- Thursday Apr 03, 2008
Last night we went out for dinner for a friend's birthday. I ordered steak, baked potato, a tossed salad and garlic bread. I took home half the steak and half the potato. I didn't add butter or anything else to the potato, either, which i'm very proud of :). However, I couldn't stop myself from eating the garlic bread...
My boyfriend actually took the dogs for a walk last night after we got home from dinner, but it was already 9:30pm and there was just no way it was going to happen for me. I'd been tired all day and hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, so I was in no mood to still be awake at 10pm! I crawled into bed and I think I got a pretty decent night's sleep last night. So far, i'm not incredibly tired, but it's only 11am so who knows!
I've had too many meetings this week. The only day that I didn't have a meeting was Monday. Thank goodness i'm off tomorrow; I don't think I could handle another meeting, or even an office day period. Stick a fork in me, i'm done!
- Wednesday Apr 02, 2008
We went for another walk with the dogs last night. Monday night didn't work out because we had a last minute birthday dinner to go to plus my aunt came in to visit from out of town so we had a bit of visiting to do. We didn't even get home until 10:30 that night! That's really late for me - way past my bedtime :). Anyhow, the walks i'm sure are helping, but my head is still in the clouds and I can tell that i'm not ready to do anything about it yet. I need to learn how to calm down and de-stress - maybe that way I would find the time required to do the things that are really important to me. The first step would be to tone down the coffee. I like me my coffee.
Tonight is another birthday dinner (I can't believe we have this many friends), then tomorrow i'm going over to a friend's place to get my legs waxed and to watch Survivor. Should be fun! (at least, part of it). I have Friday off so I think i'm going to head to the city because I desperately need work clothes that fit me! Everything I have except one pair of slacks are too SMALL on me! Now there's an eye-opener if I ever needed one! I can still wear the sweaters and long shirts, but I really need a few pairs of slacks to tide me over until I lose this weight. Or, I should say, until I find the motivation to lose this weight that i've put back on. Right now the bigger size is an absolute MUST get. Quite honestly, I can hardly fit my butt into anything anymore... it's really depressing.
My goal for April is 9 pounds. I am off to a great start by having walked yesterday. I can do this. I don't need ice cream, chips or soda. Or burgers, fries and ketchup. Or salt, popcorn and cheesies. Well, whatever.
- Sunday Mar 30, 2008
I am well rested today and feel quite a bit better than I did on Friday. I still have a bit of a cold but I persevered and still managed to go for a walk today. It felt good to get outside - lifted my spirits a bit. I'm hoping for a repeat tomorrow as well, but will wait and see depending on how the workday goes. I'm getting tired of working so much :( but I suppose i'm not in any worse position than anyone else, so why complain?!!
I really want to start running again. I seem to put so many obstacles in my way though. It's all about mind over matter, I need to visualize and be clear with myself about how I feel now and how i'll feel once I start living a healthier life. I can do it, I just need a little help! My boyfriend I think will help give me that extra push i'm needing. I'll update again when I have accomplished something!
- Friday Mar 28, 2008
Nothing much has changed in the last week or so since I last journalled here. I'm still stuck in a rut that I can't seem to get myself out of - it seems never-ending. Lots of other things going on in life, but on the exercise and diet front - well, like I said - nothing much to say. I've had a cold for the past few days (I was even off work for a day because of it) so i'm waiting for it to pass. I can't even think straight. Is it just me, or does everyone's brain go fuzzy when they're sick??? I catch myself making mistakes almost every hour on the hour at work. Sometimes I don't even catch mistakes, but they're brought to me by other people. I didn't think one person could make this many mistakes, honestly. I'm doing fine at home, but that's only because i'm not doing anything!!!
I hope to rest and get over this cold on Saturday and Sunday. I don't have a lot planned for the weekend, so I shouldn't have a problem resting. I think I might head to bed early tonight, but I can't say for sure. Things just don't go quite as well as I say they should these days. Throughout my cold and throughout the days where i'm feeling a little like a stuffed pig, at least i'm hanging onto my sanity and humor. I am not in a depression and that is a good thing. It means there is hope out there on the horizon; hope that I will soon turn it around and start making better choices. My hope is that it will happen sooner, rather than later.
- Thursday Mar 20, 2008
I'm kind of glad it's Thursday and I have the next four days off work, but if this day doesn't end soon I don't know what i'll do. I might just go off my rocker today. No reason. Maybe too much coffee.
I can't believe it, you guys, my friend ditched on me yesterday and then I ditched on myself. No gym, no walk, no nothing!! I was thinking about it this morning, how easy it is to say that i'll do something and then afterwards wondering how the heck I thought I was going to accomplish it. I'm so stuck - I obviously care because i'm here, right? But for the last three months i've been formulating exercise plans while eating dinner, complaining about my weight while having a snack and thinking about running while playing games on the computer or watching t.v. I am so sick of this. I don't want to move today; my body feels heavy and sluggish. It's bizarre because I know how to motivate myself and I know what I need to do, but I just can't get to that point of actually doing it. Nike. Just do it. But it's WAY easier said than done! I'm just not there yet.
Rating for Wednesday - 2/10 (might as well stop the rating thing, too...)
- Wednesday Mar 19, 2008
I love how i'm just rearing to go every morning at work and can think of ten million things to do to kickstart my exercise routine, but by the time I get home at 5:00pm the only thing i'm ready for is bed. I'm having a busy day at work, but it's going alright, I don't really have much to complain about. My boyfriend's back so he's ensuring that the dogs are getting their exercise. He was absolutely astounded to see our little one, Zoe, had grown to what he called an 'enormous size'. I blamed my mother, saying she spoiled her when I was away on vacation. Then I said that because of my classes I hadn't been able to take enough time to walk her every day. Finally, after all that, I admitted sheepishly that I hadn't done a very good job of looking after the dogs and it had nothing to do with my mother or my classes or my friend's recent misery. I just didn't rise to the plate this time. He was okay with it, but I do recall him saying that she wasn't going to stay the size she was at, and ever since he's been running her quite laboriously. Well, it would be laborious for ME...
I'm walking to the gym tonight, then on the treadmill and walking home afterwards. We'll see how long it takes me, i've never actually walked to the gym before. Anyhow, it's over a week since i've been to the gym or done any sort of workout (I feel almost like i'm in confession at church -- Father, it's been two months since my last confession...) and I have a bad feeling i'm going to be sore tomorrow.
Rating for Monday - 5/10 (am I ever going to have a good day?!!)
Rating for Tuesday - 6/10 (only because I didn't have to work yesterday) __________________________________________________________________________
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." Abraham Lincoln
- Monday Mar 17, 2008
Another Monday here and almost gone...
The weekend was good, although I was fairly sick throughout Saturday and didn't do a whole lot besides dishes and laundry! I feel like I need an extended break (again) or a back massage or something. Probably the back massage would help.
I finally got groceries yesterday too, but celebrated by allowing my boyfriend to get soft ice cream for both of us from downtown. I did however balance this out by asking for plain vanilla and topping it with my own low-cal jar of peaches. It was actually pretty good. Go figure! I am going out for dinner tonight with a group of friends, then we are hitting the theatre for 'movie night'. I'll have to watch what I eat tonight because i've already had a lot today for lunch. I bought bread...and peanut butter...need I say more?!!
Friday - 7/10 (was in such a good mood because boyfriend was coming home)
Saturday - 4/10 (not a great mood because boyfriend was going out Sat night without me)
Sunday - 6/10 (pretty decent mood; got some things done)
Total exercise for March - 2 hours. Okay, i'm just going to stop doing this, okay? 'Cause, it's seriously bringing me down everytime I have to look at this number. Two. 2. Deux. Deuce. Duo. Pair. It's disgusting. And you know what else???? I'm pretty sure i've gained weight these last couple of weeks. Well, what did I expect???
- Friday Mar 14, 2008
Oh, I am so tired today. I got my 'monthly' last night and am seriously feeling the effects this morning. My hands won't stop shaking and my whole body seems to be layered in a cold sweat. I'm trying real hard to stay at work today, to persevere, but I just don't know how much longer I can take it! Oh well, hey?!
I had a long day on Wednesday, drove a total of about 8 hours and took in a seminar at another hospital. It's part of my course studies in management and leadership. I really enjoyed it, but it drained all of my energy for the rest of the week and that kind of sucks. The good news is that my boyfriend's coming home tonight!!! Yay!!! I can't wait, it's been almost three months since i've seen him. I just hope I don't bring him down with the pain i'm in!! :)
No exercising. What else is new?! I know my friend is eager to hit the gym though, so who knows what the weekend will bring. I am also eager to continue my running for the upcoming 5k, but I know that today it is probably not going to happen. Too much going on around here! At least i'm in a good mood though!!!
Rating for Tuesday - 4/10 (no exercise, extreme amounts of anxiety) Rating for Wednesday - 5/10 (no exercise but a good day all in all) Rating for Thursday - 3/10 (yeah, Thursday was bad)
Total exercise for March - oy, still 2 hours. I guess I suck at this exercise thing...
- Tuesday Mar 11, 2008
My friend's mother passed away yesterday morning, suddenly and pretty much without warning. They are still (last I heard) unsure of what caused her death, whether it was a stroke, or pneumonia, or what. I am so sad today, I feel so terrible for her family - they've gone through a lot of loss in the recent years and to have to deal with yet another - I just don't understand. I don't understand how some people can be so fortunate to not know death and others know death all too well.
No exercise, spent time with friend instead. Today, either she will call me after work or I will spend the evening studying for my seminar tomorrow. Off to bed as early as I can ('cause boy i'm tired today)and up at the crack of dawn to start my journey.
Rating for Monday - 3/10 (too much bad news yesterday)
Total exercise for March - 2 hours.
- Monday Mar 10, 2008
I'm a little tired today, not sure why because I should have gotten lots of sleep overnight - I went to bed at 10pm and didn't wake up until almost 7am. Maybe I got too much sleep. Anyways, the weekend was okay although I did nothing for exercise besides walking around on Saturday while shopping. Of course, I do not and will not count that as exercise. Friday was a whopping 8/10 because I managed to drag my butt to the gym for an hour. Saturday - 6/10 (no gym) and Sunday - 4/10 (no gym and a LOT of eating).
I'm glad it's Monday. I know some of you may be asking what the heck is wrong with my head for being glad it's Monday, but i'm finding that I am far more structured and I can stick to my diet during the week rather than on weekends. So i'm not sure how much I like weekends anymore. They sort of screw up any progress i've made during the week. Plus, I zone out on the weekends and accomplish nothing. I've been trying to buy groceries for two weeks now and I keep putting it off to the weekend - and it never gets done. This is the third week i'll have *needed* groceries.
It's going to be a busy week - tonight and tomorrow night I have to review my work for the seminar on Wednesday (which I need to drive about 7 hours in total for that day - yuck); Thursday night is kickboxing and Monday and Friday will probably be the gym/walking/jogging routine. I'm doing pretty good with it so far so I hope to keep it up. A friend said that she would enter the 5k race with me this year. I hope she does, because it's extra motivation to work at it if there's someone else to help and provide support. And if we do really well this year, maybe i'll even try the 10k next year! That would really be an accomplishment for me.
Total exercise for March - 2 hours. Oh, shut up.