- Tuesday Sep 24, 2019
I haven't been getting enough sleep the past couple of days, and i'm starting to feel a little like a zombie. I worked, then drove to the gym to coach two sessions last night, then did my own workout and didn't get back home until 9:00 p.m. So by the time I had supper and cleaned up, it was past 11:00 p.m. I think I finally fell asleep around midnight, and the alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m., which is definitely not enough sleep for me.
BF advised me to knock off the coaching job for now. I am getting way too stressed out about it - the demands just keep getting bigger, the staff behaviour is just appalling, the manager took a shot at me, etc. I had a bit of a situation yesterday with the manager because when I talked to one of the owners, I agreed to be scheduled to work every third Saturday. That meant I should have been scheduled to work October 19th. But instead, because others asked for the long weekend off, the manager scheduled me on October 12th, and then again on October 26th, without even bothering to ask or tell me. So i'm actually working every second Saturday in October. When I asked about it, she got snotty with me about how I told them I was flexible on Saturdays. I AM flexible, but what if I had plans for the Thanksgiving weekend?! When the plan is not to be scheduled for a particular day, then I shouldn't have to worry about putting in a time off request for it. Now, since I had prepared to work October 19th, they basically took three weekends in October away from me. I don't think that's cool. And anyways, if we agreed on every third Saturday, that's how it should be scheduled. Anyways, I sent her a message explaining my side of it, but I haven't gotten a response. Big surprise.
So it's time to think long and hard about what i'm trying to accomplish with the coaching gig.
My workout last night was awesome though!
- Monday Sep 23, 2019
Just plugging along...
MONDAY - work, coach, assessments, workout
TUESDAY - work, bootcamp, meal prep
WEDNESDAY - work, evening meeting
THURSDAY - oil change, winter tires, mail, bootcamp
FRIDAY - BF follow up appt, costco :), coach, assessments, workout
SATURDAY - coach, workout
SUNDAY - ?
Kind of fed up with people at work these days...
- Thursday Sep 19, 2019
Got sick on Monday and didn't make it to work yesterday. I'm back at it today. No idea what's going on - I had such a bad headache that it made me nauseous, but also my muscles and joints really hurt too. Feeling much better today.
Also, I got a taste of what it will be like when BF and I are retired together LOL. He poked at me all day yesterday, which is just what he does. But being so sick yesterday, I really NOTICED, you know?! It was kind of irritating, but in a funny i-know-i-would-be-laughing-if-i-wasn't-so-sick kind of way.
It sounds like BF will go to the city tomorrow and spend some time with family, so that will be good for him. No news on Grandma this week. Status-Quo is not a bad thing.
What else...I found myself a coach. I am going to her bootcamp classes, Tuesdays and Thursdays, although I missed this last Tuesday because I was sick. I figure even coaches need a coach, and I am no longer interested in driving half an hour every time I need a push to get a workout done. I don't have the willpower for that! But if all I have to do is drive down the road a few blocks, then I can make the effort to do that. So that's been nice, and a pretty decent workout too. Her coaching style is a lot like mine, so that's cool too. Then I workout on my own on coaching days - Mondays and Fridays - since i'm already at the gym. The other days are up to me what I want to do; since i'm not training for anything, I can afford to take it easy for a couple of months.
- Monday Sep 16, 2019
BF's surgery went very well, and he is now recovering at my place. I got a call from my aunt on Thursday regarding my Grandma, so we drove up there on Friday night to see her. She is steadily declining and is still in hospital and is not likely to be discharged. When we left her yesterday, I did my best to keep it light and yet still tell her what I felt I needed to and that I loved her and we gave her a big hug.
BF's aunt passed away yesterday morning, so it was just a really rough day all in all. I'm not sure what this week will bring. Whatever happens, we will let it dictate what the week looks like, and go from there. I've been repeating to myself that we can only do as much as we are capable of in each moment, and we must let the rest go. It's been hard for BF to not be with his family, and I feel a little guilt about that because we were with mine. It's just been hard, but we'll keep each other going.
It's not easy to eat well when you're on the road. We've been enjoying the fast food, the family restaurants, and the smoked meats a little too much lately. When we got home last night, I made simple chicken salad sandwiches for dinner, with sweet potatoes and asparagus. It was so good, and the nutrients were so badly needed! Tonight i'm planning spaghetti squash chili - depending on whether our plans change - and really looking forward to another home-cooked, nutritious meal.
I may be sporadic in updating over the next little while, until things calm down a little bit. We are trying to maintain a life-balance right now.
- Tuesday Sep 10, 2019
It feels like it's been a long week already. I won't complain anymore though, since I don't work my day job for the rest of the week after today :)
I had a really great coaching session yesterday with some high energy people, and it motivated me to get in a kickbutt workout of my own. I worked through a kettlebell flow and a battle rope complex. It was fun!
BF is heading here tonight, and then we're off for his surgery in the morning.
TUESDAY - work, bootcamp
WEDNESDAY - BF surgery
THURSDAY - bootcamp
FRIDAY - coach, workout
- Monday Sep 09, 2019
Average sleep score last week - 86 - GOOD
We got to visit with BF's aunt over the weekend, who has been moved into hospice care. It seems like she is doing alright there so far, and always has lots of company so that's nice too. We also got to visit a lot of other family over the weekend, plus get in a two hour bike ride on the trails - and I didn't crash this time! That's always nice.
BF goes for his knee surgery on Wednesday. I'll be driving him there and home afterwards, so I have that day off work. This morning I decided to also take Thursday and Friday off. It will be easier for me to look after BF while he's staying at my place during his recovery, and then if we need to go up to see my Grandma this weekend, i'll be able to get some things done around the house so that I won't feel so anxious about leaving again.
Grandma is still in acute care and does not seem to be doing much better. My aunts will be talking to the doctor today about her care. I don't know what that means really, but I am just hoping she is comfortable and not too upset about being in the hospital and not at home. She is in the best place right now, but wouldn't we all rather be home than in the hospital?!
MONDAY - work, coach, workout
TUESDAY - work, bootcamp
WEDNESDAY - BF surgery
THURSDAY - bootcamp
FRIDAY - coach, workout
- Friday Sep 06, 2019
Interestingly, I am still feeling the heavy pressures of anxiety on my chest. I sleep very well considering all the things my brain wants to keep me up thinking about. I teared up a few times yesterday when I thought too much about stuff, then cried on the phone with BF when I was trying to vocalize my anxiety and he just wanted to keep making jokes to make me feel better.
Anyways, on to other things. I went to bootcamp again yesterday and it went a lot better than Tuesday's session. I did not have any heartburn or reflux, and was able to keep a level heartrate and enjoy the workout rather than just get through it. My right butt cheek is sore this morning. I've pulled a butt cheek!
Tonight I have two sessions to coach at the gym, and then I will do my own workout (hopefully). BF is going to join my second session so that will be fun. I've just recently learned some new variations of battle ropes, so I think I will take a video of him doing some of them. He likes to do that kind of stuff - he's a bit of a peacock LOL.
Then Saturday I have three sessions to coach, my own workout again, and then BF and I will head to the city to see his aunt. She has been placed into hospice now. I think we'll stay at his uncles overnight, and then do some more visiting on Sunday, maybe go for a bike ride. We'll see how well we roll with the weekend.
- Thursday Sep 05, 2019
My God, it's been such a long week...
I did not want to get out of bed this morning; I snoozed until I literally had minutes left to get ready for work. Good thing I had already set my outfit on the dresser, so all I had to really do was change, and then the bathroom and makeup stuff is usually pretty minimal and quick. I will have a protein bar at work for my breakfast.
I didn't get home from work until close to 8pm yesterday with having to stay for the evening meeting. Thankfully, it's been busy this week but next week I should get a little reprieve.
I am also feeling the dangerously lunatic amount of chores that are stacking up on me. BF has his last free weekend until his knee surgery, so he wants to go out of town biking the whole weekend and it's creating some anxiety for me. End of summer things are upon us, so I want to clean out the garage and basement, pack up the summer items, deep clean the rest of the house, get the lawn cut and the trees and shrubs trimmed, finish the deck, clean the car... the list really does go on and on. However, in reality, the snow shouldn't start falling for at least another month, so I do still have time. Maybe what I should do instead is plan to take a week off of work and do it all then (I have lots of time off available to me). There. I just resolved my anxiety about this! Awesome!
Bootcamp again tonight. I've unintentionally been taking every other day as a rest day for the last week and a half. I'm ok with it.
- Wednesday Sep 04, 2019
I checked fitbit for my average sleep hours, but now it gives me a 'sleep score' instead. So, last week I had an average sleep score of 85. I think that's around 8 hours.
Stress got the better of me yesterday, and I developed pressure/heartburn from it. I think the emotional 'fallout' I went through with Dad when he died is scaring me - I didn't cope well with his loss and had to ask for help. I don't want a repeat of those emotions any time soon. I took antacids throughout the day yesterday to try and keep the terrible pressure at bay. This morning I took antacid to see if it would help to have something before I ingest any food or do any running around, and i've been feeling pretty good so far. I did end up going to bootcamp last night - thanks all for the insight into this, I think it really did help me to relax for a bit. And I talked to BF last night which also helped me to vent and work through some of the emotions. Got a decent sleep, despite the stress. So that's good.
It's not even that I have to deal with any of Grandma's care hands on. I don't know why I was so stressed about it yesterday! It's like the terrible memories from when my Dad died are coming back and haunting me.
I held off on breakfast, just in case it brought back the heartburn from yesterday. I'll try and eat something later this morning if i'm feeling OK. Just need to chill. Things will happen whether I stress over them or not!
- Tuesday Sep 03, 2019
I haven't been on Fitbit recently so I have no idea what my sleep stats have been. Doesn't matter, I know I feel useless and exhausted so it probably hasn't been good. No worries, I still have the same old dry senseless humor, so i'm not that far gone!
Thursday - Ran around like a chicken with its head cut off. No workout.
Friday - Work, then work. Then workout.
Saturday - Drove 4 hours to see Grandma. No workout.
Sunday - Visit Grandma. Pedal boat 1 hour.
Monday - Visit Grandma. Drove 4 hours home. Ate pancakes and collapsed on couch. No workout.
Grandma has had a major decline since spring; she is in congestive heart failure and her kidney function is now at 12%. She is struggling something fierce with an itchy rash that *might* be a symptom of heart failure. She will not be going home; today they will look into long term care for her. It was very difficult for me to say goodbye yesterday when I left. Yes, very difficult indeed.
BF's aunt is also still in the hospital. BF had a showdown with one of his children on Thursday. I tried to write about it on Friday, but then my post wouldn't...post...and I gave up. It's not a great situation at the moment. Like, just in general really.
I was supposed to start bootcamp classes tonight. If I can manage to get my bum there, I think it would be good for me.