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legcramps - Thursday Sep 08, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

I had yesterday off and now it's really frantic here at work. I can't believe some of the things people are phoning me for. Craziness.

Anyways, I haven't been doing so well lately. I haven't been jogging since the weekend, although i've still been at least walking. But i'm eating way more than I should be and it's starting to have an effect on the way i'm moving around and taking my time getting things done. I'm so sluggish and all I feel like doing is sitting on the couch or sleeping. How many times do I have to say this has got to stop? If I keep going at this rate, i'll make up the weight I lost in no time and i'll have to start all over again! Okay, i'm exaggerating just a bit but you all know what I mean. The frustration at myself is really taking its toll.

food: chicken fingers, turkey and cheese wrap, dinner will be beef and cooked veggies.

exercise: walk the dog.

I need a plan of action. Although when I make those up I generally tend to disregard them after about, oh, 2 minutes.

So, what's wrong with this picture? I cannot write the words because then i'll feel even worse about myself. I can only thing positively and know that today will...MUST...be a better day.

legcramps - Tuesday Sep 06, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Hello all. Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was really good actually. I went jogging, and went to a dance, and watched some fireworks.

food: oh, lord, you don't want to know. Okay. Maybe you do. Pizza for breakfast. Pizza for lunch. Most likely, pizza for dinner. I did have a coffee already as well. I needed it this morning. You know when you have a few drinks and suddenly your willpower is gone? That happened to me, and now i'm stuck with leftovers that are way too good (Greek pizza - yummy feta) to pass up.

We walked home from the dance on Saturday night, and along the way passed some horses. One in particular was standing near the fenceline, so we walked up to pet it. I don't think horses like me too much. Maybe it was the incredible fear I felt whilst being near one, but the sucker ran from me so quickly that I didn't know what he was doing until he was on the other end of the fence. My boyfriend ducked under the fence and brought him back towards me, but you could tell he didn't want to. So I gave him a quick pat and a hug and was on my way. Poor thing probably didn't want us anywhere near him. I mean, really, after a hard day at the track, who wants to be social?!!

legcramps - Friday Sep 02, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

woot! *happy dance* thank goodness it's friday!

Took the dog for a walk last night. It was so nice out, even though we had much cooler temperatures. I slung on an extra jacket, put the hood up over my noggin, and rather enjoyed myself. We didn't go to the track, opting instead for the park so that the dog could run around a bit in the fields. I, however, *drum roll* DID jog. In fact, I think I did very well though I have no clue how far I went. Oh, and the red tape I had to cut through to get there! My boyfriend wore sandals (so smart when walking long distances) and after a while started complaining about wanting to return home. I was disgruntled at the thought, as so far I hadn't lifted a foot to jog anywhere. I was going to give in, then thought that my priority doesn't always have to be the well-fare of others. So, thinking that I was compromising, I told him to go home, that i'd continue walking with the dog so that I could get a jog in. Well, he stayed and drifted along beside us, sighing heavily the whole time. Finally I told him that I was going to run, and he kept up to me even in sandals and afterwards seemed much more enjoyable to talk to. The moral of the story is that i'm quite pleased with the fact that I pushed so hard to be able to run. I would never have done that in the early days.

food: coffee, chicken soup, and I might grill something special on the bbq tonight seeing as it's friday and i'm in a great mood.

I was supposed to go to a concert four hours away tonight. A friend's cousin had two tickets and was going to give them to her for free. She has to work tomorrow, so we would have had to drive all the way back home tonight. I was wary of it, but agreed to go. Well, thankfully her cousin had already given the tickets away to someone else. Though it was Billy Idol and I kind of like Billy Idol, i'm happy that it turned out this way. I was not prepared to make the long journey there nor the long one back home. So tonight will be the routine walking of the dog, coffee with the friend I mentioned above, then out for a drink with another friend once she gets off work. I thought perhaps this weekend would be quiet, but it is not to be. Tomorrow is my boyfriend's ball wind-up, Sunday is a mad-dash to get the laundry done and then see the fireworks, and Monday is my ball wind-up. Oi vei.

Have a wonderful weekend all - I wish I could push a bunch of the energy I have today out to y'all so that you could feel just how happy I am that this week is over.

geevee on 09/02/2005:
Your joy is so evident in your entry. It's wonderful to feel so happy, isn't it? Would I love to have your energy to cope with my situation!

borntocry on 09/03/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Well done! You jogged in the park! And despite your boyfriend's efforts at sabotage! My husband does that same heavy sighing thing too. What's up with guys being so passive aggressive like that? They're such sissies!

It's interesting that your decision to go ahead and do what you wanted actually put your boyfriend in a better mood afterwards too. I've noticed the same thing with my husband when he gets in one of his whiny moods. Giving into his complaints is the wrong move to make because then he just starts to feel guilty and wallow in self-pity and I end up having to reassure him, when I'm the one whose plans he ruined in the first place!

Well, I hope you have a great, great weekend!

biscottibody59 on 09/04/2005:
Good for you on the jogging/running! I kinda like Billy Idol--he's actually a good singer. I harbor a wish that he'll one day deviate and do a "Frank Sinatra" type album. I think he'd be great.

Have a good one and keep up the good work!

legcramps - Wednesday Aug 31, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Things are definitely looking up, although it's raining cats and dogs here. I wonder if the effects of Katrina are heading this way because the wind is steadily picking up and I can hear the roof moaning with each gust. This building was only built a few years ago, and well-built I might add, so it must be a strong wind.

food: haha coffee, ham and cheese wrap, leftover chicken and brown rice with cooked veggies.

exercise: well, if it isn't raining, something outside. If it is, i'll have to think of something else. Oh yeah, I have a stationary bike and an elliptical gathering dust downstairs. Now how could I forget about that.

My boyfriend phoned me at work this morning, wanting to use my car today and then suggested that we go out for lunch. Which I agreed to. Then he changed his mind. Well, thanks! I wonder sometimes what he wants/expects out of life. He has such a hard time making a decision and simply shrugs and says he doesn't care. And most of the time he's so hell-bent on saying 'yes' to everyone but me that he totally misses the fact that I feel so left out of his doings. But I guess it's easier to say 'no' to me than it is to say it to anyone else.

In spite of the weather and really feeling under the weather today, i'm in good spirits and am looking forward to the weekend. Everyone have a grand day today!

borntocry on 09/01/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Your boyfriend sounds a bit like me. I also have a hard time making decisions. I think it comes from a desire to please everyone, or not to let anyone down. Which is a bad mentality to have because I inevitably end up pleasing no-one, and even sometimes angering everyone.

Glad to see that you're in a good mood today. I thought of you while running yesterday, and of all the obstacles you've overcome recently. And I was reminded of my own early days when running was so tough and I had to force myself not to give up, just as you are doing now. It was such an inspirational thought!

legcramps - Tuesday Aug 30, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Ah! The relative's are gone! No more home-cooking!

What with feeling bad about the way i've been acting towards my family, and with them leaving today for home, I decided to stick around and play cards last night. Unfortunately, though I won, it ended up being a late night. The positive side of this is that I ran home afterwards, because it was so late that I didn't want to be walking down the alleys in pitch darkness. So I did get my jogging in, though probably not quite as far as usual. Yesterday's dinner was ribs cooked in a greasy, fatty, delicious marinade with brown rice and cooked veggies. The rice and veggies are what saved me from an easy 1000+ calorie meal. Yikes, you have no idea how happy I am that I don't have to do that again for awhile, but now what?! I will be craving red meat for days on end.

food: coffee (what's with all the coffee lately?), a wrap or a salad for lunch, granola bar. I didn't take anything out for dinner yet, but i'm thinking about chicken breasts with brown rice.

exercise: tonight is the first night where i'm not feeling as if I have to be somewhere. I will not say whether I will make it to the track or not, since I don't always follow the plans I make during the day.

Still quite busy today, still a one-man show. This week will be over long before I realize it!

borntocry on 08/31/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Sounds like things are still improving. Good job running home last night! Don't you love it when being able to run actually comes in useful

Thanks for the comment you left me. Yes, my family also rules when it comes to thinking I like foods which I actually don't like at all. In fact my mother often goes out of her way to make special dishes or desserts for me and then on the one hand I feel hurt that she doesn't know what I like and on the other hand ashamed at my selfishness for not appreciating her efforts. So then I just pretend to like whatever it is she's made and then of course she makes it for me again the next time I visit!

legcramps - Monday Aug 29, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

It's as if a cloud has passed - although it's still partly cloudy I will take what I can get. My boyfriend and I started talking to each other again finally. I know it's a sad situation when we're both so stubborn that we won't even talk to each other, but i'm glad it's over. For now. There's still so many things that are not going well, but I will persevere and eventually these things too shall pass.

food: coffee, ham and cheese wrap, dinner is at grandma's tonight. Last night it was bbq'd steak, potatoes and cooked veggies. I can only imagine what tonight will bring. I've had so much coffee so far today that i'm shaking non-stop.

exercise: I will try to get out of grandma's at a reasonable hour to take the dog outside for a walk.

It's so busy here at work today. My co-worker called in sick and it's a one-man show. I've been on my toes almost the entire day so far, and there's still so much to do. Swamped, but in a good way, so i'm not complaining. Oop, got a shipment in so back to work it is for me. Have a good one today!

borntocry on 08/30/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm glad things seem to be improving for you. I know what you mean about feeling like a cloud has passed. I feel like that to me too sometimes. And yes, I think we should take what we can get!

My husband and I are both really pig-headed and obstinate too. It does cause some problems but I try to look on the bright side: it's kind of nice to have found someone so similar to myself. At least we understand each other!

I meant to comment on your entry over the weekend but I lost my Internet connection. I was very impressed at your perseverance and how you went back to the track after your failed attempt with Chewie. I hope you felt proud of yourself after that. I try to give myself some positive reinforcement whenever I go running. I remind myself of how far I've come and how tough I am to do it and how not many people can. It seems to help, and anyway, naturally lazy people like us deserve a pat on the back for what we're doing!

legcramps - Saturday Aug 27, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Thanks for the comment, BTC. I've only heard that spicy foods speed up your metabolism, I don't actually have it in writing.

I went jogging last night. I was still in a terrible mood and decided to get out of the house for a while. I took the dog with me, and things went from bad to worse. He wouldn't stop trying to knock me over and nip at my pants while I ran! I didn't even make it a full lap before collapsing on the ground in tears. My goodness, it doesn't take much these days. Anyways, I got pissy and walked him home, then drove back to the track. I wasn't going to, but I knew that if I could just get there and do it I would feel better. So once I got back to the track, I jogged two more laps, then walked one, then jogged another lap and went home. I only felt a bit of chest pain once I stopped, but my lungs and heart were hammering so hard I felt I shouldn't keep going. I will be back out there today.

Tonight I have a hot tub party to attend. I don't want to go because these are my boyfriend's friends and because of what's been happening lately I just don't want to have to put on a happy face and pretend i'm having a good time. I'm avoiding people like they have the plague right now, but it's the way I want it and therefore so be it!

Have a good weekend all!

blacksheep on 08/28/2005:
Well atleast you tried to make your mood better through healthy ways!!!

Have fun at the hot tub party!!

Take care,


legcramps - Friday Aug 26, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 136.0

Yes, thanks to grandma's wonderful cooking I have gained a bit. Yes, i'm blaming someone else for my problems again.

food: I have a rather large cup of coffee sitting in front of me. I will take it one item at a time.

exercise: What is exercise?

Yesterday it seems I was pushed to my limit and literally cracked. All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone. And that's exactly what I did. You have no idea and don't want to hear about the lengths I went to in order to get that alone time. I think everyone must be angry with me today, but I really don't care.

What I should have done was gone for a nice long walk to the track, then ran a few lengths. But that is not what I did. All I can say is that yesterday was not the most constructive for me, nor was it the most motivating day. In fact, it was so UNmotivating that I simply wasted my night doing nothing.

Today my goal is to head to grandma's to look at a dress from my mother's era that could possibly be re-staged and fitted for me to wear. This might enhance the day just a tiny bit. My goal is to be positive throughout every comment, every look, every heart-stopping objective moment. I am also hoping that not being alone with my boyfriend will be somewhat relaxing. Isn't that sad?

borntocry on 08/26/2005:
Hi legcramps,

Everyone has the right to some time alone! Don't worry about all those people being mad at you - you can make it up to them some other time, when you're in a more charitable mood.

Thanks for your comment. Does spicy food really speed up one's metabolism? It seems to make me feel full faster, but maybe that's just because I can only eat so much of it. The tikka-flavoured beans are part of a <a href="http://www.heinzbeanz.com" target=_blank>new line of Heinz baked beans</a>. Their other flavours are Jalfrezi, Mexican, Sweet Chili (that sounds good!) and something called One Mean Mother (!?). Don't know if they're available in Canada, but they're in the regular grocery stores in England.

Well, I hope the dress fitting goes well. And take some time to relax and collect your thoughts this weekend!

legcramps - Thursday Aug 25, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

I can feel my patience running thin.

Yesterday was exactly the way I said it would be.

food: i'm going mad. coffee. granola bars. i'm too angry to eat and yet I don't really know why I should be so angry.

exercise: i'm close to giving up on jogging. Everything else just always seems to get in the way. And i'm so exhausted that I can barely breathe properly just sitting here typing. Well, that might be because i'm holding my breath. I do that when frustrated.

Okay, so this week has GOT to get better, right? I mean, I haven't had a really happy entry for a while. I'm fighting with everyone to the point of crying and I don't cry easily and i'm not sure why i'm arguing so much. I was upset yesterday because I felt that my boyfriend wasn't treating me with respect, then he turned something around on me and ended up being the victim. I had to address his problems before he'd address mine, and then it didn't even get to that point because I was so pissed off that I just went to bed. Why is everybody always picking on me?!! *pouty face*

When it comes right down to it, i'm doing this to myself and I need to snap out of it. My life will only be positive if I make it that way and accept absolutely nothing negative. There are two voices in my head arguing this very point at this very moment. The voice of moral, and the lazy little bugger.

I read in a paper yesterday:

Free: puppies. 1/2 cocker spaniel and 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. Parachute for sale: Never Opened. Used Once.

Runner on 08/26/2005:
Hey, Legcramps! Sorry you're having a rough time...sometimes I just get in a funk myself and want to take out my frustration on everyone in sight! I usually have to bite my tongue so I don't do just that. Try to stay positive...I know it's hard, but a good attitude goes a long way.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you soon!

Thanks for posting the funny ads in the paper. I got a kick out of those!

borntocry on 08/26/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm sorry you've been in a bad mood lately. You know, my husband has a theory that once one gets used to regular exercise, one starts to get irritable and edgy if one skips a few days. He's noticed it in himself and he says he's even noticed it in me. Perhaps that could be the case for you, too?

I felt just like you a few months ago - that there was no point trying to keep up running as something or the other always got in the way. It would rain, or I'd have to work late, or my husband would ask me to go a movie with him after work. It was so frustrating! But it's different now. For one thing, I've noticed a change in other people's attitudes. My husband knows when I go running now and doesn't plan anything else at that time, any more than I would suggest that we do something together on one of his basketball nights. But more importantly, it's my own attitude towards running that has changed. After all, I always had the choice to say no to my husband and go running anyway. What made it so frustrating was the fact that I could so easily be tempted into doing something else. Now that running has become part of my routine, I don't even think about it. I plan my other activities around running, rather than trying to make time for running in between my other activities.

If you really have to give up running, so be it. But I think it would be a shame to let what seem to be mere annoyances get in the way of something which you are obviously quite good at!

legcramps - Wednesday Aug 24, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 135.5

I just cannot seem to catch up on the sleep that I lost on the weekend. Oi vei, help me!

food: leftover tortellini, salad, granola bar, coffee. Dinner at grandma's - the usual steak and potatoes. God help me, this has to stop.

exercise: I want to walk the dog and go for a jog, but cousins will want to play catch with a big air-filled ball in the backyard, or aunts and mothers will want to play cards for three hours in a stuffy, food-smelling kitchen full of baked goods. Or perhaps they will catch my voice dripping with sarcasm and insolence at every sentence flung my way and they'll leave me alone. Okay, that was mean. But quit filling my stomache with heavy, iron-laden foods that will only make me sick! And quit telling me that i'm different, wierd, or not all there because I choose to eat something you'd never dream of eating because it's too healthy! And don't sic your kids after me when i'm not feeling well because you stuffed me with too much food! YES! It IS your fault!

Okay, vent over.

I'm just ignorant and I only care about myself.

borntocry on 08/25/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I actually liked the sound of that stuffy kitchen full of baked goods! I know being around relatives can get exasperating, though. I've always been the weird and different one in my family. It was bad enough before I became vegetarian - that was really the last straw! And I haven't even told anyone about the running yet. They would find that bizarre beyond belief.

Hope it doesn't go too badly, though. And I hope you get some time on your own this weekend, so you can do some things for yourself, like catch up on your sleep!

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