- Monday Nov 15, 2004
Looks like i'm going to be flipping between 130.5 and 132 for awhile, but that sounds a lot better than the 142 that I WAS.
Again, I apologize for my last entry. I was extremely upset and I just needed to tell someone. I would have looked a fool trying to explain something like this to anyone else. Let me just say that BF doesn't think i'm fat NOW, he was talking about if I would gain weight and weigh more than he does. He's the same height as myself and weighs around 150lbs. Probably around 11% body fat or something like that - not much fat there at all! I would have a long way to go if I were to gain to weigh more than he does, but he was simply trying to make a point. Something that I took the WRONG WAY, obviously!
We went out on Friday night and talked things through. It seems sometimes that BF is just a little less thoughtful than he could be. I think we both realized that we were going overboard with what we were saying to each other. I took things a little too hard, and he didn't even realize that what he was saying was the least bit insulting. A little ignorant of him, but nonetheless if you don't know you've done something wrong, how can you be sorry for it?
BF is a few years younger (yes, younger!) than I am, and so I think it just goes to show that there will be circumstances where those few years will definitely make a difference between our two philosophies. I for one really need to learn some patience.
So, in the end, BF apologized for seeming rude and cruel towards me, and I apologized for not thinking that he was only trying to open my eyes. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves without being knowledgeable of it. Maybe that was the kick I needed to stun me back into eating right. There was no reason to be getting A&W in the first place, but the past is the past and we won't dwell on it anymore!
I got nothing done this weekend besides getting out to all the bars and getting a headache from listening to overbearing bands. I wanted to make some long-distance calls to family, get some laundry done and some cleaning, and start my plan for the next week in regards to eating and exercising. Instead, I slept through the days and stayed awake through the nights, not knowing where I was getting those second and third winds from. Today I hope to accomplish: groceries, cook supper, laundry.
I'm attempting to up the water intake because i've been really good with 2.5L everyday. Today i'll try for 3L.
I'm craving broccoli soup today.
I'm so glad to crave such healthy meals instead of cheesies and junk food!
Oh, and i'm feeling much better than I was. I have no idea where that bout of sickness came from, but it was there and gone in the space of only a couple hours.
Thanks girls for all of your advice and comments. I can see how angry I was at the time. Now that BF knows how I felt about it, I can expect him to be a little more thoughtful in these instances. If he isn't, then we'll know that there's something else behind this than just miscommunication!
Have a great day all!
- Friday Nov 12, 2004
Well, with everything that's been going on, I forgot to weigh myself this morning. But I have a bad feeling about it anyways, so i'm glad I didn't. My day would be much worse I think if I did weigh myself.
Wednesday was crazy at work, but it didn't get much better afterwards. I had lots of errands to run and was generally in a blah mood all night. Thursday morning I woke up sick to my stomach, and after throwing up a couple of times, I went back to sleep for awhile. I got up in time for the moment of silence, but didn't make it to the service. Then BF was hungry, so we went to A&W drive-thru. We ordered, then the waitress asked if I wanted mine up-sized. I thought she was asking me if I wanted the combo meal (I got the grilled chicken burger combo), so I said 'yeah'. BF looked at me and started lecturing me on why I was ordering up-sizes when I wanted to lose weight. I tried to tell him that it was a mistake, but he didn't believe me. He actually thought I wanted to eat all those fries! So finally I became quite angry myself, and told him to 'lay off. If I chose to lose weight or gain weight, it's my decision'. He said something about my body and how i'd be hurting it, and I told him that if he was so worried about my body why was he letting me go out and drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes? So finally the truth came out. He says to me 'so you'd be okay with weighing more than I do?' with a disgusted look on his face. His whole problem was the fact that I would look ugly if I weighed more, and the thought of me weighing that much would be enough for him to not want to be with me! I was thoroughly angry by this time, and when we got back to his house, I took my up-sized drink and I threw it into the sink, and I shook out half my fries and left them in the bag. I ate my fries and burger in total silence, then went for a drive. I needed to cool off. I was still deranged when I got back after half an hour, so I stomped around the house picking up all my things and stuffing them into my bags. I closed up my guitar into its case and BF asks 'where are you taking that?'. I ignored him and kept on cleaning. I took all my stuff upstairs and set it beside the bed. Then I left the house again. This time when I came back, I was feeling a little better. I still didn't want to talk to BF though, so I just sat and read for a bit.
Anyways, the moral is how can I let someone talk to me that way? Someone that I want to be with always? Someone that I should respect and who should in turn respect me? BF shouldn't care so much what I look like. He only cares because of what people might say about him being with someone who is so big and fat and ugly. That is so absolutely immoral and ignorant and disgusting that it makes me sick just thinking about it! I'm so angry!
I haven't talked to him at all yet, besides the odd hello and goodbye. I really felt like going home last night, but I thought i'd give him a chance to talk about it. Of course he kept his lid shut because he always thinks he's right about everything.
Some days I feel like he's just so not worth my effort.
Sorry girls, I had to vent to someone.
Have a great weekend.
- Wednesday Nov 10, 2004
I'm really sorry about this guys, but because of the Remembrance Day holiday and my day off yesterday, i'm swamped and I can't write much until next week probably. Really sorry, i'll explain later! Take care!
- Monday Nov 08, 2004
Hi all, hope everyone had a great weekend. In answer to the questions about the broccoli casserole I made, I found the recipe at allrecipes.com (thanks borntocry!). It's made with rice and a spicy cheesesauce, but I used potatoes instead of rice, and cheeze whiz instead of spicy sauce. I needed to use up the cheese whiz.
Well, this week will be difficult as I haven't gotten groceries in awhile and I know that we need more chicken and more bread. But for the next couple of days it will be potatoes, potatoes and more potatoes. And when they're done i'll be all potatoed out for a good couple of months.
I did well over the weekend, but since we were out all the time it was difficult making good choices. We spent the weekend in the city with BF's two sisters. One of them lives there, but she doesn't have a lot (going to school) and we ate out all the time. I ended up getting nachos with chili and cheese on Friday night because I didn't feel like getting another salad. Saturday I started the day off with a blueberry bagel (only half of one), then a chicken sandwich for supper (with salad, not fries). Sunday was hardest because I drank way too much orange juice and chocolate milk, had a rather large breakfast (with hashbrowns), and purchased a bag of soy chips. All in all, I made better choices than I would have had I not been thinking about losing weight. And i'm doing good so far - checked the scale yesterday evening and I was 130.5. I had the dehydration thing going again yesterday though, so that's why i'm not too excited.
Today's plan: toast and butter, 1c broccoli casserole (the last of it), 2oz pork chops, the rest of the soy chips (about 100 calories), and 1c chocolate milk.
I also got a lot of exercise walking on Saturday. We walked for 5 hours, and most of it was fast-paced because we wanted to make sure we'd get to the next mall before all the stores closed!
BF and I took Chewie to the kennels over the weekend. Very nice place, with lots for him to do and see. He got his walks twice a day, and food and water and toys to play with. When we picked him up he was extremely happy to see us! He'd ripped apart one of his toys (apparently out of boredom), but other than that he was fine. Really excited to see us though. He wouldn't stop running in front of us and constantly jumped up and tried to lick our faces! It was very sweet!
- Thursday Nov 04, 2004
Argh. How terrible. But, i'm happy today anyways. I think it's because I have tomorrow off and i'm looking forward to volleyball tonight. Two hours of fun! It's so great when exercise is something I look forward to!
Yesterday: (wow, you won't believe this) toast and butter, 1.5c lettuce, 2T light ranch dressing, 12 carrots, 2oz grilled chicken and a taste of my broccoli casserole. Did I resist temptation yesterday or what. Let me tell you about it....
As soon as I got home from work yesterday I started cooking. But, since i'd eaten so quickly the day before, I was getting more and more hungry by the minute. So I grilled up some chicken, threw it in a salad and ate that. When my broccoli casserole was finally done, I only had a sampling of it because I knew i'd already eaten quite a bit. Wow, is that casserole ever good! Probably not a good sign, because now that it's there in the fridge I might be sneaking in more food to my daily tallies! Anyhow, of course later on I got hungry again. BF is still sick, and last night he wanted ice cream in the worst way. I told him I would get him some if he wanted, and he said 'no, I don't really need ice cream'. I told him that it would help his throat and make him feel better. What the heck did I just turn into? I needed - NEEDED - him to say that he wanted ice cream so that I could get some too! He said 'whatever, doesn't matter', and off I went. I had to make a couple of other stops, and by the time I was ready to pick up ice cream, i'd talked myself out of it! I TALKED myself out of ICE CREAM! I went home, poured 1.5L of water into a bottle and drank that instead. Whew! One obstacle down, 10 million more to go!
Today: toast and butter, 2oz grilled chicken, 1 cup broccoli casserole, 1c salad.
I drank 2.5L of water last night. Same going for today.
This morning when I let the puppy out, I stood out there with him and waved at all the passerby. I'm just in a good mood.
One waved back.
But i'm still happy anyways. *sticking tongue out at those who didn't wave back*
- Wednesday Nov 03, 2004
I think i'll be quite happy to maintain this week after yesterday. I ended with under 1400 calories, but part of that was one of those grab bags of nacho chips. I was starving right after work (no, really, I was) and I ate my leftovers right away. Then, later on I got hungry again (duh) and tried to fend it off, but finally gave in. There was no casserole made last night, BF wasn't feeling good so I made him chicken noodle soup instead. Maybe today. We both went for a walk last night with Chewie, took about an hour and a bit. Not sure how far we went, but it was further than it has been in awhile. Usually we just run him around the block a couple times.
Yesterday: 2pc toast with butter, 1.5c caesar salad, 2oz grilled chicken, 1 bag nachos, 1c herbal tea.
I drank 2.5L water. Wow, am I ever consistent with that, at least.
Today: 2pc toast with butter, 1c broccoli casserole, 1 serving grilled chicken.
I woke up not very hungry but had my toast for breakfast anyways. Now i'm hungry. I might add on an extra cup of salad, a few carrots and light ranch dressing at lunchtime if i'm still this hungry.
I hate the painful process of constantly having to tell myself that i'm really NOT that hungry.
- Tuesday Nov 02, 2004
I'm pleased to announce Becca, that our hallowe'en candy is now almost officially gone. The only things left are a few pieces of gum and some sweet tarts! Seeing as I don't like THAT much sugar, i'll be sticking to the gum. Yesterday I had two pieces. BF took another bundle of the candy to family.
Yesterday: toast and butter, two pieces gum, one small boiled potato, 1.5c caesar salad with 2oz grilled chicken and some chocolate at the movie theatre. Crap. I ended around 1100cals.
Today: toast and butter and leftovers. I'll still have to cook for BF because he doesn't have any leftovers (piggy!). I'm thinking of making broccoli casserole, with chicken breast and cheese whiz. Very high in calories but oh so good and I think I need another high calorie day. It's been awhile, I don't want my metabolism to stop working on me. Yeah. Good excuse.
BF and I had a 'date' night last night. It's been really hard lately with the puppy around to care for. It seems that during the week there's just no time to get anything done, plus we're always out playing sports or one of us is sitting on the couch watching t.v. and doesn't feel like doing anything (me). Then, on the weekends, we both have loads of friends calling to go out so we have no one-on-one time together. It was nice last night. We went out for dinner and had a good chat. I realized that I was missing just talking to him. Then we went to The Exorcist. I was disappointed in the movie. It was so slow-moving! Some parts were good, but overall the pace of the movie really turned me off.
Yesterday I drank 2.5L water, and today I will drink at least that again. I'm having problems drinking anymore than that, but that's 80oz so I think i'm on track. Today I will also do laundry! lol, that's the only thing I can schedule for myself tonight - so that I make sure to do it!
- Monday Nov 01, 2004
I saw 129.5 Sunday morning, but I know for a fact that it was simply an optical illusion. That, and I went out Saturday night and had a few drinks, so dehydration here we come.
I ate very well over the weekend. I'm quite pleased with myself, I didn't go over 1500 calories on any day! Saturdays seem to be the hardest days though. That was my highest, at 1425. Saturday mornings BF and I usually go out for breakfast. This time, I just had toast and coffee and was happy with that.
Hallowe'en was great, I had a lot of fun - I hope you all did too. BF had a few people over to his place, and then we went bar-hopping. A friend of mine went as a schoolgirl and she had one of those huge lollipop things - I know I stole some of that candy during the night, because I was on a sugar high for most of the night! Anyhow, so I didn't get that much sleep that night, but I lazed around on Sunday totally so I think I made up for it. BF's sister stayed at his place on Saturday night instead of driving home, so she spent Sunday with us and we watched movies.
Sunday morning we had a group of trick-or-treaters come, and of course BF hadn't gotten any candy, so we had to turn them away. I went uptown and bought some soon after that, but we only got a few more kids, so now we have a big bowl full of candy! I put half of it in a bag and sent it home with BF's sister, but there's still so much! I'm not usually tempted with hard candy (none of it's chocolate), but if it's staring me in the face I might crumple and give-in. I think i'll put it in the cupboards and just let BF take it from there when he wants some.
Today so far: 1pc toast with 1t butter (the peanut butter's gone!)
Plan for today: I'm craving salad. Salads all day, maybe with chicken.
- Friday Oct 29, 2004
I think this is a new low for me! I don't know, but in the last few days i've really been working my butt off to lose weight! I only hope I can keep it off.
Yesterday: I didn't have time to make hamburger helper, so I had a salad instead, and 12 baby carrots. Then I went to the bar after volleyball and had three drinks. Bleh.
Today so far: 1pc toast and 1T peanut butter. I guess the container was not as empty as I thought.
Plan for today: *sigh*, toast and peanut butter, and for dinner.....i'd love to make something, but i'm babysitting tonight and I don't think i'll have the time to cook. See, this is why I never used to cook! I'm always way too busy around dinnertime! But i'm craving bean burgers or burritos or something with beans. Might just be a salad again tonight.
Yesterday I managed to drink 2.5L water! Yay! I did NOT, however, fold my laundry. You knew that was coming, didn't you?! Today I will finish (or try to) BF's costume, and babysit. Tomorrow morning i'm working on a friend's costume, then my own, then cleaning BF's house so that we can have people over to party. Then it will be Sunday and I hope that I won't be pigging out on greasy burgers and milkshakes. Wish me luck.
- Thursday Oct 28, 2004
Yesterday I had: yet another pc of toast and peanut butter, and a salad for dinner. Boy, was I ever rushed yesterday. After wallyball I had a cup of tea and went to bed.
Today so far: 1pc toast with 1T peanut butter. 1/2 c tea.
Plan for today: haha, more toast and peanut butter (almost done the peanut butter container, thank the lord), and hamburger helper for dinner. It's going to be another rushed day, because I have volleyball tonight for 2 hours.
I finished my 2L of water yesterday, AND I worked on BF's costume (it's almost done - one more night), AND I went for a jog with Chewie. I did not fold my laundry. *sigh*
Today I will finish 2.5L water and fold my laundry for goodness' sake.
Chewie is a very good puppy. He listens all the time; last night we took him to wallyball with us so that everyone could take a look, and he listened to me the whole time, even though there were so many other people around to excite him. When he's in the yard, he listens to me when I call him. I've taught him to sit, shake a paw, lay down, and roll over already. He's a good and obedient dog, without naming the many things and people he chews on.
We don't let him out of our sight when outside - honestly, he's almost always on a chain unless we're walking to the car to go somewhere. We let him loose in parks, where we can keep an eye on him always. Our dog was stolen right from inside BF's house, not from the back or front yard. He is licensed and has a collar with a tag on it, unfortunately only with his name. I need to get an ID tag. We would never intentionally leave Chewie unattended, and we didn't that day either. We were simply asleep. I realize that there were steps that we could've taken to prevent this from happening, and trust me, I will do my best to take those steps from now on - hindsight is always 20/20 though. I feel guilty because I know he is just a little puppy who cannot take care of himself, and I feel guilty because we found him outside in the cold in a container filled with ice and snow, and I feel guilty because we didn't start looking for him until hours after he had been taken (I went home and BF thought I took Chewie with me). I just feel so darn guilty about this whole thing. And yes, I think the next-door-neighbors should be evaluated by a psychiatrist as well!
Hope everyone has a great day today, stay strong!