- Monday Oct 13, 2014
Hi y'all! Oh my word its been ages since i last posted on here!
I reached a point where i am at my heaviest weight of my life! After losing so much weight in 2010 on Weight Watchers i gained it all back and more! I decided to come back here first and foremost, cause i have to be accountable somewhere, being accountable to myself is just not enough for me to make a change. I see a lot of old familiar posters here and it makes me feel safe if you know what i mean :)
I can blame my weight gain on all the issues in my life (not working, doing a Masters that feels like its never going to end, a passionless marriage, too much wine drinking and eating out, overexercising, lack of sleep, lack of purpose in life, being on contraceptives for 14 years etc etc) but at the end of the day its about what i put into my mouth that matters. I have so much to be thankful for and im not forgetting that. I dont have health issues, just came back from a month overseas vacation with my DH and parents, have a lot of people in my life etc. Despite of all of this, i still feel lonely and dissatisfied. I miss having animals in my life. Since my 2 dogs passed away a few years back i havent had the courage to get another dog, and we also dont have the space at present, where we are renting. Then there is the issue of having children, everyone around me has one, two or three and questions me or try to convince me to have them. It makes me think there is something wrong with me and what if i am depriving my DH from being a father (even though he says he doesnt want children). I just feel im not ready, i turned 35 a week ago. I know its a personal decision, but its really bugging me that i am going to miss out on life by having and even by not having children lol. Its a double edged sword to me.
So here i am again...i dont do good on excessive restrictive diets, so i will go back to counting points. I will post here once a week on my progress and a bit about what is going on in my life.
Food for today:
B: plain ff yoghurt, papaya
L: 5 crackers, ff cottage cheese, tomato, cucumber
Snacks: carrots, mustard, quava
D: will be wholewheat spagetthi (I will try not to have too much) with hawaian stir fry veggies and asian sauces (ie soya, fish sauce, tom yum etc)
I am going to my aerobic dance class again tonight after a month of vacation. I feel so unconfident and actually fear that the instructur will tell me he can see that i gained weight! A lot of people do that without thinking through the consequences - even our maid told me that before we left on vacation!
Today i feel bloated (waiting for my P), depressed and not in the mood for much. BUT i took the first step to post on here in like forever! I weighed myself and took measurements and am going to work a bit on the assignment i have to hand in within the next 2 weeks, so much research to do, but one steap at a time i guess.
Hope y'all have a good day ;)
Measurements (just took the most important ones - its in cm, not sure about the inches lol)
Thighs - 62 cm
Bum - 105cm
Tummy - 85cm
- Thursday Dec 13, 2012
Ive lost a bit of weight in the past week, not sure how cause i did not stick to my WW points at all. I did do a lot of exercise to try and compensate - i hope it doesnt come and visit me next week lol!
There are SO many vacation days ahead, in this week alone its 4 eat out days and its so difficult to stick to my points then. Ive also realized i shouldnt starve myself before a dinner out, just makes me binge later and even the next day. My blood sugar also plays havoc with my mood and anxiety if i dont eat frequently.
Ive been taking this detox drink, made from all natural veggie juices and my stomach does not feel as bloated anymore.
On the anxiety front there is still a lot going on but i am taking it a day at a time. I am not planning on taking antidepressants again and gaining even more weight!
I will check in again next week.
- Wednesday Dec 05, 2012
I found my way back here once again. How time has flown, cant believe its been such a long time since i last posted - time just keeps on going doesnt it. So glad to know that i can always come back to DD's, its like an old friend hehe.
I have been struggling with my weight since i can remember, a lot of the issues i have were caused by external influences, i dont want to blame my weight gain on them, but if i look realistically i do undestand why i am behaving the way i do for all these years. I was bullied at school en teased for being overweight (if i look at the pictures now i realize i was just a bit bigger boned than the rest of the girls in my class). Then the issues with my mother that constantly dieted and my father constantly telling her and me that we were fat etc. Thats where my yo you dieting started. I dont think he meant anything by it, he didnt try to be cruel or something, but i took it all very personally. Then end 90's start 2000's i was in a relationship that drained me emotionally and it took a lot of effort to get out of. Guilt feelings caused me to have some sort of bulimia for 2 years, luckily that cleared up but i am still struggling with it a few times a year to this day. So those are the main reasons why i think i am where i am today. Out of those came a depression and anxiety that has plagued me for the past 10 years. Dont get me wrong i have a very good life now, happily married for 7 years, get to travel a lot, busy with research work and a Masters degree, no real stress, but my anxiety and depression does not want to let me go. I am almost the same weight i was when i were on antidepressants a few years back. At least i know now that i am not back where i am today because of antidepressants, i am where i am because my anxiety and depression has never left me, unfortunately it seems my motivation did I am overindulging in food and drink whenever we go out to eat and thats approx 4 times a week. I know i have to stop blaming all these external factors that i think caused/cause my weight gain. Yes my dogs passed away too, and yes im a only child that saw them as brothers, but they are not coming back, i cant even go back into my past and fix all those things that happened to me, its gone. I only have now, today, to do the best the i can and try to build on that. Maybe a good day will become a good week, a good month, a good year...
Even when i was at my goal weight 2 years ago i was still depressed and anxious, i have to accept my past and present, not think the future HAS to be a certain way and keep on with my self talk therapy and monthly councelling i also attend.
I just had to get this off my chest - i think 99% of our struggles with weight has to do with underlying psychological issues we have to deal with first before we can ever really move on or lose the weight constructively.
I will post my weight again next Wednesday. I am going to try Weight watchers again and stick to my daily points. The flexibiliity of its system just works for me, even though weight loss can sometimes be slow. Exercise wise i am doing very well. I do treadmill once a week, swim in the gym once, zumba and do 2 sessions of Jillian's 30 day shred a week.
The focus of this week will be on accepting my past, its inperfections, its uncontrollable influences on me. With acceptance comes the knowledge and power that i have a choice if it is going to continue to control and ruin my life or if i am going to fight back.
We are going to eat out again tonight, just me and DH so no stress, will see how it goes.
Have a good day y'all
- Tuesday Feb 22, 2011
And so here i am back again, with lots of intentions to stay with the program and update here about my life. In the past posting here has helped me through some difficult times. I am currently doing Weight Watchers, have had some really good results in the past 2 years with that, so i am trying to stick to my points, but i am struggling, i have this hungry feeling the whole time.
Other than that we are back in South Africa and i am still busy with my Masters degree, doing the 2nd thesis year now. I am struggling with a lot issues other than weight loss, which i think comes normally for most people. Eg moving out of your parents' house, having children, starting a career etc. I dont like being put into a box or forced into anything, but feel i am getting older and holding on to what i want while all my friends and family are moving on and experiencing different phases of life. Sometimes i just feel so different to anyone else.
Ok enough drama, exercise wise i am doing great, jogging twice a week and swimming 1km. I also started yoga classes last week, so really looking forward to its benefits. Foodwise i ate a bit more than i planned today, but i think i will keep within my overall points.
Hope you all are doing well.
- Thursday Sep 02, 2010
Yes im back on here, why is it that all roads always leads us back to Diet diaries hehe. I cant believe i havent been on here in more than a year. Time just went by too quickly and so much stuff happenend. After our move from the Middle East last year back to Cape Town my grandfather passed away, we went on a Greek cruise for my 30th Birthday, then i started my Masters Degree in Industrial Psychology....inbetween i did Weight watchers and lost all the weight. I became a lifetime member a few months back, but right now im battling. After we moved out of my parents house and got our own place to rent i started eating again, in a way it felt like i hurt my parents, even though im married and i know we couldnt have stayed with them forever. And so my beloved Border Collie Armani passed away....and i started to binge eat again. I havent weighed myself since my last WW meeting. And we are leaving on holiday in a weeks time. Going to the Dead Sea (Jordan), i cant wait and think i will only weigh myself when i get back, start afresh. Other than that im working hard on my assignment and trying to take life one day at a time. Hope you guys are doing well and im going to try and check in here more often after our holiday.
- Sunday Jun 28, 2009
Day 22 of 49
Sorry for being so scarce, i finally submitted that couse assignment and now its like huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders....i can finally do other things again lol :)
On the diet and exercise front....exercise wise i am doing real good. I do treadmill twice a week (15 min jog and 22 walk), swim about 1km once a week, do weights twice a week and am trying these new leg exercises i found online to try and tone my legs.
Diet wise....well i am NOT doing well. I am falling off the wagon, not THAT bad, but bad enough for me to not lose any weight. And then there is the stress of moving back to South Africa and if it is the right decision for now. My husband found a great job and people are saying we should settle and start a family etc, but i just dont feel at ease with it all, he also isnt . But for now it may be the right decision to move back, as life in Bahrain has become too hard - especially psychologically.
I was thinking of getting me and hubby a Bodybugg, any of you guys ever used one? Its suppose to count calories, even whilst you sleep, but its pretty expensive.
Other than that i am doing fine, a bit bored at work and 2 months salary not yet paid, but i guess i am surviving....lets blame everything on the worldwide credit crises haha!
Have a good day all!
- Monday Jun 15, 2009
Day 9 of 49.
Hi all, i skipped a few days on here, been real busy over the weekend (our weekends run from Thursday to Saturday here) and i also had my hands full with my assignment that needs to be in on the 25th of June.
Lets see, on Monday i did ok food wise, and in the evening we went out to have Thai food, i tried not to eat too much - we played tennis that evening as well. On Tuesday i had a good overall diet day and on Wedneday too, except for the pizza and wine in the evening. I starved myself the whole day for it and it was thin crust, so at least not that bad.
On Thursday the downhill slide started. During the day i did fine, even went to have a 1km swim. Then we went to have Indian food for dinner, i didnt eat that much but had almost 600cals worth of extra drinks! Needless to say i didnt feel too good the next morning, but we had to meet my friend at a local restaurant for brunch. There i had scrambled eggs, bacon, pork sausages, tomato, mushrooms, some sweet and sour pork and veggies. Oh and 2 glasses of champagne and some white wine too -ive got a feeling it was more though as the brunch was stretched out over almost 4 hours. I did drank a lot of water and diet coke too. When hubby and me got home we had another snack attack and ate some Sun chips with salsa. Then we went to the movies and there i had some popcorn. Saturday and Sunday went well and i almost managed to exercise on Saturday. Today, so far so good.
I know i am able to restrict my calories, i just shouldnt feel the need to overcompensate for it on other days, otherwise i will never lose the weigh i want. I will weigh myself next monday to see my progress.
Have a good day all.
- Tuesday Jun 09, 2009
Day 3 of 49
Yes i changed my diet to 7 week weeks, well due to 2 reasons. I am currently exchanging some meals with a shake, and according to my calculations, if correct, the shake will last 7 weeks, that is 3 servings per week approx. Also, 7 is my lucky number lol!
Ok now back to what i ate yesterday:
B: Yoghurt drink
L: diet shake
S: nuts (hubby and me went to play tennis and i needed to eat something!)
D: We went out to a Thai place, i had some prawn crackers with spicy sauce, sweet and sour chicken, pad thai noodles with tofu and 2 blocks of dark chocolate when i got home.
So far so good, oh and thanks for the welcome back comments, its so good to "see" old familiar faces on here again!
Have a great day.
Oh i just realized i didnt update my food for Sunday, Day 2, so here goes:
B: Yoghurt drink
L: 3 crackers with moz cheese, tomato and spices
D: chilli with lf mince, beans, tomato, onions and lettuce
- Sunday Jun 07, 2009
DAY 1 of 42
And so i am back....many a winding roads has led me back to this site. I am still in the Middle East, planning on moving back to South Africa soon. I am currently working but am way underpaid and somewhat overweight as well. I havent weighed in the 140's in years and that is why i came back here, cause i always find good advice and somehow when i hold myself accountable here i seem to lose weight. I am giving myself 6 weeks to see how much i can lose.
What i ate yesterday:
Breakfast: Fat free yoghurt drink
Lunch: 2 egg whites, one yellow, 3 pieces of wheat melba crackers, mushrooms, lettuce, bit of ketchup
Dinner: lettuce, 100cal tortilla, chicken with Dijon mustard, honey, orange juice etc.
I would love to catch up with everyone, but wouldnt be able to do so until start next month...yes im still studying and i have a BIG assignment due June 25th, so wish me luck.
Until tomorrow my friends...
- Sunday Sep 14, 2008
(Slim in 6)
I havent been on here in soooooo long. I just read my previous update and realized that after that a lot fell apart of me and i just kept distancing myself from social connections. To make a long story short, i had to resign end of May at my company because of a lot of issues. One of the managers (an Arabic woman, no pun intended) did not like me from the beginning and when my other manager was away she got a lawyer friend of her's into the office and accused me of a lot of things. It all turned ugly and it was a very emotional time for me, but i had to resign, i had not choice. There is no proper legal system in the Middle East and frankly i believe its better to avoid people like that, cause they can be very dangerous. My other manager admitted that the lady was very jealous of me, but because he needed her as a partner he couldnt do anything to the situation.
So i was devastated and went to SA a bit earlier. I had a very good time there with friends and family and got back end of July. Funny enough my eating and exercising were pretty good since i left that place and bloatedness also became less. I have kept myself busy with my studies, watching re-runs of television and taking up some extra exercise classes like spinning and i also want to try pilates.
I havent had a nice job offer since yesterday. I wrote this article about a trip i had to Miami a while back and a local Women's magazine as me if they could publish it. They also want pics and i dont have that as we only took video, so that will take some time to get. Anyway they want me full time in house to work for them and its such a nice opportunity, but im afraid if they dont offer me something on a freelance basis i cannot take it, since i am leaving 1 Dec to SA again for a month and hubby and me are finishing in Bahrain end of March. It always feels like im on the shortest end of everything. And because of this, i binged again for the first time in ages today. I had 480 cals of cheddar cheese popcorn, which brings my total cals for today already at 1111 and i havent even had dinner.
Oh and my parents are arriving on 29th Sept for a 2 week stay with us. We are taking them to Jordan and we are going to celebrate my Birthday there in October.
Hope you all have a good day.