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legcramps - Friday May 27, 2005
(It's called Reality Bites)
Weight: 146.0

I just don't know how I got here. And why i've been gone so long.

The past few months (actually, around 4 months) have been so stressful. I've embraced everything with confidence in myself, but unfortunately my diet has gone by the wayside because of too many other things to deal with. Last week, starting on Monday, I worked my tail end off to start losing weight again. I was at 147.5 pounds. By the end of the week, I was down to 144.5 pounds. Then Sunday night I went out to a barbeque and polished off far too many beer. Monday A&W was too tantalizing to pass up, and so, obviously, some of that weight I lost came back on. I don't want to sound idiotic here, but I feel absolutely worthless right now. I sit on the couch when I get home from work and I just can't move, falling asleep almost immediately. I haven't wanted to post for the longest time because I had nothing good to report - all I was doing was eating, sleeping, and doing a little bit of work. I hate winter. It does that to me all the time.

Anyways, on to better things:

I miss you all very much and am quite happy to be back. HOWEVER, I don't know how much time i'll have to write. I'm kept very busy at my new job and, like I said, by the time I get home i'm done for the night. But I will update as much as I can, and I look forward to reading your posts again! Borntocry, you're doing so well! Good for you!

Morning: 50g bag of 0 trans fat pretzels (190 cals) Lunch: 2 cups ch.ceasar salad without the dressing (174 cals) Afternoon: protein bar (250 cals) Dinner: 6oz steak with 1 cup ww pasta without sauce (529 cals) Evening: protein bar (250 cals)

Exercise: 20 minutes stationary bike, 5 minutes stepper (have to start off slow!), 45 minutes walking dogs

Oh, wish me luck 'cause I have a strange 'deja-vu' feeling that i'm really going to need it.....

geevee on 05/27/2005:
I've missed your entries, Legcramps, and welcome you back! Don't worry about the last 4 months. I've gone nowhere for five! My whole effort has been to minimize GAINING! Forget about losing! Can't do that when the pool temperature is too low and I can't swim. What a lesson it was for me. I HAVE to exercise or I can't lose weight. Simple, right? I wish it were!

Anyway, I'm glad you're back to join the struggle. Just being with the group will give you the energy to log on to read comments and give you inspiration.

Umpqua on 05/27/2005:
Hi legcramps, good to see you back here! I was wondering what became of you. I prefer the warm weather too, and now is a great time to get back on track. How is your puppy doing? I'll but he's not puppy size anymore :)

Jennifer68 on 05/27/2005:
Welcome back. You probably won't recognize my name cuz I'm still fairly new. I've found that a short workout in the morning-- less than 30 minutes, really helps me throughout the day and then if for some reason I am way too tired in the evening to workout (which I often am), I have already done some activity and don't have to feel too guilty.

Good luck on your next chapter of the journey. Jen

borntocry on 05/28/2005:
Oh legcramps, you're back!! I have missed you so much. Not a day went by that I didn't think of you. I'm so happy to hear from you again!

I'm sorry that you've been having a tough time lately. It is always hard to get used to a more demanding and time-consuming job. Many people I know - including myself - gained a lot of weight when they first started working. It's hard to adjust to a different schedule. But the good news is that you do eventually adjust! With the warm weather on the way I am sure you will be back to your active, healthy self in no time!

legcramps - Friday Feb 25, 2005

Weight: 0.0

Yesterday: waffles with margarine and syrup, 2 oatmeal cookies, 2oz chicken breast, 1c spaghetti and 1/2c potatoes with ketchup. Then I went out for coffee with friends and had about four cups of coffee.

Plan for Today: I woke up with ten minutes to spare to get to work, so obviously I missed breakfast. I might grab something from the cafeteria but i'm not terribly hungry yet so why? Leftover chicken for the rest of the day, and yogurt too.

I didn't have a good day yesterday at work. My printer wasn't working, then a program was screwing up. I won't get into it, but I basically spent the whole day running around calling ten million people to fix my problems. When something like this happens and i'm not able to fix it - I turn into a crazy person. I was so very angry yesterday that I gave myself a headache. I went to the chiropractor right afterwards, and while sitting in the office waiting to see him I got so sick I had to run to the bathroom and sit with my head between my legs. I tell 'ya, I can sure stress myself out sometimes...

I want to stay at home tonight and spend some quality time with bf. That's all for today, then I can return to reality tomorrow.

Goethe: "We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden."

borntocry on 03/12/2005:
legcramps, where are you? It's been ages since you last posted. I miss you, and I'm beginning to panic!

legcramps - Thursday Feb 24, 2005

Weight: 0.0

Well, that was worthwhile. For some reason my post didn't...well...post. Forget that noise, I ain't doin' it all over again.

I ate food yesterday, I had exercise yesterday, I complained about yesterday. That's all you need to know anyhow, right?

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on, and treasure the memories." -Unknown

borntocry on 02/25/2005:
Oh legcramps, you actually noticed that I've started running twice a week!! That brought a huge smile to my face!

It happened because I spent a weekend in London, so I made sure to run the Wednesday before and then the Wednesday after so as not to go two weeks without running. And then I thought - why not just continue running on Wednesdays as well as on the weekends? It's been a bit difficult to get used to it - that's why I'm so pleased that someone actually noticed! Thanks so much!

legcramps - Wednesday Feb 23, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Yesterday: egos with margarine and syrup, 1 serving crackers, 2eggs with ketchup and a dinner bun, turkey, ham and bacon sub with cheese and lettuce.

Plan for Today: I had a waffle for breakfast, with margarine and syrup, 1.5 servings crackers, another turkey, ham and bacon sandwich with lettuce (no cheese), and i don't know what for dinner. Good plan, huh?

I'm just drinking water like crazy today. It's soooo dry in here it's really not funny. Everytime I touch the file cabinets I get a mega-size shock. I'm getting electrocuted at work. That's gotta be a health and safety hazard, no?

I didn't go to the meeting last night. I played hooky, and instead I carried two more loads of my things to BF's. Now my old place is starting to empty out. BF asked me if i'm going to miss my apartment. I already do! I loved my place, it really suited me with the retro walls, the wierd floors and the old rickety staircase. But when i'm over there now, if i'm by myself, I feel extremely lonely and I don't like being there. So i'm ready to move, but i'll just miss having a place of my own. That's all.

Chewy's back in action. It didn't take him long to start jumping up on me again. He has a new trick now. He thinks if he can't see us, he's not supposed to hear us either, and totally ignores us when we're out of eye-shot. We have to train the little bugger to stick with us instead of hobbling down the block in his lopsided swagger without a care in the world.

Tonight is more packing and carrying, and I really need to get outside and go for a walk. This winter season is really taking it's toll on me and I don't feel like doing anything. If I can push myself to walk I might feel better tomorrow at least. Bye!

borntocry on 02/24/2005:
What happened to Chewie? Did he actually need surgery? I was reading your previous entries and didn't understand.

Thanks for all the advice you gave me. No, of course it isn't just another opinion that I don't need to hear! I really value your advice - there aren't a lot of people with whom I can talk about my problems with my husband. I can't really talk to my friends and family members because they all know him now and I wouldn't want to inadvertantly affect his relationship with them.

I totally agree with you that a person's regional or cultural background isn't an excuse for their behaviour! Although my husband is pure-bred American so it isn't like he could use that as an excuse anyway. And you're right, I think he does want to be nicer to me - he often says he feels bad that he never does any of the cooking and cleaning - but at the same time I feel like the change has to come from him for it to be sincere.

Oh well, things are improving slightly between us and he seems to be vaguely aware of what he's done wrong, so maybe there's hope for him yet...!

legcramps - Tuesday Feb 22, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Yesterday: an ego for breakfast with a dab of margarine and some syrup, a serving of crackers, one whole wheat dinner bun with a fried egg and some ketchup, 1/2c pasta and 1/2c ground beef with cheese sauce.

Plan for Today: ego with margarine and syrup, crackers, dinner bun with egg and ketchup, i'm hoping for chicken tonight. Grilled breast, with marinade. That'd be good. Of course, i'm not the cook so I don't have much choice.

I have a meeting tonight that I really don't want to go to. It had better not take very long because i'm sick of these meetings overbearing everything else in my life when it was never supposed to happen that way. Grr.

Chewy was pretty mild yesterday, which was such a change. Most of the time, he either slept or buried his face into the crook of my elbow or just smushed it into my stomach and lay like that for a while. The poor thing just let me snuggle with him, and he never even opened his jaws to bite and gnaw at me! I hope he's feeling better today, i'd like to take him for a walk. No time like the present to get him back into the swing of things.

BF got a lot of my things moved for me while I was at work yesterday. There is still quite a bit there, but at least it looks a little more empty now. I think a few more loads and just the furniture will be left. I thought I had a lot of stuff but I really don't have that much at all. I guess i'm not as much of a pack rat as I thought I was!

Have a good one today.

legcramps - Monday Feb 21, 2005

Weight: 129.0

My weekend was alright, although there was a lot of drinking of pop. I think when I made my promise to give up alcohol during lent, I should have also added pop. It seems I must replace bad habits with what other than more bad habits.

Chewy is going under the knife today. Actually, by now he's already done and is just waiting to wake up. I feel bad and I hope that he won't be in too much pain for too long afterwards. Does anyone know? I fear that we've lost our once playful puppy....My cousin's dog used to jump out of the vehicle the moment he saw the vet's office. He would take off running, and it would be hours before they'd catch him. My poor Chewy won't want to be going to the vet's anymore after today.

What else? I packed a little more on Sunday afternoon and considering I have 8 more days left to move out and clean up, i'd better get my butt in gear right quick. Panic is setting in.

I made it to all my appointments last week, and have two more to make this week, as well as picking up my new prescription glasses. Crap. Yes, I had to get them. But I picked out the most unique pair that I could find and that looked half-way decent on my big square head. They're sort of 'cat-eyed' or horn-rimmed. Brown. Interesting. I'm thinking now I should have stuck to the basic black rectangle that I see everywhere, but I just couldn't help myself.

So I have another chiropractor appointment this week because apparently I have a very common problem of one spinal joint going 'out-of-joint'. I don't know how else to put it. I think as soon as I walked out of the place it happened again, so my back problems are still very much here. I also have another doctor's appointment because I brought too many things up at my last one which warranted making another one. According to him, anyhow.

Enough. Until tomorrow!

legcramps - Thursday Feb 17, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Yesterday: 1T hot chocolate mix, 1 serving crackers, ham and cheese sub, 15 baby carrots with dipping sauce, 1 link sausage with 1oz cheese and some pasta sauce, 1 slice carrot cake with icing and a tiny bit of ice cream with it.

Plan for Today: crackers, sausage with cheese and pasta sauce, maybe a perogy or two, yogurt and quite possibly another slice of cake because I brought it home with me. Good job legcramps. No ice cream though, so that's one good thing.

My friends (love 'em to death) had a little get-together last night for Bf's and my birthday. They made carrot cake and had ice cream and Cranium! It was great. I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends, and I need to concentrate more on spending time with them.

Thank you biscottibody for the pep talk you left for me! You're absolutely right. I'm more nervous about this relationship than any other i've ever been in because this one is not so easy. We tip-toe around each other, hoping to not say something that will set off another argument. We're both 'off the wall', spontaneous, quick to take insult, over-analytical people. I wish I could see what you do when you read my entries but I can't. I wish I could explain to him just exactly what i'm thinking, but again, I can't. It's just not that easy. I'm not trying to excuse him from making me feel like crap - i'm trying to put myself in his shoes and understand whether he knows the difference.

I was boiling perogies yesterday and by accident swished the water a little too vehemently, creating a 'flood' of sorts to fall over the side of the stove. Unfortunately, Chewy was standing in his usual spot when i'm around any part of the kitchen - right beside me. He received a very warm blessing on the side of his face. Unlucky for him, but maybe he won't sneak up and beg in the kitchen anymore. Poor doggie. He also got scratched up from my friend's cat who is at least a quarter of the size. Our puppy is such a wuss but he's so cute - hid under the table for about 20 minutes after getting into the 'cat confrontation' and wouldn't budge! Scaredy Cat!!

legcramps - Wednesday Feb 16, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Yesterday: I drank a good dose of water yesterday and i'm very excited about that; 2T hot chocolate mix, 1 apple, 2 servings crackers, ww tuna salad sandwich, 1c grapes, 1 serving yogurt, 1c potatoes and a little piece of sausage.

Plan for Today: hot chocolate, crackers, yogurt, carrots, ham and cheese sub, veggies and dip, probably potatoes again for dinner.

Well unfortunately I had a little argument with BF and the emotions are still running high. He tried to make up for not observing Valentine's Day yesterday and bought me flowers and a card. It only served to anger me even more. I'm such a dumb little ninny sometimes. He doesn't understand that I wasn't trying to 'force' him into buying me something, I only wanted some attention! But that's not what came out of my mouth at the time. We're hardly talking right now and I feel like apologizing just so that we aren't fighting anymore but I can't keep doing that. I guess things will eventually fall back into place. Until next time.

One more day and then I have appointments coming out of my ying-yang. We're buying lunch today at work to raise money for a fundraiser the province has every year for children with disabilities. We get a ham and cheese sub, veggies and dip, and a rice krispy treat. You will notice that I did not include the treat with my daily intake plan. I will be giving this item to BF and if he doesn't want it, someone else will. I won't eat it!

It is Day number 8 during Lent, and i'm counting the days. On Friday, the 11th, two friends coerced me into drinking a shooter for my birthday, so i've deposited my $20 guilt money into the Lent Box. I have a feeling this isn't going to go as well as i'd hoped it would. At the end of Lent, that box will probably hold enough money to fund my trip to Europe!

breakaway on 02/16/2005:
Sometimes men just dont get it. It's not even the gifts or flowers most of the time it's just knowing that they remember and that YES now I know he loves me. He would have been better off not getting anything and apoligizing to you! Oh well, sometimes they try to hard. Maybe try explaining this to him and that way you get out of apoligizing when it wasn't your fault and he feels better too. I hope everything works out. Anyway, my THANKS to you for the donation to children with dissabilities (my son is deaf) Thats awesome when people get together and do those things :) AND lastly, I am very proud that you are NOT eating that and giving it away instead!!! Great job! Your a strong person :) Try to have a wonderful day and talk to that bf and let him know you love him BUT...

biscottibody59 on 02/16/2005:
Okay, I've been holding off telling you this, but you're not a ninny--or anything else negative you call yourself. I just want to remind you that none of this behavior will change if/when you marry this guy. He's learned that you will take it, that's all--no more, no less.

You mentioned making appointments for him. I know he does things for you too. I just think that one of the worst things women of any age can do is sell themselves short.

I don't know if you're scared of losing him or if the living situation (seems like you said you were going to move to his place?) makes it so that you are a little bit on pins and needles. At any rate, I think you're so bright and just as a girl who can beat a boy at some game is sometimes told to "let him win"--you shouldn't tell yourself that this is the best he can do. I mean Valentine's isn't a mystery, it comes on the same day every year, etc.

Also I had someone order me flowers once for my birthday. They ended up (after about three days) being left at an apartment next door. I had no joy from those flowers. In fact, I just about wanted to kill someone after the hassle between the time I saw the little note on my door and actually receiving them. I never knew I could get so angry about something as benign as flowers.

You hang in there LC--you're worth all the good things in life, don't tell yourself otherwise!

legcramps - Tuesday Feb 15, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Thanks for the heads up on the anti-freeze issue. BF didn't find anything on the driveway but he's going to phone the vet today anyways, just in case.

Yesterday: oatmeal with milk, hot chocolate, 1 serving crackers, 2c spaghetti with parmesan cheese and ketchup, 1c grapes, 175ml yogurt, 1 serving oatmeal cookies, and 8 meatballs.

Plan for Today: no oatmeal today, rushed morning; hot chocolate, 1 serving crackers, 1 apple, 1c grapes, 175ml yogurt, 1 serving oatmeal cookies. Mabye oatmeal for lunch, but nothing's planned. Oy, gotta get back into planning mode.

I made all my appointments yesterday and now I just have to sit back and wait. I will have a full Friday off, I tell 'ya. I still need to visit the dentist, but one thing at a time! And I don't think i'll have such a great time with that one. My wisdom teeth have been bothering me, and they'll have to get pulled. I don't want to go through that right now.

I didn't get the flowers I was promised for Valentine's Day. I got lunch made for me (although it was late), then nothing. I'm shocked, to say the least. My BF's been saying nothing lately but how broke he is, and I can understand if he can't afford to buy me anything for my birthday OR for Valentine's, but two nights ago he gave his cousin $20 just because he asked for it. I don't understand how he doesn't have $3 to buy me a card even. He said his priorities are screwed up. I told him that it was nice to know that I wasn't a priority to him. I don't want to sound selfish here, but i've done everything I can think of to excuse him from the many times he's pulled my leg, borrowed money from me, received my gifts to him without a second glance, demanded more from me....the list goes on. I haven't asked him for anything but a measly bouquet of flowers, a card, or a Happy Valentine's Day. I know I got lunch, but that was only because a girlfriend of mine told him that he should make me lunch. I want him to do something that HE thought of, something that will make me feel appreciated even a little bit. I don't know why I make such huge deals out of every little thing.

I just wanted this week to start out on a good note.

NENE135 on 02/15/2005:
MEN (ARGHhhh)!

borntocry on 02/16/2005:
Well, I don't know if this will be much consolation to you, but I also had a pretty horrible Valentine's Day with my husband. I don't care much about Valentine's Day in general but he had been given the night off from basketball so that he could spend it with me, and I was really looking forward to going to our favourite restaurant and spending some quality time with him. We haven't really talked in ages and I'd been wanting to tell him about my weekend in London and stuff that's been going on at work... but instead we ended up spending the night at home, with me making dinner while he watched T.V. It was just like any other night and maybe even a bit worse. He even stayed up late playing video games after I had gone to bed.

And I also find it annoying that men always have to be told what to do for us. They never seem to do anything nice for us on their own initiative. My husband has actually asked me what I want for my birthday - he can't just go out and get me something on his own. And I'm so easy to please! I'd be happy with anything!

legcramps - Monday Feb 14, 2005

Weight: 129.0

Well, I don't know why the heck i'm not losing weight. I should be. I guess it's the weekends that are hurting me so much because I tend to forget about my diet then, as I did this weekend by having pizza, subs and lots of pop.

Plan for Today: 1 package oatmeal with 1.5c 2% milk, 1c spaghetti with 1/2oz parmesan cheese and 1T ketchup, snacks are yogurt, grapes and crackers. I may have a serving of oatmeal cookies as well (4 cookies, 180 calories). Dinner is unknown.

We are supposed to be going out for dinner tonight with another couple, but I don't think it will happen because they haven't phoned us yet. They're notorious for making plans and then breaking them, and since we don't really do too much with them I can't see them keeping this promise. But I shouldn't be so pessimistic about it.

BF is making spaghetti for lunch for Valentine's Day. I think i'm getting flowers too. I bought him two t-shirts yesterday (1/2 price!) One says Top Ten Reasons To Procrastinate: 1. *empty space* and the other one says Instant A**hole, Just Add Beer. I wanted to get him a bright pink shirt that said All My Black Shirts Are in the Wash, but they didn't have any in his size. I think he'll like the ones I got.

Chewy seems to be doing a lot better now. BF's going to check the driveway today, my car may be leaking anti-freeze and we think Chewy might have ingested some. The day I noticed that he looked depressed he'd been outside for over two hours playing at the rink with BF so there's no way it was due to a lack of exercise or winter depression. It could very well be that he just isn't getting enough attention from us, so after BF checks out the driveway to rule out the anti-freeze idea we'll have to spend a little more time with the little guy. I'm making an appointment with the vet today to get him fixed.

I also have to make an appointment with the doctor for both BF and I; an appointment with the chiropractor, again, for both of us; an eye appointment for myself and an appointment to get our passport photos taken. All these have to be made by the end of the day, and done by the end of the month. My back is really bothering me lately. It's sore all the time, as well as my stomach, but often goes numb on one side so it's time to get it checked out. It looks like i'm standing unbalanced so that's the reason for the chiropractor. Something must be out of place.

I told BF that i'm going to start scheduling myself to do things. And, they're going to get done. So my schedule for today includes making all these appointments, running the dog, finishing laundry, doing dishes, working out and then working on my scrapbook for the rest of the night. Gotta schedule in the fun too!! I want to get to sleep early tonight and get a good start on tomorrow as well. I have this coming Friday off, and i'm definitely looking forward to it. I'm hoping to move completely this weekend.

Have a great day all!

borntocry on 02/14/2005:
Mmmm... spaghetti. Hope Chewie feels better soon. My husband and I just watched the old Star Wars again recently and I kept thinking of you! I think you could be right about the anti-freeze. One of my grandmother's dogs used to like to sleep under her car, only the car leaked oil or something constantly and the dog was always very quiet and lethargic... and eventually got quite sick and died (not to worry you or anything!).

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