love him that much. :)

Umpqua on 07/07/2010:
I wish I could say death to chocolate but that would be impossible for me. Chocolate and I have reached a somewhat peaceable understanding - most of the time :)

loveray on 07/07/2010:
haha i love your entry. and thank you so much for your kind words- im hoping everything works out the way it's supposed to.

nita51 on 07/07/2010:
So true., some more than others, but I need a major construction. LOL Love you thanks for compliment.

just42day on 07/07/2010:
Glad that Mother Nature has been smiling down favorably on you! Sure wish we could just get a "bad food" voodoo doll and whisk away all the temptations! I struggle with that,too. Some days I can conquer the demons, other days I just join the devil. Have been keeping him a bay the past few days. Hope you can too!

biscottibody59 on 07/08/2010:
Well, I find writing my food down for anyone else but me to be boring. I don't find your entry boring at all--pretty amusing actually!

ElizabethBennet on 07/08/2010:
Indeed!! Loved it!

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