I kinda feel like i've been bit by a flu bug for the last couple of weeks. I am just EXHAUSTED, wow. I'm usually exhausted, but holy crow i'm really, REALLY exhausted these days...

My boyfriend placed 3rd overall in the 5k run, and 1st in his age category. I'm really happy for him, he did really well. He ran 5k in 21:35 (ish) and is planning on running it again next year. I hope he gets the running bug, because it will help me as well!!

We're spending our days trying to enjoy the last of summer/autumn and preparing for another cold winter. Lots of fastball yet to be played, and season-end wind-ups for this team and that team. Busy busy! Work is steadily increasing, which is driving me bonkers, but i'm hanging in there so far.

Right now i'm walking three days per week, no running at the moment but i'm hoping to work that in once I get myself a gym membership for the winter and can run on the nice shock-absorbing treadmill for a change. I'm really watching my nutrition because I think i'm lactose-intolerant and I keep getting really sick and depressed after a bout of pizza or ice cream!

I'm not running the race tomorrow. I've been sick for a few days and i'd be kidding myself if I thought i'd be able to run the thing. However, because I paid my registration already, I will be picking up my race-day package today and keeping the shirt.

I won't get a finisher's certificate. That sucks.

I've demoted myself to taking pictures of my boyfriend and my mother, both of which are participants. They suck.

I even took pledges for this race. To all the people who gave me money thinking I would finish the race - You suck.

Most of all. I suck.

I wonder what else I could be good at? I wonder, if I left my job today, what could I do that would make me happy?

It's too bad I don't know these answers... 'cause i'm ready to quit.

I'm sorry, but sometimes, I really hate people and their disgusting lack of morals. And I really wish I wasn't such an emotional person.

Two more workdays and then i'm on holidays for a week. Yay! I can't wait, really. I'm looking forward to being away from work for a little while - away from the people.

I did nothing yesterday in terms of exercise. I drove into the city after work to pick up some stuff my cousin bought at a baking supply store and by the time I got back home I was pooped! Too pooped to even eat!! Then I had a slo-pitch executive meeting (which was SO MUCH FUN, no really, really, it was...), got home, took a bath, went to bed. THIS is the kind of day I want to remember to show people when they ask me how it's possible that I don't have any time to do anything with them. Tonight I will probably end up totally vegging out because i'm still tuckered from yesterday! This is just how it works, people, don't hurt the messenger.

My eating is so wicked good, though. Well, except for last night. Ok, screw it, my eating's not that great, but i'm drinking lots of water.

I've been getting the blues lately, and I can never seem to pick myself up out of the blues when they snag me. I'm not overly upset about anything in particular, I just would rather be sleeping. I mean, it's my god-given right, isn't it? To sleep? Even if it needs to be more than your usual eight hours? Even if, say, it needs to be more like fourteen? And please, could no one speak to me in those high, loud, pitchy voices? Also, if you don't mind, i'd rather you didn't touch me in any way, shape or form as this sets off alarms in my brain telling me to scream and swear and yell at you. I realize i'm not very good company at the moment, but would you rather I had a fake personality and turned on the bright shiney happy face when you know darn well I ain't never had no bright shiney happy face ever before in my life? So i'm blunt. So what? It's better than rude, ignorant, fake, cruel and a whole other plethora of modern day words. I'm honest.

That was a tangent. Just ignore me.

I managed to not wake up at all yesterday. I really don't know how I got through the day, to be honest witcha. Work was really busy for most of the day and when it wasn't, I was staring at my keyboard, zoning out for a few minutes at a time. I'm on 'zoner' time these days, constantly having to re-adjust my attention to whatever it is i'm trying to accomplish and regularly zoning out after just a few minutes of work. I've even zoned out like three times while writing this entry. It's very difficult to get through the day this way. Coffee. Thin, I need sommayour strong coffee.

I need to stop daydreaming.

Ah, coffee. Better.

We played our last game of slo-pitch last night, and we got POUNDED!! Holy, did we ever get pounded. I was stuck on first base again, but I was having a good night catching balls so it was okay. My hitting sucked though. I didn't even get on base! And I think I pulled a muscle in my leg. Oh, am I complaining again?!!

Summer is so busy that i'm starting to not like it. And I already don't like winter. Things are NOT looking good for me! Anyways, I have next week off work, and my boyfriend and I are planning a road trip to Minnesota for a fastball tournament he's playing in. I hope I can relax there. I think I will force myself to relax. Maybe i'll spend the whole week in the hotel room. Watching movies and sleeping. Oh, I could SO get used to that.

Haven't run since Saturday. Very busy today at work. Must go, cannot stay too long. Just wanted to say 'hi' and let you all know that i've done nothing good for the remainder of the weekend and I am hoping to wake myself up at some point today...

So, remember when I said that I had that 5k run at 6:30AM? Sharp? 6:30AM SHARP??? Can you guess what i'm going to say next?!!!

I didn't wake up in time.

Actually, the alarm did go off at the right time. We just kept hitting the 'snooze' button. hehe. so. When I finally did lift my head to see what time it was, it was already 6:15 and the run was shot. NO WAY was I going to try getting out there for 6:30, it just wasn't going to happen. I got out of bed, though, and went downstairs. Made myself a toasted multi-grain bagel with peanut butter and a mocha. Waited about a half hour, then suited up and went for a run. I am proud of myself. Even though I missed the town's run, I still went out on my own. Although, I still sucked and I still didn't make it a full 3 miles:

splits:

mile 1: 12:52

mile 2: 14:29

407ft: 1:16

Time: 28:37

I took three walk breaks, the first one only a 1/2 mile into the run. The second one five minutes after the first, and so on and so forth. My runs went from 5 1/2 minutes all the way down to 2 minutes, until I finally couldn't handle it anymore and walked the rest of the 2 miles. I tell 'ya, I was DONE. I think I may even have vomited a little in my mouth, that's how done I was. When I was running I could feel my face getting warmer and warmer, and then I couldn't breath very well and I was gasping for air and it sounded like I was having an asthma attack for goodness' sake. That's when I finally stopped and decided it was probably a good thing that I never went into that 5k run.

I would never have made it to the end.

I am going to complain. Again. So be warned...

I got home from work yesterday and no one was home, not even my little puppies who would listen to me if i'd had a hard day and wanted to talk about it. And i'd had a hard day yesterday, and I wanted to talk about it. Everyone was gone. I can't remember everything that was bothering me, but it had a lot to do with being miserable for most of the workday and LETTING every little thing bother me. So when I realized they were gone, I left a voice message with my boyfriend demanding to know where MY dogs were. That's right. My dogs. MINE. (yea right). And did he think that it might be nice of him to let me know next time when he decides to take off and take the dogs with him??? Seriously. I'd been home for two minutes. TWO minutes, and I was on the rampage.

I calmed down a bit after about a half hour, and let myself lay down on the couch and vegetate. When my boyfriend got home (with the dogs) I was already much better, although I still had to explain the nasty voice message i'd left him. He REALLY wanted to know what was wrong with me - and I added to the concern by telling him that I REALLY wanted to know what was wrong with me too. In the end, we went for dinner with his family (who are always able to cheer me up, no matter what) and then the two of us went for a long drive. Of course, as soon as we got home he was back on the phone, calling his buddies and making plans for the weekend. But hey. At least I had a couple of hours, right?

The moral? I'm a suck and I need attention. Just like I need people to read my journals, I also need my boyfriend to spend some time with me. Awe, nuts, it's just been a long summer, 'ya know??

OOOOO, I forgot to mention. There's a 3, 5 and 10k run this Saturday (6:30AM!!!) in my small small town. Unbelievable. And if I don't take advantage of this, God will probably strike me down (it actually IS probable with all the storms and thunder and lightning we've had lately). So. I will be running the 5k (let's not overdo it, huh?!) Saturday morning, 6:30AM sharp. However: I have not registered (you can only register on that day) and did I mention it's at 6:30AM???!

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I'm sucking back the water today as if I was actually really, really thirsty. Which i'm not. But I ate too many slices of pizza yesterday (my family really should learn what is healthy and what is not, we all could use a little help in the weight-loss department. ooo. Did that sound mean? I think i'm in a rotten mood. Just noticed that now. Ok. Tangent. Back to my story) and I feel really bloated and BIG. So i'm trying to drink lots of water so that... well, I don't know why, I can't even think straight today.

I got, like, ten hours of sleep last night (don't know why that affected my brain so negatively today, but it did) because I was going to get up and run this morning but once morning rolled around I changed my mind. As usual. And stayed in bed for an extra two hours. I amaze myself sometimes. No, all the time. I have so many levels of LAZY and I keep finding more and more levels everyday!

I don't want to be at work today. I want to go back to bed. I've had my coffee (which usually wakes me up) and it's past 10am (when I really 'wake up') and I still just want to go back to bed. I know why, too. All that cheese last night. hooooyeeee. yea. I know that crap screws with my head, but I can't keep myself from reaching for it when it's sitting right in front of me. Cheese pizza. Gosh, why don't I think about these things???!

So, I hate to be a journaller who is always so negative and sarcastic, but I guess that's just how it is. You know what? Seriously, everything is bothering me right now. I swear if someone so much as walked up to me and touched my shoulder, I would lose it on them. CHEESE, dudes. I need a cheese 'hate on' to happen here.

OMG.

Seriously? I'm an IDIOT...

OMG.

I freakin' missed my doctor's appointment. Just went right ahead and forgot all about it.

Id.

Iot.

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I was going to be all 'grumpy' again today (no offense, grumpy) and was forming my first grump-fest sentence as I was logging on, but then I read the comments I got from yesterday's post. And decided. Maybe. JUST maybe. I'm being a little over-dramatic. Just so everyone is aware, MOST of the time i'm only being sarcastic. I know it doesn't translate to online journals very well, so I just want you all to know - i'm not gonna hurt anybody, i'm not a vengeful person (most of the time) and I really DO like rainbows and mittons and fluffy white kittens. Those ARE a few of my favorite things. REALLY. So, come on back and read me! Read Me! READ ME!!!!!

I was down for a couple of days with my period. Him and I, we get along like a road runner and a brick wall. We layed in bed together for two straight days while I kept asking him "why?" and he kept replying "'cause I can". "why?" "'cause I can". Jeebers, I could just... oh, right, no more of that. So I made a doctor's appointment for today to a: get my test results, and b: get birth control. Enough of this malarky. I was in so much pain I think I cried for about four hours straight. Ok, so I cry easily. Not the point! Moral of the story - NO ONE should have to be in so much pain! Actually, I thought I was just being a baby until last night when I got my legs waxed. It didn't hurt. Not one bit (ok, maybe ONE bit). It was actually... a nice change.

So I didn't do any running yet. My big 500 mile goal is still looming in front of me, but i'll work at it slowly and chip away until it gets a little more exciting when i'm only, say... 200 miles away. Okay, so, lots to look forward to... oh, quit with the sarcasm legcramps, GEEZ.

Slo-pitch playoffs are on right now, we got rained out yesterday so we're trying again today (hopefully it doesn't rain, but the forecast shows rain) and probably will have to play tomorrow night as well. Last night our ball diamond was hit with lightening. It was pretty scary - it sort of forked out and hit the posts on the fence or something, along with a HUGE crashing sound. I nearly went deaf but since i'm almost already deaf it didn't really make much of a difference. At the same time lightening hit again on the other side of the diamond, even closer to us. Yup. Just call me the storm chaser. Actually, call me the 'gets chased by storms' girl. That's more like it. Those suckers just don't LIKE me for some reason.