Blah, i'm sick today and I even missed work (or about five hours of it, anyways). So i'm just sitting around because i've gotten way too much sleep already and I don't know what else to do because....i'm sick!

I went absolutely psychotic today with food. When I weighed myself on Monday morning I was so upset about not getting anywhere, and here I go again. This coming Monday I will be just as upset as last Monday. Argh. Anyhow, eating and drinking lots of water was the only thing that kept me happy and in a decently good mood. I don't know what's with the water - usually when i'm sick water is the last thing i'm craving. But it's a good thing, so I won't question it too much.

I will miss kickboxing class tonight and that upsets me. Not because I need the exercise (although I do) or because i'm not following 'The Plan', but because I really like the class and don't want to miss out on any part of it! I bet my instructor would love to hear that...

Peanut butter sandwiches and fast food. Lord, love a duck.

Another kickboxing class came and went last night. It was good, although I was glad that it wasn't quite as hard-core cardio as the past classes have been. It was nice to get a bit of a break there, but we did learn a lot - four basic kicks and four basic punches - and started putting them together using focus guards. Quite a bit of fun, I have to say, especially when I just about got cracked in the head by my partner who must not have been watching where she was punching. Yikes. Focus!

Anyhow, i'm off today and have been lazing the day away but i'm quite alright with that and plan to do same for the rest of the day as well. Maybe some reading here and there, but mostly just lounging and being a lazy bum. They always say you should do the things you're naturally good at.

So the weekend will probably fly by and it will be Tuesday again before I know it and probably before I get on here with another update. So i'll just say it now...yep...dreading the next kickboxing class already. It's a good thing they're fun and even though I dread them I also look forward to them. That's a big change from other aerobics classes. This one is definitely more disciplined, and from experience i've realized that discipline is exactly the thing I need. I should have joined the army.

So I continue weighing myself each Monday morning, with little result. I have to ask myself what i'm doing wrong. And my self says back to me "Face it, you really aren't trying very hard. You think joining a kickboxing class will be enough? You think the odd run every week is going to be enough? You need to back off of those bread and butter binges girl! Ya need ta CONTROL yourself!"

After pile-driving through the muffins in about three days (and I made a lot of muffins), I made even more. And this time I dropped the low fat bran in favor of double double chocolate. Add to that the daily breakfasts of eggs and bagels and cheese, and mochas coming out my ying-yang, there you have it. And all said while munching on a chocolate bar!!! Seriously, I don't even know where my head's at anymore!

The first kickboxing class came and went, and I was sore for about three days afterwards. Just goes to show how many muscles I was NOT using. I think it must have been every single one of 'em, 'cause they ALL hurt. Another class tonight and i'm dreading it already. The instructor sure knows the boot camp basics...

What else...my boyfriend's mother insinuated that I was ugly (she was joking, but the insult still reverberates...i'm not good with criticism even if it's false), I am now officially part of the 'old' group at birthday party suppers (you know, two separate groups - the young people and the old people), and i'm really starting to not like my job (or the people I work with, one of the two).

Sometimes I wish I could just be happy with what I have and stop thinking it could be so much better. Sure, ignorance is bliss, but it would be best if I didn't have to be in the situation in the first place. Then I wouldn't know any better. Okay, quit blubbering.

Wallyball might be starting up again. There's another good fat-burner.

Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments! Even though I only ran the 5k race I feel like i've accomplished a lot and i'm ready for the next hurdle life throws at me.

It's busy around here and i'm guessing it will stay that way for a few weeks. Work starts again tomorrow and I don't feel like going back. Once you get a couple days off it's really hard to re-motivate yourself to go back to work. Or it is for me, anyways.

So i'm spending the day with some friends, doing some baking (low fat bran muffins and carrot muffins and some self-indulgent chocolate muffins), and putzing around the house with other things like laundry and cleaning. It's a good day - sunny outside and I feel somewhat relaxed so that's good.

I made a terrible mistake and weighed myself the other day. Oy! I didn't think i'd ever see that number again. I just can't even bring myself to admit what it was - but it was bad. Weighed myself again this morning and I was down a few pounds. I guess reality kicked in. I'm going to have to make it a habit to weigh myself, otherwise things just start getting out of hand.

I'm re-joining kickboxing this fall, but will enter the fitness workouts and not the competitions - i'm not ready to get beat on quite yet. I'm hoping this will knock me into shape (it did last time) and get me ready for a wedding in October and a hot holiday in Jan/Feb '08!

Here's to fresh starts!

Hi all. So, the race is now over and i'm back to regular routines.

I was feeling terrible on Saturday, the day before the race. I'd gotten my monthly and being that it's always terrible, I was incredibly close to calling off the race. In the end, I decided not to. I figured it wasn't the time or what place I came in that was important - it was doing something that i'd never imagined myself doing - running long distance. So I told my boyfriend to look for me around the 45 minute mark, and I set off.

The first 20 minutes went by quickly. I had a couple quick stops during this time. Then came the park road. Here is where I struggled the most. I don't know why or how it came about, but I felt like stopping after only a few minutes of jogging. I stopped a few times here and then, towards the end of the road I stopped running altogether and just walked back to the highway. Once I got to the highway though I started running again and it was fine. So who knows what happened there.

I made it to the finish line in 36:28. I was proud of myself for finishing, especially when I thought it would take me 45 minutes to do it!

Next year, i'm doing it again. This time my boyfriend might join me. Next year, i'll have a better time. Promise.

Going to try a little run tonight and then going on a road trip with Dad tomorrow. Have a good weekend!

I'm going to try the run again tomorrow night instead of tonight. My hip is still a little sore (mostly just stiff), so I might just jump on the bike instead and call it a night.

I missed lunch today because of meetings, so went a little hog wild at dinnertime and now i'm stuffed. As always happens with me, my diet needs yet a little more tweaking to ensure i'm getting enough nutrients throughout the day so that i'm not stuffing my face at night.

Going to read through your entries now. Have a good night!

Okay, so I decided tonight that I was going to do a trial run to see where i'm at. And even though my hip gave out on me (about 3/4 of the way into my run) I did alright. My goal for this 5k run was initially going to be 30:00 minutes. I know there's no way I can get there now, so I changed it to 40:00 minutes. And I figured, if I could get 5k in under 40:00 minutes, I would be happy. So I ran tonight. And then I had to walk. And I got 4.5k in 36:16 minutes. So I figure, on Sunday, if my hip decides to give way again, I will have a decision to make. Either I walk the rest of the race, or I run it and take my chances. Whatever I do, I think I should make it in under 40:00 minutes! Yay me! (Sorry, but I take what I can get). And, if I decide to run it anyways (and suffer the consequences later, as usual), I might even get there in under 35:00 minutes. So, a good day, in my opinion.

I was close to continuing the run tonight, but in the end decided that tonight was not the night - Sunday would be the day I would have to make that kind of decision. No need to injure myself and then not be able to run the race at all.

I had some difficulties in the beginning of the run with getting enough oxygen in, but after a while I got my groove and didn't have much of a problem from then on. The biggest worry will be my body and whether the knees and hips will stand up to the plate or not.

I think i'm going to try again tomorrow, depending on how i'm feeling. I'll let you know how I do.

Dinner was pasta, pasta sauce with beef, and toast. Lots of water. Toast again after running (not that I deserved it, but this is MY life after all!!)

Oh, this is truly horrible - I am not ready for the race and there isn't enough time in the world to make me ready.

Now, is it horrible, or is it not? I can't seem to decide. On one hand, it IS quite terrible that I did not train as well as I thought I would. But then again, I have the habit of starting things without keeping the incentive to finish them. I am forced to finish this race because i've been pledged by friends, family, and co-workers alike. There is no excuse I could possibly come up with to get myself out of running this race. So, perhaps the lesson learned here is that it's not about the 'starting' or how well you train or work or study, it's about having the strength and courage to finish. And believe me, it will take a lot of both strength and courage for me to finish this race - probably crawling along the finish line and having everyone there to support me watching my slow advance towards hell and pitying me. Wholly and totally, pitying me.

I think I am okay with this. I think i've already made peace with myself and decided to overcome this obstacle and move forward to the next. And what does that mean for me? That means entering yet another race after this one. I don't know when and I don't know where. But sooner or later, I will have to be ready for a race and I will then be able to run it well and FINISH well and feel that I can add something more to my resume.

My boyfriend is home and that means confusion and chaos for me. But I am working hard to get through it all and it's working for me at the moment. I am much calmer and more noticeably organized than I was the last time he was home. I actually remember to wash the dishes each day. Now THAT, dear girl, is an accomplishment.

Still running around like a chicken with its head cut off...

Next year I will surely not take for granted the time during which my coworkers are on holidays. I will relish the time i'm given.

The race is fast approaching. Will I be ready? There is no possible way that I will be able to run the entire race. I've already resigned myself to that fact. That does not mean that I won't try, though. So we'll see how it goes and i'll train while I can and you know...just accomplish what I can and move on.

I don't really have much else to say, plus I have to get back to work anyways. So I hope everyone out there is doing great and if not - learn from MY mistakes!!!!

I knew i'd be kicking myself in the butt if I even mentioned the fact that July would slow down a bit. Gosh! I don't think i've stopped since I wrote my last entry. Yesterday after work I finally just slumped down on the couch and napped. Right after work and for a good couple of hours. Then I ate and went to bed.

Today I have a headache that is progressively getting worse and i'm not in a great mood. And i'm tired again. I'm getting nothing done!!! I hate these phases - and it's always like this for me. A good three weeks of nothing because i'm too drained to even pick up a dirty sock from the floor.

And so much to do - I need to start practicing my runs. I only have until the 26th to ensure I will be able to run this race. Oh, God, when I most need the motivation it totally deserts me! From where do I pull the energy I need???