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legcramps - Tuesday Sep 24, 2019

Weight: 0.0

I haven't been getting enough sleep the past couple of days, and i'm starting to feel a little like a zombie. I worked, then drove to the gym to coach two sessions last night, then did my own workout and didn't get back home until 9:00 p.m. So by the time I had supper and cleaned up, it was past 11:00 p.m. I think I finally fell asleep around midnight, and the alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., which is definitely not enough sleep for me.

BF advised me to knock off the coaching job for now. I am getting way too stressed out about it - the demands just keep getting bigger, the staff behaviour is just appalling, the manager took a shot at me, etc. I had a bit of a situation yesterday with the manager because when I talked to one of the owners, I agreed to be scheduled to work every third Saturday. That meant I should have been scheduled to work October 19th. But instead, because others asked for the long weekend off, the manager scheduled me on October 12th, and then again on October 26th, without even bothering to ask or tell me. So i'm actually working every second Saturday in October. When I asked about it, she got snotty with me about how I told them I was flexible on Saturdays. I AM flexible, but what if I had plans for the Thanksgiving weekend?! When the plan is not to be scheduled for a particular day, then I shouldn't have to worry about putting in a time off request for it. Now, since I had prepared to work October 19th, they basically took three weekends in October away from me. I don't think that's cool. And anyways, if we agreed on every third Saturday, that's how it should be scheduled. Anyways, I sent her a message explaining my side of it, but I haven't gotten a response. Big surprise.

So it's time to think long and hard about what i'm trying to accomplish with the coaching gig.

My workout last night was awesome though!

BearCountryGG on 09/24/2019:
Gee...that scheduling just Isn't right....especially since they gave someone else a long holiday weekend. I don't blame you at all being upset with that......but nice to hear that you had a good workout...after all that stress I'm sure you needed that.

grannyannie on 09/24/2019:
Tough to work when you don't get enough sleep. Well done on the workout!

Donkey on 09/25/2019:
Sounds to me like they are taking advantage of your offer to be "flexible". I'm sorry. It really stinks when things like this happen at work. Maybe BF has a point?

I'm glad that you're going to give it a long think. Could you do that for some of my problems too?

legcramps on 09/25/2019:
LOL, :) :)

BF might have a point, but i'm a little nervous to make a big stink about this since I really love working at the gym - I love the members, and the training, and everything else about it other than the office politics!

legcramps - Monday Sep 23, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Just plugging along...

MONDAY - work, coach, assessments, workout

TUESDAY -  work, bootcamp, meal prep

WEDNESDAY - work, evening meeting

THURSDAY - oil change, winter tires, mail, bootcamp

FRIDAY - BF follow up appt, costco :), coach, assessments, workout

SATURDAY - coach, workout


Kind of fed up with people at work these days...

grannyannie on 09/23/2019:
Busy week!

BearCountryGG on 09/23/2019:
Looks like a full week.

Donkey on 09/24/2019:
I hear you on the coworkers. Don't let them drag you down.

legcramps - Thursday Sep 19, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Got sick on Monday and didn't make it to work yesterday. I'm back at it today. No idea what's going on - I had such a bad headache that it made me nauseous, but also my muscles and joints really hurt too. Feeling much better today.

Also, I got a taste of what it will be like when BF and I are retired together LOL. He poked at me all day yesterday, which is just what he does. But being so sick yesterday, I really NOTICED, you know?! It was kind of irritating, but in a funny i-know-i-would-be-laughing-if-i-wasn't-so-sick kind of way.

It sounds like BF will go to the city tomorrow and spend some time with family, so that will be good for him. No news on Grandma this week. Status-Quo is not a bad thing.

What else...I found myself a coach. I am going to her bootcamp classes, Tuesdays and Thursdays, although I missed this last Tuesday because I was sick. I figure even coaches need a coach, and I am no longer interested in driving half an hour every time I need a push to get a workout done. I don't have the willpower for that! But if all I have to do is drive down the road a few blocks, then I can make the effort to do that. So that's been nice, and a pretty decent workout too. Her coaching style is a lot like mine, so that's cool too. Then I workout on my own on coaching days - Mondays and Fridays - since i'm already at the gym. The other days are up to me what I want to do; since i'm not training for anything, I can afford to take it easy for a couple of months.

BearCountryGG on 09/19/2019:
Hope you are feeling better...those guys...LOL Funny how they are annoying and worth keeping all at the same time.

Donkey on 09/20/2019:
Bear is right about men. I'm impressed that BF is so mobile after knee surgery. Good for him!

I'm so excited to hear more about your coach!!!

grannyannie on 09/20/2019:
Sounds awful. Hope you feel better soon. I am married to a Scot and they are pros at 'taking the pish' - serious teasing.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2019:
i hope you feel better soon - sounds like you already do. also having a coach breaks up the monotony and can give you ideas for your own coaching sessions.

legcramps - Monday Sep 16, 2019

Weight: 0.0

BF's surgery went very well, and he is now recovering at my place. I got a call from my aunt on Thursday regarding my Grandma, so we drove up there on Friday night to see her. She is steadily declining and is still in hospital and is not likely to be discharged. When we left her yesterday, I did my best to keep it light and yet still tell her what I felt I needed to and that I loved her and we gave her a big hug. 

BF's aunt passed away yesterday morning, so it was just a really rough day all in all. I'm not sure what this week will bring. Whatever happens, we will let it dictate what the week looks like, and go from there. I've been repeating to myself that we can only do as much as we are capable of in each moment, and we must let the rest go. It's been hard for BF to not be with his family, and I feel a little guilt about that because we were with mine. It's just been hard, but we'll keep each other going.

It's not easy to eat well when you're on the road. We've been enjoying the fast food, the family restaurants, and the smoked meats a little too much lately. When we got home last night, I made simple chicken salad sandwiches for dinner, with sweet potatoes and asparagus. It was so good, and the nutrients were so badly needed! Tonight i'm planning spaghetti squash chili - depending on whether our plans change - and really looking forward to another home-cooked, nutritious meal.

I may be sporadic in updating over the next little while, until things calm down a little bit. We are trying to maintain a life-balance right now.

grannyannie on 09/16/2019:
Glad to hear BF is doing well, but sorry about your grandmother and your BFs aunt. What a rough time you are both having. And it is very hard to eat well when you are traveling. Hang in there.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/16/2019:
really sorry to hear about about your boyfriend's aunt. sending my condolences to you and his family.

wishing you extra strength to get through these difficult times. you have a solid mind and things will get better with time.

Donkey on 09/17/2019:
I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

When does BF start physical therapy?

bearcountrygg on 09/17/2019:
I'm sorry to hear that your fmilies are going through some sad times right now.....you can only do what you can do.....I guarantee you that the loved ones will understand.

legcramps - Tuesday Sep 10, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Happy Tuesday,

It feels like it's been a long week already. I won't complain anymore though, since I don't work my day job for the rest of the week after today :)

I had a really great coaching session yesterday with some high energy people, and it motivated me to get in a kickbutt workout of my own. I worked through a kettlebell flow and a battle rope complex. It was fun!

BF is heading here tonight, and then we're off for his surgery in the morning.

TUESDAY - work, bootcamp

WEDNESDAY - BF surgery

THURSDAY - bootcamp

FRIDAY - coach, workout

grannyannie on 09/10/2019:
Hope all goes well the rest of the week.

happy-1 on 09/10/2019:
You guys are an amazing team.

happy-1 on 09/10/2019:
You guys are an amazing team.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/10/2019:
so wonderful you can give BF so much support during the surgery. you are so reliable to the ones who you care for <3

i'm glad you are getting a break from work since it's been a stressful time for you.

good luck to bf and wishing him a super fast recovery!

BearCountryGG on 09/10/2019:
Hoping for a good day for you and your BF......

Donkey on 09/10/2019:
Good luck tomorrow - bring a good book or something to do while you wait.

Maria7 on 09/11/2019:
Hoping all goes well today. Take care.

Maria7 on 09/13/2019:
Hoping you are doing well.

happy-1 on 09/14/2019:
How did surgery go? Is he recovering OK?

legcramps - Monday Sep 09, 2019

Weight: 0.0

Average sleep score last week - 86 - GOOD

Happy Monday,

We got to visit with BF's aunt over the weekend, who has been moved into hospice care. It seems like she is doing alright there so far, and always has lots of company so that's nice too. We also got to visit a lot of other family over the weekend, plus get in a two hour bike ride on the trails - and I didn't crash this time! That's always nice.

BF goes for his knee surgery on Wednesday. I'll be driving him there and home afterwards, so I have that day off work. This morning I decided to also take Thursday and Friday off. It will be easier for me to look after BF while he's staying at my place during his recovery, and then if we need to go up to see my Grandma this weekend, i'll be able to get some things done around the house so that I won't feel so anxious about leaving again.

Grandma is still in acute care and does not seem to be doing much better. My aunts will be talking to the doctor today about her care. I don't know what that means really, but I am just hoping she is comfortable and not too upset about being in the hospital and not at home. She is in the best place right now, but wouldn't we all rather be home than in the hospital?!

MONDAY - work, coach, workout

TUESDAY - work, bootcamp

WEDNESDAY - BF surgery

THURSDAY - bootcamp

FRIDAY - coach, workout

grannyannie on 09/09/2019:
Sorry about BFs aunt and also his grandmother. Hope his surgery goes well. Not a cheerful week ahead, is it? :(

legcramps on 09/09/2019:
It's ok, we are handling it a lot better than we were last week :)

BearCountryGG on 09/09/2019:
Sorry about all of the familys health problems...we always wish we could help....but all we can do is be someone they can talk with....sad time for your families. Is you BF haveing knee replacement surgery? D had his done a little over a year ago.....and he had to spend the night and then went home and had to have PT the next day....they are in a lot of pain for a few days.....and PT can make it very painful...hope all goes well for him.

legcramps on 09/09/2019:
It's arthroscopic surgery; they are repairing a meniscus tear, cleaning up the cartilage, and something else that I keep forgetting LOL, something about arthritis. I think eventually it will be replacement surgery.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/09/2019:
i'm sorry to hear of the continued difficult time. sorry they are struggling still.

it's at least good to know that you and bf were able to be active and do things for your own health. good job on staying positive and still being active during the emotional time. the endorphins you get during exercise are probably very helpful ;)

thank you for all your suggestions.

legcramps on 09/09/2019:
You're right - those endorphins help big time!

Maria7 on 09/09/2019:
My Aunt was in hospice also. She passed in June. The hospice setting was very homey and nurses were nice. But it was difficult watching my Aunt in her journey to leaving this world. I loved her very much. No one else like her.

legcramps on 09/09/2019:
That's so true, having to watch them go through their last journey in life is pretty difficult. Nothing at all wrong with the hospice, it's quite nice really, but having to leave her home has been tough for her.

Donkey on 09/09/2019:
I'm so sorry. I did have to laugh when you mentioned not crashing your bike is a good thing. Sounds like something I would be saying...

legcramps on 09/10/2019:
It's crazy to me that i've (knock on wood) NEVER crashed while on my road bike, but the second I start pedaling a mountain bike, it's like the universe is saying "GAME ON". I need the training wheels on the mountain bike LOL.

legcramps - Friday Sep 06, 2019

Weight: 0.0


Interestingly, I am still feeling the heavy pressures of anxiety on my chest. I sleep very well considering all the things my brain wants to keep me up thinking about. I teared up a few times yesterday when I thought too much about stuff, then cried on the phone with BF when I was trying to vocalize my anxiety and he just wanted to keep making jokes to make me feel better.

Anyways, on to other things. I went to bootcamp again yesterday and it went a lot better than Tuesday's session. I did not have any heartburn or reflux, and was able to keep a level heartrate and enjoy the workout rather than just get through it. My right butt cheek is sore this morning. I've pulled a butt cheek! 

Tonight I have two sessions to coach at the gym, and then I will do my own workout (hopefully). BF is going to join my second session so that will be fun. I've just recently learned some new variations of battle ropes, so I think I will take a video of him doing some of them. He likes to do that kind of stuff - he's a bit of a peacock LOL. 

Then Saturday I have three sessions to coach, my own workout again, and then BF and I will head to the city to see his aunt. She has been placed into hospice now. I think we'll stay at his uncles overnight, and then do some more visiting on Sunday, maybe go for a bike ride. We'll see how well we roll with the weekend.

BearCountryGG on 09/06/2019:
We all have those anxious, sad times...lots going on in your life.....it will settle down.

Donkey on 09/07/2019:
I think most men try to be "fixers", while sometimes, women just want someone to listen. My husband is quite like BF, with both myself and my daughter.

I wish you peace this weekend.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/08/2019:
i hope you continue to feel better. BF of course probably thought he was helping you ;)

also, is BF already back to working out!?!! he's already joining you in a class you are teaching!? wow!?

love reading your activity...truly inspiring woman you are to all of us here to fit these things in and enjoy it all. that's what life should be about. to take part in your passions, fit them in,and be social with friends/family.

legcramps on 09/09/2019:
BF hasn't gone for surgery yet, he goes on Wednesday, so he's trying to fit in ALL THE EXERCISE haha!

legcramps - Thursday Sep 05, 2019

Weight: 0.0

My God, it's been such a long week...

I did not want to get out of bed this morning; I snoozed until I literally had minutes left to get ready for work. Good thing I had already set my outfit on the dresser, so all I had to really do was change, and then the bathroom and makeup stuff is usually pretty minimal and quick. I will have a protein bar at work for my breakfast. 

I didn't get home from work until close to 8pm yesterday with having to stay for the evening meeting. Thankfully, it's been busy this week but next week I should get a little reprieve.

I am also feeling the dangerously lunatic amount of chores that are stacking up on me. BF has his last free weekend until his knee surgery, so he wants to go out of town biking the whole weekend and it's creating some anxiety for me. End of summer things are upon us, so I want to clean out the garage and basement, pack up the summer items, deep clean the rest of the house, get the lawn cut and the trees and shrubs trimmed, finish the deck, clean the car... the list really does go on and on. However, in reality, the snow shouldn't start falling for at least another month, so I do still have time. Maybe what I should do instead is plan to take a week off of work and do it all then (I have lots of time off available to me). There. I just resolved my anxiety about this! Awesome!

Bootcamp again tonight. I've unintentionally been taking every other day as a rest day for the last week and a half. I'm ok with it.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/05/2019:
at least BF has a lot of muscle and fitness going into his surgery. i am sure, fingers crossed, that he will have a great surgery and go back to his fitness and reach the point where he's at now. i know a spin instructor who had both knees done - and she is more fit now!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/05/2019:
nice job getting back into your own fitness. i'm gearing up to do more cardio, i've been doing more little by little. i'm so over being on the couch for long.

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
The best thing you can possibly do for yourself is indulge yourself... a fun weekend away... A massage and a mani pedi... Stupid movies with your friends... Art museum... Anything to give yourself a break instead of staying in an anxiety spin. You can never get a joyous summer weekend back... And the RnR will be good for you... If you are so stressed your body is dumping out what you put in it, you don't have the energy and focus to get a good job done on anything anyway.

Also, look for ways to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system... Weighted blanket? Give yourself a hug to the count of 30... Anytime you get off track, give yourself a hug and get back on it... The hug feels good.

Donkey on 09/06/2019:
You have a lot of stressors to deal with lately. I agree with your decision to just enjoy this weekend.

legcramps - Wednesday Sep 04, 2019

Weight: 0.0

I checked fitbit for my average sleep hours, but now it gives me a 'sleep score' instead. So, last week I had an average sleep score of 85. I think that's around 8 hours.

Stress got the better of me yesterday, and I developed pressure/heartburn from it. I think the emotional 'fallout' I went through with Dad when he died is scaring me - I didn't cope well with his loss and had to ask for help. I don't want a repeat of those emotions any time soon. I took antacids throughout the day yesterday to try and keep the terrible pressure at bay. This morning I took antacid to see if it would help to have something before I ingest any food or do any running around, and i've been feeling pretty good so far. I did end up going to bootcamp last night - thanks all for the insight into this, I think it really did help me to relax for a bit. And I talked to BF last night which also helped me to vent and work through some of the emotions. Got a decent sleep, despite the stress. So that's good.

It's not even that I have to deal with any of Grandma's care hands on. I don't know why I was so stressed about it yesterday! It's like the terrible memories from when my Dad died are coming back and haunting me.

I held off on breakfast, just in case it brought back the heartburn from yesterday. I'll try and eat something later this morning if i'm feeling OK. Just need to chill. Things will happen whether I stress over them or not!

happy-1 on 09/04/2019:
It does that if you don’t synch often enough... compresses the sleep data

happy-1 on 09/04/2019:
And this sounds like a normal trauma/trigger cycle with a physical anxiety reaction. When we are stressed the flight/fight reaction empties our bowels and screws with ingestion to keep us lighter so it is easier to outrun the sabertooth tiger. There’s all sorts of visualization exercises you can do, like remembering the trauma and reinterpreting the outcome or even just breathe in for 4 and out for 5, while picturing yourself on a beach and the waves are controlled by your breath pushing in as u inhale and away as u exhale. Use the heart rate monitor on your fitbit and watch the heartrate drop

legcramps on 09/05/2019:
Thank you; I will try to remember that next time and breathe through it instead of letting it work me up!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/05/2019:
because you also recently went to see her, it probably affected you even more than you realize and also the memories of your dad. just realize this is a different scenario this time around from your dad. good precautions to take care of the heartburn/acid. feel better, you can do it.

<3 i'm glad you made the bootcamp. i am working to add more cardio and exercise into my work week.

legcramps on 09/05/2019:
I'm sure you're right, and I know it's different this time around. It doesn't stop the memories from coming though, and that's what i'm finding it hard to cope with.

happy-1 on 09/05/2019:
The logic of it being different doesn't matter with trauma... The part of our brains that are still lizard sees the shadow of the sabertooth tiger even if it's a tabby cat in front of a lightbulb.

Donkey on 09/06/2019:
^^ I agree with all that has been said above. Lately, I find myself struggling with my step-father's death.

legcramps - Tuesday Sep 03, 2019

Weight: 0.0

I haven't been on Fitbit recently so I have no idea what my sleep stats have been. Doesn't matter, I know I feel useless and exhausted so it probably hasn't been good. No worries, I still have the same old dry senseless humor, so i'm not that far gone!

Thursday - Ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. No workout.

Friday - Work, then work. Then workout.

Saturday - Drove 4 hours to see Grandma. No workout.

Sunday - Visit Grandma. Pedal boat 1 hour.

Monday - Visit Grandma. Drove 4 hours home. Ate pancakes and collapsed on couch. No workout.

Grandma has had a major decline since spring; she is in congestive heart failure and her kidney function is now at 12%. She is struggling something fierce with an itchy rash that *might* be a symptom of heart failure. She will not be going home; today they will look into long term care for her. It was very difficult for me to say goodbye yesterday when I left. Yes, very difficult indeed.

BF's aunt is also still in the hospital. BF had a showdown with one of his children on Thursday. I tried to write about it on Friday, but then my post wouldn't...post...and I gave up. It's not a great situation at the moment. Like, just in general really.

I was supposed to start bootcamp classes tonight. If I can manage to get my bum there, I think it would be good for me.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/03/2019:
So did you make it to the bootcamp?

I hope you feel better soon. It sounds like it was a very emotional weekend and maybe that is the reason why you feel so tired - not really physically but emotionally.

both ladies are in my thoughts <3

happy-1 on 09/03/2019:
Dad's got congestive heart failure too. It is heartbreaking.

Long-term care isn't necessarily a bad thing. Board and care homes can be right in your neighborhood and provide a social life.

legcramps on 09/04/2019:
You're right - long term care definitely isn't a bad thing. But it is a change in lifestyle, and it's also a bit of a process for admission. But she would definitely get an increase in social activities, which would be nice.

happy-1 on 09/03/2019:
Bootcamp sounds uplifting and community is good when you are lonely. Go anyway.

Donkey on 09/04/2019:
I can see how bootcamp would be beneficial to you. If you can do it, great. But also do be aware of your limitations. That is to say, if it gets to be too much, then ultimately, be kind to yourself.

There is nothing wrong with palliative care. Oh how I wish that my father-in-law had been open to this idea. The word "hospice" was so severely rejected by FIL (and I think also prompted by mother-in-law, because she was totally dependent on him), but had he had hospice care set up, he may not have suffered as much, and we might have had him for longer. (He had stage 4 lung cancer, but he had gotten up in the middle of the night, fallen, and hit his head. Had he been set up differently, that fall might have been prevented.)

legcramps on 09/04/2019:
She would probably not be assessed at a palliative care level at this point in time, but definitely long term care. Exactly, I would love to see her comfortable, rather than being stressed about tests and diagnoses - just be concerned with her quality of life right now because the rest doesn't really matter.

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