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It's hard to change bad habits
- TQUILA on 04-Jan-01 07:18 PM
my name is ana this is the first time writing.i am 20 years old,not horribly overweight atleast that's what people tell me,but i have this image of myself as being ugly and disgusting especially naked.i have been struggling with this since i was about 13 and i thought it would go away but almost 8 years later i still have this self image.i am afraid to let my husband go anywhere because i feel that he might leave me for a woman with a beautiful body. he says i am being rediculous and i know in my heart that he would never do that but i can't help but think that he might.i can't seem to control my eating,especially sweets.i need some kind of support and advice and my husband doesn't know how to give it to me.so maybe one of you can help?

thanks for listening ana

Lyndy2 on 26-Feb-01 12:23 PM
Ana, you sound like a younger version of me!

I was never "really fat," but I've always been a bit overweight. Unlike you, however, I did have people making critical comments about my body -- mostly my own mother! She was a beautiful woman when she was young, and I guess she was just disappointed that her daughter wasn't perfect!

I've had issues with my weight for as long as I can remember -- even as a little kid I was chubby! It IS hard to change "bad" habbits, especially when we seek food for comfort (or just because we're bored). The best advice I can give you is to try to remain aware of what you are eating. Take the time to nourish your body and enjoy your food. These diaries may help -- if you keep track of what you eat, you might not grab so many sweets.

As far as your husband leaving you for someone thinner, forget about it! Your husband should love you for you. PLENTY of REALLY FAT women have men who love them! And lots of skinny supermodel-types get dumped! The one thing that might be a turn-off for a man is a negative self-image. People do get tired of hearing a woman say bad things about herself. Confidence, on the other hand, is a turn-on!

Changing is hard, but not changing could be harder. I've begun starting each day with a deep breath and a little positve self talk. It sound corny, but it's hard to discouraged when you say out loud, "I can do it!"

Good luck, and I hope you reach your goal.

Rachel_MR on 11-May-01 08:17 AM
Hi Ana, I am 18 and am also in the same boat. I'm not exactly overweight, but am certainly no super model. I used to think (about 8 months ago) that I was to fat. However at the time I was training full time for my sport at national level so I most certainly wasnt. I now know that, especially since I stopped training and have now put on 30lbs within this time.

I now appreciate what I looked like, and only till 2 days ago did I stop and think about how much better I felt back then. So after stuffing myself with chocolate bars and meat pies I called Weight Watchers and went to a meeting that night.

You get weighed and if you want, measured and have a talk about changing for the better, including tips etc.

The reason I chose this program is because I dont have the support of my father or sister at home, and they are sick of my whinging. So I decided to make myself accountable to someone. I couldnt ask my friends to do this, so every week I have to go to a meeting and get weighed. Therefore I have a goal every week to strive for. I can have my treats as long as I know that I'll have to go for an extra long walk to compensate.

Every time I go for a not so healthy snack I think about whether in 7, 6, 5 days whether it will result in a negative or positive result.

It keeps my honest, accountable and on track and most of all... makes me think twice before reaching for that double coated tim tam!

rasco on 07-Apr-02 04:10 PM
Hi sweetie!! My name is Randi, I am 43 and completely understand the way you feel about your husband leaving. If I had a husband I would feel the same way. I remember feeling that my (x) husband would go back to his first wife because she was thin...clearly that was ridiculous, he didn't love her, had already divorced her. But I was so scared and threatened by her thin and "hard" body. I still would be...no doubt. And even though I know I would still have those feelings, I also have learned that they have NOTHING to do with my weight. I have been thin, in relationship and had the same fears. I often look at celebrities who's spouses cheat on or leave them and think..."why would they leave her...she's so beautiful and has an amazing body". In a weird way that comforts me. But anyway ana, feeling worthy of being loved, (which is our REAL issue) is an inside job...and all the weight loss and cut muscles won't help. But a good therapist that you trust and feel safe with, might!!

good luck!!

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