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legcramps - Thursday Feb 10, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Yesterday: I finally managed to down a whole package of oatmeal with milk, I also had two smoothies, almost a whole container of yogurt (which is just over 300 cals), 3T fat-free hot chocolate and two perogies.

Plan for Today: toast with margarine, orange, 1c orange juice, ham sandwich on multigrain bread, 2pcs cucumber; dinner, as usual, is up in the air.

I might go out for dinner tonight for steak because it's my birthday today and i'd get the meal free. That is, salad, steak with baked potatoe, and garlic bread. I'd also get a free shooter though, and since i've given up alcohol for lent, i'd have to pay $20 into the "Lent Box" for that planned mistake. And i'm not about to do that on the second day of Lent. So, we may not go at all. It's not like I need steak anyways. Nor do I need potatoes and garlic bread.

I'm calling a friend tonight and hopefully he's going to hook me up with a couple volleyball games tonight. I'm going through volleyball withdrawal and I need some exercise badly. I hope I can play; if not, maybe I can play with BF's team. I'm desperate here.

I was in a meeting this morning, where my boss told me in not so many words that i'll be around until June for sure, that's if I want to stay. Well, that's a start, seeing as I thought i'd be gone by the end of the month if there was no other job in the company to apply for. I've now applied for two positions, but if I don't get them at least now I know i'll be here until June for sure. And after that there should be a couple more positions opening up. Maybe i've been worrying about nothing. Let's knock on wood just for the heck of it.

breakaway on 02/10/2005:
YOu have problems with oatmeal too? I hate oatmeal and I'm suppose to eat it every morning per docs orders but havn't been able to bring myself to do it. lol Lent is pretty difficult to go through I hear but seems you are doing just fine. Yes, go out for that steak if it's free. ITs not that bad if you ahve baked potato rather then fries. I'm sure you will make the right choices. have a great day today!

legcramps - Wednesday Feb 09, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Yesterday: a couple mouthfuls of oatmeal and milk, 2T fat free chocolate mix, 80 cal smoothie, a ham sub on white unfortunately (the whole thing was 200 cals), 1/2L water and a few chips. I was still very sickly and therefore wasn't able to eat much.

Today is the first day of Lent, or Ash Wednesday. I will be attending mass tonight and will be semi-fasting throughout the day. Of course that means:

Plan for Today: again I could only swallow a couple mouthfuls of oatmeal this morning, hot chocolate, 2 fruit smoothies, lots of yogurt and hopefully more oatmeal.

I'm giving up alcohol for Lent. Trust me, it's quite a sacrifice...

breakaway on 02/09/2005:
Good job giving up the alcohol! You did great. Hang in there

Umpqua on 02/10/2005:
Giving up alcohol would be quite a sacrifice for me - I give you a lot of credit! Sorry you haven't been feeling good. My stomach was acting up yesterday too, but I suppose that's because of all the crap I ate. I hope you have a great day and a good fast!

legcramps - Tuesday Feb 08, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Breakaway - the smoothie is actually a Danone Sillouette product. It's a little chalky-tasting, but that figures because it's made with yogurt and I think yogurt tastes chalky. I saw 'em in the grocery store and thought i'd give it a try. There's four to a container.

Yesterday: I didn't write it all down in my journal, so this is purely guessing. I have such a bad memory. Oatmeal and milk, one whole wheat bun with margarine, 1T fat-free hot chocolate mix, 200ml smoothie, 2 ham and turkey subs (with mustard and cheese, lettuce and pickles), several glasses of gingerale. I'm really not sure what else.

Plan for Today: I had 2T of oatmeal with milk this morning and that's it so far. Not feeling extremely hungry today. I brought another smoothie for this morning, and there's a couple more sub buns so I might finish them off today. I have a meeting tonight and I need to run some chores that I wanted to do yesterday and was too sick to do. So it'll be busy.

Off I go to comment now...

Umpqua on 02/08/2005:
The smoothies I drink are a little chalky too, but they're not so bad. I'm afraid our work will never be done with this house! After the kitchen we have to gut and remodel the bathroom, finish stripping and staining the front staircase, and paint the back hall. Plus some new vinyl flooring to lay down and hardwood floors to refinish...Then there's some touchup work in the downstairs apartment and we can finally rent it. Then it's on to the attic (we want to finish it and make a bedroom and bath up there). Maybe in a couple of years we'll be halfway there! ;)

borntocry on 02/08/2005:
You've never had Nutella? It's a chocolate hazelnut spread. Imagine something with the texture of smooth peanut butter, but the taste of chocolate syrup, or chocolate fudge sauce, like the kind you put on ice-cream. Sounds like a gross thing to put on bread, but let me tell you... peanut butter and jelly sounds pretty gross to the uninitiated too. Have you ever had those round Ferrero Rocher chocolates? That's Nutella inside them. Anyway, it's a real diet-killer. 100 calories a tablespoon!

breakaway on 02/08/2005:
Thanks for that info. I did get some smoothies at the store last night when I saw them. THey are orange flavored and my son loves them. I'm going to try one in the morning. Your doing jsut fine and wanted to tell you taht you have been a good influence on us! Keep upthe good work

Becca27 on 02/09/2005:
I've been making smoothies every day. I have a Braun immersion blender and it's awesome. I put in frozen or fresh fruit (blueberries, raspberries, peaches, strawberries, or bananas), non fat / plain yogurt, 1/2 C OJ, and a tsp of honey. They tastes amazing and are very filling!! Sometimes, instead of OJ, I use skim milk.

legcramps - Monday Feb 07, 2005

Weight: 128.5

I knew i'd forgotten to do something on Friday; I must've been so out of sorts that I didn't realize that I hadn't weighed in. Well, I didn't over the weekend either. And, this morning surprised me with TOM so I didn't bother weighing in at all. I feel ill today.

Let's just say it like this Today: so far i've had oatmeal and milk, a whole wheat homemade dinner bun, toasted, with margarine, 1c of 50 cal hot chocolate. I brought a strawberry-banana smoothie to work with me for this morning, so i'll probably have that as well. (80 cals). That's darn close to 500 cals just for this morning, and I know i'll be feeling even worse this afternoon, which usually makes me feel sorry for myself and eat even more than usual. I'm going to try and get the afternoon off, but it might not work out.

Friday night I watched a movie and stayed in, Saturday was BF's birthday and since my friend's BF didn't call me regarding the dinner he was planning, I decided to not worry about it. I was awake by 7am on Saturday, went downstairs and cooked BF breakfast, then we took the dog for a run, then I went uptown and bought BF flowers and a card for his birthday. I know that may be a wierd gift to give a guy, but i'm crazy like that. He liked them though, maybe because no one's ever gotten him flowers before! I'm also making a scrapbook of BF and I and some special moments. It's not finished yet though, so I told him that was part of his gift but that he's not getting it unti it's done. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he wanted slippers for his birthday! Talk about leaving it to the last minute. I gave him my old red slippers and he's using them for now. BF's family and I went out for dinner. I had a chicken caesar salad. Then we went out and partied. Sunday we just sat around and recovered from the night before. It was actually a very nice weekend.

I think i've blabbed on long enough for today, so have a great day all! Until tomorrow.

borntocry on 02/07/2005:
Hehe, I got my husband flowers once too, and he really liked them as well. Neither of us is the type to like flowers, so it was a really weird gift, but I think that, like your boyfriend, he was kind of touched because no-one had ever given him flowers before.

breakaway on 02/07/2005:
you probablly did the right thing on waiting to weight in especially now. It may have only depressed you. Your doing really well though but we all know the water we can retain during our TOM. I am due tomorrow but the weight still came off :) I was lucky. Anyhow, the smoothie you had, was that a subway one? I was trying to find out exactly how they taste because i never had one before and I don't want to find out that I don't like it and waste it. Your scrapbook sounds wonderful and it's a great idea! You have a wonderful day today :)

legcramps - Friday Feb 04, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Late entry today. I must be busy but I don't feel as if i've gotten anything accomplished today.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice with 1c chili, 3 cookies from grandma's and a whole wheat bun. 1L water.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 4 chicken nuggets with ketchup, a whole wheat bun, 3T hot chocolate mix, dinner is up in the air. I'm getting used to saying that. And, by the way, those chicken nuggets are not the fast-food ones. I bought them at the grocery store and each one is near to an ounce, but not quite.

Maybe going out for dinner tonight, my treat. BF is working this afternoon and i'm so happy about that i'm willing to buy him dinner to thank his a$$ for finally getting out of the house again. He was getting used to the t.v. and the computer being the only sources of entertainment all day. The only down side is that I would have to cook dinner tonight. Hence the 'eat-out' idea that I suggested to him at lunchtime today. I'm not ready to delve back into that frame of mind yet.

I'm feeling better today. Last night I only got TWO phone calls, and went to a friend's house for coffee. Relaxing? Well, not quite, but as close as I can get it seems. Took Chewy for a run and I walked most of the way with him. That might be why i'm feeling more chipper today. Exercise.

Goals this month: send in passport application, get dog fixed, look into travel and medical insurance, apply for two other employment positions.

Apparently sitting on MY butt everyday doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would. I was going to do that for awhile after my temp position was over, but that's not until the 28th and i'm already looking for another job. Two positions look appetizing right now, so we'll see.

Umpqua on 02/05/2005:
Sounds like you're doing great with the food. I know what you've been saying about having alone time. Some days my phone rings nonstop and I feel like I just need time to myself. Many of my friends and family live far away so the phone is our main method of staying in touch. And conversations are a half hour minimum. Anyway, I hope you had a good dinner last night and get some more alone time soon!

borntocry on 02/06/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm flattered that you think I have so much energy, but really, I don't do much of anything these days. I only go running once a week now, and I have no friends or family here so not much by way of social commitments. I think you do tons more stuff than I do!

Speaking of which... I don't think it's selfish at all to want some time to yourself. Sometimes I don't even bother to answer my cellphone! I just let it ring and then later, when I'm in a better mood, I check my messages and call back everyone who called me.

Well, good luck with the job hunt!

legcramps - Thursday Feb 03, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice, 1c chili with a slice of bread. 1.5L water. 3T hot chocolate mix.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1/2c chili with 1/2c brown rice, dinner's still up in the air. 3L water (ya right).

I did do something for myself yesterday. Absolutely nothing. Well, I shouldn't say that. I tried to do absolutely nothing. Everyday for the last month i've been forcing myself to do something, even if it's simply quickly making a phone call to a friend. I've made such an attempt to help others out, to visit with friends and family, to get everything done. Yesterday, I drove to the movie store, picked out The Grudge, drove home and watched it. That's all I did after work. That is, until BF drove me crazy insisting that I wash the dishes because he cooked the dinner. Which I totally agree with, but did I have to do them THAT VERY SECOND? I went to sleep pissed off, and that's the way I woke up this morning. I can feel my whole body shake with anger everytime I think about these things. I tried to have a night to myself but it just didn't work. I'll try again tonight.

I have found that the problem with visiting more with family and friends is that they're constantly badgering you afterwards. My mother phoned me last night over three times just to talk. Bf's sister came over and just watched t.v. for half an hour, wanting to visit. I can't handle this!!! I'm not an outgoing person by nature, although when i'm in the right mood I love to visit. Does that mean i'm a selfish person because I didn't want to talk to any of these people yesterday? Sometimes I would rather be alone - you don't have to deal with all these things on a daily basis when you're a hermit. I think I am being selfish.

I can't wait for the weekend to get here. Although I have a lot to do, I will be able to sleep in for an extra hour or so each morning, and won't that be nice!!

Re: commenting yesterday. My computer was working about as slowly as I was. I'll try better today.

QT on 02/03/2005:
I have days like that, were I just want to be left alone, I've found the only way to get people to stay away is to say I'm sick and need to rest. I doesn't always work, but when it does it's great.

Becca27 on 02/03/2005:
Hi Legcramps,

I love "NOTHING" days - especially when they're rare - it makes them more appreciated. January turned into a big "nothing" month for me, and I'm having a difficult time shaking off the couch potato blues. I, too, love my time to myself and don't need to be real social. It's hard to have people pulling on you and wanting you to be on their time table. Rest up and look forward to tomorrow! It's almost Friday!!!

How was the Grudge?

Runner on 02/03/2005:
Good for you to take some time to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I LOVE days like that! When I was teaching high school students, I NEEDED days like that...even though I enjoy being social, everyone needs time to herself or himself. Don't feel selfish because you simply don't feel like talking. I'm a big believer in "down time." And too many people never take any "down time," therefore they are always stressed out!

Enjoy those quiet moments! :)

legcramps - Wednesday Feb 02, 2005

Weight: 128.5

I wore one of my skirts to work today with a very thick sweater, and i've just noticed that I can tuck in my sweater without sucking in my stomach. The skirt is made of heavy denim and I can also pull it right down over my hips without unzipping it. I must have made some improvement, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I notice my faults right away. I haven't weighed myself at all this week which is comendable given my attitude. It almost feels like my body is trying to trick me. I guess now I have to work on self-worth issues.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, toast, one weiner with ketchup and 1oz chicken, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links of sausage. 2.5L water. Ice cream for dessert. Oh yeah, and 1 mug mocha. (The chocolate mix is only 50 calories per mug).

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, salad with dressing, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links sausage if there's any left. 3L water. Another mug of mocha.

My meeting went well last night. I'm glad I decided to go to the slo-pitch meeting instead of the star search meeting. I needed to be around my friends. It really helped, just the brief interlude I had with them. My Chewy helped to cheer me up a little too. I went to sleep a lot calmer than I woke up. But I still can't seem to kick this emotion entirely out the window. Something still wants to pull me down.

I will comment today.

Umpqua on 02/02/2005:
Dogs are the best for helping with a bad mood! I'm glad you're feeling a little better. And remember, the scale doesn't always reflect your hard work. If your clothes are feeling loose that's a sure sign of improvement. Congratulations!

borntocry on 02/03/2005:
Hi legcramps! Thanks for your comment. I did indeed make one of my favourite dishes recently - sweet potato casserole - and it was just for me because my husband hates sweet potatoes! And now I'm back on track with renewed motivation!

I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better from the day before (sorry, I missed that entry). I know what you mean about feeling that your body is trying to trick you. I've also felt recently that my legs are looking a little thinner... but because I haven't actually weighed myself I'm sure that my eyes are just playing tricks on me... or that I'm just getting used to how I look and haven't actually changed at all.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon... take the advice that you gave me and do something just for yourself!

legcramps - Tuesday Feb 01, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Thanks BBody for your suggestion. I still haven't brought it up to BF.

Troubled and depressed today, yesterday, the day before. I could barely lift my head this morning to get out of bed. I shoudn't be overwhelmed, but I am. I'm at my breaking point and I have no idea how I got here in the first place. Seems like it just happened. Last night I sat on the couch and cried for half an hour. For no real reason other than self-pity. Kumbaya.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast, bread, weiners, low-fat ice cream. 1L water. No exercise.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, weiner, sausage and brown rice, low-fat fudgsicle. 3L water. Meeting tonight, no exercise.

Hopefully I can cheer myself up today, but if you asked me to right now i'd probably try punching you in the face. You know i'm kidding, right?

TheMother on 02/01/2005:
Sorry to hear you're feeling down and overwhelmed. What I've told my kids and myself when faced with this feeling - is to take ONE thing at a time. Whatever is the first priority, address that, then go to the next thing and so on. It will all get done in due time. My suggestion is to prioritize what needs immediate attention and what can be put on the back burner for the time being. As for the proposal/BD situation, can your friend's BF propose to her on Friday night instead? If not, how's about he takes her to dinner just the two of them and you and your BF do your thing and then meet up with them later to have a celebratory drink? This way, your friend will have "HER" moment and your BF can have his. I have to agree with Biscotti on the part about having an audience present when something so personal should be intimate...at least that's my view.

Cheer up...things will get better.


biscottibody59 on 02/01/2005:
I feel for you--I hope you get to feeling better--I know sometimes getting in some activity can help alleviate these feelings of despair--please take care of YOU today! Everything else can wait!

legcramps - Monday Jan 31, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Thanks, BTC for your concern. No, my weekend didn't go as badly as I thought it might. Actually, it went well. Okay, it went alright.

We went out once last week besides the pizza incident, for someone's birthday party. I had a grilled chicken caesar salad. I only had one drink that night, although Friday night I had a few more than that. I've been playing the Sims on the computer since I installed the darn game, and I can't seem to tear myself away from it long enough to accomplish anything else of great importance. I was awake until 2am on Sunday morning playing away.

My e-mail account isn't working yet. I hope no one has tried to e-mail me using the account I have set up here because I haven't used it in a long time. Once I get my new one up and running, i'll post it here for your info.

I'm impatient and stressed out.

I'm in a quandry that I haven't told BF about yet. His birthday is coming up on Saturday, but he hasn't planned anything yet. Yesterday my best friend's BF told me that he wants everyone to go out for dinner on Saturday and he's going to propose to her! I'm pleased, but I don't want to take the celebration away from BF's birthday. I need to be at this dinner because i'm going to be her maid of honor. Her BF said come to the dinner, then we'll all celebrate my BF's birthday. I don't think my friend would want this though. She wants it to be HER day and doesn't want to have to share it. I know because she already told me this. So I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions? I will have to talk to BF about it tonight.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast with margarine, hmmmmm what else.......no planning done again today. I'm in twubble.

biscottibody59 on 01/31/2005:
Sorry, but I'm very cynical about marriage anyway: Why on earth would a couple want an entourage when they do the "proposal thing"--I find this odd and presumptuous of him unless it's just plain ceremonial and then it's just plain ridiculous! Just my opinion:-)

If I were you, I'd suit myself and my BF--too many toes potentially stepped on!

legcramps - Friday Jan 28, 2005

Weight: 128.5

So, movement on the scale = all out binge fest.

Yesterday: 1 packet oatmeal with 3/4c milk, 1c mocha, 1pc toast with margarine, 1c carrots, 2oz salmon with 1c brown rice and beans, 3L water. Then I installed internet at home and got stressed out, and then I forgot my key to get very important info pertaining to a meeting I needed to attend. So I inhaled a kit kat krunch bar. After my meeting, instead of working out, we drove to the local pizza place. I had one slice of pepperoni and ham pizza, then a small bag of chips, and a few ounces of diet pepsi. I wasn't hungry - I was looking for comfort.

So needless to say I think we can all kiss my beautiful loss of yesterday goodbye. If I quit having so many falls, I might actually start thinking that i'm getting somewhere...

Not at work today - updating at home. I need to send in some resumes today and look for another job opportunity, so comments will be few and far between again. I'm behind on most entries by a couple of days, but i'm doing my best at the moment.

Plan for Today: already had another slice of pizza and a couple gulps of diet pop. I don't know what my plan is. All leftovers are gone so we'll need to cook unless we eat out. I'm not in diet thinking mode today, which scares me a lot. Let's not undo everything i've done in the last two weeks, okay legcramps?

Much success today....

borntocry on 01/30/2005:
Oh, poor legcramps! Stress can be such a diet killer, can't it? I don't think you did too badly, though. It could have been much worse!

What I try to do now when I'm not in "diet thinking mode" is just to eat normally - not to overeat or binge. If you do that, then at least you won't be undoing everything you've done in the last two weeks.

Well, anyway, good luck, and I hope your weekend didn't go too badly!

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